A Lunatic Wrote This

A/n: This was written for a challenge presented by Red Bess Rackham who hopefully likes it!

Being friends with Sirius is never boring. When you're around Sirius, you're always on your toes. Well actually, the people currently around Sirius are all lying down and not on their toes at all, but you catch my drift because I didn't throw it at you to hard, and you'll probably get my point too, because I have Point disease and it's highly contagious. But I digress. Being friends with Sirius. Fascinating experience. Satisfied? No, you probably want to know all about it. (Sighs) Well, if you really want to know and you promise to love me forever and eternity, I'll share my knowledge and wisdom…

Sirius Sadalmelik Black lay on his bed in the Boys' Dormitory. "Lovely day isn't it?" he said to no one in particular. No one is shy and doesn't like to be singled out, so I answered instead.

"Yeah, beautiful," I said. "New moon."

"Disappointing," Sirius replied sounding-surprise, surprise-disappointed.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Actually, I raised both of my eyebrows, but my right eyebrow and I aren't getting along to well right now, so I'm ignoring it. "Disappointing?" I asked, questioning his sanity.

Since his sanity didn't exist, Sirius answered instead. "Sure. I love the full moons! Adventure, action, risks, fresh air-it's what the Marauders are all about!"

I looked for help from my comrades, my fellow Marauders, but James was examining a picture of Lily cleverly disguised as a Quidditch magazine, and Pete was trying to see how long he stand on his head-I was on my own. My gaze returned to Sirius, who welcomed it back with a smile, which made me kind of jealous, because after all it was my gaze. "It may be what you're all about," I said. "But not me. And since I'm a Marauder, I guess it's not what the Marauders are all about either. And since when were any of us about fresh air?"

"Tuesday, 3:14," Sirius responded cheerily to my question, ignoring the statements before it. Poor comments, they must be pretty jealous. And that question must be pretty happy-not everyone got attention from Sirius, and he is rather handsome. Now where did that come from? Probably from the drugs I'm sure Sirius puts in my goblet every morning.

"Sirius, you're off it," I said.

"Off what?"

"Your sanity pills."

"Oh yeah, I know."

I sighed, returning to my book, and relative sanity. James, however, didn't want me to have peace. Apparently bored with the unprintable fantasies lily's picture triggered, he turned his attention to me. "Whatcha readin', Moony?"

"Love is the Enemy," I said, hoping he would leave me alone with my apparently feminine romance novels. This misconception that romance novels are "girlie", as Sirius so eloquently puts it, must be wrong because the girls don't go snogging each other-there are plenty of big, strong men in it-like Sirius. Curse those drugs!

I had no luck with the being left alone thing, however. "What's it about?"

"A woman who marries her cousin's fiancé," I responded. Pete fell. James just stared. Then Jake Travis came bounding into the room. Jake has that annoying habit of bounding into rooms at all the wrong times. The doctors honestly tried to fix him, but they couldn't. So he was stuck a room-bounder and my peace was interrupted for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"Whatchya doin'?" Jake asked, unaware that someone (me) was glaring holes in his back. Probably notice next time he's in the shower.

"Remus is reading girlie novels," Sirius informed him.

Jake shrugged as he lay down on his bed to conform to everyone else, including Pete, who appeared to have found his limits. "Remus is a pansy."

You know sometimes I really hate that boy. The times I don't are usually when he's not around. And the worst part was that my fellow Marauders had abandoned me and were nodding their heads in agreement. Well, Pete was trying to nod his head, but he stopped rather quickly and nodded his feet instead. I decided I had to put them right. "I'm not a pansy, I'm a lupine."

You could hear the crickets chirping. If Lily were here, she'd've laughed. Whether this is because she's named after a flower or because she's relatively sane, I'm not sure, but she'd've laughed. Sighing, I thought about the level of sanity in this room and the sanity Lily offered. She'd probably be in the Common room bursting to talk about romance novels with me. I got up.

"Where are you going, Moony?" Sirius asked,

"To my death. They're killing me for being a lunatic and trying to be sane."

"Okay!" Sirius said, accepting my absurd lie.

James didn't however. Pete probably wouldn't either, if he weren't busy throwing up in the bathroom. "Where are you going, Moony?" James asked.

"To talk to Lily," I said. I didn't mention anything about the pansy books because I'd run the risk of James starting to read romance novels, and I'd be hard pressed to think of anything more frightening.

"You mean you lied to me?" Sirius asked shocked.

"Padfoot, I lie to you all the time. Even that statement was a lie. Now go back to whatever you do."

"Okay," Sirius said, going back to whatever he does.

As soon as I could escape, I went down to the Common Room and enjoyed many hours discussing Love is the Enemy, which Lily happened to have read. I was rejoicing in the sanity, and very sad to leave, but we had a Charms the next day-and lily cared! Oh, sanity is truly bliss.

When I got back to the Boys' Dorm, everyone was asleep and there was a box of chocolates on my bed. This, of course, didn't bother me; it was the note on the box that perturbed me.

Dear Remus,

Whoever went to the trouble of buying you these chocolates, writing this note, and paying one of your friends to put it on your bed, must really love you, right? Right! If I could think of something more to say besides I love you I would, but I can't. So-I love you!


An Unexpected Admirer

That was odd. I didn't usually get unexpected admirers, Sirius did, and he usually knew who they came from. I'd go through the trouble of waking everyone in our dorm up, but I knew who put it there, and he has a way of keeping his mouth shut when I want it open, and opening it when I desperately want it closed. That last part is why Lily and Snape knew about my lycanthropy, and half the school knew about what I did when I was drunk that one time. Granted, the latter was partially Professor McGonagall's fault, but Sirius never had trouble keeping his mouth shut about his pranks around McGonagall, why did he have trouble then?

Anyway, I decided if this person didn't want to be known, I didn't want to know them. I changed into my pajamas and crawled into m bed for a long Sunday's night nap, still holding the chocolates.


Someone-was touching-MY CHOCOLATE! "Hey, look! Chocolate!" a voice I currently despised said. I snarled threateningly at James, who removed his appendage from my chocolate. I curled protectively around said chocolate and glared at James until he went to take a shower. As soon as the danger left I relaxed my grip and went back to sleep. Or tried.

"Moooony!" Sirius said far to cheerily for a Monday morning as his appendages attempted to shake the living essence out of me. "It's seven o'clock! You have to get up or you'll miss breakfast!"

Reluctantly, I crawled out of bed. Sirius was already showered, dressed, and ready-I don't know how he does it. The earliest I ever woke up was 6:55 and that's because I have to. The earliest Sirius ever woke up, according to Regulus and Serenity Black, was 4:45 on Christmas morning. Quoting Regulus, "…and mum yelled him to New Zealand and he was still cheery. He dragged me out of bed, fed me coffee, and tried to get me to play outside in the freezing cold with him. Poor kid's insane."

It's my opinion that the whole damn house of Black is insane. I mean, Serenity is probably the least serene person I've ever met, my father cutting a close second, and Sirius is only serious around his parents. He's Sirius around the rest of us. Plus Regulus is named after the brightest star in Leo when he is clearly a Slyhterin, born on September 16.

Now, I've already showed you how mentally unstable Sirius is, nut his brother's no better-h hums Classical-as in ancient Roman and Greek-songs, sings "Come on Eileen" when he's talking about Snape's parents, listens to Coldplay and Rise Against, and whistles Japanese metaphors. Weird child. He and I get along because we're friends with each other's brothers and he and Lily are the only people I know who read the books I do. He thinks Snape is a mix between Johnny and Dally from The Outsiders. I guess he would know what he's talking about, he knows Snape better than I do. He's bordering on insane, but honestly, he lives in an insane household and is best friends with a maniac who gets high on air.

But back to my story. I grabbed my stuff and headed to the Prefects' bathroom. I always take my showers there, because between Sirius and James hot water is scarce in our dorm in the morning. Pete and Jake bathe at night. When I finished cleansing myself, I put my soap that tastes like sugar (according to Sirius) and other such nonsense in the Boys' Dorm and headed to the Great Hall.

At breakfast, Sirius and James were already discussing their next prank. "…and he won't see it coming!" Sirius was saying. "Lax'll think he's just being normal weird Snivellus, and it'll be flawless!"

"But what if someone else drinks it?" Pete asked.

"Spoil sport," Sirius said sticking his tongue out at Pete. "But never fear, I have a back up plan. We make the Bloody Baron stalk him or something. I found this spell in my Dark Arts home and it'll-Moony, what are you doing?"

"Eating breakfast," I responded innocently.

"Sure, sure," Sirius said. "But why are you drinking out of my goblet?"

"Oh. Well I think it's unlikely that you'd put drugs in your own goblet. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'd like to think it's unlikely."

"Put drugs in my goblet?"

"Padfoot, I don't think we should prank Snape," James said thoughtfully.

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "My dear Prongs, surely you jest!"

"Not at all, Padfoot," James said. "I don't think Lily would appreciate it."

"That's very observant of you, Prongs," I said.

"Only took you six years," Pete added.

No one asked you," James said. "C'mon, or we'll be late for Potions."

As we got up to go to Potions, I realized I was dodging daggers and those daggers were coming directly from Severus Snape's eyes. That has somehow become a common happening. See Snape and I weren't exactly best friends before the whole Whomping Willow incident, but I didn't hate him, he didn't hate me, and I wasn't dodging daggers.

Sirius seems to think that being friends with him is not only exciting, but the best thing ever. Pete and I have reasonable objections to his theory. Our example? The Whomping Willow Incident.

WWI was all Sirius' fault: Sirius' idea, Sirius' execution, Sirius' fault. But the way Snape sees it, all the Marauders were in on it and James got cold feet, so of course he put on some nice, warm socks and went to go save Snape because he was so happy his feet were warm. So now Snape's patented death glare, which was once exclusively Sirius and James', has been extended to the other two Marauders, and, which really Pete and I want to pat Sirius on the back.

And with that revelation, I leave you. I don't even remember why I started in the first place, but I have better things to do, like study. (pause) Bye now!

A/n: Abrupt ending, I know but if I didn't stop now, I'd be writing forever.