Birds, Bees, and Breasts

Some questions stick with a person for their entire lives. Some cause people to ponder them day and night. Some can never be answered…

And some are just too damn embarrassing to ask, such as the question that was itching at the back of Uchiha Sasuke's mind.

Our infamous pretty boy (actually, young man, to be more precise) was lying on the stiff mattress in the small hotel room he shared with his mission partner, Hinata, contemplating the question that devoured most of his time. He hated not knowing everything. That was what Uchiha Sasuke was famous for: being the most intelligent (and not to mention good-looking) shinobi of Konoha. It was, after all, pretty stupid that he didn't know the answer to this simple riddle; almost everyone else knew about it.

Before we reveal this inquiry, there is something you must know about Sasuke first: he has two personalities, one being the polar opposite of the other. There's the one which he shows off the most, the "I-don't-care-about-you-so-fuck-off" personality. The other…well…

Sasuke frowned. 'Goddamn…if I don't find out…I must know…what the hell is a boob?"

Yes, yes, Sasuke's other personality was that of a dirty old man. When he was just entering puberty, he did his best to deny that this alter-ego even existed, but to no avail. So instead, he just hid it from view, pretending all the while that he didn't care about girls, sex, and the size of his genitalia. Unfortunately, this caused him to skip all of the required sexual education classes back at the ninja academy for fear that someone might discover his hormone-driven side. He knew almost nothing about the female body, besides that it's only job was to pop out kids, and his lack of knowledge on the subject led to the persistent question that was almost at the point of becoming an obsession.

But thankfully, his teammate happened to be a girl…a very pretty girl…

Sasuke turned his head and stared at the bathroom door. "When Hinata's done with her shower," he murmured, "I'll ask her."

Sasuke's heart plummeted and his throat went dry as the bathroom door swung open at that very moment. Hinata sighed contentedly, rubbing her wet hair with one hand and holding up the large, white towel wrapped around her body with the other.

'God, go back in the shower!' Sasuke's mind urged. 'Don't make me ask you an embarrassing question!'

Hinata looked over at Sasuke and blushed lightly. "Oh-oh, Sasuke, I'm terribly sorry!" She laughed nervously. "I'll-I'll just go change in the bathroom!"

Sasuke immediately turned on the "start being a dick" switch and rolled his eyes. "Tch, whatever."

Hinata quickly went back inside the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Sasuke let out the breath he was holding and sighed deeply.

"Oh lord, it's gonna be a long mission."


The next day, Sasuke and Hinata decided to train in the large field behind the hotel they were staying at. The sun was pounding its' harsh rays on their bare arms as they took turns tossing their shuriken into "the enemy", which, at the moment, was a log with a sloppily painted picture of person they both agreed would be fun to slice apart (Sakura).

Though Sasuke tried his best to concentrate on the training, he couldn't help but glance over at his partner every now and then. Well…his partner's chest, to be exact. For the umpteenth time, he stole a glance at the neckline of her shirt, where sweat was pouring down into the small crevice from which harsh breaths were erupting.

Sasuke squinted and tilted his head. 'What are they for? Are they just for decoration or something?'

Hinata wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and turned towards him. "S-S-Sasuke?" She managed to say between gasps of exhaustion. "Are-are you okay? You-you seem troubled."

Sasuke's upper lip curled and glared at her. "None of your business!" He snapped, snatching up the bag of shuriken lying by his feet. "Come on, let's go eat. This is getting us no where."

He started walking away from Hinata and closed his eyes as he heard her hurry after him, imagining the two mysterious lumps on her chest rising up and down with every swift stride she took behind him.

'You should be ashamed at yourself,' chided the little voice in the back of Sasuke's head.

'Yeah, I should be, but I'm not,' he retorted.

'You disgust me.'


Later that same night, the two were sitting at the small wooden table in their hotel room, pouring over the three large scrolls that Tsunade had given them for the mission. They were both worn down from the training that afternoon and even Hinata couldn't pretend to be interested in the details of the tedious assignment.

"S-So," the girl yawned widely, stretching her arms above her head. "We should leave here in about three days if we want to make it to the Village of Stone on time to deliver the antidote to their medical ninja."

Sasuke clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. "I already knew that. An idiot could've figured that out."

A hurt look crossed over Hinata's face but she hid it by shuffling through the scrolls. "Oh…I'm-I'm really sorry."

Sasuke shrugged and crossed his right leg over his left. He had to start being nicer to her if he was going to ask her such a personal question. Though he desperately didn't want anyone to see his horny side, especially his teammate, it wouldn't have hurt too much to cut down on being such a stick-up-the-ass jerk.

Once again Sasuke's coal-black eyes trailed down the girl's body. He hadn't been this desperate to find out what those mounds were and what purpose they served for a long time…hell, his warped, sex-obsessed self hadn't threatened to burst out and stay for good since the hormones started flowing.

'Go on, ask her,' said the annoying voice in his head.

'I-I can't,' Sasuke mentally said back to his mind. 'She would hate me.'

'And I will hate you if you don't ask! Come on, most girls are flattered when you ask about their chest'

Sasukefrowned, feeling extremely stupid about having an argument with the voice in his head. 'And how would you know?'

'…It's just a logical guess.'

'I'll ask later.'

'Meaning that you'll never ask her, right?'

'No.'

'Yes.'

'No!'

'Yes!'

Sasuke gritted his teeth together, gripped the table so hard that his knuckles turned white, and without thinking yelled, "Hinata, I wanna ask you something!"

Hinata looked up from the scroll, surprised by her teammate's sudden outburst. "A-Ask me something, Sasuke?"

Sasuke resisted the urge to punch himself for yelling out like that. "Yes, Hinata," he said as calmly as possible. "I want to ask you something."

Hinata seemed unperturbed as she looked back down at the scrolls. "Go ahead, Sasuke. I'm listening."

Sasuke's eye twitched and his palms started to sweat. "Um…"

'Haha, way to go.'

"Um…"

Hinata cocked her head and glanced up at him. "Yes?"

"Err…"

'And they say that Uchiha Sasuke is the smartest, most promising ninja in Konoha.'

He squeezed his eyes shut, his anger finally reaching its' boiling point as the words came gushing out of his mouth. "What'saboob?"

Hinata paused and slowly looked back up at Sasuke. "Sasuke, I-I'm afraid I misunderstood you." She laughed nervously. "I-I thought you asked me what a-a…you know…"

Sasuke crossed his arms. "I did ask you that," he said quietly. He slammed his hands on the tabletop. "I mean, what's it for? What purpose does it serve?" He gestured towards the girls' chest. "Why the hell do you even havethose-those things?"

Hinata stared at him in disbelief. Sasuke waited and when he didn't get an answer after a few seconds, quickly got up from the table and turned away from her, shocked that he too was blushing.

"Sorry, Hinata," he said gruffly, heading towards the nearest door within his reach. "That was inexcusable." His shaky hands finally found a doorknob and yanked the door open. "I'll just…go for a walk or something."

"S-Sasuke," Hinata said in a squeaky voice. "That's actually the bathroom door."

"I don't care what it leads to as long as I can get away from you!" Sasuke snarled.

He stomped onto the tiled floor and whammed the door shut behind him. Hinata shook her head, sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"Why do people get so mad at me for no reason? He was the one who brought it up."


After an almost completely silent and extremely awkward day of pointless training, it was (thankfully) the last night the two had to spend in the hotel before traveling to the Village of Stone. Hinata gave Sasuke the impression that she had forgotten all about the perverse questions he had asked her. Sasuke, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about what a nincompoop he had been.

After a light dinner, Sasuke and Hinata were back in their room, sitting across the room from each other and packing up their belongings. Though he desperately wanted to look at Hinata and tell her that he was sorry, Sasuke made a point of being turned away from her and having only the wall to drool over.

'At least tomorrow we'll have the mission to distract us,' he thought, plopping down on his bed.

'I told you not to ask her,' the voice said, annoyed.

'Ya know what?'

'What?'

'How about you just shut the fuck up?'

The silent argument was put to a halt by a soft, quiet murmur on the other side of the room. "S-Sasuke?"

Sasuke hid his relief that Hinata was finally talking to him and kept on staring at the blank, white, flat wall in front of him. "What?"

Hinata seemed hesitant, but continued. "I…I was thinking about what you asked me yesterday."

Sasuke's heart dropped to his ankles. "Oh?"

"Yes."

Silence once again reigned for several moments. Sasuke shut his eyes tightly, getting ready to be smacked across the face, kicked in the groin, or any other girly action that women took to show their disapproval. He deserved it more than anyone. Hinata was a sweet, untainted, pure girl who didn't need perverts to be asking her such disgusting things.

Instead of being hit, Hinata spoke up. "Sasuke…look at me."

Sasuke slowly turned his head and his mouth dropped. Hinata had her eyes closed tightly as she held up her shirt, revealing the most gorgeous sight that the boy had ever seen. They were beautifully pale and cupped, not too big but not to small…in other words, perfect.

"Guhhh…"

Sasuke clamped his hand around his bleeding nose, but didn't want to stop looking for a second. 'Oh god, Hinata, just don't pull your shirt down.'

Hinata finally opened her eyes, blushing furiously. "I-I know I'm nothing special, but…but it seemed like you were pretty desperate to find out."

Sasuke didn't answer. His mouth was watering, his loins had burst into flames…He didn't just want to know what a breast was, he wanted to touch the soft flesh, feel the one of the most precious and sacred places on the female body! He wanted to get acquainted with the once mysterious and mind-boggling mounds! He wanted them…badly…

Sasuke groaned in displeasure as Hinata quickly pulled down her shirt. "Umm…they're for feeding babies…and stuff." When he didn't say anything, she cleared her throat. "Err…Sasuke?"

Sasuke shook his head to clear out the lustful thoughts of raising twenty angelic Uchiha children with the girl and took his hands away from his nose, which was still producing blood like a waterfall. "What?"

Hinata pointed at his pants with a shaky index finger. "You-you know what an-an erection is, right?"

"…Yes."

"You-you have one right now." She grinned sheepishly. "You dirty little bastard."

END