Rayearth and etc © CLAMP.
Story © 2006 Maureen "suzanami" McCullough. Please do not redistribute without permission.
Tears fill her aqua eyes as she realizes what she has done.
She has committed the ultimate sin.
Trembling fingers brush her wet cheeks as she gasps for breath. She has made her decision.
This watery dungeon she has banished herself to has not saved her. She had hoped that by separating herself from temptation, she would no longer sin. But her heart still races, her stomach still flutters. Her chest still aches when she thinks of him.
Oh, great skies. What has she done?
At first it was just a whim, but the more she entertained that thought, the more ingrained in her it became until it was a part of her. For so long she tried to ignore what she'd become, to deceive herself. It almost worked. Almost. Until that day when he returned her gaze and she knew - she knew - that it was over before it could ever begin.
Her shoulders tremble with silent sobs, her palms pressed to her face. This is the only way. There is no salvation, not for her. Perhaps someday the Knights, her brother, the people of Cephiro... Perhaps someday Zagato... Perhaps they might someday forgive her for her selfishness. Not only the selfishness of indulging herself in those horrible thoughts, but for leaving them all behind, with no one to watch over them. But she cannot destroy them like this.
She can only destroy her sins.
Her blood for their sake. Her life for theirs. She has betrayed them all.
Clef is wrong. She is most definitely accountable for this, for her heart. She is human, and all humans sin. As the Pillar, she was to be superhuman; she has fallen from her throne and become a horrid monster to the fate of her country.
Sobbing aloud she cries for Cephiro's saviors-to-be. Cries for them to save this country that she has turned her heart away from. Her desperate prayer to end this sad catastrophe. She sees their faces and despairs. They are young, children. They look no older than her brother. Her heart breaks anew as she sees their wide, innocent eyes.
The spell is complete. Collapsing, she gasps for breath. They are coming. Those children must come quickly, must tear the very heart from her chest, the heart that has turned to evil. This feeling... it is so evil. It is a sin.
A sprinkling of yellow light makes her snap her head up. "Creator..." she whispers, her tears flowing unbidden.
"You have chosen this."
"This is the only way!" she weeps. "My heart... it will not change, no matter how I wish it to. I have committed the ultimate treason. This is my will, Creator." And she begins sobbing again.
"Your will is the strongest in Cephiro."
"That is why I know I am going to die soon." She reaches out and embraces her Maker, moaning in grief. "It is finished!" she gasps.
She does not know this, but His heart breaks. His desire to create a world where the heart determines all has brought nothing but despair. Her heart, the strongest He has made, desires the love of another, not for the better of Cephiro. And now her heart desires nothing but the saving darkness of death. Her wish will be fulfilled; this He knows, for her emotions are unyielding.
"Creator, please," she begs. "Please, send them aid. They are but children, little girls like I once was. Please send someone to guide them, to protect them and help grow their hearts so that they can take me. I beg of you!"
"I will send them aid."
"Creator!" she calls after Him as He fades into the darkness. Her cries dissolve into fresh tears and she collapses, clutching at her robes with desperate fists. "Please... prepare those girls for what they must do, for my blood that will stain their swords... please..."
And she drowns in her tears.