Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or premises of the television show CSI. I make no financial gain from this writing endeavor but I wish I did...because I am seriously lacking in the financial department...I mean I would need a loan to give my two-cents worth on a topic... That was a joke people...I'm not all angst all the time...fine, don't laugh.

Rated M for Mature: Scenes of rape and statutory rape of a minor, child pornography, and graphic scenes of violence, nudity and sexual acts of an explicit nature. Adult situations and themes as well as course language. Not a tale for the feint of heart.

Warning: Slight implied femeslash. Unrequited as far as we know, this time around. Not much to worry about, really...so calm down, this fic isn't about femeslash, not by a loooooong shot.

Author's Note: After a slight break in writing due to finals, lets not talk about those anymore...ever, I'm back. Hooray. This fic came to me during a post test haze. So...we must blame exhaustion and stress and my strange strange muses. I'm currently in the midst of a writing streak and will be putting out one fic after another, which makes me happy. Though most will have to go through last minute re-writes to adjust to the cannon laid down by the Season 6 finale. Lots and lots of angst coming down the road. Well, enough with the blabbing, it's time to get down to this story.

The following story deals with Sara Sidle's past and the secrets she keeps about it. Very dark and a little bit disturbing...Though I am no way implying that this tale is somehow true to Sara's character, or Jorja Fox in real life.

Italics represent a flash back sequence...or chapter title.

As always, feedback is appreciated, loved and usually makes my day, especially if it has something constructive to say, even if it isn't particularly kind. Now, READ!

Dirty Secrets

A CSI Story

By RebelByrdie


Sara Sidle was a mystery, an enigma and a riddle. She liked it that way. She had secrets; dirty, filthy, disgusting secrets that no one could ever know. There were dark places in her soul, in her past, that no one -not even Gilbert Grissom- knew about. It was better that way. She wouldn't be able to stand their stares, their pity, their revulsion.

When she worked, she mostly pushed everything about herself away, far into the background. There were cases though, that got to her. It wasn't unusual. All criminalists had their quirks and everyone had cases that got to them. Her problems were saliva, rape and domestic abuse. In the grand scheme of things, she wasn't all that bad off. Those cases though, they brought her nightmares to the surface, brought her ugly past back to haunt her. Every time she thought she'd beaten the darkness back, a case would knock her back on her ass, back to square one.

She'd once let part of her past slip, to Grissom, of all people. He'd held her hand...and never looked at her the same way again. It was a lesson she'd had to learn the hard way. She couldn't let her past out, couldn't let everyone else see her demons. It was like a strange twist on the Dorian Gray Curse, if the others saw her true self, she would lose everything she'd worked for.

Secrets, though, have an annoying habit of being found out. Just like a criminal leaves a piece of himself at a crime scene; festering secrets left clues all their own. A tiny spark , an unguarded moment or a damning twist of fate can bring everything crashing down.

Mini Disclaimer: Just if you didn't know, I don't own Dorian Gray or his curse, either...Surprise!