A/N This is part 1 of 3 in my Mother's Day series! I don't own Fastlane or any of the characters that I don't make up. Enjoy!

Music: 'A Song For Mama' Boyz II Men

Deaq rang the doorbell and nervously waited for his mother to answer. It was Mother's Day and he hadn't spent this day with his mom in a decade. Even last Mother's Day he'd spent with Van. Deaq shuddered and then laughed to think of it. Just as he rang the doorbell a second time, Mrs. Hayes pulled it open. She stood in stunned silence for a brief moment at the sight of her youngest son before a proud smile appeared across her face. "Hi mom. Happy Mother's Day" Deaq said as he pulled the bouquet of blue hyacinths and white tulips, tied together with silver bow, from behind his back. "Oh Deaq! You remembered! Come in! What beautiful flowers!" His mother exclaimed as she showed him into the simple living room of the home where he'd grown up with his brother and sisters. Deaq smiled as he took a seat on the white sofa and waited for his mother to return from the kitchen with the flowers in a vase. He was proud of himself for remembering how much she loved white tulips and that the blue had gone with it so well.

You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I'll always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn't anything
Or anyone that I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there
To comfort me
And no one else can be
What you have been to me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl
In my life for all times

"Deaq, I am so glad you decided to come by today!" the older woman exclaimed as she took a seat next to her son and sat the flower arrangement on the table. "I just had this feeling that you were going to stop by today." She said with a smile as she looked into his handsome face. Deaq had always looked like her oldest son, Andre, but ever since Dre's death, he looked even more like his older brother. Deaq noticed that his mother's expression was suddenly sad. "What's the matter mom?" he asked, already knowing that she missed Dre, especially on days like this. "Oh, nothing. It's nothing, sweetie. How is Van doing today?" Mrs. Hayes asked, changing the subject from her sudden mood change to her adopted son, who was also Deaq's partner at work. "He's fine. Hopefully he'll do something today besides sulk about his mom." Deaq answered, knowing she was trying to change the subject. "Honey, his life hasn't been all that easy. His mother was never there for him and his dad has always been more interested in his criminal activity than his son. Cut him some slack, okay?" She explained why Van was the way he was. "I'll try. He's just so uppity and annoying and…" Deaq started to say, before he was cut off. "Deaq, he's younger than you." She stated simply. "I know that. What's your point?" Deaq asked, honestly not knowing what she was getting at. "My point Deaqon is that you are Van's Dre. You are the big brother to him." She explained, putting her hand on her son's knee. "What would Dre want you to do?" She asked him. "Look out for Van. I know Mom." Deaq answered in a defeated tone. "It's what Dre would have wanted." She told her son, with a sad smile. "What's the matter, Mom?" Deaq asked, knowing that they needed to talk about this eventually.

Mama
Mama you know I love you
(Oh you know I love you)
Mama
Mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

Mrs. Hayes was thoughtfully quiet for a minute before answering. She knew Deaq still blamed himself for not staying in touch with his brother after he was sent to New York. From her silence, Deaq new his mom was thinking about Dre. His brother always did like all those made up holidays like Mother's Day. Every since Deaq could remember, Dre always did something special for their mom, whether it be writing her a song, poem or just making her breakfast in bed, he always put so much thought into what he did. "You miss Dre." He said. It wasn't a question, but a statement. "How is Billie doing?" The older woman quickly changed the subject again, not sure she could handle talking about this today. Deaq looked at his mother in surprise. "I know I only met her once, but she seems like such a nice person." Mrs. Hayes commented about the younger woman. "We obviously don't know the same Billie if you think she's a nice person." Deaq commented dryly, thinking back to the previous day. He'd asked Billie what her plans were for her mom, and she'd barked at him to go play in the traffic. "She's troubled just like Van, honey. Those two are very much alike." She defended the decorated lieutenant. "I know they are. Believe me." Deaq said, rolling his eyes. "So, is she visiting her mother today too?" Mrs. Hayes persisted. "Mom, I don't think Billie has parents. She wasn't born, she was created. Like some freak mutation in nature or something." Deaq joked.

(yes it is, yes it is,ohhhhh,yes it is,yes it is,yes it is... oohhhh)
You're always there for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
(Yes you did)
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me
I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be
The girl in my life
(oooo, oohh)

Instead, Deaq got an exasperated sigh from his mother as she looked over at the Mother's Day cards over the entertainment center. Deaq followed her gaze and noticed a card handmade of purple construction paper with a pink construction paper flower on it. "Where did you get that one?" Deaq asked his mom. "Claudia made it." She said with a sad smile. "They came over this morning. We had breakfast together. It was nice." She explained to her son. "You miss him too, don't you?" Deaq asked, knowing now was the right time to bring this up. "Yeah. I miss him a lot. Do you?" She asked as she looked at her son with tears in her eyes.

Mama
Mama you know I love you
(Oh you know I love you)
Mama
Mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

"I do. I mean, I guess I do. I don't really know what he was like before he died." Deaq said sadly. "He was such a sweet man. Even after you left and stopped talking to us, he always talked about you like the two of you were still as close as you had always been." She said proudly. "You know, after I joined up with NYPD there were a lot of times I wanted to call you." Deaq told his mom. "I wish you would have. We always prayed for you wanted to know how you were doing. I'm just so glad that you're back with us and your life is on track again." Mrs. Hayes told her son with a smile. "I'm glad I came back too. I just wish I had done it while Dre was alive. You know, be able to thank him for jerking a knot in my tail…or at least kicking it pretty damn hard." Deaq finished with a chuckle. Mrs. Hayes laughed softly at this. Dre had beaten the snot out of Deaq before putting him on a bus across the country.

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinking about you
I'll never go a day
Without my mama

"I'm sure he knows." Came her reply to the young cop sitting next to her, trying to hold back his tears. Why did I have to be such a stubborn jackass and insist on proving to him that I didn't need him? I wasted so much time with him by being petty and selfish. All he was doing was looking out for me, the best way he knew how." Deaq went on, finally allowing the feelings he kept bottled up inside out for the first time. "Deaq, life is full of the should have, would have, could haves. Thinking of what you did, what you didn't do, what you should have done is getting you nowhere. All you're doing is punishing yourself for the past." She said gently, wrapping her arm around her son as a tear slid down his cheek. "Maybe I deserve it." Deaq replied quickly wiping away the offending droplet from his cheek. "Deserve what? To punish yourself? Why would you deserve that?" his mother asked him, wanting to understand where Deaq was coming from. "Maybe, if I hadn't left, Dre wouldn't have died. He'd still be here and be Van's partner." Deaq said, hoping that she wouldn't pick up on what he was really saying. That thought was something Deaq never wanted to make public ever since he'd told Van about it. But, perhaps it was best that he voiced it to his mother instead of letting Van do it for him, as he did last time. "Deaq, if you would have stayed. You would have been murdered by a rival gang." The older woman explained with tears in her eyes as she waited for her son to say something. "Maybe that would have been best, mom." Deaq said quietly. "What? Deaqon LaVelle Hayes! How could you think such a thing?" She gasped in shock at what her son had just revealed.

Mama
Mama you know I love you
(Oh you know I love you)
Mama
Mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

Deaq met his mother's gaze before answering. "I messed up so bad Mom. I told Dre that I hated him. That I hated you all. How could I have said that to him? All you guys ever did was love me and try to keep me on the right path and I said I hated you for it! I said that I would never forgive him for sending me away. What kind of good son and brother does that?" Deaq blurted out, finally releasing a decades worth of pent up emotion, self loathing, hatred and guilt. "Oh honey." Mrs. Hayes said softly, pulling her son into a hug. "Dre knew you didn't hate him. We knew you didn't hate us. You were angry and confused." She explained. "But that doesn't excuse it!" Deaq argued, still intent on punishing himself for abandoning his family. "No, you're right. It doesn't excuse it." Came the calm reply. Deaq pulled back from the hug and looked in the older woman's face, perplexed by what she said. "It doesn't excuse it, Deaq. But we do understand it now and we can forgive each other and move on as a family. All of us." She explained her answer. "I love you mom." Deaq said, giving her a tight squeeze as a few more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I love you to sweetie." Mrs. Hayes replied, looking up at the heavens. "Thank you for bringing Deaq back to us Dre." She whispered softly. "I'm sorry Dre. I love you." Deaq whispered as he looked at a picture of his brother, behind his mom on the lamp table by the couch.