Title: The Last to Know

Author: Jamieson
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Look At The Princess, Pt. I - before they head down to the Royal Planet.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the words. Only the order in which they were placed. Oh yes, and a fair amount of dialogue was blatantly stolen from LATP.

Author's Notes: Don't ask where this came from, because I have no clue. I haven't even watched this episode recently, it was just one of those random "wonder what D'Argo would think if he found out" thoughts. It also got a tad longer than I planned, but they just would not stop talking! Jeez... My first real attempt at D'Argo or Chiana, so you've been warned.

One of these days, I may get around to finding a beta for these things, but alas, today is not that day. Any and all mistakes, barring those created by the wonderful QuickSquish, are mine alone.


"Was I right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Was I right!"

John spun around and held his hands up in a placating gesture, exasperation in his tone. "Yes, Rygel. You were right."

The Dominar's air of superiority only grew at the words. "Don't ever forget it!"

But John had already turned back around and was following the others out of Command, ignoring the Hynerian's threat. Jogging to catch up, he brushed past D'Argo and put a hand on Aeryn's upper arm as he fell in step with her. "Aeryn--"

Before he could say any more, she swung the engaged arm up and around, twisting his wrist in the process. John let out a groan, and just as he was about to let go from the pain, she dug her same elbow into his gut and used it to push him away. Once free, Aeryn continued to march down the corridor as if nothing had happened.

John watched her go, absently rubbing his uninjured hand lightly over his stomach…he was just glad she hadn't really jabbed at him, just pushed. He swore under his breath.

D'Argo had witnessed the exchange, and came to stop beside the human, his eyes also watching the back of the retreating ex-Peacekeeper. When she had turned a corner, he looked at the man beside him, who was shaking his head. "Okay, what did you do this time?"

He looked up at the Luxan. "Now why would you think…" He sighed at D'Argo's expression. "We were in my module and…well…she scented her hair, and…what?"

D'Argo's grin could not be suppressed. "Oh, I had noticed that. That explains a few things."

John rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. The point is--"

"Let me guess," D'Argo butted in. "You opened your mouth and called her on it, and she flew you off--"

"Blew, that's 'blew me off,' and…what? No," John shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no, spin that wheel again, Bob. She's the one who opened her mouth, tongue and all."

D'Argo's eyes widened a little. "Tongue?"

"Yeah, yeah, some scented hair, a little tonsil hockey, and then…."

"Tonsil?"

"Yeah, you know…oh, never mind." John was getting visibly agitated at this conversation.

D'Argo sighed, "Fine. So what happened?"

"I don't know!" John replied, his frustration causing him to be a little louder than he'd intended. He brought his voice back to a more conspiratorial level and added, "One second she's sucking the air from my lungs, the next thing I know she's high-tailing it out of there like a bat outta hell."

"What's a 'bat'?"

John paused for a moment, looked at his friend, blinked, then chose to ignore the question. "I tried to stop her so we could talk about whatever it was, but--"

"Wait, wait…you attempted to stop her?" D'Argo ran his eyes up and down his human friend and muttered, "You don't appear to have been injured…well, other than just now."

"What? No, Dee, no, she didn't hit me. Got off lucky there."

"You have no idea."

John sighed loudly. "Yeah well…I kinda wish she had, instead of playing the avoidance game."

D'Argo cocked his head. "Well, like I said, you got a reaction just now."

The human shook his wrist absently. "Not exactly what I meant."

"I never know what you mean, I just know that that is one difficult Sebacean female."

"Yeah, no kidding…." He shot off a derisive snort, and, more to himself than anyone, said, "Days like these and I wonder if it would just be a lot easier to forget it all and take Chiana up on her offer." John shook his head, mildly amused, then gave his friend a knock on the shoulder. "Like that'll happen. Oh, well, thanks for the ear, man."

He made it less than three steps down the corridor before D'Argo's voice rang out. "What offer?"

John spun back around and grinned lightly. "Just my luck, she got front row seats to the latest round of cat and mouse…just wish I knew who was the cat and who was the mouse." At D'Argo's frown, he waved it off. "Never mind. Let's just say she offered to give me some advice, and then she offered…something else."

"Chiana propositioned you?'

John nodded, smiling in embarrassment. He was wrapped up in his own thoughts, and didn't notice the sudden change in his friend's demeanor. "Yeah. Thought she'd given that up. Like I said, might be easier to just take her up on it. But then again," he began back-pedalling, arms spread wide, still oblivious, "When do I do anything the easy way, right? I'll catch you later, big guy."

Without waiting for a response, John turned back around and walked off.

D'Argo stared after the human, his face moulding into a frown, and then further. He shook his head violently, let out a vicious rush of air through clenched teeth, and stomped off in the other direction.

-o-

"Hey there, big boy."

D'Argo came to a halt as the voice floated to his ears. He hadn't been paying attention, and only now did he realize he had just passed the quarters Chiana had long-since claimed as hers. The cell door was open but the privacy curtain obscured the entrance, save for the gray girl's head poking out from one side.

"C'mere." She didn't wait for him, just moved back from the curtain and beyond sight. When D'Argo did not follow right away, nor did she hear him walk off, she added, "Come on."

Only after his curiosity won out over his frustration did he comply, and he walked back to the curtain. Pulling it aside and stepping into her quarters, he realized why it had been in place. His eyes went wide as the lithe figure, wearing only a robe, stood with her back to him in front of the mirror on the opposite wall, running her hands through her short, white hair.

Her reflection smiled at him when she realized he'd finally made it into the room. She then slyly turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder, wearing that same smile. Like a twisted rope untwining back to normal, the rest of her body slowly followed suit, and then she began walking toward him.

"I was just cleaning up a bit before we go down to the planet," she explained, stopping in front of him and reaching out a hand to drag lightly down his solid arms, "And you have excellent timing." She stepped even closer, leaning her slight frame against his much larger one.

D'Argo sighed and brought his hands up, pushing her away. "Chiana…."

More amused than anything, she leaned back in and brought up a hand to caress his tankas. "What's the matter?"

"Chiana," he repeated, more forcefully this time.

Her amusement turned to defence as she pulled her hand back. "What's wrong with you?"

"Was there something you needed?"

"Well, yeah," she countered, unsure of what was going on. "Thought you might need it too, but I guess you're not interested!"

"Maybe you should figure out what you're interested in first!" D'Argo answered back, louder than he'd intended.

She took a step back, narrowing her eyes. "What the frell does that mean, huh?"

Realizing he was caught, D'Argo only stared at her for a few microts, unsure of how to answer that. He worked his jaw, trying to decide whether to bother with it, or just walk away. Against his better judgement, he demanded, "Are you interested in Crichton?"

"What?"

"Are you interested in Crichton!"

Infuriated with his superior tone, she shot back, "He's a male, of course I'm interested!" She spun on her heel and marched over to where she'd dumped her small selection of clothing and began sifting through it.

It didn't take much to make the Luxan realize he'd just stepped in a big pile of dren. Voice softening, he called, "Chiana…."

She didn't bother looking up, just continued to make herself look busy. "What's wrong, D'Argo? Can't stand a little competition?" He growled low in his throat. "What? You can all call me a tralk, but I'm not allowed to do it myself?"

Oh, yeah. Big pile of dren. "Chiana, I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah?" She stalked back over to him, her defences as high as she could build them. "Then what's your problem?"

"Earlier today," he began, obviously flustered, "In the maintenance bay. Crichton said you…well, that you…."

Her characteristic cackle and toss of her head threw him off, not that he had far to go. It was one of the things he never got about her - the ability to completely change her mood from one moment to the next, without warning.

She was grinning now, and walking even closer. "Is that it?" she asked in a sultry voice. "You jealous?"

"Of course not."

"Oh, yeah? Then why so interested in what I do with Crichton?" When he didn't look at her, she reached out to him with her hand and added, "I like playing with Crichton."

He huffed and tried to find a way out of the situation, but none was forthcoming.

"Relax," she told him, trying not to show him how much pleasure it gave her to watch the big Luxan squirm. "It's not like I ever expect him to go for it, there's too much Aeryn up there," she tapped her finger on the side of D'Argo's head for emphasis, then leaned in and nuzzled against his neck. "But it sure is fun to tease."

He leaned back and looked down at her. "Is that the only reason?"

Chiana looked at him suggestively. "Does it really matter?"

He didn't want to say it, had to clamp his jaw shut so he wouldn't. But she got the message, just the same. In a more serious tone, but one that never lost its underlying playfulness, she told him, "You've got nothing to worry about."

She pulled him close again and leaned up as tall as she could, suggestively running her tongue along his large, protruding chin. She could feel him finally relaxing. But when she tried to bring his head down to allow their lips to lock, he straightened up.

"We have to leave for the planet soon."

Despite his claims, Chiana heard the reluctance in his voice. She grinned and whispered seductively, "Not for at least half an arn…."

-o-

John was headed to the transport pod, desperately trying to rid his mind of the mental images that now haunted him. He really didn't need to see that today, his thoughts were messed up enough as it was.

Suddenly he felt a strong arm spin him around and push him against something hard. He looked up into the Luxan's very serious eyes.

"John, my life has been one crushing disappointment after the next. But with this girl, I have managed to find moments of pleasure." He pulled back when both Aeryn and Chiana walked by, neither paying them any attention, before adding, "Don't blow it for me."

As he was speaking, John's thoughts travelled back to their conversation earlier, and he suddenly realized why D'Argo was so adamant. "Never, it's cool," he asserted, wanting to make sure his friend knew he was quite serious. "I'm happy for you."

D'Argo was no longer looking at him, but rather at the girls as they boarded the pod. He patted the human on the chest and automatically responded with, "Good, good," before moving off.

"Good," John repeated, watching the larger man walk off, doubting D'Argo had even bothered to listen to his assertions, just wanting to make sure his own message got across.

Shrugging, he asked no one in particular, "How come I'm always the last to know?" Maybe if I was kept informed on these things, then I wouldn't go and get the big, strong, temperamental aliens upset with little old, fragile me.

As he followed the others to the transport, he couldn't help but wonder what power in the universe he'd pissed off this time, to make it so that his friends were getting their moments of pleasure while John was stuck getting teased mercilessly and playing the 'one-step-forward, two-steps-back' game with the girl of his dreams. So anytime the universe felt like letting him into the loop…but no, the universe just loved to keep him jumping through hoops in the dark. Then again, if it came down to a choice, he would definitely take being oblivious over having to face the source of those mental images once more!