Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...
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Chapter one: New Mission
"Tsunade-obaachan! How are…"
Naruto was punched into the wall, bursting through it before he could finish his greeting. The punch was delivered by an enraged Hokage who yelled
"STOP CALLING ME OLD!"
Tsunade took a deep breath and sat back down.
"Now, I summoned you guys here today to give you a mission. This mission…" she was interrupted by a loud shout of
"YAY! NEW MISSION!" yelled by Naruto who somehow recovered from the punch through a brick wall with only a small lump on his head. He started jumping up and down saying
"What's it we're doing? Protecting Feral Lords? Or rescuing princesses? Or fighting cri…"
He smashed through the wall a second time,this time hit by Sakura who yelled "Shut up and listen to Trunade-sama" through the second Naruto-shaped hole.
Tsunade cleared her throat loudly.
"As I was saying, you are receiving a mission to collect some scrolls from the Hidden Sand Village. Kakashi will not come with you this time because he received another mission earlier but hasn't returned yet… he had to go find a cat who escaped from its owner again. He should have come back a few days ago, which is confusing me, surely the Copy Ninja Sharingan Kakashi can't be defeated by a mere cat."
"Could it be that Kakashi-sensei was attacked by other ninja during the mission?" asked Naruto who had just climbed back through the hole with a new lump on his head, making him look like a teddy bear.
"Na… Kakashi doesn't have many enemies, mainly because only very few of his foes have lived after engaging him…"
"Yeah, maybe sensei's just late because he's at some perverted bookstore reading that stupid book he always has in front of his nose." said Sakura.
The others nodded in agreement.
Somewhere in a far village
Kakashi sneezed. It caused the card castle in front of him to crumble.
"Ha!" said a large man with a long gray robe on.
"You lost the bet! That castle of yours barely lasted four minutes, and you say it can hold for an hour. Now you have to be my personal servant for a month before I give you the cat back."
Kakashi closed his uncovered eye and thought hard, 'If I stay for a month, I'll miss the second Icha Icha paradise movie. If I escape, I'll fail the mission and lose my honor at the same time. Which should I choose? Icha Icha paradise or my honor as a shinobi.'
He made up his mind quite quickly. He opened his eye and spoke to the man.
"I'm sorry but I cannot miss the second Icha Icha paradise movie, so I'm afraid that I'll have to escape." he prepared to leave, but then he saw the wide grin on the mans face.
"I knew you would try to worm your way out if you lost so I took away your books while you were busy building the card castle."
Kakashi grabbed his bag and turned it upside down. Lots of kunai, food and an assortment of other things came out, but one vital thing was missing.
"No! My special edition of 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' is gone!!!"
He turned towards the man slowly in fury, uncovering his right eye in the process.
"You have taken my 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' and now I will kill you" he said coldly and started going through hand seals,
He screamed as his right hand glowed from the power of the chakra focused in it. He started to charge at the man, who stumbled backwards in fear. The man quickly took a TV remote from the table and turned the set in the room on, he pointed at the small television while he stuttered
"Wait! If I die, then your book is destroyed also."
The TV showed Kakashi's book hanging over a large cooking pot which was filled with acid like liquid. Kakashi's eyes widened as a mouse tied to a fishing rod like bait was lowered into the pot. There was a loud hissing noise and the mouse was pulled back up, or at least what was remained of it.
Only the bones of the mouse were still hanging to the fishing line ant it was still melting. A second later the fishing line snapped ant the bones fell back into the pot, bobbing on the surface for a second or two before dissolving completely.
Said the man in triumph as he saw the look of pure terror on what he could see of Kakashi's face.
"If you don't listen to me, your book will join that mouse in the afterlife."
He pressed a button on the remote to emphasize his point. Kakashi's beloved book started to slowly inch toward the pot of doom. Kakashi slammed his face into the television screen desperate to reach his book while begging,
"Please! Don't hurt my book! I'll do anything! Stop! Stop! Stop!"
He banged hid head on the screen with each 'stop'. The man grinned evilly.
He said as he pressed another button on his TV remote control of Doom (the way Kakashi will refer it to during his months stay) and 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn' rose back up a little, away from the cooking pot of Doom.
"Now, you will work as my servant for a month and then I'll let you leave, if you behave like a good boy and do as your told, I'll give you back your precious book and the cat you were looking for in the first place. But if you do not do as you are told, my hand might slip…"
He tapped a button on his TV remote control of Doom, causing Kakashi's yellow book to drop an inch, nearing the cooking pot of doom, which caused Kakashi to tremble with fear.
"…and your book will never be seen ever again, and when I say never, I mean never, do I make myself clear?"
Kakashi nodded shakily.
"Good, you will get up at six everyday with my other servants to eat breakfast, then you will start the morning cleaning. You will clean all of the rooms on the first and second floor with some of my other servants, and then you will have lunch after you finish polishing the medals in the trophy room. You will then hang the cleaned laundry up in the first garden for them to dry. Bring them back into the mansion when they are dry or when it is about to rain. Then you will have a half-hour break before going to the stable to feed and wash the horses. Then you will return to the house to have supper. After that you will chain yourself to a tree until midnight as a punishment for cracking my TV with your head. Any questions?"
Still shaking, Kakashi shook his head,
"Good, you will start work tomorrow. And remember, any funny business, anything at all and I will rip the pages out of your book one by one and then burn them in front of your face through the TV. Now follow Yuki here to your room."
A typical servent girl appeared in the doorway and motioned for Kakashi to follow. Kakashi followed the girl silently.
'I would have to make a plan to save my book, then I'll find whoever made me sneeze and torture them for endangering the meaning of my existance...' thought Kakashi.
He shuddered as he heard the evil laughter coming from the man who had just defeated the Copy ninja Kakashi with a TV remote control and a cooking pot, wincing as his imagination showed him terrible scenes of his precious book being destroyed in inhuman ways.
'Whoever put me and my book in this situation will wish that they were never born…'
He started clenching and unclenching his fist as if itching to grab hold of the culprit's neck for endangering his book.
Back with the rest of Team 7 at Hokage's Tower
Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Tsunade sneezed at the exact moment.
"Somehow I have a bad feeling about this." said Sasuke speaking for the first time in the meeting.
"I agree Sasuke-kun, but you'll protect me no matter what like the time with Garra, right Sasuke-kun?"
"No I will not and for the last time it was the Dope who saved you from Garra."
Said Sasuke his fists tightening as he remembered how Naruto had showed incredible strength and defeated Garra even when he turned into the one-tailed raccoon demon when he had been merely defeated at the start, when Garra wasn't using one tenth of his power.
"Naruto must have gone mad." thought Sasuke as he saw Naruto trying to get to Garra even when he's being flung around like a ragged doll, trying to protect the small toad he summoned earlier.
Then Garra pissed Naruto off with words and Naruto blasted Garra's backside with the combination of an explosive note wrapped around the handle if a kunai. Sasuke caught Naruto before he fell of the tree and teased Naruto about getting beaten up so much only to land a one hit on Garra, but was impressed against his will because two Chidori barely harmed Garra but Naruto's asspoke was with no doubt very effective seeing Garra couldn't recover immediately.
Sasuke took the chance to try to save his face by telling Naruto to release Sakura from the sand bind and then escape while he hold Garra off. But then Naruto said he understood something and told Sasuke to rest before summoning a huge amount of chakra. Sasuke, Temari, Gamakichi (name of frog Naruto saved earlier) and Pakkun (Kakashi's nin-dog who helped Naruto, Sakura and Shikamaru track Sasuke and Garra) watched as Naruto created about 2000 shadow clones and pounded Garra into a pulp. Then Garra did something only kids see in stupid superman TV shows.
Garra turned huge, very huge, about the size of a small mountain. Sasuke thought Naruto was doomed when he saw sand wrap itself around Naruto, unable to assist his teammate because of the pain of the cursed seal on his shoulder. Then he was shocked again when Naruto summoned a huge toad, about the same size as the demon there facing. After a fierce battle (Which was like being in the middle of a typhoon and a tsunami combined, Naruto shattered Garra's raccoon form. they fell down towards the earth and landed in some branches.
With one last attack, Naruto punched Garra in the face and they both hit the ground. Sasuke knew it was over because the sand binding Sakura lost effect. Sasuke caught her before she hit the ground and went to find Naruto. He found the blonde still trying to get to Garra with his chin, and fell unconscious after hearing the news of Sakura's safety. Garra's siblings retrieved their brother and left after Garra told them that he didn't want to fight anymore. He still remembered the smile on Naruto's face. Not the wide grin that didn't reach his eyes, but a peaceful look, one that he had never seen before.
Sasuke gritted his teeth. Naruto didn't win by luck, as Sakura kept telling everyone. She only says that because she didn't see the whole battle, having passed out at the start. Naruto was stronger than him, and if he can't even beat Naruto, he'll never be able to kill Itachi.
'Looks like I'll have to triple the training for now.' he thought. He was thinking so hard that he didn't realize the meeting was over and that everyone was looking at him, with Naruto saying that Sasuke was probably scared of cactuses or something, which caused Sakura to punch the dope through another wall, this time falling out of the 3 story building.
Tsunade spoke to Sasuke while Sakura was yelling at Naruto through the second Naruto–shaped hole.
"While you were spacing out, I have told Naruto and Sakura that you will meet your temporary sensei while Kakashi's not here at the North gate at 7 o'clock sharp. And…"
She turned to Sakura, "you're going to pay for those holes you made Sakura, unless Naruto is willing to do…" "I'll pay for it!" said Naruto who climbed back through the hole and continued
"I'll do anything for Sakura-chan!" he said as he took out his Gama-chan (the name of his wallet) and emptied most of its' contents on the Sannin's desk. The cuckoo-clock on the wall signaled 6 o'clock and Naruto stomach growled at exactly the same time.
"I'm going to get some ramen for dinner, see you guys later." with that he ran off, leaving his teammates with a very pissed off Tsunade.
"The brat needs a lesson on manners..." grumbled Tsunade as she took out a bottle of sake. Taking a swig, she motioned for Sasuke and Sakura to leave, which they happily complied feeling a scary aura around their Hokage.
In a small alley on the way to the ramen stand, Naruto's mind was filled with ramen. Too busy with the food in his mind as he ran, he accidentally bumped into a woman, making her drop the bags she's carrying.
"Sorry!" said Naruto quickly as he helped her up and pick up her bags for her.
Then he saw the contents of one of the bags still on the floor.
"Hey miss, where do you buy this shampoo?" he asked, picking one up and looking at it. The woman looked at him with questioning eyes, as if she thought he was joking or something.
"Why do you ask?" she said.
"Well…" Naruto began while scratching the back of his head.
"The shampoo I use at home was brought from the Wave Country, I've used it up and very few people are willing to sell me stuff here because of um…special reasons."
"Did you have control over the special reasons?" she asked politely.
Naruto was surprised, 'Most people whom he talks to ignore, glare and chuck stuff at him. She must be from another country.' he thought.
"Well apart from killing myself, I can't do anything about It.: he said it with a wide grin on his face.
"I have a friend who smiles like you do and hides behind it, so I've learnt to read the eyes for emotions. You are sad at this moment. You want affection but are afraid to reach out for it properly."
Naruto tried to deny it, but deep down he knew it was true. He was trying to think of something to say when the woman spoke again
"I can help you here…" she gave him a bottle of liquid. She seemed to look behind him for a moment before saying
"Drink it and you will feel better tomorrow. And also keep the shampoo, I don't need anymore anyway." with that she walked away, waving goodbye to him.
"See you around Naruto." she said before turning a corner. Naruto walked away after a while, still confused on why someone saw through his mask so easily.
"That's because she's one of the few who truely cares for others kit, even though she just met you, she already treats you with kindness. Trust me on this one, I can sense it."
'I didn't ask your opinion you foxy, go back to sleep.'
"Sure, but drink that stuff she gave you."
"You sure it's safe?" thought Naruto.
"If someone who cares for you poisons you, then you don't have much to live for anyway." replied the demon before falling asleep again.
Naruto sighed and started back to his crappy apartment, forgetting about dinner completely. Five minutes later he opened his door and put down the bag of shampoo on a chair. Deciding to try the new stuff out, he decided to take a shower before going to bed. Naruto finished his shower quickly and flopped onto his bed. He grabbed the bottle the woman gave him and downed the contents, feeling the cool liquid sliding down his throat. He immediately felt drowsy and the last that came to his head was 'How did she know my name?' before sleep took him to La La land.
Somewhere outside the village.
The same woman Naruto met earlier walked up to a large man with long white hair who was sitting at a bench near a large tree where the whole village could be seen.
"Are you sure that he'll be ok with the experiment of yours?" She asked the man.
"Course he will. He'll get lots of the attention he wants, and if it causes trouble, call it revenge for knocking me out of the tree I was researching near the bathhouse and almost killing me." he said wincing at the memory of his poor self being pummeled by a riot of women.
"I know very well that you were peeping on women, not researching the trees, you pervert." she said icily.
The white haired man grinned,
"That's where you're wrong, I'm not a pervert." he said.
The woman looked a bit angry, "If you're not a pervert, what are you, a saint?"
"No." The man said.
"I am…" he paused dramatically, closing his eyes and posing,
"I am…"He opened his eyes suddenly.
"I am a SUPER pervert!" He shouted to the night while pointing at a random direction Gai-style.
The woman sweat dropped and her eyes started twitching.
"And you lectured me about the 3 forbidden things of shinobi yesterday? You get drunk a lot, you waste money and now I confirmed that you are an old fart who is a pervert but unless I am mistaken, you are still single. Shame on you pervert. Anyway, keep an eye on Naruto for me will you, I'm leaving for a while to check on someone."
she turned to look at the man, only to see him crouched under a tree looking depressed, poking the tree while muttering "still a virgin, still a virgin…" sighing, the woman left Jiraiya to brood about his failed love-life.
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