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Chapter 9: The Return to Ramen
At the scroll room
Gaara was staring at the empty space inside the huge safe in the scroll room while everybody else including the now conscious girls were staring at Gaara behind him.
"…It's not there." said Sasuke dully.
"Way da go Sasuke! Thanks for pointing that out, I don't think we would have noticed that by ourselves." said Naruto in mock surprise. Sasuke just 'Hn'ed and looked back at Gaara who was still just staring blankly at the safe.
"So what do we do Gaara?" asked Temari looking a bit worried. Gaara finally looked up and turned at the others.
"The mission will proceed as planned. Meet me at the gate of the village two hours later, I will arrive after I retrieve the true documents from the office." he said as he started gathering sand to transport to the office but Sakura stopped him saying
"What do you mean true documents? The scrolls are all gone from this safe."
The others nodded and looked intently at the former mindless killing machine as he smirked a little.
"The thieves did manage to steal the secret scrolls in this small safe (everybody sweat dropped at the word 'small'), but those were merely scrolls containing Kankuro's porn magazines and his Barbie Dolls." said Gaara calmly before disappearing to get the real stuff.
Everybody in the room stared at Kankuro in shock for a moment before looking away quickly and slowly edging away from him. Kankuro instantly became pissed.
"What's wrong with me having porn mags and dolls?" he said stomping his feet eyebrows twitching. The others looked at each others for a moment before saying in unison "Nothing at all…" in a completely unconvincing way. Kankuro seemed to have steam pouring out of his ears in anger.
"If you have a problem, say it in my face." said the puppet user in a deadly calm voice. Naruto decided to say the stuff on everybody's mind.
"You have Barbie Dolls…" he said is a shocked kind of voice.
"So?" said the previous proud owner of a thousand sets of Barbie dolls.
"Uh… Nothing…" said Naruto uncertainly. The others inched even further away from him until a loud angry voice was heard from behind them.
"What's wrong with you people? Barbie Dolls are extremely cool and fun, yet you see them as if they are slime! I can't stand it!" shouted the figure in bandages and funky clothing passionately.
Everyone gasped in complete horror as they realized what the outburst from the guy meant…
HYUUGA NEJI was a fan of BARBIE DOLLS… along with puppet freak.
"This is the end of the world…" said Sakura looking at Tenten who was trying to comfort poor Hinata who was horror struck at the newfound knowledge. The others nodded slowly and quickly retreated from the room, leaving Kankuro and Neji to hoist the funeral of those scary Barbie dolls.
At the Gates of Suna
After Gaara returned with the real scrolls and the funeral of Kankuro's obsession, everyone set off back to Konoha for some well deserved pay and other things.
Naruto couldn't wait to stuff his face with ramen, Sasuke couldn't wait to rehearse his newest revenge speech. Sakura couldn't wait to stalk Sasuke all over the place, Ino couldn't wait to relieve some sexual tension.
Tenten couldn't wait to polish her weapons, Temari couldn't wait to polish her fan. Hinata couldn't wait to read the new book she got from a certain someone, Neji couldn't wait to show Kankuro his collection.
Kurenai and Shizune couldn't wait to soak in the hot springs, and Jiraiya couldn't wait to peek on them. Gaara couldn't wait to meet Tsunade about an experiment and Kankuro couldn't wait to see Neji's collection.
Surprisingly, they arrived at the north gate of Konoha with no hormone crazed females chasing Naruto around. They all went separate ways and Naruto almost literally flew to Ichiraku ramen stand.
When arrived at the stand, he looked like a skeleton and was propped on a stick.
"Old man… Ramen… n-now please…"
Rolling his eyes, Ichiraku started making the usual for the blonde ramen fiend. A few minutes later, Naruto was happily slurping down his ramen while chatting happily about the missions he would like to take later.
"I can't wait to get a mission back to the wave country so I can see Inari again. Then I want to see Sasame-chan again in Rice Country. Then…" Naruto stopped talking for a moment to swallow all the soup in his bowl. He the placed the bowl on the neatly stacked pile next to him and suddenly remembered something.
"Old man, where's Ayame-neechan?" he asked puzzled because he can't see her anywhere in the stand.
"Ah…" said the ramen chief. "She's at the back cleaning the storage room. You can help her if you want, the meals on the house today."
"Okay, I don't have anything to do now anyway…" said Naruto as he hopped off his stool and headed inside the stand. He had a nagging feeling that he had forgotten something but ignored it.
He entered the storage room to find Ayame with her back to him stacking some boxes if ingredients on a corner. He then heard Kyuubi mutter 'Time for some action…' and was about to ask what that meant when he felt something spreading out of him into the surrounding.
Ayame instantly looked up and turned around, looking a bit surprised to see Naruto standing in front of her. She lifted a hand to pinch her face, missing it by several inches.
"I'm dreaming again… Better make full use of it…" Naruto heard her mutter to herself as she slowly walked towards him with a dreamy look in her eyes.
"…Ayame-neechan?" he said uncertainly and backed away slowly feeling uncomfortable about something. He started freaking out when Ayame started taking her clothes off.
"Come on Naruto-kun…" she said lustfully as she pulled her shirt off, revealing a lacy black bra.
Naruto instantly bolted back to the door but Ayame launched herself at him tackling him to the ground. The poor demon vessel tried desperately to free himself but the ramen girl was sitting on his legs while ripping off his orange jacket.
'Kyuubi help!!' Naruto yelled mentally as he tried to keep Ayame's hands from ripping his black undershirt apart. The only response he got was manic laughter.
'Buahahahaha! Hell no! You owe me a favor from that other time, so I command you to get laid right here and now!' Naruto cursed the perverted demon fox in his head and resorted to jutsu.
"Kage-bushin no jutsu!" cried Naruto as he formed a cross hand seal. Five more Naruto's appeared and pulled Ayame away.
"Oh?!? You want to have an orgy? You're so thoughtful Naruto-kun!!" The girl cried as she pinned a copy of Naruto to the wall and started making out with it. Feeling horrified, the real Naruto got up and dashed through the storage room door.
After saying a hurried goodbye to the old man Ichiraku, Naruto fled in a random direction. After recognizing the area, he ran all the way to his apartment, jumped in though the open window and hid under the blankets of his bed.
After calming down a bit, he sat up and went into a meditative stance ready to start yelling at the fox demon. After a while, he realized that the fox wasn't responding to his insults. Curious, he descended to the next level of meditation and entered the subconscious of his mind.
After locating Kyuubi's cage, he peeked through the bars to see no fox inside. Instead, he found a large king-sized bed with a figure sitting on it. Curious, he started slipping past the bars but lost his concentration and went back to the conscious world because of a faint scream.
Eyes snapping open, Naruto got up and stuck his head out of the window to listen carefully. Indeed, loud screams of pleasure were heard coming from the direction of the Academy and Ichiraku's. The female voice was familiar but he couldn't recognize it at the moment.
In the village
The villagers were all quite shocked at the screams, the woman covering their children's ears while the men drooled pervertedly and got nosebleeds. Near the hot springs, Jiraiya too heard the noise and looked up from his telescope. He giggled pervertedly when he caught some phrases that hinted what activities were going on.
Down in the hot springs below the tree Jiraiya resided in, Anko, Shizune and Kurenai heard the screams too.
"What's that?" asked Kurenai curiously as she played with the towel tightly wrapped around her body. The noise and the hot water were making her feel very hot and her cheeks were flushed because of the heat. Anko grinned.
'It was a good idea to come to the hot springs with these two.' she thought. She leaned over to Kurenai and whispered in a seductive voice.
"Ah… Nai-chan's feeling excited right now, let's have some fun together…"
Anko crawled over and placed her arms around Kurenai's waist. Kurenai made no effort to stop her and took hold of the back of Anko's head. Shizune inched away from the two knowing what would happen next.
Back up the tree, Jiraiya was furiously taking notes as he watched the steamy make-out session between the two Jounins. When Anko pulled Kurenai's towel half off, Jiraiya saw too much and spouted a nose bleed.
"Shit…" muttered Jiraiya as he tried to stem the flow of crimson liquid with his sleeve but a small amount dripped down into the spring hitting the water near the only two females in the spring, making them stop and look up to see the perverted hermit covering his nose with his sleeve.
"PERVERT!!!" they screamed in fury and splashed to their feet. Their loose towels fell down and revealed the now uncovered anatomy. Jiraiya's eyes widened and he was propelled away by the massive stream of blood that burst violently from his nose. He flew through Konoha and landed in a heap just outside the gates of the village.
Anko and Kurenai sat back down in the spring but were very pissed.
"Great, the mood is totally ruined now…" said Anko.
Sighing, Kurenai nodded and got up again, proceeding to the changing room. Anko followed, thinking about ways to find and torture the white-haired pervert.
Shizune looked curiously at the sky for a moment, wondering of Naruto would want to peek at her if she were at hot springs. Blushing at her own perverted thoughts, the medic-nin quickly got up and followed her friends to the changing rooms.
At the Hyuuga Manor
Hinata was in her room sitting on her futon. Her eyes were glued to the pages of a certain book authored by the newly dubbed human-rocket. With every word she read, her face became redder and redder, steam eventually pouring out of her ears. The shy girl immediately put down the book and clutched her face in embarrassment.
'It's so naughty! I can't be thinking of doing this with Naruto-kun.' she thought as her face reddened even further as she pictured Naruto and her alone in a hospital room, Naruto suddenly pouncing on her and…
'Bad Hinata, naughty Hinata!' she mentally scolded herself for thinking about that kind of stuff. She just sat there for a moment before picking up the book and opening it again.
She was soon so absorbed in the book that she didn't hear the rather loud speech about Barbie dolls from Neji, who had captured Kiba and Shino and was ranting about the coolness of his dolls while Kankuro dressed the dolls up in different outfits.
"I wonder if the guys who took my dolls were fans…" The puppet user wondered aloud while looking at Kiba who had white foam coming out of his mouth. Shino was holding his ground but Neji's endless ranting was making him lose his sanity.
Shikamaru, who had hid well enough, prayed that Kiba and Shino would survive such a cruel trial of fate. Half way through the prayer, he realized how troublesome it would be and stopped to look up at the clouds. Seeing a summoning bird, he sighed and headed towards the Hokage's office.
He passed Ino's place on the way, and heard loud moans coming through the window of her room. Curious about what she was doing, he jumped onto the balcony of her room and peeked through the sky blue curtains.
Ino lay on her bed, the thin sheets covering her obviously naked body. Shikamaru's eyes widened and saliva caught in his throat as he realized what the beautiful blonde girl was doing.
He immediately looked away and jumped off the balcony, wanting to stick his head onto a bucket of ice. He passed Gaara and Temari on his way to the local ice-cream stand, but didn't pay attention to their greeting and stuck his head into the ice cart of the stand.
He tried to stop thinking about perverted stuff but couldn't stop himself from thinking about how the thin sheets barely covered Ino's wonderfully curved body. The image proved to be too much for him to handle and he passed out with a massive nosebleed.
Gaara walked to Shikamaru and poured some sake into the ice cart with shikamaru's head stuck in it, mixing the sake, blood and ice together.
"Mulled Red anyone?" said Gaara tonelessly before walking away from the out cold Chuunin, Temari giggled at the joke. The villagers concluded that today was a bad day and started walking away from the Chuunin, not wanting to get bad luck.
Meanwhile at the border of the Fire Country
Itachi and Kisame were walking down the road casually. The latter had a large scroll slung over his back.
"I wonder what kind of secret information is inside the scroll…" said Kisame adjusting the grip on the rope that bound the scroll together so he could hold it more comfortably. Itachi glanced at him and said "Open it if you want to know." in a bored tone.
Kisame and Itachi set up camp near a river since it was getting dark. Itachi went to find some food while Kisame opened the scroll and examined it.
When Itachi returned with two porcupines and a skunk, he saw Kisame buried under a small mountain of plastic dolls.
"What the…" he started but stopped since it sounded uncool. After clearing his throat, he tried again.
"What the hell are you doing with Sasori's old dolls?" he said in a toneless tone, one eyebrow raised.
"I found them in the scroll we took from Suna." said Kisame hoisting himself up and brushing the dolls off his cloak.
"Whatever… Burn them all and make dinner." replied Itachi and he watched Kisame piling the dolls in a way that would enable the fire to burn them easier. After watching the fire failing to burn the stupid dolls, Itachi sighed and told Kisame to stand back.
He closed his eyes for a moment, before opening again with the Mangeku Shyaringan flaring. Black fire enveloped the Barbie dolls and destroyed the whole pile within the span of a few seconds. Letting the Shyaringan fade back to the normal eyes, he suppressed a smirk at having finally destroyed the freaky dolls that Sasori loved to play with.
"Now… make dinner." Itachi ordered as he sat down against a tree. Kisame grumbled a bit but complied.
A few hours later at Naruto's place
The screams stopped, Naruto let out a sigh of relief as he no longer had to hear The Fuzzy Brows yelling about unyouthful noises and their attempt of drowning it out by terrible singing.
He heard Kyuubi panting in his mind and asked 'What the hell were you doing the past few hours?'
'You don't want to know…' said the fox teasingly still out of breath.
'Oh come on… tell me…' whined Naruto. The Kyuubi chucked and Naruto suddenly felt worried for some reason.
'I relieved some of my stress…' said the demon cheerfully, far too cheerfully to be good.
'How exactly did you relive your stress?' asked a nervous Naruto, thinking whether he really wanted to know.
'Did you hear the screaming earlier?' asked Kyuubi wickedly. Naruto nodded mentally, dreading the next words.
'I took control of your Kage-bushins.' said Kyuubi shortly giggling pervertedly, but Naruto still didn't get the meaning of it.
He just sat there for a minute, letting new information sink in.
The last time he made some kage-bushins was when he escaped Ayame-neechan…
Kyuubi said he took control over them, meaning they didn't disappear…
There were screams of pleasure in the village for about three hours…
The voice screaming was familiar…
Then it all clicked in, and Naruto's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he passed out with a large nosebleed.
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