All chapter titles, Taken from song titles by Mae.
Gilmore Girls --- not mine. If only.
days and I've not slept a wink
with these thoughts that I've been thinking.
toss and turn, I lie awake,
who knows what I've been drinking.
another cheap, meaningless kiss.
I just wanna wake up.
I just wanna wake up in someone else's arms.
Someone Else's Arms
She heard the voices, Gigi's, Christopher's, and the nanny's. Her brain wouldn't let her comprehend what they were saying, but she could hear them.
When the door closed, she felt the covers move and the bed shift as he climbed in and put his arm around her. No doubt he thought she was still asleep. What he didn't know was that she had barely slept all night.
She had lay there for hours, staring at the wall.
The flashes of the night's events replaying in front of her eyes.
The car. Lynnie, the therapist.
Luke. Her ultimatum. The look on his face. Walking away.
Christopher as he opened the door.
Making their way to his bed. Clothes silently being shed. The giddiness in his eyes.
A tight knot formed in her stomach as the rest played out.
His thin, cold lips on hers, on her skin.
His fingers uncomfortably, too soft and not rough, pleasurable like Luke's, touching her body.
The emptiness she felt with him inside her. No tears fell, no emotion came from her. Not on the outside.
On the inside she was fighting. Sobs racked her body in her mind. In her mind, she was screaming, pushing him away, kicking, biting, scratching. In her mind, she was crying out for Luke to come for her; he never did.
Now, he held her closer to him. And she finally woke up from her haze. She jumped up from the bed, searching for her dress. Finding it she dressed and turned towards the door.
"Lor, what are you doing? Come back to bed."
"What? You want me to come back to bed? You're kidding me. Did you think last night meant something, meant ANYTHING? Did you? If you did then I am sorry, because it definitely did NOT!"
"You don't mean that. I know right now you're still upset about Luke, but you came to me. You wanted to be with me."
"No, no Christopher, I did not want to BE with you. I WANTED a friend. Too bad I don't have one, at least not here."
"I am your friend." He said quietly.
"No, a friend would have stopped me from doing something so stupid. It didn't mean anything. I don't want you. I will never want you. This, this was the biggest mistake of my life." And with that she stormed out the door and out to her Jeep.
In the car, the tears still did not fall. She wondered what was wrong with her. Why wasn't she crying? She should be crying. She had lost the love of her life. Even if they could have worked that out last nights crazy ultimatum, she had ruined any chance of it by sleeping with Christopher.
Luke wouldn't want her now.
He'd hate her.
He'd be angry, and he'd tell her how he knew this would happen.
Their problems would no longer be about them, but about her and Christopher.
Maybe it was better this way. It wouldn't be on his shoulders now, just hers. He didn't need anymore problems.
She started up the car and began the drive back to Stars Hollow.
She willed herself to cry. Her eyes were as dry as the desert.
When she stopped trying to make herself cry, she found that she felt dirty. Her skin was crawling. She needed a shower.
She pulled into town and past the diner. It was closed.
She wondered where he was. Had he left? Gone fishing? There was no sign on the door.
She turned onto her street and down past Morey and Babette's.
Parking her car and getting out she was surprised to see Paul Anka running towards her. She bent down to pet the wacky pooch and that is when she saw him.
There, sitting on her porch, was Luke.
"Hey." He said, standing up.
"Hey," she walked towards the house and up the porch steps, "what are you doing here?"
"Lorelai, we can't leave things like this. You were upset last night and so was I. I was worried about you, I hadn't seen or talked to you in a few days and then your at the diner talking about eloping and Anna and I snapped. I- I didn't know what to say, what to do. But I'm calm now and maybe you are too. We can talk now. We can make this better. I love you."
"Luke… I-I can't." She walked past him and into the house. He followed her.
"Yes, you can. We just need to talk. We haven't been doing that. But if we just sit down and talk, we can fix it, we can fix everything."
"No, we can't." Her voice was cold and shaky.
"Lorelai, I love you. You love me. That's all we need. Everything else, just details. Now, I know I've been doing things wrong, but you just tell me what you need and I'll fix it."
"God, Luke, you can't fix everything."
"I know that, but I CAN fix this. We can fix this."
"No, WE CAN'T. I messed up."
"I know, but I messed up too, I messed up first. We can talk about Anna and April."
"It's not about them Luke! It's about Christopher!"
His face changed, went from worried and anxious to confused and irate in 2.5 seconds.