Chapter XVIII: Approach

'Dear diary,

this is the first that I write to you. I'm still feeling kinda silly. After all, only girls write in diaries. At least you won't tell anyone my secrets so I guess it's okay. A lot has happened since I moved in with Soubi, Natsuo and Youji. I can live with people I know, it's quiet here and I have my own room. Soubi's room is right next to mine but that's alright. He never disturbs me, strange right? I can almost do everything I want. He even lets me go back to school… my life is finally peaceful. If only… if only the dreams would finally stop. Every night they come to call for me.




They want me to join them. I thought about that… I really did. Life is so boring right now… boring and hard. But I can't even though I really want to see them all again.

I miss them.

Still I want to live, only for a little bit longer. My friends try everything to cheer me up. When I slept in Soubi's bed last night they didn't come. These dreams… they finally stopped. I don't know why. Maybe it was because of Soubi's presence. It was kinda… soothing. I've slept so well… and when I woke up this morning he was still fast asleep. He didn't even notice I was there… that's the best. Leaving was hard since I had been sleeping in his arms. Don't know how I ended up there but still… it felt good. Just like the times when I was sleeping in Seimei's bed. He would hold me tight and tell me "goodnight- stories" until I fell asleep. They are so alike although Seimei never lied to me. I could always trust him. Unlike Soubi… I still can't tell if he's honest with me. Only yesterday he once again broke his promise to come pick me up after visiting Shouko-sensei. So I went to my old home. Nothing has changed there since that night. It's still the same. After all, no one is living there. I couldn't stay long though, there were so many memories. And when I left the house there was this guy. He really was strange. He told me that he once was a friend of Seimei. I'm not sure if I can believe him. It's just like that time when I first met Soubi. He had this… aura… I don't know how to call it. His smile didn't reach his eyes. They seemed to be so lifeless… I'm really glad I managed to escape him. I have to be very careful. There are indeed a lot of strange adults out there. They all want me to tell them what happened that night back at my old home. The police-men, Shouko-sensei… I bet Soubi, too, even though he never asks. That's something I can't do either. I won't speak ever again. After all, I made a promise to myself. My voice is no good… all it can do is hurting others. Never again will I let something like that happen… never…

Aoyagi Ritsuka, March 31


Ritsuka closed his diary and locked it. Hiding it under his pillow he grabbed his school- bag and hurried downstairs where Soubi was already waiting for him. He handed him his lunch-paket with a huge smile. Ritsuka laid his head to the side. His fighter was smiling like this ever since they had met in the kitchen for breakfast. He hadn't seen the man like this for such a long time. It was a beautiful sight… very beautiful indeed.

"Ritsuka? Ritsuka."

The boy blushed having been caught starring at the elder man. Quickly he grabbed his lunch which Soubi was handing him and hurried to leave the house. He didn't even hear Soubi's "Have fun." …

Soubi had a hard time to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. Suddenly everything seemed to be alright. Ritsuka hadn't noticed that Soubi had been awake the whole night. He had been able to hold his boy, to give him security. All these weeks he had felt like a failure. Finally Ritsuka seemed to trust him again. Even though he had sneaked in secretly that night, it was still a start. Soon Soubi would be able to make the dark-haired teen open up to him…

-- -- -- -- -- --

"Good morning, Ritsuka-kun!"

Yuiko was cheerful as ever, greeting Ritsuka with her usual smile. He couldn't help but smile back. His life was suddenly so perfect… well, almost perfect. There were still these dark shadows that haunted him… but with his friends around he could avoid the memories, at least for a little while. For that he was very thankful to the ever happy Yuiko and even Yayoi who was once again glaring at him, for stealing all of Yuiko's attention, of course. It was their usual greeting ceremony, just like in the past before everything had gone straight to hell… Maybe he would find the strength to let go. With a happy smile he led the way to the entrance.

Youji and Natsuo were nowhere in sight- They had finally lost interest in annoying Shinonome-sensei and their classmates. Forgetting their task to watch over Ritsuka the two had left the young boy a few streets earlier to explore the city a little more. Their task was useless, after all, or so they thought.

Little did they know that the hawk was already on it's way…

The rest of the school- day went over rather uneventful. Shinonome-sensei handed out the long awaited results from the last math-test which Ritsuka had passed quite successfully, Ritsuka had lunch with his friends and he enjoyed it, especially since Soubi had made his most favourite food, Ritsuka had soundlessly cursed himself for being unable to draw a realistic human body… it was just a normal school-day. Finally the last lesson was over and Ritsuka found himself once again outside the building. His "bodyguards" were still not back but that was fine with him. Protecting him was rather pointless since there were no enemies around, right? They had stopped annoying him for a long time now so it was more likely that they had given up on him. With no bad feeling he said his goodbyes to Yuiko and Yayoi and walked down the last streets to his home. Life could be so beautiful..

"Hello there. Please wait for a moment."

Instantly Ritsuka flinched. That voice again… Slowly he turned his head. An adult was walking up to him, a man actually. The boy frowned. It had to be the same guy he had met at his old home, the man with that terrible aura and that cold smirk… Only the smirk was no smirk this time. Out of instinct Ritsuka stepped back.


End of Chap. XVIII

Hello everyone!

Guess what, I've finally updated. I'm really sorry for the long wait, I hit a major writer's block. Even though I know exactly what way the plot will be going and what the results in the end will be but it's difficult to fill the empty parts. That's also a reason why this chapter is so short... and please forgive the boring school-day. I just wanted to show that Ritsuka is ready to move on. I'm doing my best to let the events flow easily so that they can be connected without trouble. It's always bad if there are questions of how things can go first this way, than suddenly an other way. Also I don't like stories that are unrealistic, so I try to explain everything that happens. If there are still questions or grammar mistakes, please let me know so that I can fix them. Thanks everyone who has been patient with me and please don't worry. I will absolutely not abandon this story. There are more problems coming! ;-)

Thanks everyone for taking your time and we'll see us next chapter!

Bye, your Nico