Title: You Put the Boom-Boom Into My Heart
Author: Sarah :)
Pairing: Logan/Veronica (with guest shots by Dick and Vinnie)
Rating:PG-13 (for language and some sexiness)
Spoilers: Through 2x16, The Rapes of Graff, but it's set in an AU season 2.
Word Count: 5027
Summary: She's his lady, he's her fool. Why must they fight?
Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.
Thanks: HUUUUGE thanks go out to my truly outrageous betas, onastick and shizam23. YOU two make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day! Thanks also to the fabulous herowlness for the encouragement, and to sadiekate, who spurred the crack along. Because she's PERCEPTIVE, that girl ;).
Final notes: This was written for cheesy love's Cheesy Love Song Challenge. My song, Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go SHOULD have inspired the crackiest crackfic EVER. Instead...this one turned out kind of normal. The only crack part is the part that really has nothing to do with the song. Go figure, huh:) Anyway, because of said scene, this is part of my Babes In Toyland series. Hee.

--

"Dude, Logan. Where were you last night?" Dick approached his friend and slapped him on the back. "They didn't even bother to card us. And you should have seen the ladies. JP here convinced this one girl to give him a lap dance. You wouldn't believe how big her--"

"Dick. Chill." Logan rolled his eyes as Dick and JP exchanged what must have been their tenth high-five of the morning. "You act like you don't sneak into that club every other night. What's the big deal?"

Dick, as usual, looked confused. "You mean you don't know?"

"Don't know what?" Logan was obviously annoyed. "Spill, man."

A grin lit up Dick's face. "We were out, having a good time, when this particularly fine piece of ass walked by. I'm talking barely-there skirt, boots up to here," he motioned to his knee, "she was the full package. So I tried to get her attention, and..." Dick trailed off with a shrug.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for this now, Dick. I'm supposed to be meeting Veronica."

"Yeah." Dick nodded.

"So?"

"So...yeah," Dick continued bobbing his head.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Logan smacked his friend on the head.

"Dude. It was Veronica."

Logan's eyes narrowed into slits. "What?"

"The hot piece of a--Fuck! Sorry!" Dick swore as Logan's hand once again connected with his now-more-mussed-than-it-should-be blonde hair. "But the girl turned around, and it was Veronica skanking up the place." He shook his head wistfully. "I know I get on you about her, but after seeing her last night..." Dick let out a low whistle. "Never again. I totally get it."

"You're fucking kidding me." Logan slammed his locker shut and started walking down the hall alongside Dick. "You're trying to tell me that when you went to that club in LA last night, you saw my girlfriend, dressed to impress. What, is this like April Fool's a month late?"

Dick frowned. "Hey, man. I may be a lot of things, but I am not a liar." Off of Logan's incredulous expression, he continued. "When it comes to hot girls, at least. I figured you were meeting her there or something. I was pissed when you bailed on us, but if that was the reason...well, I could have at least understood. But you never showed, and she spent the night attached at the hip with this other dude. Easy come, easy go, I guess." He flung an arm around Logan's shoulder. "You've still got me. Bros before hos, dude. Never forget that."

"Dick. Listen to me, because this is important. Are you sure it was her?"

"Yeah, it was her. I don't think she saw me, though. She was so into that other guy..."

Logan wrestled himself away from Dick, an unreadable expression on his face. "I've gotta go. Talk to you later, Dick."

--

Weaving in between the rows of cars, he spotted a familiar blonde camped out next to his Xterra. "You look lonely. Are you waiting for someone?" Logan walked up behind Veronica and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Because a girl like you? Could probably do so much better."

Veronica laughed. "And I suppose you would be the upgrade?"

"Absolutely."

"Hmmm." She placed her index finger over her lower lip, as if deep in thought. "I don't know. I was supposed to be meeting my boyfriend now, but he is twenty minutes late. I'm apparently in the market for a new man. What was your name again?" Logan laughed, and she punched him lightly on the arm. "Where were you? I was beginning to think Clemmons was having his way with you."

Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and moved his mouth to whisper in her ear. "Why, Veronica Mars, were you worried about me?" She snorted, and he continued. "Really, it's enough to make a guy blush."

A strangled "mmhmm" was all Veronica managed to get out before Logan's lips met hers in a searing kiss. As the kiss intensified, Logan slowly moved his hands up Veronica's body, until they managed to slip beneath her T-shirt.

"Logan," she gasped out. "Not here! We're in the parking lot! Everyone's watching." With a sly smile, she trailed a finger down his chest until it met with the growing hardness in his jeans. "Save it for later, Tiger." She laughed as she gave him another quick kiss.

His smile faltered for a second. "I think I can work with that." Affecting casual, he opened the passenger door and watched as she settled into the car. Logan swung around to the driver's side and got in. "So, how'd it go last night?"

She hesitated for a second too long. "What do you mean?"

Logan bit his lip and tried to remain calm. "Studying. For your physics test, right? That's what you said you were doing when I called."

"Oh." She laughed, and he tried to determine whether she sounded relieved, or just amused. "It was fine. Boring, but I think I did okay on it. Mr. Wu must be losing his touch. How about you? Another grand night of debauchery with Dick and Co.?"

"No." Logan shook his head slowly. "After I talked to you, I just went to bed." He paused, measuring his words carefully. "All you did was study? You didn't even hang out with Wallace?"

She shrugged. "Nope. Just some reading, and a little work for my dad. Not everyone's lives are interesting enough for the tabloids."

Logan grimaced. "Thanks, Veronica. Just what I needed to be reminded of."

Veronica had the decency to look guilty. "I didn't mean it that way, Logan. It's just...sometimes a Wednesday night is just a Wednesday night, you know?"

"Really?" He clenched his fingers around the steering wheel before backing out of the parking lot. "I guess I've got a lot to learn."

--

Logan replayed Dick's words over and over in his mind. Thoughts of Veronica slinking around a night club with another man filled his head. It had gotten to the point where everything - from seeing her in the hallway with Wallace, to watching her give an oral presentation in English class, to even scrolling past her number in his cell phone's speed dial - reminded him that Veronica had lied to him. As untrustworthy as Dick was (and Logan knew from first-hand experience how underhanded his friend could be), Logan was positive that Dick was telling the truth about this. He almost wished that he could just chalk it up to Dick being Dick--then, at least, he wouldn't have to worry about Veronica.

Their relationship had blossomed over the past few months. He and Veronica had learned - or so he had thought - from the mistakes they had made the first time they were together. They had promised to be up front with each other this time around. No turning the other over to the cops without talking about it first. No burning down community pools without a really good reason. Up until the previous day, Logan had never had any reason to doubt his girlfriend.

Her nonchalance in lying to him about her whereabouts only made him wonder what else she was keeping from him.

It wasn't that he thought she was cheating on him. Veronica may have been many things, but adulterous wasn't one of them. She was loyal to a fault. It was just one of the many features that Logan found so attractive in her.

If she wasn't cheating on him, though, her reasoning for being dressed to the nines in an upscale LA club with a mystery man was questionable. Did she have a secret husband that he didn't know about? Hell, maybe Logan was the interloper, and Veronica was using him to cheat on someone else.

Logan rolled his eyes.

That was idiotic. Maybe Veronica was in some kind of trouble. What if she was embroiled in some underground sex slavery ring, and being auctioned off to the highest bidder? Maybe she had been sending him discreet signals for help, and he had been too stupid to pick up on them. She could be in serious danger, and...

Yeah. Sure.

Once again, he chastised his overactive imagination for its stupidity.

Clearly, though, something was up with Veronica, and she was unwilling to share. He had briefly toyed with the idea of asking Wallace, but soon thought better of it. The two shared a tentative friendship at best, and Wallace had made it very clear to Logan in the past that his loyalties would always lie with Veronica. Logan couldn't really blame him. He lived by the same creed.

In Neptune, when one wanted answers, they hired a private investigator. Logan knew very well who the best in town was. He also knew that if he ever hoped to see Veronica again, he couldn't even entertain the thought of asking him. Besides, Mars Investigations didn't quite cater to the angle he was going for. That left him little choice.

With a sigh, and the full knowledge that Veronica would kill him if she ever found out, Logan found himself walking through the front door of Neptune's other detective agency. If Veronica was going to lie to him, he was at least going to know what she was up to...and maybe annoy her a little in the process. There was only one guy he knew of that could do both.

--

"YEAH. Who's the man? In your FACE!" A slew of similarly-themed taunts drifted out of the office door as Logan approached the reception desk. Shaking his head, he rang the bell next to the sign that assured him "someone would be with him shortly."

Upon getting no response, he tapped it six or seven more times.

"Vinnie! Your 3:30 is here!" An elderly woman scurried out of the office and took a seat at the desk. She turned to Logan and smiled apologetically. "Sorry about the wait. Mr. Vanlowe will--"

"I'm not ready, yet. Give me a minute, will you, Ma? I need to clean up in here."

"...see you shortly," the woman finished. "Have a seat."

Logan was out of the foyer and in the office before she could complete her sentence.

"I thought I said..." Vinnie trailed off as he saw Logan standing in the doorway. "Shit." Acting swiftly, he whipped off his jacket and covered an item on a nearby table. In doing so, he bumped the table, and a wealth of small, white marbles cascaded onto the floor.

Logan quirked an amused eyebrow. "And I'm supposed to trust you with my case? You still have a fucking Member's Only jacket."

"Watch it, kid. I'll have you know that that's a genuine article. They don't make 'em like that any more."

"Because they died in the 80's." Logan smirked. "And what exactly are we hiding under said retro jacket?"

Vinnie motioned Logan to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, then sat down on the other side. "Nothing that matters. So, then, Echolls, what can I do you for? Need me to dig up some dirt on that father of yours? Plant some evidence? As long as you've got the cash, I'm your man."

"Gee, thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Actually, I'm here about my girlfr--" Logan trailed off as one of the little white balls rolled past his foot. "What the hell were you doing before I got in here?"

"Nothing," Vinnie replied, defensive. "Work. Big case, corporate stuff. I wouldn't want to bore you with the details, but..."

"Wow. Sounds hard-core." Logan inched his chair over to the table and whisked Vinnie's jacket off of it, revealing a familiar piece of red plastic. "So, tell me. Are you a pink man or an orange man?"

Vinnie's eyes widened. "I have no idea how that got there."

"Then I guess you're not as good of a PI as you say you are. In fact, I might just be forced to go to your rival. You know, take my black AmEx and my trust funds and all of Dad's cash right out of here."

"Hey, kid. You know you'd be making a big mistake," Vinnie stood up and moved his desk chair over to the table. "We can work out a deal."

Logan stroked his chin thoughtfully. After a minute of silence, he shrugged. "What the hell. I'll play you for it."

"What?"

"I'll play you. You win, I give you my case. I win...I decide where I want to take my business. You in?"

Vinnie's eyes narrowed, but he bent down and began collecting the scattered white balls that littered the floor. As he straightened up and dumped the objects into the receptacle, Logan cracked his knuckles dramatically and leaned closer to the table.

"I'll have you know," Vinnie started, as his hand hovered over the pink piece of plastic in front of him, "I happen to be the Hungry, Hungry Hippos MASTER. You ready to be humiliated?"

Logan snorted as his own hand gently caressed the smiling green hippo. "Green never loses. It's a fact."

"Yeah?" Vinnie challenged. "Then I don't think you've seen me and Buttercup in action."

Logan blinked slowly. Once. Then twice.

"Buttercup? Your ass is so mine."

--

Vinnie gave his hippo one last resounding click before he shoved the game board away from him in disgust. "You know what they say about cheaters, kid."

With a laugh, Logan leaned back in his chair and looked to the ceiling. "Ahh, yes," he responded overenthusiastically, with a bright smile. "I found a way to cheat at Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Because I'm twelve." Rolling his eyes, he reached down and turned his pockets inside out. "It's funny, I don't see any extra marbles..."

"Fine, fine. I get the point. One more game?

"Dude, I just won ten in a row. You don't have any dignity left for me to take away."

Vinnie exhaled slowly and shook his head. "So I suppose this means you're taking your case elsewhere? Like Keith Mars needs any more work. Ever since he got that book deal, his name has been gold around here. I mean, I have publishers coming out the wazoo, just begging to be the ones that get to publish The Vinnie Vanlowe Story, and he has to beat me to the punch. Where's the justice in that? Solve one lousy murder case, and no one else can get the time of day around here." Getting no response from Logan, he shrugged. "Doesn't matter. My life story'll put that book to shame. Did you know I once wrestled an alligator away from a baby with my bare hands? It was about to bite, so I jumped on his back and we--"

"And while I would love for you to regale me with whatever exploits you read in Mad Magazine this week, we have a case to discuss."

Silence. Vinnie stared at Logan, confused. "You mean you're not going to Keith with this?"

Logan waved his hand around in the air, effecting casual. "Well, I'm here, I might as well save myself a trip. Anyway, I think something's up with my girlfriend."

Vinnie rolled his eyes. "You think she's cheating on you, and you want me to get proof. Small potatoes, Echolls. You're better off asking your friend Veronica Mars for this type of thing. I'm sure she'd charge you way--" His words were cut off as Logan broke into a coughing fit. Pounding on his chest a few times, he shook his head.

"Veronica can't know about it. Why else do you think I came here?"

What could only be described as enlightenment washed over Vinnie's face. He broke into a grin. "She's your girlfriend, isn't she? That's why you can't go to her or her father?" Vinnie pursed his lips together. "Wait a minute. I thought you two broke up over the summer."

Logan tilted his head and looked at Vinnie strangely. "And how long, exactly, have you been keeping tabs on my love life?"

"Well, when you say it like THAT..." Vinnie winked at Logan. "Let's just say Veronica is a...business acquaintance. I make it my policy to know the people I...work with."

"Actually, from what I've heard, it's not so much 'work with,' as it is 'get shown up by a teenager.' But it's important to have dreams." Logan smiled ruefully. "Actually, that's something my father always told me, and look how well he's doing for himself."

"Yeah, your dad's in jail for killing your girlfriend, boo hoo. Take your sob story somewhere else. This is a business meeting. Veronica, huh? She never struck me as the cheating type. I mean, we've worked closely together numerous times, and she's never pulled anything. Let's face it, if she's not into tapping the Vanlowe, then she's not into tapping anyone." He squinted at Logan. "Well, present company excluded. Maybe." Vinnie sighed wistfully. "Now there's a girl I wouldn't mind--"

Logan stood up quickly and slammed his hands on the desk violently, his palms spread flat over the wood. "Shut the fuck up about her. Are you going to help me or not?"

Vinnie held up his hands defensively. "Whoa, touchy subject. If she's not cheating on you, then what is she doing?"

"You really suck as a private detective. Isn't that what I pay you to find out?"

"Yeah, well, you've got to give me something to go on. Any ideas?"

Logan drummed his finger on the desk. "A friend of mine saw her in this club in LA. Club Thin. She was with another guy, but I know she wasn't...they weren't..." His eyes dropped to the ground. Thinking for a moment, he looked back up to Vinnie. "It could be one of the hypnosis things, where he's using her to--" He flinched. "I don't know. Just figure it out, okay? And after that, you can turn on your natural charm and be your regular annoying self to her. It's the least she deserves."

"Hmm. Veronica Mars, hypnotized, ready, and willing for another man." Vinnie nodded his head thoughtfully. "You got her phone number?" Before Logan's hands could reach around his neck, Vinnie shoved his chair back. "Calm down, kid. What do you know about this club?"

"Club Thin? Nothing, really. Popular. Trendy. They'll let anyone who's rich enough in, age be damned. Why?"

"I've heard some things. A couple of girls who work there have gone missing in the last week. In fact, another one didn't show up to work last night. Dangerous stuff. If you want me to--"

Logan was up like a shot and out the door. "Thanks, Vin, but forget it. You'll have to harass Veronica another day. I think I'll handle this one on my own."

Vinnie sighed and slouched back in his seat. "I still want that rematch," he yelled, as Logan waved him off before slipping outside.

--

"Veronica?" Logan paced around his suite, Vinnie's information still replaying in his head as he held the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Logan. What's up?"

Through the line, he could hear the muffled noises of traffic. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing in particular. Why? Bored? Want me to come over there so you can have your way with me?"

Logan clenched the phone tightly in his hand, and tried to keep his voice even. "Where are you, Veronica?"

"Right now?" He could hear her annoyance even over the phone. "What, your LoJack isn't working?"

"Why can't you just tell me?" Despite his attempts, Logan was quickly losing control of his temper. "I'm your boyfriend, and I just want to know where you are. Is that too much to ask? Or, what, you just don't want to tell me that you're headed back to that club in LA? What lie are you going to tell me this time?"

Silence filled his ear. In a quiet voice, Veronica sighed. "I didn't lie to you, per se."

"You told me you were studying for a physics test!"

"And that I was working for my Dad! I multitask!"

"So you just forgot to tell me the part about going to LA, right? Even when I called you?"

"No." Veronica's voice was terse, and Logan could tell she was aggravated. " I didn't find out that I had a reason to go until after we talked. Hence the not saying anything to you. Is that okay with you? Should I have asked permission?"

Logan closed his eyes. "You could have told me where you where going."

"But you were in bed!"

"I told you before, Veronica. Whatever time it is, wherever you're going, you should wake me up before you go..." Logan trailed off, obviously willing himself to end his sentence there. The slightly ambiguous 80's-loving side of him won out, though. "...go."

He could hear Veronica roll her eyes over the phone. "Cute, Logan. But I wasn't planning on going solo. I had back-up."

"Nice. And I don't think some sketchy guy you talked to in a club counts as back-up, at least as of the last time I checked. I would have gone. We could have had a good time. I mean, you've never let me take you dancing before. You know I wouldn't want to miss it when you hit that hi--"

"That's enough, Logan," Veronica cut in, annoyed and effectively ending his attempt at a pop culture trifecta. "It was Cliff. I was with Cliff. Despite what Dick told you, I wasn't out with my secret boyfriend. We only see each other on Fridays, you should know that by now."

"This isn't a joke! I know that girls have been going missing, Veronica, so I'm pretty sure your Dad had nothing to do with this."

He had her. She paused for a minute, then finally spoke. "For your information, Cliff hired Dad because one of his clients went missing. Dad was busy, and I wanted to help. We were just doing basic surveillance, Logan. Nothing was going to happen."

"What, you decided that acting as bait for whatever pervert is out there was a good plan? Were you even thinking?"

"God, what is your problem? Did you miss the part where I took Cliff with me? Nothing was going to happen."

"Yeah, because Cliff is all the muscle you need to fight off a kidnapper. Good thinking, Veronica. No wonder you're the brains in this relationship."

She snorted. "And there it is, the Logan Echolls charm. Wow, honey, you really know how to sweet talk a girl. It just so happens that I had back-up."

He raised his eyebrows. "You brought your dog to a night club?"

With a bitter laugh, Veronica continued. "Not that kind. It just so happens that I'm friends with one of the bouncers there--and before you accuse me of getting it on with him, he's a deputy at the sheriff's department. He had my back. Are these terms acceptable? Am I allowed to go out of the house tonight without an armed escort?"

"What the fuck is your problem? Is it wrong that I worry about you? You make me crazy when you act like this, Veronica. I only want to protect you."

"Crazy, huh? Then maybe you'd be better off without me. I'm starting to seriously think that the same would be true for me."

Before Logan could interject, she disconnected the call. Fuming, he hurled his cell phone against the wall. It made contact with a satisfying crack, and fell to the floor in pieces. Logan was too angry to take any pleasure from the show of destruction.

--

The knock on the door of the presidential suite snapped him out of his reverie.

"Whoever's there, you'd better go the fuck away before I get to the door. Fair warning." Stalking angrily across the living room, Logan flung the door open harshly, expecting to be met with an empty hallway. In his time there, the Neptune Grand staff had come to know him well enough that they knew when to steer clear.

He definitely hadn't been expecting to see Veronica.

"Can I come in?" Her words were rushed, and she pushed past Logan without waiting for an answer. He closed the door and followed her into the suite. When she turned to face him, he was surprised to see the remnants of tear-tracks coloring her face.

"Veronica?" His voice was tentative.

She balled her hands into fists, her knuckles turning white from the pressure. "Look, this isn't easy for me to do, Logan, so I'm just going to come right out with it. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean what I said on the phone. I don't think that I'd be better off without you." She raised her eyes to meet his and gazed at him imploringly. "In fact, the last ten minutes without you has pretty much sucked. I'm not good at this relationship thing. You know it, I know it. I just don't want to mess it up for us. Again." Veronica sucked in a deep breath and lowered her eyes to the floor. "And that's all I've got."

Logan looked at her, his eyes softening, the anger draining from his face. An apology from Veronica Mars was a very rare occurrence--he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"How'd you get here so fast?"

Confusion etched its way onto Veronica's face. Apparently, that hadn't been the reaction she'd been expecting. "I was already on my way over here when you called." She shook her head. "I almost turned around after--but I realized. I'm sick of running away. So, here I am." Veronica gestured vaguely with her arm. "It's okay, Logan, you can get mad now."

Tilting his head, his eyes locked with hers. Logan wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her hair. "I don't want to fight with you, Veronica. I love you."

"Oh." She drew in a sharp breath. Easing into his touch, she visibly relaxed. "That's good."

"Yeah. It is." Logan twirled her around in his arms, eliciting a laugh from her. "So, you said you were on your way over here before I called. Why? Did you want to ravish me? Because..." His eyes widened as his brain finally registered what Veronica was wearing. Tiny, tiny skirt. High, high heels. Not much else. "Fuck, Veronica, you're going back." He pulled away from her quickly, as if burned. "You didn't mean a word of it. You came in here, and apologized, and I believed you, and--" Logan's face hardened. "I can't do this any more, Veronica. All I want for you to be honest with me.

Veronica chewed on her bottom lip. "Yes, Logan, I was on my way to LA, but I thought--"

Logan's eyes darkened. "You thought what? You'd come over here to appease me before you totally disregarded everything I told you? Because me worrying about you isn't enough to keep you from a job? You must really think highly of me, Veronica."

"Logan, God. If you'd just shut up for a second and let me finish..." She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. "We found the missing girls. It turns out they weren't 'missing' so much as 'hiding out from their creepy blackmailing boss.' I was just going back to see everything wrap up."

"And you came over here because..."

"...because I was going to ask you to come with me. So you wouldn't freak out when I told you I was going back." She shrugged. "We could have that dance we've never had. But since you seem to be so good at jumping to conclusions tonight, maybe I'll just call Cliff. It kills me when I hurt you, because I love you too, even if you are an overprotective jackass, but if--"

Her words were cut off as his mouth closed over hers. "Veronica, Veronica, Veronica," he whispered into her mouth. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear that? If it could always be like this...I hate that you can get me this worked up."

"Trust me, me too. But, face it Logan, we wouldn't be us if we didn't argue all of the time. It's our way. No one pisses me off better."

"Yeah, me either," he replied, looking at her lovingly. "Of course, you do know that I can't let you go out in public wearing that."

"Logan? Now is not the time to go all Neanderthal on me. And what about dancing? I thought you wanted to go."

"Well, I did." He ran his hand tenderly down her arm. "But it's getting late. And it's cold out there. Look, you have goose bumps." Logan immediately moved his hands to cover the exposed flesh of her stomach. "It's much nicer in here."

"Are you saying you'd rather stay in tonight?" Veronica pressed her body against his, twining her arms around his neck.

"Face it, we can go dancing tomorrow night. Or any night. Let everyone else have their fun. I can think of much nicer places to be."

"Hmm, I wonder. Could your bed be one of these alleged locations?"

Logan grinned and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm not sure. I guess we'll just have to check it out, won't we. So, come on, Doris, let's start the investigation." He took her hand as their bodies separated and tugged her towards the bedroom.

Veronica eyed him warily. "Doris?"

"Doris."

"And why am I Doris?"

Logan thought for a second. "Actually, scratch that. You're Veronica again." He smiled and winked at her. "I mean, since every time I look at you, you make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day, you can't actually be Doris. Huh. Go figure."

"Logan," Veronica looked at him very seriously. "If I wake up tomorrow and see you in a Choose Life T-shirt and short shorts, you do know that we're over, right?"

He laughed as he picked her up and carried her towards the bedroom. "That's a risk I'm willing to take."