Disclaimer: Characters (however ooc they may be), do not belong to me. This universe belongs to the marvelous JK Rowling. The bad writing is simply an imitation of some really terrible fanfics.

There will be several more parody oneshots, some possibly about this ship. I do support the ship, incidentally, which is why I'm attempting to defend it. Not all fics will necessarily be shippy.

It was raining. Rain was falling. Hermione was depressed. Would Ronald Weasley ever look at her like that? Probably not. Unfortunately, she had been deeply, heart-wrenchingly in love with him since the age of eleven.

There was no escape. Escape was impossible.

The rain was still falling. It was very depressing. Very deeply depressing. Hermione looked out the Gryffindor common room window. She could see Ron practicing Quidditch, his red hair the only thing visible from this distance.

She hunched over the arm of the couch in the empty common room and cried. She cried for a very long time.

"Hermione?" said Ron, who had just spontaneously turned up, "Why are you crying? Everyone else is at Hogsmeade."

The damsel in question shook her head, her graceful, curly, and surprisingly un-bushy hair bouncing dolefully.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" said the kind and sensitive blue-eyed chess player, "I'm really sorry for whatever it is.;"

She looked up into his eyes. They were big and blue, like a large bowl of something blue, and she was drowning in jello.

"Your eyes are big and blue," she said, in a low voice, and then cursed herself for her idiocy. There was no way he couldn't know that. "And I am drowning. I do not care. Let me drown."

He leaned over and cupped her chin in his hand. Wonderful, indescribable things happened. Their hearts beat to a rythm only they could hear. They stared into each-other's eyes. Revelations happened on both sides. It all took about a minute and a half (or a lifetime), and tasted like peppermint. Ron leaned back to his own end of the couch.

"Hermione, I-wow." he said.

"You need practice."

"I do?"

"I'll show you."

This time, it tasted like cinnamon.

They emerged to the sound of applause. Most of Gryffindor house (as well as some Ravenclaws who wandered in by accident) was standing and staring at them.

"I was right, Harry, I told you," said Ginny, "Fork it over."

"My own girlfriend is extorting money from me," muttered Harry, rummaging in his pockets.

"YOUR WHAT?" screamed Ron.

"Honestly, Ron," said Hermione, "Hadn't you noticed? They've been together for a month."

"No, Hermione," muttered the redhead, "I was to busy staring at you."

Various girls sighed happily. Hermione seized Ron by the ears. This time it tasted like vanilla.


Ewwwww. Do not attempt at home, folks.

Anyway, as I mentioned above, there should be more of these along shortly. My next victim: the HMS Fire and Ice, aka bad Draco/Ginny fics. Although I've never seen one where they actually admitted anything and were IC at the same time. Maybe I just wish the whole ship had never existed in the first place. Please don't flame me for that.