Title: Dick and Corny Go to White Castle
Author: Sarah :)
Characters: Dick. Corny.
Rating: PG-13 (Language!)
Spoilers: Through 2x20, Look Who's Stalking
Word Count: 1077
Summary: Prom sucks.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.
Thanks: To herowlness for the zippy beta. And being awesome. And my prom date. If I was still in high school and stuff.
Final notes: This was ALLLLL written for onastick. I did that meme in my journal where people request drabbles...she wanted Dick and Corny as friends, and my brain wouldn't let me stop at 100 words. Because, hi, sweetest idea EVER. So I love you, Susie, and this fic is all for you. Because you? ROCK. Beyond the telling of it. And you have mad titling skills. :)


Dick Casablancas was having a lousy fucking time.

He had always heard that senior prom was supposed to be the best part of high school. Hanging out with your friends, getting wasted, banging the hot chick at the end of the night. Now here he was, at the fucking Alterna-Prom, and nothing was going right. The lame-ass senior trip to Magic Mountain had been more fun than this.

A smiled crossed Dick's face as he thought back to the hell he and Logan had raised on that trip. As far as he knew, the Ferris Wheel still hadn't been repaired, and...fuck. That trip was the reason his night sucked so badly. He'd never actually been to a real prom, but it had to be better than getting shit-faced in the Neptune Grand penthouse while his classmates totally ignored him. Fuck, he could call Logan and do this whenever he wanted.

Sliding down against the wall to take a seat on the floor, Dick took another chug out of the champagne bottle and looked across the suite. The crowd of seniors had thinned considerably--most of them running off to greener pastures. Or more naked ones. Hell, JP even left with two ladies. Hadn't he ever heard of sharing the wealth?

Dick snorted. Whatever. All of his potential fucks had shot him down, and now he was reduced to watching across the room as Logan tried to score with Veronica Mars.

Fat chance. What was it with girls becoming so prude lately? There had been a time when finding a quick lay was no problem. Now, all of a sudden, girls had feelings or some shit, and wanted boyfriends and dates and romance. Did casual sex mean nothing any more?

"I'm bored." A figure toppled down beside Dick, his head thunking against the wall as he settled in. "What're you doing, man?"

Dick raised his eyebrows. Sure, he had been rejected by enough girls to make him go all whiny and emo in the corner during the punk-ass fake prom, but he wasn't pathetic enough for this. Or drunk enough. Gulping down some more champagne, he turned to the person next to him.

"Thinking about how much this prom fucking sucks."

The guy next to him--Corny, from what Logan told him--nodded. "Yeah, man. It's like...what is it with all of these people in fancy clothes? And all the dancing?"

"Dude." Dick squinted at him. "It's the prom. That's, like, what you're supposed to do or whatever."

"Oh." Corny shrugged. "Who picked such crappy tuneage?"

Dick listened as some fucking pussy song about ringing bells played and shrugged. "I don't know, but...dude. That's lame."

"I'm a DJ. I could have totally rocked this party. Were you at homecoming? It was pretty sweet." Corny nodded his head in fond remembrance.

"Yeah, I was there..." Dick trailed off as Corny reached down to adjust his bow tie...which, being as it was screened onto his T-shirt, was a difficult task. And impossible. "Sweet shirt." He nodded to Corny's faux-tux and grinned. "I was going to wear one of those to Homecoming, until Madison told me that she wouldn't be caught dead with me if I did." Shaking his head wistfully, Dick continued. "So I totally went out all, worked the suit, and I still didn't get any. Bitch."

Corny just closed his eyes and began to hum to himself.

"And tonight? All she could keep talking about was whatever old dude she's screwing. Like, I don't need to hear that shit. And I wore this suit, and she still wouldn't let me feel her up in the bathroom. Seriously, man, what the fuck? Then when I try to tell my best friend that his party sucks, he totally ditches me to chase Veronica fucking Mars around." Dick lifted his arm to motion to where the two were leaning closely together, deep in conversation. "That's not cool. Whatever happened to bros before hos?"

"I know what you mean, man." Corny jerked up straight and plucked the bottle from Dick's hand. "It's like, I like pot. But now? All my friends totally only come and talk to me when they me to hook them up, and..."

Dick's eyes widened. "You have pot? Sweet."

"Well, yeah. But, dude, there's so much more to me. Yeah, I like pot. But I like The Simpsons. And totally sweet music. And playing video games and going to McDonald's. "

"Shit." Dick stared at Corny. "I like all of that stuff. That's fucking weird."

"It's because we're complex dudes." Corny glanced around the room at the few 09ers who were still trying to live out their prom dreams. "What do you say we get out of here and do something cool?"

Dick drew his lips together and thought about it. Three seconds later, he was standing up, and pulling Corny along with him. "Good plan, dude. We'll find our own fun."

Corny nodded, and the two of them headed for the door. On his way out, Dick spotted Logan. Alone. Apparently, he wasn't scoring with Veronica tonight. Surprisingly, he felt kind of bad for his friend. After all, Dick had a night of McDonald's and Halo and weed to look forward to. Logan had...a potential booty call?

Approaching him quickly, Dick snatched the cell phone out of Logan's hands and clicked the end button before the call could connect.

"Look, man, I know things didn't work out for you, but..." Shit. This advice thing was hard. And kind of girly. Corny stood at the door, motioning to him, and Dick held up a finger to indicate he'd only be a minute longer. "Drunk dialing her isn't going to help. Trust me, I know." Dick flinched. Madison still wouldn't let him forget that one. "And calling some other piece of ass? You think Veronica's gonna let you forget that?" He pocketed the phone and took in Logan's bleary, red-rimmed eyes. "I'll give you this back when you're not going to make an ass of yourself." Or until he could get Miss Hottie's phone number, of course. Whichever came first. "For now, you should, like...sleep it off. You look like crap."

Dick's words took a second to register. Gingerly handing over his bottle of champagne, Logan nodded slowly and moved towards his bedroom. Dick rolled his eyes. "Fucking lightweight."

After he made sure Logan wasn't going to try to hump the couch or anything, Dick headed over to Corny.

"Lead the way, man. The night's still young."