Disclaimer: No infringement intended. Not affiliated in any way with anyone. Nothing to sue here people, move along. My net worth is still a negative number. I don't own anything here. I am not making any money on this.

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This isn't really a story, so much as a few funny scenes and a public service announcement. Apparently Procter & Gamble Distributing Company is sponsoring a contest and the Grand Prize is a Trip for 4 to Hollywood, a celebrity makeover and a (maybe) the opportunity to appear on a walk-on role on a CBS show. The show pictured is NCIS. To me, this is a chance to go see MW in person and (maybe) take pictures. Details are at celebritystylistsecrets dot com. It is a trip for FOUR; if you win, save one spot for me!

I even wrote a little part. Ok, maybe it's a little bigger than a 'walk-on' role, whatever that is, but hey! a girl can dream. Right? Your character is Mimi. For my international audience that tends to miss my puns, it is pronounced ME! ME! Enjoy!

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Beauty's Secrets

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"Hey, Tony?" Special Agent Peter Bryant called as he walked around the corner. "Gibbs isn't going to be back until Wednesday. You doing anything tomorrow?"

"Nothing urgent. Why? You need a hand?" Tony answered, ignoring the glares from Ziva and McGee.

"I could use someone to go undercover. I need someone that the suspects haven't seen, which eliminates my team."

"Certainly. Always happy to aid a fellow agent," Tony said as he stood up with a grin and grabbed his jacket.

"What about aiding us with the filing?" McGee asked.

"McGee, I have complete faith in your ability to handle 8' x 11' pieces of paper, even up to legal size." Tony grinned and followed Special Agent Bryant to his office.

Once they were out of hearing range Tony told his friend, "Thanks, buddy. I owe you for that."

"Oh, you have no idea how much!" Peter replied with a lopsided grin.

"What is the situation?"

"There is this massage parlor that we think is acting as front for prostitution."

Tony made a show of looking all choked up. "Peter, you are the best friend I have ever had."

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Tony walked into the dimly lit 'massage parlor'. He smiled in satisfaction as the receptionist looked him up and down, and then smiled. The tight jeans and thin tank top having the exact affect he intended.

"Tony Manero. I have an 11 o'clock appointment." Tony drawled as he slowly made his way to her desk.

"Oh, yes. I have you right here, with Mimi. I'll let her know you are here." The receptionist picked up the phone but her eyes never left Tony. "Mimi? Your 11 o'clock is here."

"Mimi?" Tony asked.

"Yes," the receptionist replied.

A few seconds later an almost but not quite petite woman with long brown hair opened the door to the back of the parlor. "Tony?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes." Tony returned her smile, apparently pleased with what he saw.

"Come in to my parlor," she purred and motioned for him to follow her. He did.

Mimi led him to a small dimly let room with soothing music and scents. "I'll leave you alone for a moment to take off your clothes …" her voice trailed off as she realized he was taking off his clothes, all of his clothes.

"This will save time. Last time I waited ten minutes for my masseur to come back in the room."

"Oh, OK." Mimi mutters quickly, then belatedly turns her back to let him finish.

Tony would have felt slighted, if he hadn't noticed her staring at him in the mirror and smiling. He finished taking off his clothes and stood there, waiting for her to make an offer he would really hate to have to refuse, but duty was duty. Damit.

"Lay down," she said.

He laid down on his stomach. (Camera note: Pan out at this point.)

"I don't know if you've done this before, in this state," she said pointedly. "But, state regulations require you be covered," she said as she laid a hand towel over his really nice ass that she really didn't want to cover up. "Is there anywhere in particular you would like?" she asked.

"Everywhere," he replied huskily, suggestively.

Mimi let out a deep sigh, "Well, unfortunately, we are not in Nevada. But I can do everywhere the local laws allow. Mmm, solid muscles, you must work out." She commented as hands began digging into his shoulders.

"Yeah," Tony replied absently. It seemed this might be a legit massage parlor after all, but still, need to be thorough.

"We'll start at the center and work our way out. As I touch you just imagine all the tension and soreness leaving your body. I'll just push it out. You breathe it out. Deep, relaxing, breathes. Do you have a favorite scent?"

"Mmmm. No." Tony murmured as he was enjoying her touch.

"Then we'll use mine. Rose is always nice. Aromatherapy says that Rose is supposed to have antidepressant, antiviral and tonic properties; but that's conjecture. I like the smell." Mimi warmed the scented oil between her palms before smoothing it over Tony's back in long smooth strokes.

"It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac," Tony murmured contentedly.

"Maybe that is why I like it," Mimi flirted back. "You know Aromatherapy?"

"I know aphrodisiacs," Tony boasted.

"Oh, really? What's your favorite?" Mimi asked as she leaned over him to stroke all the way down his back, in the process allowing her long hair to gently tease his ear and the back of his neck.

Tony gasped.

Mimi just smiled in delight. She loved her job. Tony didn't say much more as she stroked down each arm in turn. Taking time to caress and examine each hand. His relatively large thumb and high ring to index finger ratio indicated that he was very … manly. If the reflexology she was practicing on his hand, and would practice on his feet, worked and he rolled over, she might get a chance to verify how … manly he was.

Mimi continued down, resisting the urge to 'bump' the small hand towel covering his charming rear end. She massaged each leg in turn; digging firmly into solid muscle. She stretched each leg, dipping her head slightly to let her hair fall on the other foot while she lifted each leg, and got a little peek. It was only after she had done every trick in several reflexology books that she asked Tony, "Would you like to roll over? So I can get your neck?"

"Uh huh," was all Tony was capable of saying, but he did roll over, dislodging the small hand towel.

Mimi smiled in satisfaction. He was everything a girl could hope for, perhaps a bit more. "You are going to need a bigger towel."

Tony belatedly remembered what he is supposed to be doing here. He looks up at her and sends her his most enticing smile. "Do I really need that?"

Mimi lets out a deep sigh of disappointment and covers him with a thin bath towel. "Unfortunately, as long as we are here and on the clock, yes. The boss is kind of grumpy about that sometimes. But, I get off work at 4, if you aren't doing anything."

Tony smiled. That probably meant that the operation itself was legit, but a one or more of the girls were misbehaving independently. Maybe a private chat with the owner could straighten all this out. Maybe he'd have to try every single girl in the place. Including checking out what they offered after hours. "No plans."

"Good. I'll put my home phone number, and address, on my card before you leave." Mimi smiled as she resumed touching his gorgeous body. Her hands moved down his arms as she let her hair brush back and forth over his nipples. Tony gasped and stopped even trying to think.

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Tony was just starting to wonder if this woman could bring him to climax by just brushing her hair over him, when his bliss was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Busy," Mimi called.

"You were supposed to go to lunch 20 minutes ago," said a masculine voice as he opened the door.

Tony started to become alarmed. Although the towel technically covered him, it did nothing to hide his … state.

Mimi, thinking fast, immediately covered Tony with her own body.

Tony stifled a groan as her breasts pressed into his already hypersensitive middle region.

"I lost track of time," Mimi said defensively.

"Mimi," the male voice said sternly.

"He is wearing a towel. See?" she said as she showed him the edge of the towel. "Now, shoo! I'll finish up."

"Don't make me warn you," the unidentified male voice said as he shut the door.

"Sorry," Mimi said as she stood up. "Well, kind of." She smiled at Tony.

"So, you are off work at 4?" he asked, intent on following through with his investigation.

"Yes," she smiled at him as she wrote her phone number and address on the back of her card. "I'll be home by 4:30 for sure. If you wanted to come …" She bit her lower lip enticingly and left the sentence hanging.

Tony snapped his jeans then took the card and put it in his wallet. "Do I need to bring anything?"

Mimi pulled a banana out of her bag in the corner and slowly peeled it as she spoke. After all, this was supposed to be her lunch. "Nah, not really. I've got some red wine, cold beer, Kahlua, and a variety of other delights. Including Trojan's new Mint Tingle that I've been wanting to try." Mimi took an overly large portion of the banana in her mouth and watched him for a reaction.

Tony stared at her. He was transfixed with a hungry smile on his face.

She slowly pulled the banana out to ask, "Unless, you have some other specific preferences."

"No, I'm easy."

"Good." Mimi smiled and walked by him, letting her breasts brush his chest as she walked by. "Although, if you wanted to bring a pizza, I wouldn't object."

"What kind?"

"Whatever you want. I'm easy." She grinned as she held up her banana where Tony could have easy access to it.

The suggestion was not lost on a man as experienced as Tony. He took a small bite, looking into her eyes the entire time. "Match made in heaven," Tony murmured as he walked away.

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Tony knocked on the door at exactly 4:30. An unfamiliar but attractive woman opened the door. She blinked a few times before calling out. "Mimi, did you order a pizza?" she shouted. In a quieter voice she commented, "If so, from where? Looks delicious." Her rapacious grin was more than obvious.

"No, but I did invite this really hot guy I met at work over," Mimi replied from inside the apartment.

"Even better," her roommate replied. She reached out and grabbed Tony by the shirt to pull him inside. "I love your job."

"So, you two share …?" Tony tried to ask.

"Oh, Yeah," the roommate cut him off before he could finish the sentence.

"Well, we do sometimes. If you want to. You don't have to, if you're not into that." Mimi said timidly as she watched her roommate drag Tony into the front room.

Tony was a little confused at the two sexy women looking at him uncertainly. Was there a man on this planet that wasn't into threesomes? Still, he could think fast. "Well, my mama always taught me to share…" he began as he allowed himself to be pushed back unto the sofa.

"Here," Mimi sat down next to him and offered him a beer.

"Thanks," he smiled as he took a drink.

"Of course, if you're drinking, we are going to have to take your keys," Mimi declared with her own hungry smile.

"You are truly excellent hosts," Tony replied as he handed them over.

"You have no idea," the roommate replied.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Mimi purred.

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Despite the fact that neither asked for any money, nor would they take any, not even for all the beer he drank, Tony could not bring himself to consider that evening/night/morning a failure.

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The next day at NCIS …

"I don't think the parlor itself is a front. Maybe a couple of the girls are moonlighting, but not all of them are in on it. Doesn't appear that management is. This will definitely require follow up." Tony was telling McGee and Ziva about what he was doing while they were filing.

"I wouldn't mind going," McGee said.

"Sending Tony undercover on that mission was a waste of time," Ziva complained.

"Hey!" Tony objected. "I have a bit of experience going undercover."

"That is not what I meant. Even if they had accepted money, it would have been almost impossible to prove intent." Ziva continued complaining.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"They need someone so unattractive that no woman would sleep with him for free!" Ziva explained.

Tony got this very big grin and looked at McGee. Ziva followed his gaze. McGee noticed that they were looking at him and objected accordingly, "Hey"

The elevator opened and Director Shepard walked into the room. "McGee, Special Agent Bryant has asked to borrow you for a special project …"

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The End.

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Author's Note: Apologies for slamming so hardon McGee at the end. For those of you that do not know me, I am rarely serious and never mean any harm. I am just trying to amuse.