Writer's Block or Another Sad Pokémon Fan Fic
Pikajenn stared out her window as she tried desperately to think of another idea for yet another Pokémon fanfic. When the window yielded no help, she put on her thinking cap, not to be confused with a humor cap. She sent that one out to the dry cleaners. Suddenly a humor fic idea came to her and she snapped her fingers and ran to her little Packard Bell computer. Flicking the power switch on she waited for it to warm up, an idea thrumming through her head.
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a humor fic so be kind. There is some light swearing and gratuitous violence. This is NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!! IT'S HUMOR!! So read it and have fun. Hopefully you'll laugh, but not cry. And please, review with kindness.
First I'll need the main character and the setting...
Ash Ketchum stands on an empty dirt path, his pack on his back, and looks around at his surroundings with a confused expression on his face. Then recognition dawns on him. "Oh great, another fanfic. Who's the author?"
A wooden sign appears next to him with the following writen on a piece of parchment that was posted on the sign: Writer's Block or Another Sad Pokémon Fan Fic by Pikajenn.
"Pikajenn? You must be a new writer, I don't think I've ever heard of you."
What? You've never heard of the great Pikajenn? I'm destined to become the Greatest Fanfic Writing Master!
"Yeah, well no," Ash looks nervous. "You aren't gonna blast me with some random Pokémon attack are you?"
No, I'm not a Pokémon. And I'm not a cruel fanfic writer either.
"Great! Hey, if we're gonna be here a while, would you mind writing in a boulder or a bench or something that I could sit on?" A wooden park bench appears behind Ash. "Thanks," he says, as he takes a seat. "So what do you usually write?"
Nothing much, usually the Backstreet Boys. You ever heard of them?
Five guys appear in front of Ash. They look extremely confused.
These are the Backstreet Boys, from your left to right it's A.J. , Howie, Brian, Kevin and Nick. Hey guys.
"Oh hey, it's Pikajenn!" Howie exclaims excitedly. "She's my number one fan!"
The guys look around. "Where are you? You usually make one appearance in a fic." A.J. says.
How am I supposed to keep up my rep as an announcer if I'm visible?
"She's got a point," Brian says.
"Well, at least you're letting me talk normally, " Kevin says, looking relieved. "Most people have me talking so slowly and that's just not me."
"Well at least people don't have you looking like a moron. Every fanfic out there that I'm in, it's like, Oh look another dumb blond," Nick says, slightly angry. "That or I'm incredibly densay."
Everyone looks confused, even Ash. "What did he just say?"
"C'mon people, densay! Stupid, moronic, an idiot...."
I think he means dense, guys.
"That's what I was saying!" Nick exclaims, exasporated.
"Hey, sweetheart," Howie says, looking up at the sky, "How about you sending us back, please somewhere nice, and continuing on with your first Pokémon fanfic?"
The sky darkens and the wind picks up as soon as he says that. A tall girl of about 24 walks towards Howie. His eye starts twitching in nervousness.
"Oh shit, dude, you really did it now!" A.J. says gleefully, "You just pissed off The Author!"
I walk towards them and Howie walks up to meet me. "I'm really sorry Pikajenn, I didn't mean to say it! It just slipped out!"
The weather turns warm and sunny again as I place an arm around Howie's shoulders, I'm taller than him so I can do that easily, and say, "Don't worry about it, I'm not pissed about that. I'm pissed about the sweetheart thing. It's so....last year. Please don't say that anymore, please?"
"Okay, but are you still my fan?" Howie still looks nervous, but the twitching has stopped.
A.J. looks disappointed that I'm not mad.
"Of course! Now, how would you guys like to be on a nice, private beach in Hawaii? No fans, just peace and quiet."
The guys nod and agree with my suggestion.
"Will there be Twinkies?" Nick asks.
A pause. "So am I to understand that there will be no Twinkies on this marvelous tropical paradise?"
"It's either no Twinkies and a nice, pleasant stay at a five-star resort with people waiting on your every beck and call or you get stranded on dinosaur infested Site B."
"Hawaii it is!" Nick beams at me.
"Okay, and.....you're off!" At once, they disappear leaving me alone with Ash.
"You're really tall." he says.
"You're probably taller than Brock."
"Am I gonna be the Main Character?"
"Good, I just wanted to make sure of that before you brought in anymore Characters."
"So you don't want Jack Dawson or any member of LFO to be included?"
"Well then, you're in luck!"
"You're gonna have Misty in this fic right?"
"Yeah, so? Doesn't everyone want to see Misty?"
"NO! Uh, I mean, it's just that she always hits me with her damn fan! It gets really annoying and I don't know how to stop her from doing that!"
"You could give her The Look."
I am rewarded with a blank look from Ash.
"You know, The Look," I say and glare at Ash with The Look.
He cringes and shouts, "Okay, okay! Turn it off!"
I smile at him.
He turns to me, "Can you teach me?"
"Sure," I give him The Look and he glares back at me. I cringe at him and try to turn away, usually an easy thing to do since I'm a girl, but I can't move! His attack is extremely powerful. "Ugh, turn it off Ash!"
The balefull look disappears, replaced by a hopeful look. "Did I do it?"
"Oh yeah," I say as I vanish, resuming my place high in the sky. Use it wisely, young one. I clear my throat, resuming my Announcer Voice. Our intrepid young traveler is joined by Misty..
Misty appears by herself, sack slung over her shoulder. "Where's Togepi?"
"Toge briiii!" The cute egg falls into Misy's arms and she hugs it close to her. Togepi trills cutely.
Pikachu appears on Ash's shoulder and he scratches the yellow mouse between the ears. "Hey Pikachu!"
"Wait!" Ash cries out.
"Well, I just wanted to have Brock along. Instead of Tracey."
"What?" Misty yells at him. "Tracey is better than Brock! At least Tracey doesn't go spacey whenever a Joy or Jenny appear!" She searches for something and yells up at me. "WHERE'S MY FAN!!!"
Coming up Howie.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
I said, Here's your fan. Mystic fan appears in Misty's hand and she whacks Ash up the back of his head. Ash falls over from the force of the whack and weakly says, "But Brock has better Pokémon."
The Look, Ash, why didn't you use The Look?
"Pika!(Onix can kick some serious ass!)"
"But he get's SPACEY!!!!" Misty whines/yells. "And I know you did not teach The Look to a guy! The Look is a girl thing!"
Well that's tough cookies, Misty, 'cause I did. And it's gonna be Brock....
Brock appears and squints as he looks around.
Misty sends her version of The Look skyward.
I counter her attack with my own, but she avoids it easily. I give up and say I'm more familiar with Brock and it wouldn't be fair to Tracey if I tried writing him and screwed up.
"Where's that beautiful voice coming from? I bet she's gorgeous!" Brock sighs, looking around.
I sigh and continue. Our travelers continue down the road towards Viridian City where Ash will find the, um...ah...
"Well, what is Ash looking for?" Brock says, he's gotten over me already.
"It better be a bike for me, Ash Ketchum!" Misty harps.
"Oh no, not this again!" Brock sighs.
"Pi, pikachu!(Yeah, this is getting real old real quick!)"
He's gonna find the perfect present for his Mom. I know it's not her birthday, but Ash has some extra money and he wants to be a good son.
"He could buy me my bike," Misty grumbles from behind the two guys as they continue walking down the road.
Suddenly, two people appear in the middle of the road, blocking the way for our travelers.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Better make that double!"
It's Team Rocket!
"Isn't it a little early for a Team Rocket appearance?" Misty asks, ignoring the duo as they continue their speech. "I mean, shouldn't we actually reach Viridian City before they show up with some stupid plan to steal Pikachu?"
"Pikachu, you know what to do!" Ash yells out.
Pi, pika. Pikachu. Chu, pi, pi. Pikapi. Pikachu chu.(Yeah, yeah. Thundershock Pikachu. Oh look, it's Team Rocket, Thundershock them Pikachu. Don't ever say please or whatever. Don't ask Bulbasaur or Charizard to attack. Just Pikachu this or Pikachu that.)" Pikachu mutters as she walks out to meet and greet Team Rocket.
"Meowth, that's right!" Meowth leaps in front of Jessie and James, his arms folded dramatically. "And I'll have yous know that our plans ain't stupid!"
Pikachu just glares at them, draws her little arms close to her body and begins, "Piii-KAAAAAA...."
"NO WAIT!!!" James yells.
Pikachu stops her Thundershock attack.
"NO, you can't stop an attack just like that!" Misty yells at me, whacking Brock upside his head.
"Oow! What was that for?!"
"You were convienient!"
Pikachu is holding in the attack, but much like a person holding one's breath, you can't hold it in forever. Pikachu released her attack on a helpless tree, blasting it to shredded, toasted wheat.
Pikachu glares up at the sky and mutters, "Pika pi pi chu! (You come on down here and I'll show you a Thundershock up your ass!)"
I shrug. So sad, my bad Pikachu. Whassup Team Rocket?
Jessie, James and Meowth exchange blank looks.
"I don't want that one," James whines, "It's too blank, it'll clash with my eye color!"
Misty whacks James up the back of his head.
Jessie comes to his defense, whacking him up the back of his head.
James falls over, anime-squiggly things shadow his eyes.
"Only I can whack him, sister."
That sounded too naughty for a PG rating. Thanks a lot, Jessie.
With evil glares at the sky, Jessie says, "Well you're the one writing this crap. I bet you don't even have a plot!"
Ash, Brock, and James gasp at her insolence.
"Jessie, she is The Author," Ash calls out from his hiding place behind Brock.
"Yeah, whatever Mr. Bigshot Pokémon Master. Keep on hiding and maybe she'll let you have one more line."
Ash looks up at the sky, disappointment in his brown eyes, "You said I was the Main Character. Why is Jessie getting all the lines?"
I'm sorry Ash, her huge personality is taking over this fanfic!
"Well you're the one that stopped Pikachu's Thundershock. If he.."
"Pi, pika! (She you idiot, I'm a girl Pikachu!)"
"..would've shocked Team Rocket like he..."
"PI! Pikachu!(SHE! I'm so gonna Thundershock your sorry ass!)"
"...always does, Team Rocket would've been blasted off a long time ago!"
But James sounded so scared!
"How dense are you?! James always sounds scared. If he were a Pokémon, it would be his strongest attack."
"Pi kachu.(Well look who's calling the kettle black.)" Pikachu mutters from HER resumed spot on Ash's shoulder.
Another fanfic, another time. But really, Jessie's right. This fanfic has no plot, so I think I'll end it now and get this torture over with.
"No! Wait!" James whines. "This is our vacation, for the whole week. No offense Pikachu.."
"Pika.(None taken.)" Pikachu shrugs from her perch on Ash's shoulder and sends a mild shock through Ash, just to see his hair stand on end. "Pika, pika!(Revenge, sweet little unnoticed revenge!)" Though Ash doesn't seem to notice, Misty does and giggles at the sight of Ash's hair standing on end.
"...But we don't even want to see Pikachu, much less catch him!"
"PIKA!(HER!)" Pikachu sends an unnoticed stream of static electricity to James, causing his hair to stand on end. Jessie whacks his the back of his head to end the small attack and Pikachu goes back to staticking Ash's hair.
"Yeah, he's got a point dere!" Meowth says, "How's about we caitch a nice cup of cappachino? Dere's a Starbucks in Viridian City."
There is quick agreement from both groups and soon they are traveling down the road towards Viridian City and Starbucks.
Guys? Hello? Hey, I'm The Author here.
There's no answer as the group starts singing the Viridian City song found on the 2. B. A. Master CD. Sigh.
Well, this is Pikajenn, signing off. Please, review this fic gently. Thank you ! -_-
From top floor of the Starbucks located in the middle of Viridian City, Giovanni shakes hands with Dr. Evil. "Well Dr. Evil, I'm sure you'll find our exchange to be equal on both sides of the trade." From beside Giovanni, his Persian purrs in agreement.
"Uh riiiiiight," Dr. Evil casts a querious look at the giant cat. "You know, my Mr. Bigglesworth used to have nice fur like that. Before that notorious Austin Powers incident."
Giovanni just stares at Dr. Evil, not talking.
"Riiiiight," Dr. Evil says, then picks up his Pokéball and walks towards the Parallel Dimension Portal. Stepping onto the ramp, he nods to Giovanni's Number Two who throws the switch that starts the Parallel Dimension Portal. Dr. Evil turns back to Giovanni. "With this Pokémon, I shall beat Austin Powers and rule the world!! And it only cost me..." Raises pinkie finger to mouth, "One Million Dollars!!!" Dr. Evil laughs evilly and leaps into the spinning Parallel Dimension Portal and is instantly transported to his own Parallel Dimension.
Giovanni looks to his Persian and laughs. "I would like to see this Dr. Evil try to rule the world with a SloBro!" Giovanni laughs evilly as the camera fades out and this fan fic is at it's....