Hopefully, this will be interesting. - Definitely something new, eh?
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... the end.
Iruka Umino, being a pre-genin schoolteacher, was rarely assigned missions. And when he did receive missions, they were usually C-ranked, seeing as how he obviously didn't have much time in his busy schedule to keep up his field training on a regular basis. Not to mention, he couldn't leave his classes unattended too long. So when Iruka was called into the fifth Hokage's office one sunny and seemingly peaceful afternoon, only a few weeks before academy exams, the chuunin was quite shocked to be handed a B-ranked scroll.
Had he been one to regularly question authority, like Naruto, Iruka would have called the Hokage crazy right then and there. Not only was exam time drawing near and he needed to be there with his students every day, but Iruka had also just been released from the hospital after exhausting himself to the point of collapsing. Not that he wanted any special treatment or anything - it was his own fault he hadn't taken care of himself, and he had made a point of not wasting any more time out of commission than necessary - but really, a B-rank?
However, he squished his apprehension to the back of his mind and accepted the scroll with serious and silent dignity like a good shinobi should.
Good-Shinobi Demeanor dropped almost instantly when he read the contents of said scroll.
Tsunade calmly picked at her already-well-groomed fingernails as she waited for Iruka to regain his ability to speak. It had already been an amusing ten minutes of Speechless-Iruka, looking a bit like a rag doll that would collapse any moment, and she curiously wondered how much longer he could keep it up. Hey, the longer he took up her time, the longer she could put off her paperwork.
She was shaken from her regalement, however, by the sound of Iruka's nervous laughter. This certainly hadn't been what she had expected. Knowing the chuunin's temper could easily be set off under distinct circumstances, she had expected some sort of outburst from the man. Had she actually made him snap? He had just gotten out of the hospital, but his mental health couldn't be that close to the edge, could it? A worried look took over Tsunade's face. 'Oh gods, I've destroyed one of the only sane shinobi I had left!'
Iruka idly tossed the scroll back to the stunned Hokage who caught it on reflex. "Very amusing, Lady Hokage. You had me there for a minute." The chuunin smiled good-naturedly at the still-silent woman. "If that's all you wanted, I really must be going now."
As the brunette turned to leave, a wicked smile found its way onto Tsunade's face. Iruka hadn't snapped; he just thought it was a joke. Oh-ho-ho... How precious. The blonde woman stood from her desk, grinning so widely it was a wonder her skin didn't crack. "Ah, Iruka-sensei... I'm afraid this is no joke." She reached across her desk, grabbing a retreating hand and spinning the young man around while placing the scroll back in his palm. "This is a special mission for you." She sat back down, smile still in place, as Iruka gaped down at his hand. He had returned to speechless mode.
However, this one didn't last as long, as Iruka attempted to smile again. It ended up looking more like he was having a stroke, but the poor chuunin was now so nervous beyond all comprehension, he was lucky his facial muscles worked at all. "Lady Hokage... surely, you can't be serious about this. This isn't a mission..."
"Oh, but it is, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka's face suddenly contorted. Ah... here was the temper-tantrum. "NO!" The outburst had definitely been expected but a violent chucking of a scroll back at her face, had not. The Hokage flinched in surprise as the paper hit her forehead and bounced onto the desk. Iruka stuttered a bit and quickly bowed. "I'm so sorry, Lady Hokage! I really am sorry! It's just... NO!" the brunette choked out desperately.
Recovering from the initial shock of being slightly attacked by a chuunin, Tsunade replaced her evil grin. "Iruka-sensei, I respect your opinions, but I am the Hokage, and this is a mission that I am assigning to you."
"That's not a mission!" Iruka shouted, pointing accusingly at the innocent-looking scroll. "That's somebody's idea of a sick joke!"
"Now, now, Iruka-sensei. The Hidden Leaf village receives missions every day. The requests can range from babysitting to assassinations. And some are-"
"The point is, a client is a client, and a request is a request. And as long as a client is willing to pay a certain price, the shinobi of Hidden Leaf are pretty much required to carry out their missions without complaint."
"And we have actually been offered quite a sum for the completion of this mission. Considering the price put on this mission, I doubt the person is merely joking."
"Surely, there has to be someone better than me for this mission, Lady Hokage. One of the female jounin, such as Kurenai or Anko. Yes, Anko! She would love this mission!"
"So sorry, Iruka-sensei, but you are the only one for this mission. And my reasons are confidential."
"Tell me, Iruka-sensei, what would you have done had the third Hokage given you this mission?"
"I would have thrown it back in his face too!"
"Hmm... well, the point is, you're not getting out of this as long as I'm Hokage.
Iruka slowly picked up the scroll, which he was positive was emitting a satanic aura, and unrolled it again. His eyes scanned the list of names. "Every single person on here is a jounin," he stammered, as though this would really have some sort of impact on the Hokage's mentality.
If possible, Tsunade's smile simply widened. "That's why it's a B-rank."
"But my classes-"
"This mission has no time limit, Iruka-sensei. And it's an in-village mission. You'll have plenty of time to continue devoting to your students."
Iruka could think of no other argument except he was sure he would rather gouge his face with broken glass and pour alcohol into the open wounds than go through with this mission.
Tsunade, sensing she had won, waved serenely at Iruka. "I'll check in with you periodically, Iruka-sensei. You're dismissed."
Iruka turned to leave the office halfway between a stupor and a hysterical breakdown.
"Oh, and Iruka-sensei! This mission is top-secret."
Iruka froze and stared at her. "Why –"
"Alright, sensei, scoot scoot! I have… uh… work to do, and so do you!"
Iruka turned and started out the door again.
"Remember, Iruka-sensei," the Hokage's way-too-cheerful voice called from behind him. "Have fun with this one!" She giggled.
Iruka half-groaned, half-growled under his breath as he closed the door behind him.
As he stepped out into the sunshine that told countless lies of what a glorious day it was, Iruka opened his mission scroll again.
B-Rank Mission #39375937-592202-6946234-79
Kiss and record the specifics of each kiss including a 1-10 rating from each of the following men:
Iruka's chest lurched and he really thought he might cry from the sheer embarrassment that merely picturing these scenarios in his head was bringing.
The last name especially stood out. Kakashi... Is the Hokage completely insane?
Told ya it was something new, huh? If you enjoyed, please review