Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: I don't usually write in the first person, it annoys me but I had to make Derek more likable so I can actually continue writing him. So, let me know if my tenses are off.
An angry and hurt Addison has always been my green kryptonite. My one weakness when it comes to my wife. One of the few times Addison lets me comfort her, lets me hold her and protect her. I know that my inability to tell her my feelings hurt her but it's so hard to see the pain in her eyes when I can't say what she needs me to say.
The look in Addison's eyes after our very public argument hurts my heart as I step off the elevator. I grab my coat before heading outside. I don't have long to wait. I flash Addison a small smile and to my dismay she just ignores me. Not that I can really blame her.
"Addison," I say reaching out to her.
"What do you what?" Addison says as she brushes off my hand, "I think you've said enough. Or perhaps in your case NOT said enough."
At this point I let my temper take over. I wait until her bag is in the car before I grab Addison around her waist and toss her over my shoulder. I ignore her as she starts hitting my back with her fists. I walk quickly because I don't really want people to see me acting like a caveman with my wife. When I arrive at my destination, I lock the door before lowering her to the ground.
I grab her around her waist as she tries to move past me.
Addison pushes against me to no avail, as my hand slide down her backside before I pull her fully against me.
I press a kiss to her temple as whisper, "I'm so sorry, Addie. I can't be me without you."
She opened her mouth to speak, but I start to trail kisses down the column of her throat. I can feel the words die unsaid when my tongue darts out to taste her skin. I kiss away the tears that appear.
As I keep whispering words of apologies, I feel her hands moving up to my hair.
I bask in my wife's embrace before I push her coat down her shoulders and she helps me. Her shirt comes off next; I toss it on the floor to join my previously shed coat. She rips my scrub top from my body with one fierce tug as I unzip her skirt.
I lay down on our bed of clothing, pulling her with me. There's a fire in her eyes that I've never seen before, it almost burns me as she appraises me before I pull her on top of me to kiss her. As we part I sit up, catching a nipple with my mouth, and roll my tongue around it, earning a gasp from my wife.
I roll us, pressing into her. She's clawing at me with her need. Her hips lift up to meet mine every time I slap against her, her voice a seductive whisper as she attached her lips to my neck. It's that whisper that's my undoing, I cry out as I pull her over the edge with me.
I fall spent on top of her. Addison says nothing; she just runs her fingers through the hair at my neck. I slide off her and move to the side when I shuddering breathes run through her body. I reach out for her and she lets me pull her into my arms. I just hold my wife as she cries, whispering that she's always been my only option. It's been a long time since she's let me hold her and comfort her.
"Hush, baby," He whispers to me as my sobbing starts to wind down, "You know that I don't know what to do when you cry, Addie."
I pulled away, wiping uselessly at my tears, "Is that all? Is that all you have to say to me?"
"I don't know that else I can say," my husband says as he tries to take me into his arms again.
I close my eyes at his words before avoiding his look as I gather my scattered clothes. I pause at the door to give him one last look.
Derek's just standing there watching me go. As my eyes take in his clenching jaw muscles, I realize that he knows that when I walk out of the door that we're done.
Steeling myself to leave the love of my life, I close my eyes as I start to reach for the door handle. My eyes snap open as I feel Derek grab my hand and spin me around to face him.
"Addie," he starts to say reaching for my hand, "Wait."
I step back closer to the door, as I watch the play of emotions on his face. I could see that it was a battle between his pride and his desperation. I blink back my tears; I simply can't bear to be a part of this tragic conclusion any longer.
"What, Derek?" I whisper brokenly, emphasizing each word bitterly, reaching blindly for the door handle behind me.
I panic when I see that Addison is about to leave me. Before I can even think about what I'm doing, I grab her hand and spin her around to face me.
"Addie," I start to say as I reach for my wife's hand, "Wait."
My heart tightens painfully as she avoids my touch. I drop my hand. My fists clench as I fight with myself. If I let Addison walk out that door now, I know that she would leave my life for good. But if I give her what she wants, I might not have a shred of pride or dignity left when it was over. I just can't comprehend not having Addison in my life but I would have to give her my heart again. But Derek without Addison is impossible.
"What, Derek?" Addison whispered brokenly, emphasizing each word bitterly.
"I...I..." was all I managed to stutter as my heart tightened even more painfully at how broken she sounds. In the end, when Addison's hand found the door handle again, my pride lost out to desperation.
"I love you. I want you to stay," the words just fall from my lips, "I want to...to..."
"What?" Addison asked as her tears threaten to fall.
"I want to show that picking you wasn't an obligation that I picked you because I love you and I want to grow old with. After 15 plus years together, you still take away my breath."
"I don't know if I believe you," Addison whispered as she lets me gather her in my arms, "You're so good a giving lip service."
I tilt her chin up to look her in the eyes, "I'll start showing you." As I gaze into Addison's eyes, I tried to convey the promise that I would show her how much she means to me.
I smile as I lean down to kiss her roughly. My teeth nips at her bottom lip making her groan as I lift her. I gently lower her to ground before pulling off her skirt. I plant a kiss on her knee, smirking up at her as I pull her legs apart.
It wasn't long before I had Addison gasping my name. I hover over my wife, tenderly caressing her face as she comes back down. I move to press myself against her, eager to prove to her how much I crave her. I growl as both our beepers go off.
I rest my head on her shoulder before rolling off her to look at the page. I curse when I see a 911 page. I look up as Addison starts to pull on her skirt.
After quickly puling on my scrubs, I take my wife's hand. I lead us both down to the ER. I pause and in full view of everyone, I thread my hands through Addison's hair as I pull her closer for a kiss. Afterwards, I rest my forehead against hers and smile. With one last not so short parting kiss, I head off to answer my 911 page.