Missing you

A/N This is part 3 of a 3 part Mother's Day installment. I don't own Fastlane or any of its main characters. I just do this for fun. Music: Brandy 'Missing You'

Billie pulled the silver Mercedes into the long winding drive way. She drove up and around until she found the spot where she needed to be. Parking the car, she turned off the ignition and grabbed the balloon and flowers before heading up the hill to her intended spot. Billie made her first of three visits to the cemetery, where her mother had been laid to rest, five years ago on December 29th. She only visited her mother's grave on two other occasions, one being her Mom's birthday which was June 29th and the other being the anniversary of the funeral. This visit was Mother's Day.

Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

"Hi mom. Happy Mother's Day." Billie began as she walked up to the grave. She sat down the white tulips and the balloon next to the grave marker and took a seat on the ground. Billie remembered the last time she'd seen her mom, Marisol Chambers. It was Christmas day. She spent Christmas every year with her parent's at their house in Long Beach, California. Sebastian and Marisol Chambers had gotten married in 1968 when Sebastian emigrated from St. Petersburg, Russia. Their first, and only child was born on May 27, 1976. Her mother had picked the god awful name of Wilhelmina while her father had picked the more normal name of Sara for her middle name. While Billie didn't detest her middle name, it still wasn't her. Sara was always too stuck up and snotty for her tastes. Not to mention she had gone to school with several Sara's over the years.

I would've known, that you had to go
But so suddenly, so bad
How could it be, not a straight memory worthy of
All that we had made
Now that you're gone, every day I go on (I go on)
But life's just not the same (life's just not the same)
I'm so empty inside, and my tears I can't hide
But I'll try, I'll try to face the pain

"I haven't thanked you for the hideous name lately, so, thank you." Billie muttered as she ran her fingers over the letters on the marker. That Christmas Day played over in Billie's mind, as did the preceding six months. Billie had been told of her mother's diagnosis of breast cancer in June. Billie had just celebrated her 25th birthday with her family and friends the month before. As much as she tried, she remembered the barbeque at her parents house when her mom told her about the cancer. She hadn't wanted to tell Billie, but her daughter had picked up the art of persuasion from her mother and it was useless for Marisol to try and get around telling her. Billie chuckled softly as she remembered something her dad had told her. Being their only child, Billie was a spoiled child. She was daddy's little princess and she knew it. She distinctly remembered when she was sixteen and asked for a car for her birthday. "What kind of car would you like, princess?" Sebastian asked his only child. He loved Billie and would buy her anything she asked for. "I want a 1991 Mercedes-Benz C 112!" Billie chirped happily. She knew her dad was going to have a fit, but she also knew he could never tell her no, and would buy her the car. "I would buy her anything" His words came back to haunt him. "Except that." The wealthy business man thought as he looked from his only child sitting in front of him, and to his wife behind the kitchen counter who was mouthing 'she's your daughter.' Before shrugging and going back to fixing dinner. Sebastian looked back at Billie before sternly replying, "Have you lost your mind?" "Oh come on daddy! How often does your only child turn sixteen?" Billie begged. Sebastian looked at her, to see her sad puppy eyes welling with tears and her bottom lip quiver dramatically. With a sigh, he spoke. "Billie, you remember the movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, don't you?" "Sure do." She responded. "You remind me of that little brat that turned into a blueberry." Sebastian said exasperated that his daughter had pulled a fast one on him. "So, I can have the car?" she asked hopefully, but ready to disintegrate into tears the moment he said something that sounded remotely like no. Seeing this, Sebastian got up and walked to his wife before speaking to his daughter. "What color, Sara?" he asked her. Billie rolled her eyes dramatically at the name he had for her, but answered his question sweetly. "I want silver with black interior and wood veneer." Billie said, putting in her order for a car as if it were a pizza. "My kid's not gonna kill me, she's just gonna spend all my money and let poverty do it." Her dad muttered as he walked past Billie, towards his armchair in the living room. "You can have the car." He said. Before he knew what was happening, Billie squealed happily and wrapped her arms around her dad's neck in a tight hug. "Thanks daddy!" Billie chirped. "You're welcome princess pouts-a-lot. Now go study for your finals our you're not getting that party." He warned. "Yes sir." Billie said and ran up the stairs to her books. "She has a tenth degree black belt in emotional blackmail you know?" Marisol told her husband with a sly smile. "I wonder where she learned that from?" Came his incriminating reply to his wife.

Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

That was one of the good times. As soon as that thought entered her mind, Billie's thoughts drifted back to the barbeque. "What's the matter, mom?" she asked as she was shucking the corn while her mom cut up the potatoes. "It's nothing, sweetie. I'm just tired." Marisol tried to convince her daughter without looking at her. She knew that if she looked at her, Billie would be able to tell she's lying. "Look at me and tell me that." Billie replied as if reading her mother's thoughts. "I'm fine Billie. Really." Her mom said with a sad smile. "No you're not." Came Billie's quick reply. "Not only is she one of the best damn liars in the free world, she also had a great bullshit meter." Marisol thought. "So, you gonna tell me or do I have to cry and get Dad to tell me?" Billie asked with a slick smile. Marisol and her daughter had a chuckle at this. They both knew that Sebastian hated it when Billie even pretended to cry, and would fold like a cheap suit at the mere hint of tears. "I'm sick, sweetie." She finally told her daughter. "Sick? You seem fine." Billie replied. "I know. I didn't believe it myself til they told me." Marisol agreed with her child. "They? Who are 'they'?" the younger woman asked, officially getting concerned. "The specialists….oncologists." Came the reply. Billie knew what an oncologist was and what type of illness they dealt with, but she still couldn't believe it. "Oncologist? Mom, what's the matter? Tell me. Please." Billie pleaded with her mom, needing to hear her say that it wasn't that bad. "I have breast cancer, Billie." Marisol said sadly. With those words, Billie dropped her ear of corn and began to cry. Soon, her mother wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her into a tight hug. "Shhh. It's okay, baby. I'll be fine. Everything will work out." Marisol soothed her child as she tried to convince herself as much as Billie.

Oh, there was so many things
That we could have shared, uh-huh
And time was on our side (time was on our side)
Ooh, yeah
Now that you're gone, I can still feel you near
So I'll smile, with every tear I cry

Billie noticed that tears were flowing down her cheeks. As hard as it was to remember this, especially now that she knew she was sick too, it was therapeutic in a way. Billie had found a lump in her breast a few days before and it had just been confirmed to be stage II breast cancer. She was scared. She hadn't even told her boys about it yet. The day of the biopsy, she just told them that she had to go out of town. Even with that thought, Billie's mind drifted back to the day her mother died. It was Christmas Day. She'd been visiting her parents and was staying with them. The doctors had said there was nothing more to do for her mother as the cancer had spread into her lymph nodes and her bone. She was going to die. Even though she worked in Los Angeles for the LAPD, Billie still managed to make it back home every weekend.

Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

That Christmas Day started out as well as could be expected. She got up early and made breakfast for everyone. Shortly after the French toast was done, Billie heard her dad coming downstairs. "Good morning!" Billie chirped as she got out three plates, silverware and coffee cups. "Good morning, princess.! Merry Christmas!" her father exclaimed as he walked around the black, marble center island to give his daughter a hug. "Merry Christmas Dad." Billie replied as she sat the food on a tray and handed it to him to carry into the living room. "Is your mom awake?" Sebastian asked. "Yeah. She was up almost all night. It's getting harder for her to breathe; even with the oxygen." Billie told him sadly as she followed him into the living room with another tray for the coffee. The morning went by quite peacefully. The three of them sat around, ate breakfast and opened their presents. Billie had gotten a beautiful Mother of Pearl pendant from her mom, that she still wore to this day, and .357 Magnum from her dad. Billie had always known that he liked the tomboy streak in his daughter. Later that afternoon, Billie was in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner when her dad rushed in. "Sara, it's time." He said, quickly grabbing her attention away from the rack of lamb she'd just put in the oven. "What? Now?" she asked as it hit her what he meant. "Mom!" she called running into the living room where her mother was in her hospital bed. "Billie." Marisol whispered to her child. She patted a spot beside her in the bed and motioned for Billie to sit next to her.

How sweet, were the losses to spare?
But I'll wait for the day
When I'll see you again, see you again, yeah

Billie slowly went over and took a seat next to her mother on the bed. "It's okay mom. I'm here now." Billie whispered as she made herself comfortable in the bed with her mom and wrapped her arms around the frail, dying woman. "I don't have….much time left." Marisol said, getting winded while she talked. "I know mom. We'll be okay." Billie replied as tears welled up in her eyes and she looked at her dad to see the tears in his. "I just…" Marisol started and the was stopped by a coughing fit. "I love you both so much." She finished when the coughing had subsided and she caught her breath. "I love you too." Billie said, letting a tear slide down her cheek. "And I love you also." Sebastian said taking a seat next to his wife, on the other side of the bed. "Take care of each other." Marisol instructed her family as she got closer to leaving them. Billie and her dad just nodded, emotion taking over their ability to speak. "Billie, I want you to do something for me." Came the beginning of the dying woman's last words. "Sure mom, anything." Billie tearfully answered. "Anything?" Marisol questioned to see if she could get Billie to act like Billie one final time before she had to go. "Within reason." Billie corrected herself. Marisol smiled at her daughter's tenacity before she began to elaborate on what she wanted. "I only have one request for your life, sweetie." She slowly said. "What is it?" Billie asked, knowing this would be the last life advice she would ever get from her mother. "I want you to find a man that is as much of an intelligent, gentle, loving, quick witted wise ass as you are. I want you to find that man and never let him go. My hope is that you will find a man that loves you as much as your father loves me and you will be as happy in your life with a husband and children as I have been with mine." She told her daughter and with only the love a mother could posses, kissed her daughter's tears away. "I'm just going to close my eyes for a few minutes now." She struggled to say slowly. As her eyes drifted shut, she whispered, "I love you Billie. I love you too Sebastian." "I love you too, Mom." Billie sobbed softly and kissed her mother's forehead lightly. Over the next five minutes, Billie held her mother and watched her breathing slow. During that time, Billie sang 'Amazing Grace' softly. Her mother had sung that song to her when she was a small child. Marisol opened her eyes at the end of the song briefly and looked at Billie. With a final sigh, she closed her eyes again and slipped out of this life and into the next. "Mom?" Billie said softly. "Mom? No! Oh god!" She began as intense sobs wracked her body when her mother finally died. Sebastian got off the bed and walked around the other side to hold his daughter tightly as the two of them cried with an intense sorrow that words couldn't begin to describe.

Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

As she stopped shaking and her sobs subsided a bit, Billie, still sitting at the grave, wiped her eyes and kissed the tip of her fingers and pressed them on the headstone. "I miss you mom." She said. Without much warning, Billie began to let her mind wander aimlessly, as she talked about what she was feeling at the moment. "I really wish you were here. I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen to me or what it will be like. I'm not ready to leave yet." Billie said, letting her feelings flow for the first time since her diagnosis. "Who will take care of Dad? He'll be crushed if I die. How do I tell him this? I just wish I didn't have to say anything. I don't want to put him through any more pain than he's already been through since we lost you." Billie expressed her concern for her father to the one person who would understand what she meant. "And what about Van and Deaq? I can't leave them either! They need me. You know, I think they actually like me now. Van insists that he can't stand me, but I know it's just for show. I mean, what would Deaq think of him if he actually admitted he didn't hate me?" Billie spoke of her two officers with a chuckle. "I do like them. They are both great guys. Even Van is a good guy. And a good cop too. I know mom. I give him a hard time and that's not really fair. I just wish you could meet him. You'd like him. He's a good man. A little unstable, but still a good man. I just feel like I have to take care of him and make sure that he doesn't put himself in a situation where he could get hurt. He's so vulnerable and comes from such a screwed up family. I think that all Van wants more than anything in the world is to be wanted, accepted and loved for who he is." Billie told her mom the way she saw things.

I'm missing you

Just then, her cell phone began to ring. Billie pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the caller I.D. "Well, speak of the devil." She said as she realized Van's phone number. "That's Van mom. I better go and see what he wants. Happy Mother's Day mom. I love you. I'll see you soon." Billie said and got up to start the walk back to her car as she answered her phone on the third ring. "Hi Van." She answered his call. "Are you okay? No, no I'm not busy at all. Sure, we can talk about whatever you want. I, uh, need to tell you something too." Billie began the phone conversation with her employee as she got in her car and drove away from the cemetery, leaving her mom until the next visit.

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Well, that's it! I hope you all like this installment as well! I'm thinking about writing a chapter fic about this situation after I finish my current fic, which I'm almost done with. If you would like to see a follow up and/or have any suggestions for it, feel free to let me know!