Fandom: Without a Trace.
Pairing: Sam Spade and Martin Fitzgerald
Disclaimer: I do not own Without a Trace.
I told Martin that if he didn't get help for his addiction that I would leave him forever. I could have never truly done that though. I love him too much to ever say goodbye. However, I had to be harsh to get him to see that he needed help. Thankfully, he did and he agreed to get help.
Here I am watching the sundown from my apartment. Sam scared some sense into me earlier today. I don't know what scared me more, my addiction, or the thought of losing her. All right, it was the thought of losing her. I don't know exactly when it was that I fell in love with Sam
It has been so long since I've seen blue skies. Lately it just seems to rain, both literally and in my life in general. I am so glad Martin chose to get help for his addiction. I know it won't be easy for him, but I'll be here to help him. Together we can get through anything
Sam healed me like she would have a small bird with a broken wing. She was gentle and loving. She was harsh because she knew it was what I needed. She took care of me because I wasn't taking care of myself. She knew I was killing myself and needed her.
I've always lived my life as if it was on high octane. There was no compromise and no way was I going to let anything get in my way. Martin changed all that when I finally let him in my heart. Martin made me slow down and enjoy life. How fitting that I should save his life in return.
Silver and Gold
Life isn't all silver and gold, sometimes you rained on and rust. I never thought I'd be addicted to pain killers. Of course, I also never thought I'd be shot in an ambush. That is not excuse for my addiction it was only the reason. Now Sam is giving me a reason to quit.
Too Good To Be True
I used to think Martin was too good to be true. He seemed like the perfect guy, with no problems. He was nice, gentle and he respected my feelings. It was me that ruined our relationship in the beginning. Now we're finding our way back to each other.
Tangled and Dark
My path to getting over this addiction is tangled and dark. I say tangled because I feel like I him caught in a spider web, waiting for the spider. I say dark because for the longest time, I didn't see the light. But I see the light now. It's not only Sam, but she is a big part of it.
Best Served Cold
Part of me thinks I thought I was better than Martin in some ways. The rest of me knew it was he that was better than I was. Humility is best served cold. To admit to myself that I sabotaged the relationship is huge for me. However, this time it will be different.
Running on Empty
I feel like I'm running on empty right now. Like everything has been removed from my life, that ever mattered. My family has deserted me, not that I would dare tell them about my dirty little secret. Sam and Danny know, but they've assured me that Vivian and Jack don't know. I don't really care if Elena knows; I don't really like her.
Never thought a guy with a slow hand would interest me. I was always going for the fast and hard guys. Probably why I got hurt so often before I met Martin. He hurt me too, but it was mostly my fault. I told him I wanted to fight for it, but he said I shouldn't have to fight.
How do I explain the last few months of my life? How about double vision? That seems appropriate. At work, I was a straight arrow and at home, I was a drug addict. No wait, I was drug addict who stole from victims I swore to protect.
I thought paradise was for those with silver spoons in their mouths. Only for people who had done everything right in their lives and been rewarded for it. However, today I'm in paradise, I'm in love with Martin. Unlike Jack, Martin loves me back and was willing to wait for me to come around. Come around I did, boy did I ever come around.
In The Dark
Here I am, lying in the dark next to Sam. There is nothing between us, no lies, and no more secrets. She's given me a reason to stop the drugs. She's helped me through the pain. I've never been happier then I am right now.
Within a couple of weeks into anew relationship I usually start wanting my personal space. However, I've found myself lately, wanting to share more and more with Martin. For all I know he's sick of me, but he isn't showing it. He just smiles at me and I melt. God help me, I'm in love with him.
I honestly think I've made it through the stormy weather in my life. I've been off the pills for 6 months now. I've been pain free for 3 months now. I fell yesterday morning during my jog. I was afraid the pain would come back, but it didn't thankfully.
I sent Martin out for wax paper this morning. Would you believe he didn't have any in his apartment? Anyway, I baked cookies and laid them out on the paper. We ate them all day and enjoyed our day off together. I want to spend the rest of my life doing this.
I've spent today going on a kind of sentimental journey. I recalled the day I met Sam the first time and how she thought I was a dork. I remembered our first case together. I remembered the time I shot that guy before he could kill Sam. How was I to know it would end up here in this church getting married today?
Martin and I have found this perfect balance between us. Separate we're strong but equal. Together, we're unbeatable, unstoppable even. Danny is our best man and Vivian is my matron of honor. I'm getting married today!
For the first time in my life, I have no worries. I'm not worried that I'm making a huge mistake marrying Sam. This might be the most right thing I've ever done. It was nice of Danny to agree to give Sam away. It would have been too weird having Jack give Sam away.
Chasing the Wind
I need to catch my breath. I've been running around all day getting everything perfect for the wedding. I've got the dress, all the lucky items and my hair is up in a loose French braid. I feel like I've been chasing the wind. However, after tonight, I'll have roped the moon.
Looking at Sam coming toward me, down the aisle, with Danny, has taken my breath away. I'm completely blown away by how beautiful she is. I've always thought she was beautiful. The way she smiles, even the way she glares is down right sexy. I've never loved her more than I do right now.
I'm about to say I do to the man I love. My crusade for happiness is now over. I never thought I'd get married, but here I am. Martin just said I do, it's really happening. Its official I'm now Mrs. Martin Fitzgerald!
Getting to the airport in time was pure chaos. We're going to Greece for our honeymoon. I'm afraid of taking her there though. They might mistake her for a goddess. This is going to be the best trip ever because I'm with her.
My whole life I've fought the rising tides of life. I always felt like I was going to drown. Thank God for Martin, he truly is my angel in disguise. God made him just for me. That plane is taking me on a trip, but Martin is taking to whole new world.
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