Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. I was inspired by Lady Marmalade and Karaoke, Yes, Karaoke by Silverdust-Aestis

Kunoichi Marmalade

It was a boring night in Konoha, with all our well-known ninjas sitting in a bar owned by a rather sadistic Morino Ibiki, drinking juice and the such as they laid back and relaxed. The world was at peace now, or so it seemed in the bar, and the minds of the shinobis that were present were at rest… a little too at rest. They were so at rest that things were arguably as boring as they could be.

The bar was one for all shinobi to come and relaxed, named the "Clam Clam", after an inside joke Ibiki had on something between a man's pride and joy and a hormonal oyster; needless to say, nobody wanted to know. It was a simple bar, with large tables meant for the larger groups of ninjas, as well as smaller tables meant for groups od three to four. At the moment, the place was packed, but because the comedian Kubo Tite failed to show up… it was now dubbed Boredom Central. Ibiki was scowling from his position behind the bar, where numerous bottles of beer and sake stood on the shelves, untouched… by the hands of the minors… so far!

Amidst the boring atmosphere, stood the Rookie Twelve, all of them aged fourteen, except for Neji's group, which were collectively fifteen years old each… and bored. Even Sai showed some expression as he stared blankly into a cup once filled with orange juice… the expression of boredom. Naruto sighed as he looked over to where the "old men" sat, chatting lazily (except for Gai, who was raving about some random thing); although he could not hear on what they were saying, he could tell that it was just an ordinary boring old conversation.

The Rookie Twelve plus Sai were sitting around a arther large circular area with their drinks in front of them, some of the finished and some of them not, and some of them fiddling with the pink umbrellas inside their glasses, notably, Hyuuga Neji, who was trying to fish out some of his juice jelly at the bottom of the glass (Curse you fate!). And things were starting to get a little much too dull for their tastes… even Sasuke's. He actually enjoyed some excitement once in a while (Gasp). Naruto turned to the group, his eyes closed in slight exasperation.

"So anyone here have any ideas on things that we could do tonight?" Naruto asked, looking around the table at which the Rookie Twelve sat, and all coming up with, seemingly, blanks.

"Blow up Hokage Tower?" Sai brought up… SURPRISINGLY! Everyone blinked at the suggestion… HYPOCRITICALLY! Sai blinked. "What, you guys got no balls to do that?"

"Actually, Naruto did it when he was eight. Took the village nine months to finish reconstruction." Sasuke offered. Everyone blinked at him. "I can talk sometimes too, you know?" Sakura coughed into her fist, "Screw you all."

"Why don't we go hunt for Orochimaru?" Shikamaru gave his words, "I heard that he was last sighted in Earth."

"It's dark; and anyways, he's probably plotting some stupid scheme that will fail and we end up victorious."

Silence reigned for a good second, until Sakura spoke up with some amusement, "That actually is true. To date, the only successful thing that he's done is practically escape from Konoha!"

"And probably sneaked in a kiss or two with our dear Uchiha here." Neji said, and the table laughed… LOUDLY!

"Hmph; you look even more girlish than I do, Hyuuga." Naruto 'ooh'-ed into his open palm.

"At least I don't have a bow around my waist." Sakura laughed into her fists, earning a glare from her raven-haired former crush. She shut up, but still giggled very very slightly, "A purple bow around my waist."

"You're wearing the lower half of Hinata's dress around your waist, girly-pants." Sasuke sneered.

Naruto couldn't help it; he laughed, and earned the attention of the whole table, and had tears coming out of his eyes.

"This is just too rich!" Naruto laughed, his hand clutching his stomach. Now, it is a known fact proven by the scientists of the modern universe that laughter can be contagious if projected through the correct medium (Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, etc.), and so, everyone laughed… at the cost of two Bloodline Geniuses.


Somewhere near, the male Jounins of Konoha and Suna were seated… and like everyone else, bored.

Kakashi was bored. Very very bored. He needed something to get him out of his boredom or he'd shove Chidori down Gai's throat for amusement. Well… not really for amusment, but to shut the man up from annoying the Hell out of him. The speech that he had been going on and on and on and on and on about had been going for exactly forty minutes and twenty-six seconds… and COUNTING!


What were the seals for Chidori again… have to… remember… ARGH! Kakashi thought underneath his lazy and laid-back façade. Currently, Gai's rambling had destroyed his ability to remember his best Jutsus! Now, if he had only put that ability to good use.

"You know, if he got on stage, the people here would kill him… literally." Asuma offered, taking a small puff of his cigarette… and ignoring the 'DON'T SMOKE OR ELSE…' sign. Then, Asuma noticed the sign, and smirked. "So what?"

The sign automatically changed into another sign in an instant into a small magical animation of a chibi Asuma being mauled by a bear. He put out the cigarette instantly, looking around for any furry animals of the sort; especially bears.

"So, what do you think we should do?" Kakashi said, ignoring Gai as he went on with his speech; or rambling, something or the other… (AND IF I BLAH BLAH BLAH, I WILL BLAH BLAH BLAH…etc.).

"Jack off?" Baki offered, earning a combined glare from the two Jounin that were still keeping their sanity.

He wisely shut up after a withering full-on Sharingan eye revealed itself.

Kakashi then looked around, ignoring the now nervously sweating Baki, who was drinking his empty glass of sake.

"Hey, where did Kurenai go?" Asuma looked around, and saw that the red-eyed woman was missing from her place.

And so were the other two famed kunoichis; Tsunade and Anko. He shrugged, not thinking a lot of it. He did, however, see Jiraiya looking as though he was going to go bald from the dull atmosphere the bar offered.

And so… they returned to boredom… for now…


Meanwhile; at the table of the Sand Siblings…

"Gaara, have you seen Temari anywhere?"

"She said that she went to the bathroom…"

"An hour ago."



"Man, that must be a long crap she's taking."


Meanwhile, backstage, there was a lot of commotion going on, with all the hottest females the bar had to offer changing into new gear for the sake of… a lost bet… and temptation (Foxy Grin).

"I can't believe that we actually have to do this."

"I can't believe that I of all people got roped into this."

"Well, you did say all or nothing, so predictably-"

"How did I get into this again?"

"Blame your esteemed Hokage."

"We-ell, we did not get the guy birthday presents for fourteen years."

"So he thinks this as a form of payback or something? Or just one of those pranks?"

"Probably the latter, but nonetheless, as honour-bound ninjas we have to fulfil the task we have before us!"


"That sounds like something Gai would say."

No comment was made from that.


Suddenly, the whole club plunged into the endless sea of black, and every single one of the shinobi present within the bar drew upon their weapons, all except for Morino Ibiki and Uzumaki Naruto.

Ibiki smirked.

So did Naruto.

It was about time.

Several seconds of silence followed, and the ninjas lowered their weapons and went into a stage of relaxation, although their sense were still alert to their surroundings, as all hired mercenaries would be… only better.

The seconds passed, and a voice made of pure seduction rang through the air.

Where's all my soul sisters?
Let me here y'all flow, sisters

Kakashi's visible eye snapped open, as did Gai's: they knew that voice.

A spotlight came on, illuminating the stage and the figure that stood upon it.

Sasuke's eyebrows shot up into his hair.

Kakashi nearly had a heart attack.

Asuma's cigarette hit the floor, still burning.

And Jiraiya very nearly drooled a river.

Hey Sister, Go Sister,
Flow Sister, Soul Sister,
Hey Sister, Go Sister,
Flow Sister, Soul Sister,

For it was Mitarashi Anko that was upon the stage; the sadistic and playful yet sexy grin upon her pretty features, as always, only this time, they brought a more pronounced affect throughout the shinobi population, her body leaning upon her right shoulder provocatively and her eyes surrounded by silver glitter all around. She was clad in tight fishnet clothing, torn here and there, and the only thing that was preventing a perfect view was the leather two-piece gold bikini that enchanced more than it concealed.

She slipped a small wink towards the audience, causing some rather severe nosebleeds upon the populace, and seductively brought the mic to her lips…

He met Marmalade down at old Moulin Rouge,
Strutting her stuff down the street…

Kakashi's shock didn't last long, and he promptly ogled at the younger Jounin, along with several problems of blood rushing towards his "area" (I am evil: hear me ROAR!). His shock quickly converted to some fantasies, which resulted in some rather bad headaches he was predictably going to have from this… but not until the show was over…

Chouji stared open-mouthed at the free show: this was a whole lot better than a lousy barbecue!

Anko jumped off the stage with cat-like grace and landed upon the floor, sashaying her way between tables with that sensuous allure that she brought with her every place, everywhere. She turned towards Naruto and winked in his direction, as the blonde teenager smirked visibly.

Sasuke burned with jealousy, as did half of the other Rookie Twelve and Sai.

"How the heck did she wink at you over me, dobe?" Sasuke inquired, barely keeping his rage in check.

"Animal magnetism." Was the blonde's answer, and Sakura couldn't suppress a small giggle of her own.

She said, "Hello, Hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?"
Oh uh huh

Jiraiya instantly took out a pen and notepad, his red blush spread all over his face as he scribble furiously.

Three other voices joined in on Anko's voice as she went on to sing her way into all the men's hopes and dreams…

Giuchie, Giuchie Ya Ya Da Da (Hey, Hey Hey)
Giuchie, Giuchie Ya Ya Here (Here Here Here)
Mocha Choca Latta Ya Ya (Oh Yeah)

A single sultry voice broke through the air, and Kankurou almost choked on his guava juice.

Creole Lady Marmalade (Ooh Oh)

The puppet user Kankurou recognized that voice, and sure as Hell he didn't know if he should be scarred for life or amused. The voice then continued as Anko came towards Ibiki's bar, as the scarred Torture and Interrogation Specialist grinned maniacally as he slid a clear liquid with an olive in it towards Anko, who caught it… seductively.

She took a small sip from her drink, smirking slightly and sensuously.

Anko went on, swaying her body in a rather snake-like motion as she took up the next few lyrics, as well as causing several floods of inspiration into Jiraiya's already dirty mind.

What? What? What? What? (ooh oh)

The voice that Kankurou recognized went on to sing the next few lines, and the puppet user decided to ignore it… not that he could; after all… it was scared into the memory of his hearing forever!

Voulez vous couchez avec moi? Ce soir?
Voulez vous couchez avec moi? (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah)

Jiraiya continued to write down his perverted notes, scribbling four times faster than ever before, and upon hearing the last two lines, got a thin line of red blood dripping from his nose, and continued to write upon his pad.

"Was that French?" Sasuke questioned, turning to Naruto, as if the blonde kitsune knew; he did, "What did she say?"

"Something alien to your faggy ears." Neji insulted Sasuke, and Sakura could not help but explain.

"It means-" Tenten shoved her hands over Sakura's mouth, blushing a rather fine shade of red.

"Let's not taint their ears now, shall we, Sakura?" Tenten laughed nervously, earning a raised eyebrow from Sasuke.

A puff of stinging smoke and a flash of white light came, and the audience made catcalls and whistles. Temari of the Desert was upon the stage, in a rather provocative outfit. Her four ponytails were missing, instead replaced with her hair cascading down her back (Neji had the gall to whistle). She was dressed in a ringmaster's suit, with cuffs and all, cut down in the middle revealing her bare belly. Reactions varied; several males found out the could die happy (especially Uchiha Sasuke and Inuzuka Kiba)… and Naruto just grinned.

And was it just the light or was Temari actually blushing as she looked at Naruto?

He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up,
Boy drank all that Magnolia Wine…

Kankurou moaned into his hands, cursing himself for leaving their camera at the hotel they were staying in. Gaara's eyes widened in shock. Temari had never acted like this, except that time they were at Kiba's party… but she was stone drunk at the time, so that did not count. Bad trauma, that.

Jiraiya thanked the Gods above in Heaven for giving him such an opportunity to do what he does best… research. He promised himself that he would sacrifice a lamb as tribute for such a prize as he scribbled away at the notepad in his hands, grinning pervertedly as he looked up to Temari from his table.

Things were getting very dirrrrty.

On her black satin sheets is where he started to freak, yeah,

Anko neared Temari, licking her lips in a hypnotizing fashion as she brought the younger woman close to her chest as catacalls ensued throughout the bar; mainly from the male population present in the area. Anko held up her mic between them, and their lips coming so close that even more catcalls ensued from the crowd; only this time, the females had joined in.

Giuchie Giuchie Ya Ya Da Da (Da Da)
Giuchie Giuchie Ya Ya Here (Here)
Mocha Choca Latta Ya Ya (Ooh Yeah)

They grinned rather Naruto-like, turning their gaze to the audience, earning the show of Uchiha Sasuke jumping up from his seat and whistling as if there was no tomorrow. Temari then, surprisingly, yanked the mic away from Anko, making the older woman fall upon her (As a side note, Jiraiya scribbled down eight times faster than any normal human being can upon this), and being close to Temari, they came so close to the mic that people began to curse its existence.

Creole Lady Marmalade…

Kakashi turned to his once student, amused at what the raven-haired Uchiha survivor was doing. He wished he had a camera; this was just too priceless to let slip by your fingers… LITERALLY!

"Hm, I guess he isn't an asexual sponge after all." Asuma said, enjoying the show very much as he looked at Sasuke.

"Nah, he's just very picky about his women." Kakashi offered, his eyes closed in their arch-like expression.

They turned their attention to the women before them, intent on watching what would happen next.

Voulez vous couchez avec moi? Ce Soir? (Ah, Oh)
Voulez vous couchez avec moi?

There was another flash of light upon the stage and lo and behold! There was Team Kiba's former sensei, Yuuhi Kurenai, clad in rather provocative black leather and cloth, tightening around her figure like a constricting snake. Her belly was bear, and there was a black feather perched upon her head to add a certain allure of dark attraction. Coming down here arms were sashes of black cloth, and if one could look closely, they would see that one strong tug of those sashes would undress her of the black ensemble.

Kiba and Shino didn't realize how hot their former Sensei had been…

And Hinata was never more jealous of Kurenai's seemingly flawless figure.

In her hands she had a black whip (In which, Kakashi began to giggle from his thoughts).

And Jiraiya's perverted mind began to work its wonders… again.

"Shino, remind me to never forget today." Kiba spoke up, drooling in his former sensei's general direction as she smirked with a feline grace, leaning on one leg coquettishly as she brought the mic to her lips.

"What day is it today?"

She brought out a thick lisp, aggressive and provocative as ever, showing that she was in deadly and in charge, and began to rap her next lines earning her won fanbase.

Yee-ah, Yee-ah, Augh!
We come through with the money and the garter belt,
Let 'em know we got that cake,
Straight out that gate,

She let loose some coils of her whip, letting the leather material slip down upon the floor, winking at the audience, whose numbers began to dwindle after several of the audience members lost consciousness… due to severe blood loss.

We independent women some mistake us for whores,
I'm saying why spend mine; when I can spend yours?
Disagree? Well, that's you and I'm sorry,
I'm gonna keep playing out these cats out like Atari (like Atari),

She grinned at Anko, who let go of the dazed yet excited Temari, and took centre stage along with Kurenai, getting the centre of attention. Temari followed later with an acrobatic, and in some minds, pleasurable (cough Jiraiya cough) front-flip.

Kurenai continued with her rap, a loose lock of hair covering her left eye, making her look more attractive than ever.

Wearing high-heeled shoes, getting love from the dudes,
Four bad-ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge,

"Four? I counted three so far." Kankurou frowned as he scanned the stage.

Hey sisters, Soul Sisters,
Better get that dough, sisters,

Kurenai grinned as she continued: she was loving the attention. From his position, Ibiki threw a glass full of a red liquid, which had a visible crystal in it towards the woman, who caught it in a twirl and faced the audience, smirking slightly… and seductively. Kurenai took a slow sip, continuing with her rap after…

We drink wine with diamonds in the glass,
By the case, the meaning of expensive taste,

Temari brought her mic close to her lips, going on where Kurenai left off.

We wanna Giuchie Giuchie Ya Ya (Come on)
Mocha Chocalatta (What?)

Kurenai brought the mic close to her lips, slowly bringing on a feline's smile.

Creole Lady Marmalade…

Anko brought the mic close to her lips, grinning like a cat that had a large fish for dinner.

One more time, C'mon now…

The women slowly raised their hands up and down again in a slow fashion, as if they were worshipping some invisible God, and in the meantime, gained large fanbases.

Marmalade… (Ooh)
Lady Marmalade… (Ooh Yeah)
Marmalade… (OOOH…)

There was another flash of light, and an arch appeared out of friggin' nowhere upon the stage, made of red satin cloth and roses bound around them, where another figure stood.

Jaws dropped. Sakura very nearly hyperventilated, Hinata fainted dead away, and Tenten's eyes very nearly popped out of her head.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!" Kakashi very nearly shouted above the music, only to be kicked by Asuma under the table.

Tsunade stood under the arch, dressed like some belly dancer with ornate gold jewellery around her neck and a cloth down her lower part, slitting at her hips just to allow the viewer a bit more imagination. She didn't need an introduction, and went on, grinning ever so slightly at her subordinates and the audience, but not before giving Kurenai a signal…

For what, only God know, but the red-eyed woman began to sway her whip slightly, as Tsunade continued…


Kurenai then snapped her whip, grabbing a rather unlucky (or lucky, depending on your preference) person by the waist and bringing him or her to the stage… Naruto.

Kurenai wrapped her whip around his neck quickly, bringing the fox boy close to her as she stared into his blue orbs…

Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth…

Naruto grinned evilly, pulling Kurenai's black sashes that hanged by her arms, allowing the appendages that covered her body to let loose slightly, showing an indecent amount of skin to the audience.

As a side note, the males cursed Naruto for being such a lucky bastard as Kurenai unzipped his shirt, smirking sexily at the blonde and revealing the black undershirt he wore underneath the black and orange jacket.

Colour of café au lait, (All right)

Kurenai pushed him away rather forcefully… into Tsunade's welcome arms… and chest…

CURSE YOU, NARUTO-TEME! The males cursed, watching the scene before them unfold; how come the "Idiot in Orange" was the only one who got any action nowadays?

Tsunade slipped her hands underneath his undershirt and up to his chest, feeling the pectoral muscles that had built up there, caressing them slowly. She then truned him so that his back faced her, her hands still underneath shirt, whispering the next lyric into his ear as the other women continued to sing it loudly…

Made the savage beast inside, roar until he cried…

Temari then 'relieved' the Hokage of the blonde teenager by ripping him away and pressing him against her nape.


I am so going to kill Naruto for getting this lucky… Sasuke cursed, glaring at the stage, but enjoying the song nonetheless.

Anko grabbed the young man away from Temari, pressing her back against him as they looked at the stunned, yet entertained audience. Anko moved her hands around his chest teasingly, sending shivers down Narutos' spine, followed by a spin, returning into Kurenai's and Tsunade's clutches.

Now he's at home doing nine to five, (nine to five)
Living the grey flannel life (Oh Pity)
But when he turns off to sleep,
Memories creep..

Kurenai and Tsunade had allowed themselves to be wrapped up in Naruto's arms, grinning daringly, as if coaxing the men to try and pry them from Naruto's arms.


They let themselves be relieved of the appendages around them, allowing Temari and Anko to take their places dancing to each of Naruto's sides as he went into a frenzy of freakishly catchy dance move between the girls.

Giucie Giuchie Ya Ya Da Da (Yeah-hey)
Giuchie Giuchie Ya Ya Here (Here)
Mocha Chocalatta Ya Ya (Ooh Yeah)
Creole Lady Marmalade…

Naruto grinned as Tsunade put her hand on his chest, looking over her back towards the audience (whose majority of the male population was moaning and groaning in either frustration… or obvious reasons). Kakashi's eyes, at the moment, were ubelieving as he stared at the sight before him.

"If you told me Naruto was going to be in this position, I would have thought you to be crazy." Asuma offered.

"Same here." Kakashi replied.


"Now, if you said that Jiraiya was going to say that to Naruto…"

"I'd still call you crazy."


The singing went onto the final verses, and Naruto was dancing on stage along with the women. If he was somehow elated, it was amazing that he still had such control over his person.

Voulez vous couchez avec moi? Ce Soir? (Ce Soir)
Voulez vous couchez avec moi? Ce Soir? (All my sisters, Yeah)
Voulez vous couchez avec moi?
Voulez vous couchez avec moi? (Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah)

Anko took a step forward, doing a little twirl and sticking her tongue our teasingly at the audience.

Anko (Ooh Yeah Ooh)

Temari came forward, swaying her hips left and right…

Temari (Lady Marmalade)

Kurenai did a spin, heaving her perfect body up and down as she grinned beautifully at the audience.

Kurenai (Hey Hey Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh)

Tsunade came forward, one hand on her hip and the other lazily down, making her even more of an icon than before.

Tsunade (Oh Oh Oooooh)

Rot weiler baby (Baby)
Moulin Rouge (Ooh Oooh)
Da-doot Da-doot

Miss Demeanour here…

Creole Lady Marmalade Oooh Yesss… ah…

There was a flash of light, and all that was upon the stage disappeared, leaving the crowd to erupt into cheers and whistles for encores. That was truly a great performance.

/-/-/-/ BACKSTAGE /-/-/-/

"There," Tsunade breathed a sigh as she glared at Naruto, who was smirking as he leaned against the wall opposite the Hokage. "Happy now? I did my end of the bet. I hope that you're happy now."

"You mean, we did your end of the bet." Temari glared at the Hokage's back just for good measure.

"Of course I'm happy, Tsunade-baachaaan…" Naruto grinned foxily at her as she turned red from embarrassment, "And I think that for good measure, that you're happy too."

Kurenai bumped into Naruto from behind, and he turned around to see the woman clad in a towel, turning red and saying "Sorry" before she went into the female dressing room.

"I think that I would just LOVE to do that again." Anko came barging in, grinning from ear to ear and slinging an arm around Naruto, "And I didn't know that you were so much filled out… Naruto-kun…"

Naruto laughed nervously as she put in a card into his pocket and left for her dressing room.

"Well, it's been a good night, anyways, with all this happening." Tsunade confided, letting herself grin.

"Uh-huh. Well, I gotta go, see you tomorrow morning, Baba!" Naruto grinned at her, and she found she could not hit him, so instead, she just shook her head. Naruto then began to walk away, his hands in his pockets whistling the tune of "Lady Marmalade" rather loudly.

Tsunade thought of something for a moment, then looked up to Naruto's retreating back, grinning.

"Naruto!" she called out, and Naruto turned around, "If you want to join us for coffee tomorrow morning meet us at Karakura Coffee House at 10 am."

Naruto gave her a thumbs up, grinning foxily, and went on his way.

Now, if he could only get that hot Kurenai-sensei to go out with him…


A/N: Do I hear a request for a song for Naruto and Kakashi to sing? Gimme suggestions for the two guys' song. You won't be disappointed.