Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not me.
RJ: I miss old cartoons from the 90s...
Sora: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the win!
Chapter 7: By Your Powers Combined!
Itachi gasped for breath as he finally clawed his way out from amongst the pile of screaming fangirls. His face twitched as he noticed he was stripped down to his boxers (sporting his name printed in fancy font on the backside). He spotted a group of girls fighting over his cloak.
Sneakily he placed a genjutsu on them and stole his cloak back (he chuckled darkly, having made the girls think that each other was Itachi. They were now gathering a crowd as they tore at each other's clothes). He turned around, wondering where the rest of his comrades had gone off to.
"Brother!" yelled a group of voices.
Itachi froze and turned. Behind him was a large army of Sasukes, many of them large and muscled. Itachi blinked, wondering if his eyes were on their last legs.
"I will kill you!" screamed the Sasuke clones, running towards him. "Revenge! Revenge!"
Itachi's eyes twitched before he took off for the door.
"Itachi-san!" shouted Kisame, spotting his partner screaming like a girl. "Don't worry, Itachi-san, Kisame the Brave will save you!"
The blue-skinned man picked up a nearby Ed cosplayer and threw him at the Sasukes, making them collapse like dominos.
"Get this squirt off me!" yelled one of the Sasukes.
"Squirt? Squirt? I'll show you squirt!"
Kisame blinked as the small blonde-haired kid started tearing into the Sasuke clones, dispatching them into the air. He hadn't expected that to work so well...
"Kisame, you imbecile! Hurry up and get out of there!" Itachi screamed furiously.
"But what about the others?" asked Kisame, looking around the hall- Sasori was currently strewn around the place; his head was currently being thrown around like a ball by a group of three small girls.
"This beach ball is funny, nyo!"
"I'm not a beach ball!" cried Sasori.
Kisame suddenly side-leapt between the girls as they threw the "beach ball", catching it in his arms and continuing to run, picking up the rest of Sasori. He had to wrestle one of his legs away from a guy dressed as a priest, who was stroking the leg lovingly.
"Noo, that leg was going to belong to my next wife!" he yelled as it was taken away. He was whacked over the head by a large boomerang. The man turned around and blushed. "Though, you have a better backside, Sango!" He fell to the ground, whacked unconscious by the woman.
Kisame panted and ran over to Zetsu, prying open the man's venus fly trap. He dumped Sasori's parts inside and threw the Grass-nin towards the exit before moving on.
Deidara wriggled up the pole further as the arguing fans tried to pry him down to answer the "great question of Deidara's gender".
Suddenly the pole began to shake and Deidara screamed. He looked down and sighed in relief; Kisame was attempting to chop the pole dow-...
"Oh shi-" he worded as the pole came crashing down onto the ground. Fans scattered everywhere as it did.
Kisame heaved the pole with Deidara on it onto his shoulder and ran outside as fast as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief as he dumped the pole on the ground, accidentally squishing Deidara under it.
Itachi's eyes had gone red... well, although they were already red... ah, you know what I mean. He looked around angrily. "What the hell was that?" he demanded.
"I thought we were trapped in one of your Tsukiyomi!" replied Sasori, trying to screw his head back on.
Itachi's face twitched as he heard a far off cry.
The Uchiha pointed a finger out in a dramatic pose. "Battle stations! Ready the Mecha-tsuki!"
The others traded worried looks at each other.
"Itachi-san, we don't have a 'Mecha-tsuki'," replied Kisame informatively.
"We...don't?" asked Itachi, eyes filling with tears as he looked at his partner hopefully.
Kisame shook his head. Suddenly he received a punch to the face.
"Alright then... FIRE!" yelled Itachi, pointing his ring at the crowd. Nothing happened. "FIRE!" He shook his hand.
"Itachi-san... we're not Planeteers, you-" Kisame started to say, until he received a kick to the head.
"Noooo!" The cries of Itachi's shattered dreams were cut short as the mass of Sasuke look-alikes and Itachi fangirls came pouring out of the convention hall.
Itachi screamed and began to run, the rest of his comrades in tow...
"Are we forgetting something?" asked Kisame.
Back at the convention...
"Oh, oh! Mr Tobi! Pick me!"
Tobi rubbed the chin of his mask and pointed into the crowd. "Yes, Tobi acknowledges the pretty girl with red hair!"
The girl squealed. "Who's your favourite pairing?"
The masked man thought for a second before answering. "Tobi would say Itachi and Kisame because they work very well together!"
There was a collective squealing throughout the crowd of girls before the table.
"And what do you think about Sasuke and Naruto, Mr Tobi?"
Tobi shrugged. "Tobi thinks the two got along very fine until Sasuke left for Orochimaru."
The girls in the crowd gave a collective sigh of disappointment before going 'ewwww, Orochimaru!' If Tobi was able to read, he would have seen the sign out the front saying Yaoi Panel.
STILL on the road to Orochimaru's...
"Are we there yet?"
In a cave as far away from the convention as possible...
The Akatsuki were finally pulling themselves back together as they hid in a cave (Sasori being the prime example there).
Itachi was glaring at his ring angrily and secretly sulking.
Kisame was having an active argument with the others over the subject of "what if they did have rings like in Captain Planet'.
"All I'm saying is that if my rings were one, I'd be water!" said the shark man. "I mean, it is obvious that I would be. And Itachi-san would be fire because of his family background."
"Fine, if I can't be fire I'd be earth then, hmm!" retorted Deidara, the inner pyromaniac in him angered.
"No, Zetsu would be earth, Deidara," replied Sasori, pulling his head back on and applying vigorous amounts of superglue.
Zetsu was still throwing up bits and pieces of Sasori's body.
"Sasori no dana! How can you say such a thing?" demanded the blonde, pulling off a saliva-soaked toe out of his hair. "You know I'm from the Earth Country! It's like saying Shakespeare painted the Mona Lisa! Zetsu should be Heart!"
"Did someone mention food?" asked Zetsu suddenly. After being stared at for a second the others turned back to their conversation.
"I think you would be wind, Deidara," commented Kisame.
"Wind!" shouted the earth-nin furiously. "Are you joking, hmm? Wind sucks!"
Sasori suddenly stood up, wobbling on one leg. "Wind is an awesome element!" he yelled back, taking the insult as against his old village. "Haven't you ever seen that Temari chick in action?"
Kisame drooled. "Oh, I'd so hit that..."
"No you wouldn't!" Itachi whacked him over the head, having recovered from his sulking. "She wouldn't go near you in a steel-plated suit of armour! Besides, that Tsunade is much hotter!"
The rest of the Akatsuki stared at him for a minute, looks of shock, horror and disgust on their faces. The all turned back to look at each other.
"Sooo... let's get this straight. I think I have it worked out anyway," said Kisame, ignoring his partner going to the corner to sulk again. "I'd have Water, Itachi-san would have Fire, Deidara would have Wind, Zetsu would have Earth... and that only leaves Heart."
Everyone looked over at Sasori.
The puppet glared at them. "Oh, right, stick me with Heart because that's the only body part I have left!"
"But who would we end up summoning, hmm?" asked Deidara. "Captain Planet is a good guy. We're the baddies, hmm."
"How about that Anti-Captain Planet?" suggested Kisame.
"Oh, that'd work," nodded Deidara. "How would we be able to make sure we summon him and not the good Captain Planet though?"
"No idea," replied Kisame with a shrug. "Employment office? He hasn't been around lately, you know. I stopped seeing him on TV back in the mid-90s."
"IDIOTS! HE DOESN'T EXIST! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?" screeched Itachi, running out of the cave in tears.
"Cheh... what's his problem?" asked Sasori irritably.
"He's just mad because he didn't get Wind, hmm!" answered Deidara, kissing his ring.
Yanagi: -eye twitch-
Kita: Heeeh... that really went downhill fast...
RJ: By the way, I introduced the Mechatsuki scene a bit earlier on my DeviantART account... I even have someone drawing one too!