Epilogue: Do You Remember?
A Tokyo Kitty Production
Disclaimer: I don't own it! All characters (regrettably) belong to Square. Losers...hogging all those beautiful people all to themselves, what do they need them all for anyway? Why not spread the love, huh Square?
WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN UP THROUGH WHEN HOLLOW BASTION IS ATTACKED BY HEARTLESS!
A/N: Here we are finally. It's been great working on this and I'm going to miss it a lot. Perhaps it was never meant to exist in the first place but at least it's been good. Maybe it's suiting that a fic about Nobodies wasn't meant to exist in the first place. (Haha! A Nobody joke) I hope this chapter will answer all the remaining questions along with the last lemon I'm writing for this thing. (sad, but there will always be others) Larxene gets to make one more appearance (whoot!)
IMPORTANT AFTER NOTE: Part of this chapter is spent in a flashback to after chapter 3. Just so you know. Oh, and like I stated in Chapter 3, Xemnas is 25 and Saïx is 28. Also for those who don't know the difference between Cuban and French heels. Cuban heels are the kind most people know as Stilettos or the really thin one that ends in a small base. French heels are normally much lower and are wide like the back of the shoe. Almost like a platform heel but without the height in the front as well. You'll see why this is important later.
Demyx sat the next day in the training hall. The place was very quickly becoming his hangout since Saïx had gone M.I.A. He tossed the small trinket Axel had given him in one hand still trying to think of a good way to solve what he called: The How-to-keep-the-sitar-tuned-in-the-Realm-of-Darkness Problem.
He'd tried not storing it so far into the Realm by placing it right by the door but that hadn't seemed to help. Demyx realized that he couldn't carry it around with him all the time but he was running out of other options. If it wasn't in tune he couldn't play it which could be fatal if he had to fight right away. He doubted his opponents would wait until he tuned it before attacking.
Demyx's inner war was interrupted by the sharp staccato of thin heels hitting the white floor. Demyx listened harder and noticed that the heels were making far too loud of a sound to be anyone but Larxene. She was the only one in the Organization who wore high Cuban heeled boots. She had complained it was sexist since all of the others wore a much flatter French heel on their boots. No matter how much she complained Xemnas hadn't listened and now she just had to manage. The good part of this, at least on Demyx's part, was they made a very different sound than any of the others boots so it was easy to tell her apart from a distance.
Demyx chuckled and opened his palm toward the ceiling. He wasn't very pleased with Larxene after all the crap she'd put Axel through. Not to mention she probably still had that picture of himself and Marluxia. Demyx smirked as the energy pooled in his hand forming a sort of water sphere. He had some revenge to exact at the unsuspecting woman as soon as she entered the training hall.
Larxene walked down the long hall stretching as she walked. A for once genuine smile of happiness was plastered on her face. 'Finally my period is over and I can actually walk without falling over. I may be in a good mood but I swear if the Superior sends me on a mission today he will find some very interesting objects in his butt come tomorrow morning.' She smirked at that last part before turning down another hall that led to the training hall.
'Let's celebrate with some good ol' target practice.' She stepped through the training hall door and saw before she could do anything about it a rather large ball of water come flying at her and then fall directly on her head. The water dripped off her head and down over the rest of her body making the coat cling to her uncomfortably. Just as added insult the two strands of hair that were normally gelled to stick up fell limply to the sides of her face.
Demyx fell back in laughter clutching his sides and pointing at the woman. The smile that had once been on her face was now replaced with an expression of bubbling contempt.
"You better start running Water Boy. This time you are so dead." She growled through bared teeth as water continued to drip onto the white floor. She reached into her pocket pulling out a few of her beloved kunais.
"Ah ah ah! I wouldn't do that if I were you. Don't you know water conducts electricity? With you all wet you'd go up in fireworks before anything ever hit me." Demyx wagged his finger at her. Larxene thrust the kunais back into her pocket and seemed to grin at him with a kind of mischievous happiness.
"Then maybe I can interest you in this." She pulled a picture out of her pocket that seemed to sag a little bit from the water. "It's really a marvelous picture. Oh? Did you know Axel was the one who gave it to me? He really is quite the photographer." She crooned sauntering over to the brunette holding the picture out in front of her.
Demyx blushed slightly when the picture got within his vision. In the picture, even though the lighting was poor, it was obvious that Marluxia was sucking him off. Axel hadn't told him THAT was what he'd taken a picture of them doing.
"I never expected you to go for the sadistic type...let alone be gay. Actually, never mind that last part...That makes sense." She giggled evilly to herself at her own musings. It was beyond Demyx how anyone could giggle so cutely but make it sound so evil at the same time.
"I am not gay." Demyx mumbled indignantly crossing his arms. "I'm bi." He said trying to glare at the woman who only grinned back.
"Really is that so? Then in that case..." She began walking around him to stand in back of Demyx. Demyx stood up with a start not liking the fact that Larxene was out of line of sight. He turned around to face her taking a defensive step back. "Hmph, if that's the case what are you willing to pay for me to keep this picture silent, hmm? I'm much rougher than that pink haired freak. Maybe we can work out some sort of...agreement, yes?" She batted a seductive eyelash taking a step toward him which caused Demyx to take a step back.
'First Marluxia, now this. Man, why do all the weird ones want to do it with me?' Demyx thought clutching the talisman he still held in his hand tighter.
"It'd be a shame if anyone found this picture lying 'forgotten' on a table in the cafeteria. Or maybe I might get careless and 'accidentally' leave it in my next mission folder when I hand it over to the Superior." Demyx winced taking another step back. "So? Do we have a deal?"
'If only I could summon my sitar. I can think of ten melodies that could get me out of this crap.' He took another step back and felt his back hit the wall. 'Shit.' He mentally cursed.
Larxene took the final step to corner him. "Check-mate." She grinned enunciating the syllables separately.
Demyx grimaced. He then decided to do something that would either be the bravest thing he ever did or just really, really stupid. He raised his arms as if he was going to wrap them around her neck but his hands ended on her shoulders and he shoved her off which made Larxene lose her balance on those high heels and she took a couple steps back to keep from falling.
"Bad move, kid." She said pulling a kunai out of her pocket. She was still slightly wet but she'd pulled her glove off so that the electricity didn't spread.
Demyx raised his fists stupidly not knowing what to fight with. Larxene laughed and took a battle stance. The musician gripped the metal music note harshly as if it would save him.
Then something mysterious happened. A circle of light appeared around his feet as two balls of blue light circled around him before exploding. Where the talisman had been was now the neck of his sitar. As the instrument materialized he supported it even though he was slightly confused.
Larxene frowned looking at the musician slightly befuddled. Demyx shook off his confusion after he noticed the instruments strings were still perfectly in tune just like they had been before he left his room. He smirked at the woman and began to play. Larxene tried to take a step back but before she could turn to run water spirits had circled her leaving no exit.
"I hate water..." Larxene muttered and began throwing kunai after kunai into the water spirits that only disappeared back into Demyx's sitar to be re-summoned with full power a few seconds later.
Demyx was taking slow steps backward out of the training hall as Larxene continued laying waste to the water spirits. Once he was close enough to the door he stopped playing and started running out the door. The water spirits disappeared and Larxene shook the water off of her before taking off to chase after the brunette.
Running while holding a sitar was not easy. 'Alright so I got this thing here so how do I get rid of it?' He stopped and looked down at the instrument and then as he willed it the sitar disappeared in a flurry of particles and the small music note talisman was back in his hand.
'Wicked.' Demyx smirked throwing the thing in the air before catching it and putting it back in his pocket. His happiness was short lived when he heard the sound of Larxene's boots hitting the floor at a very fast pace. Demyx looked over his shoulder to see the woman charging at him down the hall at full speed with kunais held in both hands at full load with a very evil look on her face.
Demyx let out a girly scream before taking off at a run again. He passed the door to his room ducking his head or jumping out of the way as one of her hits would stab into the wall with a rather loud electric shock. He came to a sliding halt at Axel's door opening it and closing it in the blonde's face and locking it. He heard all eight of Larxene's kunais hit the door. He let out a whimper in relief and sank down to the floor against the door.
That was when he realized Axel and Roxas were staring at him. Axel was naked on top of a half naked Roxas who was peeking out from under Axel over the redhead's shoulder.
"Are you two always at it?" Was all Demyx said. Axel laughed and sat up, moving off of Roxas.
"I probably don't want to know why Larxene is chasing you, do I?" Axel asked with a chuckle.
Demyx laughed as well. "I guess I could explain." He shook his head and moved from the floor to the chair at Axel's table.
He explained everything about Larxene and the picture of himself and Marluxia. From Roxas' angry look at Axel the redhead had not told him any of the escapade with Larxene's blackmail. This led Axel to backtrack and explain everything back from day one when Larxene had stolen his camera.
"You did that for me?" Roxas asked Axel after both Axel and Demyx had finished explaining their stories.
"Well, yeah, I didn't want Xemnas to know or he might have tried to hurt you or something." Axel said sadly. Even after all his work Xemnas had still found out and hurt Roxas. Maybe in a different way than he had expected, but he'd still done it despite Axel's best efforts.
"It isn't your fault." Roxas seemed to read his mind and denounced what he was thinking
Axel smiled and was about to say something mushy when Demyx interrupted.
"But, I solved my problem with the sitar. I summoned it with all the strings still intact." Axel looked incredulous. "No, seriously! I used that talisman you two gave me. I used it as some sort of catalyst to pull it from its stand in my room to the training hall."
"But how?" Roxas asked.
"I think I pulled it through the Realm of Darkness. Maybe because it was never stagnant in that place it didn't have time to deteriorate the strings." Demyx seemed excited about this breakthrough. Axel figured that would make sense since now he could fight at will just like all the others. Maybe now people would stop calling him so weak...or not.
"Wasn't Saïx in the training hall?" Roxas asked randomly. He had been wondering for a while since the castle seemed far more sane and quiet than usual (if you excluded Larxene's outburst today but he did say more sane rather than completely sane).
"No...I haven't seen him in there for a while. Which is really odd..." Demyx said thinking about when he had seen him last.
" 'Wonder where he could've gotten to?" Axel wondered.
Somewhere in the castle, Saïx sneezed.
It was a little over a week before that Xemnas had forced his way into Axel's room in an attempt to seduce Roxas. What better way to have the young blonde to his own than to screw him into Axel's bed? He hated the redhead with a passion stronger than the fire Axel wielded. Any way to smite his happiness was worth a try. It just so happened that he could hurt Axel and gain Roxas at the same time.
Sadly, even best laid plans can go wrong.
Xemnas slammed the door to Axel's room and ran down the hall figuring the redhead was still pursuing him. When he looked over his shoulder and no one was following him he stopped to rearrange the clothing he was holding to better cover himself. He found it peculiar that Axel was not chasing after him but figured he was trying to talk to Roxas. Xemnas was thinking of going back to his room when he realized how far his room was from where he was now. Walking back to his room, or even running, held the chance of him running into one of his subordinates.
Being caught in the hallway naked was not high on his priority list.
So, he decided that the closest room would be the best. What's closest to Number 8?
Number 7, Saïx.
Xemnas figured that he probably wasn't even in his room since the blue haired enigma seemed to spend even more time than he did staring up into the abyss of Kingdom Hearts. Xemnas only needed to use the room for a second to put his clothes on and then he would leave the room as if he'd never been there.
Unfortunately for Xemnas said blue haired enigma had decided to hole himself up in his room reading the latest book he'd stolen from Zexion. Xemnas opened the door without knocking and stared blankly at Saïx who glared back just as blankly.
"That's a nice look." He said looking back down at the book. "You finally picked a new uniform for us. I'm sure Axel will be pleased with the easy access." Saïx drawled turning the page of the book.
"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Saïx." Xemnas said shutting the door behind him.
"I shouldn't ask why you're in my room and naked, should I?" Saïx put the book down on the bedside table and sat up.
"I don't want to talk about it." Xemnas growled turning away from Saïx and putting his clothing down on the table to begin dressing again.
"It has something to do with Axel, doesn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't be this angry about it."
"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Xemnas turned his face over his shoulder to snap at Saïx and then his face relaxed into a sad forlorn expression.
"Fine," Saïx responded curtly. He picked up his book again and ignored Xemnas until the man had fully dressed and was out his door. Xemnas muttered a 'thanks' before closing the door.
A day or two later Xemnas found himself standing on one of the many viewing balconies staring up into the abyss of Kingdom Hearts. To tell the truth, he didn't know what had brought him there since it was rare that he spent his time looking at it. Maybe it was his poor mood as of late.
The whispers and gossip of the castle said Axel and Roxas were now fully together and although this was a scandal as Xemnas had clearly stated that as Nobodies they couldn't love they still shared a bond that the Superior couldn't quite put a finger on. Love wasn't something they were supposed to be able to feel. Then again, rejection wasn't one of the things they were supposed to feel either yet Xemnas was having trouble denying his own sadness now.
'How can we feel, when we have no hearts? Years of research has proved that without hearts one cannot feel but somehow...somehow those two break that rule. Does that mean they are just special? Or maybe I'm the only one who can't feel and I've applied that rule to the others as well.' Xemnas brooded on this development not liking the emptiness it left.
'If that is the case, then why am I the only one who can't feel anything but pain? What meaning is in non-existence if I can't have what the others have. Perhaps Kingdom Hearts has found their hearts but mine still remains an illusion. No, that makes no sense at all...'
"What are you doing?" Saïx said from the doorway to the balcony Xemnas was standing on.
"Can you feel it, Saïx? In the presence of Kingdom Hearts can you feel anything?" Xemnas evaded the question by asking one of his own. Saïx frowned for a moment before answering.
"I thought you said we couldn't feel anything, sir. That everything we think we feel is really an illusion of the mind trying to make up for our lack of hearts." Saïx said coldly. His answer was scientific and verbatim what Xemnas had said at the time Saïx had joined Organization XIII.
"An illusion? Is the mind really that powerful? Can it really fake something as abstract as love or revenge?" Xemnas motioned to his chest and then his hand dropped back to his side.
"Maybe, maybe not. What are you proposing if feelings are not illusions?" Saïx lifted himself off the doorframe to stride over to stand next to Xemnas on the balcony.
"Kingdom Hearts...so many hearts are gathered there. The proximity of those hearts may resonate in our absent ones reflecting the feelings that those true hearts have felt." Xemnas turned away from Saïx to look back up into Kingdom Hearts.
"Reflect? Can mirrors reflect light in utter darkness? Nothingness overpowers the heart. You of all people should know that." Saïx grimly added.
"You're wrong! This isn't an illusion. I know it isn't...Can't you feel it too?" Xemnas nearly yelled losing his composure to a sort of barely restrained frustration.
Saïx's face was blank for a moment. "Yes, I can feel it sir." He said slowly measuring the magnitude of the words he had just uttered.
"You're lucky...because I can't. No matter how long I gaze into its depths I see nothing other than a flurry of color. What do you see, Saïx? Please tell me...I want to know." Xemnas pleaded his face falling from anger to near despair.
Saïx sighed and turned around to look up into Kingdom Hearts. "I feel death. It resonates in the hate and sadness that I remember. The hearts share their pain wishing to return to the bodies they were born into. I think you are lucky to not feel that kind of pain. It's rather...depressing." Saïx turned to look at Xemnas who was staring not at Kingdom Hearts but at him mournfully.
"I want to feel it Saïx. Share it with me. I want to know what you've all been hiding from me." His voice was filled with melancholy but also a hint of betrayal.
'Does he blame us for why he can't feel these things? Or does he simply not remember?' Saïx questioned, looking into Xemnas' sad face trying to read him through his iridescent orange eyes.
"What is it you want to feel Xemnas?" Saïx asked slowly measuring Xemnas expression.
"I want...I want part of what Axel and Roxas have. I want their love." His eyes dropped to the ground staring at the white marble.
'Love?' Saïx thought. He was surprised by this response. He knew what Xemnas meant. He had heard the rumors around the Castle. 'If he had asked for anything but that I might have known...but love? I can't give that, only pain.'
"Alright. I can make you feel." Saïx replied sadly. In truth, it was a lie. But, if it would help Xemnas, perhaps it was worth it. Saïx realized that what Xemnas had expressed to him was private. He trusted him with what he had said and for this Saïx was grateful.
Saïx grasped Xemnas' shoulders trying to pull a smile onto his face. It ended in a kind of half smile that looked more like a smirk than a sincere smile. He gripped his shoulders tighter before leaning in to kiss him roughly. Xemnas responded almost immediately, eager to feel anything that Saïx was willing to give him.
Saïx's tongue probed Xemnas' mouth as he pushed the silver haired man back with little shoves until he ran into the wall. His body melded against Xemnas' barely taller frame as his kisses dropped to the side of his neck. Xemnas thrust his hips into Saïx's which caused him to be pushed harder against the wall and restrained there by Saïx's weight. The silver haired man groaned, frustrated by his own lack of mobility. Saïx pulled his upper body away from Xemnas to reach the zipper of his coat, licking at the new skin that was revealed. Xemnas' hands strayed to Saïx's shoulders squeezing harshly, urging him to continue. His hands were easily taken and pinned above his head by Saïx's right hand. Xemnas struggled against the hold he had on him which earned him a light bite to the nipple Saïx was currently abusing.
He looked up at Xemnas with a questioning look which was reciprocated with Xemnas' expression of lust. 'Forgive me Xemnas...I don't remember love...All I can give you is pain with a flicker of pleasure.' He thought mournfully. He returned to Xemnas' chest while pushing the coat off of his shoulders. It hit the marble floor with a small clink of metal and the ruffle of fabric. His hand that wasn't pinning Xemnas' hands strayed lower to lightly grope at the other's erection through his pants. Xemnas groaned again and thrust his hips into Saïx's hand. Saïx swiftly undid the button and zipper to his pants and pushed them and his boxers down to his knees.
The blue haired man released Xemnas' hands and pulled away in one motion. He pulled off his own gloves pushing them into his pockets before quickly undoing the zipper to the coat as well as the fastenings to his pants. Xemnas managed to pull himself off of the wall slightly confused as to why Saïx had so suddenly stopped.
"Suck me." Saïx commanded pulling his own impressive cock out of his pants and giving it a firm stroke. "Or this will be very painful for you." He explained. Xemnas nodded and strode towards Saïx careful not to trip because of his lowered pants. The blue haired man took Xemnas' place against the wall and Xemnas obediently kneeled in front of him.
Xemnas' still gloved hand came to hold the base of his cock while his mouth slowly wrapped around Saïx's erect member. Saïx let out a groan and splayed his fingers in feather-like hair. 'You don't understand Xemnas. Sex is not love. You're too immature to understand.' He petted Xemnas' hair slowly as he watched him take more of his cock into that warm, wet mouth.
'I'm just using you...But then, you're using me too, aren't you?' Saïx asked to himself when Xemnas orange eyes connected with his own yellow ones. Xemnas' teeth grazed lightly against his erect cock causing Saïx to thrust his hips against Xemnas' face. The silver haired man pulled back to lick languidly at the shaft before popping it back in his mouth to give a hard suck. Saïx used both hands to push Xemnas' mouth away from his cock. Xemnas moved back compliantly, licking his lips to get rid of the excess saliva.
Xemnas gave Saïx a half confused look. Saïx's wishes were made clear to him when the blue haired man motioned for Xemnas to take his place against the wall. Xemnas kicked his pants off while doing so and backed up against the cold white walls. Saïx closed the distance between them once again, kissing Xemnas forcefully. This time Saïx let Xemnas dominate their kiss while his hands strayed down Xemnas now completely naked form. His hands gripped around the back of Xemnas' thighs and lifted him off the ground. Xemnas took the hint and wrapped his legs loosely around Saïx's waist. Saïx's open coat was making it hard for Xemnas to get a proper hold on the elder's hips. To remedy this, Xemnas locked his legs tighter until he could fold one foot over the other. This motion caused Saïx to have to take a step closer to Xemnas which brought their hard cocks into contact.
They both groaned and Saïx brought a hand between their bodies to slowly stroke Xemnas' cock while he positioned himself at the Superior's entrance. He pushed in slowly but all in one motion causing Xemnas to let out a barely restrained whimper. It had been along time since Xemnas had allowed anyone to penetrate him.
'Show me what you feel, Saïx. Let me feel your heart.' Xemnas inwardly chuckled at this. As of not too long ago the sentence would've sounded preposterous. But now, maybe Saïx knew something that Xemnas didn't. Saïx brought Xemnas back to the present moment with a roll of his hips. He began a motion, stroking Xemnas cock in time to his own hard thrust. Xemnas wrapped his arms around Saïx's broad shoulders, pushing back against his thrusts. Xemnas closed his eyes to enjoy the sensations of pleasure that seemed to snap through his body with each forward thrust Saïx made. Xemnas eyes flickered back open to meet Saïx's yellow ones. Saïx seemed to stare almost past Xemnas and he could feel the elder's eyes burying into him even deeper than the now much harsher thrusts.
'What is it you see? Do feel the same love I do?' Xemnas questioned silently. His hands moved to the front of Saïx's coat and pushed the fabric off his shoulders. Saïx stopped his motion for a moment to enable him to let go of Xemnas to shrug the coat off entirely. The coat fell behind him and Saïx grabbed onto the back of Xemnas' thigh again while the other hand strayed to play with Xemnas' cock.
Xemnas wrapped his arms back around Saïx's neck while fingers splayed over the smooth fabric of his tight black shirt. the shirt showed off Saïx's well-muscled upper body, Xemnas reflected absentmindedly. Once again his train of thought came to a screeching halt when Saïx hit something within him that made Xemnas moan in unbridled passion. Saïx smirked evilly and began ramming into that spot mercilessly while stroking Xemnas cock. Small beads of precum began to ooze from the tip. Saïx used this to his advantage changing his grip to collect the precum before smearing it over the rest of the shaft.
Xemnas' vision was beginning to fog up and his breath was coming in short pants. He could feel that he was close and let Saïx know by moaning his name breathily. Saïx grunted in return and sped up his thrusts, repositioning Xemnas higher on the wall from where he had slipped. Xemnas came in a half-stifled groan, coming all over Saïx's hands and their chests. Upon Xemnas' climax, the tight channel Saïx was occupying became infinitely tighter and his brows knitted together as he came silently into Xemnas' body.
Once he had gained his breath again Saïx slowly let go of Xemnas' legs and lowered him back to the ground. Saïx pulled away, wiping his hand off on his pants before tucking his softening cock back into his pants and fastening them again.
"Did you feel it?" Siax asked at long last snapping Xemnas out of his stupor leaning against the wall.
'Feel?...Oh right, love...' Xemnas thought remembering the whole reason for the affair. His mind searched for the feeling of love that he optimistically hoped would be there but he came up blank.
Xemnas stared at the ground not wanting to admit his own defeat.
"Do you not remember...sir?" Saïx asked pulling his coat back on.
"Remember?" Xemnas repeated. "Remember what?"
"How love feels. Do you not remember from when you were human?" Saïx asked prodding Xemnas for the answer.
'Remember...love...' Xemnas thought deeply trying to recall his life when he was still Xehanort. There were the experiments and all of his fellow assistants turned conspirators. Then there was their foolhardy leader...Ansem. Had that been love? The thought made Xemnas shiver internally so he moved past his memories of Ansem the Wise.
'But what is there before that?' The more he thought back the foggier it got and then hit a huge wall. 'Ah yes...even after all those experiments I never recovered that part of the past.'
Through all of his nostalgic remembrances he forgot Saïx was still waiting for an answer. "No...I never knew love." He answered slowly and as truthfully as he could. He realized at that moment just how cold it was and began to redress.
"That is regretful, to have no memory of love." Saïx said just as slowly. In truth, he could not remember well any sort of love either.
"What does it matter?" Xemnas asked.
"I believe that we can only feel what we remember. We remember what it was like to be alive and that is where our feelings are derived."
"Heh...It's unlike you to be so hopeful, Saïx. It doesn't suit you." Xemnas answered mournfully. He pulled on his coat and zipped it up, stalking past Saïx toward the door.
"I am sorry sir." Saïx said softly as Xemnas ghosted past him and out the door.
'No wonder you want to be human again. You don't remember anything, do you?' Saïx seemed to ask Xemnas silently. But it didn't really matter. Xemnas was already gone.
THE END (for real this time)
A/N: WHOOT! Is done. The end of this chapter was very hard to write because I am testing out a new theory. For those of you who think this chapter has terrible closure, don't freak, I know. This Epilogue is meant as a springboard for a new story I'm working on about Xemnas' mysterious past and how the Organization got started. This Epilogue was really only meant to bring closure to the plot arc of Axel, Roxas, and Demyx and an excuse to write the under appreciated pairing of Saïx and Xemnas. Hugs and kisses are nice for all this work and comments are always welcome. Thank you!