Hey Guys! I'm updating early just like you wanted. (At least I think it's an early chapter.) Anyway I think I'm gonna write two or three at the most of kagome and inuyasha's separation. Then they'll come back together. (Yes kagome does go back for all of you who don't listen.) Don't be fooled though! Just because she comes back that doesn't mean that's the ending of my story. I still have plenty more chapters to go and it still ends in angst. All right lets just get this chapter started shall we.
Previously on A Test of Faith, Love, and Destiny:
He couldn't live without her. It was that simple. He loved her so, so much.
He would do anything to have her back. He would give up everything he had worked so hard to gain the past few years. Anything. Just for another moment with her in his arms.
Inuyasha started back towards the well. Somehow, it had been sealed over. Some power had let her do this.
He had to do something.
'Just to see her again…'
'She might never come back.'
He messed up. Big time.
Even if she didn't want to talk to him, at least he would see her one last time.
'I'll always love you, Kagome… and I promise I'll show it to you someday…'
When I was little, I truly believed that everything and anything could be fixed, as long as you put your heart and soul into it. I believed that, no matter what, as long as you held out long enough, were determined enough, and had faith, you would inevitably triumph over the bad guys and obtain unconditional happiness. I believed that the power of love conquered everything.
It never occurred to me that, just maybe, Beauty never got there in time to see the Beast again and tell him she loved him, that Cinderella never escaped the closet and put on the glass slipper, that maybe, just maybe, Sleeping Beauty never woke up from her enchantment. Maybe the prince never came, maybe the prince didn't care...those ideas never occurred to me.
After all, what kind of prince would leave his beloved princess? And what kind of princess would forsake her prince?
When he would go to kikyo, I never questioned him. I accepted it, and stayed by his side faithfully. When I came back to the village, I could feel Sango concerned eyes, and I knew she was wondering why I came back. Why I willingly put myself in such pain. And
I would answer myself and say, "Because I want to see him, because I love him too much."
I even told Sango that once. She didn't say anything after that, but I would catch her, sometimes, looking at me in sorrow and pity whenever he ran off to find Kikyo, because she knew, even if he didn't, that I was suffering by staying with him. It hurt soo much to be with him, knowing that he will never be mine.
Sometimes, I found myself forgetting that we were not meant to be, and I would laugh with him, teasing him and having fun like any other ordinary schoolgirl with the one she likes.
It never lasted long. I'll always remember, when he went to her, that one day, it opened my eyes to the truth. He really will walk away. One day...he will leave me. He will finally leave me for Kikyo. One day, he will leave me, and while he will have Kikyo, I will have nobody.
I will not have him.
So I smiled and I beard it, cherishing every moment I had with him.
Maybe I'll find someone, I don't know. Someone who loves me and someone I'll love back.
In my dreams, my Prince Charming was just that. Charming, polite, fun to be around with, gentle. I never expected to fall in love with someone like Inuyasha, uncouth and uncivilized, having to strain to become gentle because of all the horrible experiences in his past. And fun to be around with? We end up in more fights than I believed possible. He just seemed to stomp on all my attempts to be calm and patient, and I just...erupted.
Like when he was constantly bugging me about why I was avoiding him, and after him asking Kikyo to come with him to defeat the Shichinintai...right in front of me. I explained to him that I was not angry with him. I reminded him that I chose to stay, nobody made me choose. Then I got angry because he had annoyed me all day about it, or that's what I said. I was angry, just not as much as I made it out to be, not about that, anyway. I was angry about Kikyo, and I took it out on him, slamming him repeatedly into the ground.
Afterwards, I beat myself up about it. What had I become, to take my anger like that out on Inuyasha? But that wasn't the first time--I had done it many times before, whenever I was stressed over Kikyo, whenever I felt sad and self-pitying, and then I would go to Inuyasha and pick a fight with him, then sit him. I couldn't talk to him and tell him how I was feeling, like I did with everyone else. I couldn't, because if I did, it would make him feel guilty, and he would change his mind, just so I would be happy.
I wonder...what would I be like if I had never met Inuyasha? If Buyo hadn't gone down to the well house, if the centipede-youkai hadn't dragged me down to the Sengoku Jidai.
I would probably still be a normal schoolgirl struggling in her last years of high school to get a good grade on her exams and get into a good college, then struggling again to get a good job with a nice husband.
I will never be able to love someone soo unconditionally again. He has taken all the love in my heart for himself, and I won't ever be able to get it back. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to get it back.
Never again will I be Higurashi Kagome, a regular schoolgirl. Never again will I be able to laugh with all my heart and soul, never again will I feel pure, unconditional love.
Who am I? I am not sure... I don't seem to know anything these days... I don't even know if he chose to be with Kikyo out of love, or out of honor, duty and guilt. I am not sure which one is worse...
But I convince myself that he must have chosen her out of love, because he loves her even though she was the one who sealed him. It's nothing that I haven't done. I shot him with an arrow, right in the heart, too...I wasn't strong enough to stay by him.
Even if he loved me, could he possibly love me more than Kikyo? And if he did...then why did he leave me?
I am Beauty when she forsook the Beast. I am Cinderella when she gave up hope and never tried on the glass sleeper. I am Sleeping Beauty, forever waiting for my prince to awaken me with True Love's first kiss, because my prince, my hanyou, will never come.
Senior Year is supposed to be a time of celebration….at least for some.
Kagome sat there on the couch staring softly, hypnotically subdued by the whirl-wind of emotions that were racing inside of her.
She had stopped rubbing away the tears that were in her eyes and on her cheeks because every wipe was in vine, for another shower would tumble in those swollen eyes and down those sunken cheeks in a matter of seconds.
She cautiously fingered the pillow she was holding to her chest with death grip force trying to tell her mind that at least one thing hadn't left her this evening like so many other things had.
As the wind sympathetically scrapped tree tendrils across her window, she limply pulled her numb body out of her sitting position and made her was across the room to the double doors that lead out on to her balcony and flung them open.
While the cool air kissed her cheeks, giving a sweet sensation of bitter chills, Kagome remembered so brilliantly how her whole life came falling down in just a matter of mere minutes.
"You left me. You left me so that you could see her again."
The miko was now sitting on the well, gripping the wood and dangling her legs so that her feet were hanging over the bottomless portal to his time. She was clutching her big yellow backpack, ready to jump in.
'Come on, Kagome. He abandoned you. You should just forget him, this is where you belong.'
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget him.
Kagome staggered of the well house and over to a white paint-chipped iron love seat that would only hold one tonight, and as she sunk down she lowered her upper body horizontally cross the whole seat, letting her tears flow down her sideways cheeks only to be blown into bitter ice crystals as the chilled air touched them.
When he left her to go and see Kikyo, she didn't want to wait for him. She also hated herself for always letting him, almost giving permission for him, to go and see her. It took a lot of strength for Kagome to always do this. To let him abandon her, abandon her love, to go off to his first love.
But she always told herself that it was better than finding out later that he went off to see Kikyo without telling her or letting her know. That wasn't much of a comforting thought though because then that led to her thinking about all the times she caught him in his act.
Kagome closed her eyes – just trying to forget, trying to prevent all of those times from replaying in her head. But they never stopped.
She knew she was causing herself all of this trouble, all of this pain, all of this heartache. It was she alone who decided that she wanted to leave him.
The schoolgirl couldn't expect him to just stay with each other after everything. He had a promise to keep and Kagome had a time that she had to go back to. No matter how you looked at it, it would never work and this time love wouldn't conquer all.
'Why did you have to be such a jerk?'
'He was using me to console his own heartache and his own pain, even though he would never admit it. If this weren't true he wouldn't just completely forget about me like that whenever Kikyo's soul collectors came around.'
It wasn't fair how she just would let him see Kikyo, almost allowing him to cheat on her when she herself couldn't even get within arm's length of talking to Kouga or any other guys without him biting their heads off. It was unfair how Kagome was giving her everything to him, while he couldn't and wasn't able to give his heart so freely away since it was still dwelling on Kikyo.
'No matter what we have been through, no matter how much time that we spent together, and no matter much he cared about me, his heart would always and forever be with Kikyo.'
'I didn't ask to come to a different era, to spend time with and eventually develop feelings and love for this demon. I didn't ask to get myself involved in such a complicated past and relationship, or to fall in love with him. I didn't want to be the reincarnate of his past love, and most importantly, I didn't ask for a tangled confusing unrequited love.'
Her feelings will always be one-sided, no matter how much he cared about her, because in the end he will never be able to return those feelings – because those feelings belonged to Kikyo.
Kagome folded her arms on top of her legs and laid down her head.
'Unrequited love…that's all that I have.'
This was no fairy tale and there were not going to be any happy endings. In the end of this journey, hearts will be broken and there will be no happily ever afters. Kagome knew it in her heart that everything would end in tragic good byes…
The Miko looked up, wiping the stray tears that managed to escape her eyes as her friends came by.
"I'm over here guys."
"Hey, were gonna be late for the movies kagome!" said ayumi.
"Yeah, come on. I don't want to miss any of it." Chimed eerie.
"All right I'm coming guys."
'I will get over this and I won't let it control my life. I've spent too many months in darkness and pain of him. From now on I won't feel sorry for myself. I should be enjoying life more. I finally got my wish…a normal life. Yes…I'll be fine.'
After repeating her little mantra, the young girl left to join her friends…and start a new perspective on life.
Well I hope you guys liked it. Sorry if these chapters bore anyone. I only have like one or two chapter of angst and separation left. Anyway…has anyone else noticed Im not making inu and kag say eachothers name or remember eachother a lot so they wont feel any pain. (but I guess its not working sience both are still in pain, although one got over it a little.) Kinda like the books Twilight and New Moon. Does that ring a bell for anyone? (they have become like my two favorite books in the world. If you haven't read them then READ THEM!)
Anyway thaks to all my reviewers and especially the ones that answered my sesshy question:
Thunder Brother Hiten Luver- I forgot about his father…hmmmm…(looks at sexy photo of him and his sons)..he does look hott.
PitaBread- I Cant wait for chapter 18! Yay!
Kagome-chan753- NOOO! Don't cry (although I do If I see or read a sad story or movie) They come back together. I promise!
13 Hanyou Girl13- Arigatou, thanks.
Xcurlyinuyashax- Sorry I hadn't updated in soo long.
AslanofTexas- Your right! He would just look sexier if I tried to mess his hair. Damn.
Ok now for the question of the day:
Has anyone ever heard the song "sorrow" from Boxcar Racer? The minute I heard that song I could picture Inuyasha singing it. I have no idea why but it really goes with my storyline right now. You just have to hear that song after reading the last chapter of this story.
P.S.- Tomorrows my birthday (june 12th) Yay! I'm finally 18.