Things I'll never say

Epic of Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell

By KawaiiTenshi


Disclaimer : I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or the characters. The following are not the direct opinions of me on the characters but rather my interpretation of how they would act if put under certain circumstances.

About the Fic : Ed/Win + PostSeries. The following story was inspired by the song Things I'll never say by Avril Lavigne. As soon as I heard this song I thought of Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell. This fic also takes place after the series but without taking the movie into account. Only in this Al get's his body back and remembers everything. Remember to review/comment, thanx! (Also, these chapters are going to be short for a reason)


Prologue: You

Automail : n, substituted limbs made up of metal and wires, allowing the user full use of either arms or legs to participate in life's tasks.

With the definition of automail in the dictionary there should be a picture of a blonde haired boy with eyes as gold as the sun. An image of an irritated looking young man chasing a dream. A man who was selfless and left his younger brother behind.

He always made me feel grief. Always showing up when I didn't expect it and giving me the cold shoulder. Didn't he take my feelings into consideration when he came back all messed up? No, I guess not. He did have more important things going on. But did I have any idea what these things were? No. I, the BEST FRIEND had no clue how the little midget spent his time.

But When I spotted Al with a body of flesh and bone coming up the dirt road without him I instantly knew something was wrong. Flinging the door open I ran down the road, leaving a cloud of dust in my wake. He caught me in a bear hug and cried his tears of anguish into my shoulder. The past four years coming out in racking sobs. It took me a couple of days before I approached him about his brother. But it wasn't I who asked, Al volunteered the information. I remember staring at him in shock as he reenacted the events in words. Instantly I shot out of my seat and held him. And before we both knew it, we were both crying. Crying for the man we knew was probably lost forever.

I have shed enough tears for dear Edward Elric. It has been about two and a half years since I have last seen him and I still feel the same as when he left me last. But I have become stubborn and I refuse, no, I try not the think about him except for the time when I wake up and when I go to bed at night. Praying that he is alright wherever he is.

Al seems to be doing better these days. He only stayed for a short time before running off with his sensei Izumi. When he told me of his plans I became jealous. He just returned and he was already running away again? He sensed my change of mood and explained to me that he had to do it. That it was for Ed. How can I compete with that?

So with out Al there to distract me and having the slow season upon me my thoughts began to wonder. I began to draw up designs of a new atuomail. An automail that was to be the same weight as a flesh and bone arm but with the strength that of diamonds. OK, so I can't duplicate the strength of diamonds but I made it pretty damn strong okay?

I always chose to work on my project after lunch. I find that working on a full stomach provided great results. So with the plans strewn over my work table I would spend hours, even working late into the night mulling over different ideas. And I would always end my day with a quick look at the picture of a blonde boy pinned upon my wall. At first I would frown and attempt to hold back the tears. But now I look upon this picture with a smile. Because I started to think of all the good times we shared. I would laugh about how he and Al would fight over who would marry me and how he would tell me I was a baby for being scared of thunderstorms. I still do get a little jumpy from storms.

The day Al came back, I had fallen asleep at my desk. And that is exactly how he found me. I felt two hands on my shoulders, rubbing them affectionately. With out even thinking I said "Ed... I'm busy go away..." At that the hands stopped and I started to wake up. I turned around with much effort, for I was exhausted at the moment. Staring at me were brown eyes framed by tan bangs. "Al?"

How could I have thought Al was Ed? I felt bad about it because Al started to act differently since that day. And it wasn't until we were sitting on the front porch that he asked me something that took me by complete surprise.

"Do you wish it was brother that came up that road and not me?" He asked me in a small voice. I was dumb struck. What? How could be think that? I wanted both of them there with me!

"Al, What are you talking about? I want you both here with me!" I exclaimed, defending my actions.

"But if you had to choose..." he said.

"I wouldn't choose. I love you both Al..." I continued. "You know that..."

"But not like you love brother..." He said. And before I could say anything he was up and back in the house.

As I made my way up the stairs to my room I had a million thoughts running through my head at the moment. "But not like you love brother...", that phrase kept going through my mind. Was he trying to say that I had different feelings of love toward his older brother than him? Was he saying that I didn't just love Ed, that I was in fact in-love with him? That's impossible!

I spent the next hour looking out the window into the starry night trying to figure out what my true feelings for the alchemist were. But a soft rapping at my door broke me out of the dreamy state. "Winry, can I come in?" It was Al. I stiffened at the voice. When I didn't answer I heard a mumbled apology and foot steps retreating down the hall. Great, now he thinks I am mad at him. Doesn't he understand what he has started inside of my head, not to mention my heart? He is making me question my feelings. Something I have never done before now. Before now I had just known how I felt. Now it seemed as if I was just covering up and hiding it all. I reluctantly got up and softly made my way to Al's room.

I knocked on the door. Instantly Al was at the door. He was opening his mouth to speak but I stopped him with my own words. "You don't have to apologize Al. I know how you feel to not have him here. It kills me too. It eats at me everyday. And I just made it a lot worse for you." I said. He stood there staring at me. "Ok well I'm going to go try and get some sleep." I went to move but he grabbed my wrist to stop me. Since when was Al so strong?

"No Win. Don't say that. Yes, I am upset that brother isn't here. But what kills me the most is that you two are apart." I was looking at the floor as he spoke. But after he said that last phrase I lifted my eyes to meet his piercing gaze. "Both of you are meant to be together. Fait has dealt a bad hand for all of us. But you and brother got the worse cards." I had been trying my hardest to be strong. But now I was failing miserably. The damn had broken and the river was starting to rage down my face.

The next morning I found myself laying with Al on his bed. I must have been so upset i didn't want to be left alone. As I turned to look at him. I was thinking of his brother. But no, these two were not the same. Al, an innocent who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ed, a boy who ran away from his pain dragging his poor brother with him. But was that really how I felt now? No, after Al telling me bits and pieces of their travels I began to have respect for the older one. He truly grew up before he was suppose to. He missed his teen years entirely.

I left Al there, he looked like he could sleep his life away. That was the big difference between the two of them. Al could sleep through anything. While his bother would jump out of bed at the slightest noise. This always made me laugh.

The days started to drag by. Al would come and go. But he would never be longer than a week before coming back to spend two weeks here. He knew that him leaving for a long period of time would push me over the edge. But I also understood that he wanted to get Ed back. So shortly after we made a compromise. He would call me if he was going to be longer than three days.

I finally got a call from Al telling me he had a lead. I remember being excited and scared at the time. I wanted to see Ed so bad it was starting to hurt. But scared for Al. I was so torn. He told me he would call me if he heard anything more.

I have decided that when or if Ed ever comes back here I will either beat him senseless, or jump him. And if the latter happens I will be extremely frightened. Because rejection was worse than death. Well maybe it isn't, but to me it would be. I have long excepted that my feelings for the alchemist were more than just sibling love. But that was all I was willing to admit at the moment. Thinking anymore about it made my heart ache.

It has been two weeks since Al called me. And I guess the deal we made about him calling me after three days went fluttering out the window. I just prayed that he wasn't in any trouble.

The bench by my window was uncomfortable, but I stayed there none-the-less staring off into the dark sky, which was my custom to do so. Only this time I wasn't just thinking of Ed, I had thoughts of his younger brother there as well. I know he wants his brother to be alright. But was it worth his own life?

I decided that maybe some sweet tea would make me feel better and allow me to get a few more hours of sleep. Grabbing my robe I slipped it over my shoulders and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

As the water was heating my thoughts kept drifting to Ed. Would this torture ever end! "Please just get out of my head" I whispered.

The tea tasted sweet as I assumed and I inhaled it. Taking in the warm mist and feeling much at ease. I looked down into the mug and noticed how grown up I had become. The last time I saw him I was seventeen. Now I was almost twenty and my face was not that of an adolescent but that of a young woman. I heard a noise behind me and it made me jump.

"Win!" I heard a male voice say. I could recognize that voice anywhere. A smile played on my lips but I wasn't going to let him get away with being gone with out a single call for too long.

"You made me so worried, where-" but when I turned I found myself staring into a pair of golden eyes. Gold eyes I hadn't seen in such a longtime. I lost my voice suddenly and the mug I had been holding fell out of my hands and hit the floor with a crash. The porcelain smashing on contact and the liquid seeping out all over the floor.

"Oh I'll clean that up!" I heard Al say. But I was too busy staring into a pair of gold eyes to notice what was going on.

"Win.." He whispered. I put my hands up to his face. I felt the stubble on his cheeks. I moved downwards to his chin then back upwards. My hands went through his bangs. He blushed under my touch. "...I'm real Win..." I heard him say. This phrase brought me back to reality and instantly my hands balled into fists at my sides. With out realizing it I started punching him in the chest and yelling at him.

"Where have you been you big jerk! You left me--us, all alone!" But instead of fighting me off or yelling in retort he pulled me into an embrace and my anger at him melted away. It was replaced my sadness. The tears broke free and slid down my cheeks. "You left me..." I chocked into his chest as I cried.

This was definitely real.