Author's Note: Chapter 5 is in reference to what I have written thus far in my "From Scratch" series as we don't yet know the fate of these two officially in the Post NJO universe.
In his place, is a cool, familiar stranger.
Jacen Solo has returned to the galaxy a changed, different man from the boy I knew. The steadfast companion and joker has been replaced with a determined, solemn man who does not think battle will solve anything. His passion has been tempered with wisdom; he believes anything can be solved by negotiation.
Someone has stolen my Jacen.
The change is... different. Unexpected and unwelcome.
Yet, underneath, he has not changed at all. The jokes are not so ready, the humor more distant. But his smile remains. He has been put through hell; his letters informed me of his trials. He has been tried, tested, and come out the better. In his words; I reserve judgment.
I find the change unsettling.
Where there was once indecision, there is now acceptance.
Acceptance of his role in his own fate and the fate of those around him.
Acceptance of his feelings, his wants and desires.
Acceptance of what he has become as opposed to what he was.
In the place of the boy I knew is a man.
A man who knew, and knows, what he wants.
A man who fought to claim what he felt was rightfully his.
A man who claimed me in every way possible.
He helped me see that the boy I knew is dead, but in his place is a man with the qualities I admired and craved in the boy. His compassion for all living things: his knowledge of the Force and those around him. His peace; for now I see that he is truly at peace with what he has become.
His strength; complimenting the weakness that is no longer a weakness. He has learned to accept himself with his flaws, to take those flaws and use them to create something better.
He has taken those flaws and allowed my personal strengths to compliment them. He has taken my flaws and worked to compliment them by becoming my protector, regaining my trust and my affection. He has helped me see that what I wanted in the boy was a companion who knows me as well as I know myself.
A companion to share with.
A companion to laugh with.
A companion who can make me smile.
The boy I knew is dead, but the man in his place is more a match for me than the boy had been.
This is the man who I was helpless to fall in love with again. This is the man who has made me a wife.
A title I did not think was possible in a Hapan Society.
I am Jacen Solo's wife.
I have been many things.
I have been a Jedi apprentice. I have been a Jedi Knight. I have been a fighter and a warrior. I have been a Princess. I am the Queen Mother. I am wife; Jacen's wife. And because of this, I am going to be a mother.
The mother of Jacen's child.
That, above all things, has taught me how to smile.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading!