Just a fairly short Takouji oneshot, from Takuya's POV; if you have any interest in the pairing, you might enjoy this. Basically it's Takuya reflecting about his crush on Kouji.
Although Frontier is not my favorite version of the show, Kouji is one of my favorite characters. Of course, I do not own Digimon…unfortunately. Reviews are much appreciated.
He's so beautiful.
I see him every day now. I see him so much that I would instantly notice if he changed one piece of clothing (not that he can, but that's beside the point), cut an inch of his midnight hair, tied his bandanna differently. Now that he's part of the team, he's always here, tormenting me, reminding me that he can't be mine. I could draw his face with my eyes closed—how many times has it appeared in my mind, making a good night's sleep a greater luxury than usual in this weird world? But I can never touch it.
I need him. That's what scares me. I need someone that I can't have. It's in the back of my mind whenever I'm with him. But as long as he's around, I'm our heroic leader who can take on the world. Could he ever understand that? That my energy isn't just mine but his, because of how he makes me feel?
I want to hold him in my arms and touch his amazing hair, even kiss him—but I can't. He's untouchable. He might as well be a ghost, a figment of my imagination. Even if he did know how I felt, it's hard to believe he would care. Nothing fazes him. There's so much of him that is sheltered and closed off. He's like the ocean—accessible at the surface, but so deep and dark that no one can see what he's like at the bottom.
The guy likes it that way. I know he does. Ever since I first saw him, since I couldn't stop following him all over the train station, I've learned everything I possibly can about him. My eyes have taught me more than words ever could; I probably know as much about him as anyone. I've spent so much time with him that it seems natural now.
But it's not enough, no matter how long we fight beside each other or how much I watch him when he's not looking. It will never make me complete. That's one thing I can't pretend to be. But at least I can pretend I only like him as a friend. I can goof around sometimes, shove him, tickle him, as if I don't want to do much more than that. I can pretend that he's not the best thing that's ever come into my short life.
Yeah, I can do that standing on my head. And it's enough to get me by. I guess we could travel together for years and it would still get me by. It would also destroy me from the inside out.
Is that how it has to be? I have to learn to drive and go to college and get a job and pay my bills and age and slow down and die without this boy? I can't stand the thought of existing without him by my side. I'm not a vulgar person, but life—I've got a message for you. Take whatever you have to offer me and shove it. All I want, all I could never have is Kouji Minamoto.
Without him I am nothing but a hat, a pair of goggles, and a forced smile. If I play my cards right he'll never find out. We can save the Digital World together; then we'll grow up and go our separate ways. Maybe that's how it should be. As wrong as it feels, I'll keep pretending, because even if he's not mine...I'm already his.