Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless. Obviously. If I did it would be the Kouya x Yamato Story.
Summary: Kouya is hopelessly addicted to the sensations that only Yamato can make her experience. Just when she thought the Zeroes were devoid of feeling, she realizes that she has been feeling more than she dared to realize. They were Flawed models. But too in love to care. A bittersweet story of love, desire, and holding on to that one person who makes you feel complete.
Warnings: If you've read/seen Loveless I really don't think I need a warning here. Kouya x Yamato.
If you're reading this voluntarily, then you must have heard of us. Zero. Those who feel no pain. The famed Fighter and Sacrifice who can manipulate words to cause unimaginable agony and suffering.
No, that's not right.
Kouya and Yamato. Those who feel something – even though we are oftentimes unsure of what that something is ourselves. I guess it's a metaphor, really, for life. Our lives, at least. That words can hurt. Words can cut deeper than any blade. Yeah, see? I can be eloquent minus the infliction of physical damage. Sometimes. But that's really not the important part. Being a Fighter is not that which defines my existence. Rather, she does.
And now, after all the Hell that Nagisa-sensei has forced us through, I can admit it. Of course, I'll never tell Yamato exactly how much she means to me. That will just give her leverage against me the next time I refuse to buy her doughnuts. I can see it now,
"Kouya! If you really love me, you would treat me to doughnuts!"
Like she hasn't tried that one before…
But really, if you knew her, you wouldn't be able to resist that sly smile or that shit-eating grin either. If you only knew her…
Maybe you can't ever truly know Yamato. Her motives. Her reasoning. Her history. Her plans. But maybe I could introduce you to our lives, and then you could see exactly why I would die rather than be separated from her. Then, maybe, you could see why I live for her and maybe you could understand why we gave up everything. You could see why I love her…
Have you ever felt Emptiness? True Emptiness, not the hormone induced teenage drama that we are all subjected to, but the feeling that you were in the wrong place all your life and that you were missing something vital to your very existence? Like the wind was wafting clear through your soul and enjoying the hollow sound it makes as it spins in cyclonic waves? I knew I was waiting for someone to fill the void in my soul from an early age. I was pretty, I knew that, though I am far from vain. And when the boys would ask me out at school I would politely decline. I was waiting. It kept them interested though, that none of them could ever get close to me. I didn't care though. I was waiting. I still had my ears then.
Yamato hates when I use the false ears to ingratiate myself with the school population. She wears her Adulthood proudly. And she likes the world to know that I am an Adult as well. That she has made me an Adult. Sometimes I know that she wants to slap a "Certified Fucked" sticker on my rear just so that the others will stop looking. Well, the sticker might actually cause more looking… of a different kind.
When we first met, Nagisa-sensei told her that I was her Fighter, but she didn't own me, rather, I owned her. But I never owned her. I never controlled her. I never even directed her. She was her own spirit. Do Zeroes even have spirits? I don't know the answer to that.
But I do know that I was always hers.
From the moment I first looked into her eyes in that dimly lit room back at the Academy of the Seven Moons, while she sat in that old wooden chair making the room seem brighter than it really was. To the moment we found our name stowed away on our breasts, excitedly showing our written bond to each other and reveling in the promise it made of eternity. To the moment she made me cry out her name in ecstasy, her lips pressed against my neck and her hands pulling me closer to her body. To the moment we promised to be together forever, Kouya and Yamato, Zero, and so much more than zero. And the moment I first saw her crying, breaking down in my arms and clinging to me helplessly.
I have always been hers.
And so, for Nagisa-sensei to threaten to take Yamato from me was unbearable. Sickening.
That day we crossed paths at school, before our mission to defeat Soubi and Loveless, I wasn't jealous, despite the fact that I inquired about her relationship with her group of friends. I knew the truth. She couldn't leave me for one of them even if she wanted to. We were Bonded in a way that defies the very nature of the Zero series. But having her brush me aside, even though it was only for the purpose of dramatic effect, was painful.
Interesting thought. "Painful." Looking back, we felt so much more emotion and sensation than we dare to admit. Love. Jealousy. Heartache. Loneliness.
I believe that it was an absolute impossibility for them to take away every shred of humanity and feeling that a human is capable of, no matter how hard they tried.
One look from her would set aflame whatever nerve endings that remained active in my body. And when she touched me… Maybe there is more to Love and feeling than strictly nervous sensation. Perhaps what I "felt" for Yamato was more than simple emotion. It stirred something in the very depths of my being every time she was near. It put wild thoughts in my mind whenever she looked at me with those knowing, sexy half-lidded eyes. My ears would twitch involuntarily whenever she caressed them. My heart would beat just a little faster…
And so would hers.
One of the most powerful sensations possible to attain. And I Desired her. I wanted to feel more than just the Zero bond. I wanted to know that we were more than a Name. More than just a Fated connection. More than a random pairing. I needed to know that we belonged together.
Our bodies fit together so perfectly…
Her soft, pure, kitten-like mane as it fell around and framed her face. Her face, so filled with desire… as she pressed her body over mine. As I claimed those lips and memorized every curve of her body with my wandering hands. Her face, mouth left open in a silent outcry… as I pleasured her with inexplicable skills. Like I knew her body. Like I knew exactly what she wanted. What she needed.
Her breasts crushed against my own as she dipped in for another kiss, her tongue running down my neck and in between the crease of small, humble breasts. I couldn't stop myself from catching my breath and calling her name as her tongue played with the rosy peak. She smiled then, with her heated, moist breath still falling languidly on my breast, and said something I couldn't make out because of the dramatic vibrations it sent through my already shivering body.
I knew we couldn't tell Nagisa-sensei of this moment. That thought nearly brought me back to the reality of the situation. We were Imperfects. Flawed. We had sensation…
If only a little. If only when we were together.
If only we were imagining it…
The thought was soon lost as I found myself missing Yamato's mouth on my own. A whimper escaped my lips at the lost contact, but was replaced with a short, high-pitched cry as her tongue found my lips… further downwards. I looked down the length of my own body only to meet her devilish eyes as she stroked the nether-regions with that tongue. I grabbed for the sheets as she delved into my body and sucked on that most private part of me…
I was hers…
In and out. In and out. Her tongue was constantly lost inside of me but I soon couldn't give a damn. I didn't believe that we could experience Ecstasy. That we could ride the same waves of pleasure that others did.
I was wrong.
Her probing showed me colors that had never been attempted in nature. She came back up to me then, just before I reached the edge, and drove her tongue into my mouth, capturing my lips and my breath. Taste…
"Kouya," she said suddenly, looking at me seriously, her eyes meeting mine, breathing in ragged, gasping breaths. "I love you,"
She shushed me then.
"You don't have to say it. But just know that I love you. You are my life. I live for you. I would die for you,"
"Ya- Yamato," she kissed me hard and once again I found her roving fingers on my body… in my body… stripping away words and thoughts and consequences.
There was only us.
Our bodies fit together so perfectly…
I awoke later that night, after the exhaustion that had overtaken my body had dissipated into the cool night air, and simply stared at her sleeping figure, silhouetted in the soft glow of the crescent moon. I reached out to touch her, allowing the silken strands of her sandy blonde hair to run through my fingers, her ears were gone. Simply disappeared. Anticlimactic, if you ask me. I thought I could keep them if they simply fell off. But, they simply no longer existed. Withdrawn into her head? Dissolved by the sweat that had coated her body just hours before? It didn't matter though. I didn't need Yamato's ears to remember our moment together. We would be together forever. We would have plenty of time to re-inact that scene…
She smiled in her sleep and pressed her cheek into my caressing palm. She was so adorable in that moment. Adorable was not a word often used to describe Yamato. Shrewd, yes. Slinky, yes. Ambitious and Unforgiving, yes, on both accounts. But "adorable"? Yet, here she was, lying innocently on my bed, in my room, after having committed some very non-innocent acts of intercourse, and she looked beautiful. That thought gave me a little piece of mind. She was beautiful, in a way that made the other Pairs seem so unfortunate.
The tops of her breasts were visibly uncovered and I couldn't refrain from tracing the outline of our Name with a fingertip. Placing a kiss on her cheek, I curled my body against hers, effectively pulling her closer to me, until you couldn't tell where Kouya ended and Yamato began.
But you cannot keep a secret forever. Especially when it's as plain as the ears on your head. Nagisa-sensei was less than pleased at our physical intercourse. The other Pairs retained their ears easily; Breathless, Sleepless, even the Zero2 team. She was infuriated and I knew that she would take Yamato from me if she knew that we had become more than just a Pair. If we weren't interchangeable. The Zero Pair were made to feel no pain, but moreover, they could be interchanged with partners if the Sacrifice became a burden to the Fighter.
I calmly explained that Yamato and I simply wanted to test the limits of the theory of having no sensation by attempting to attain the highest possible plane of sensation, which wasn't pain, rather Ecstasy, by having intercourse with one another, carefully adding in that the sensation was minimal, at best. I told her that I felt nothing. As the words left my lips, I couldn't look at Yamato. Staring darkly at the floor in front of me, I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes. I knew what pain would be there. I couldn't stand to see that; not now. Not when I was trying to convince Nagisa-sensei that we were not flawed models. She regarded us skeptically but my stoic demeanor added validity to my statements. She waived our trespass aside and told us that we were being reassigned to the Loveless Mission.
Yamato didn't speak to me immediately afterwards. I wanted to hold her then, as she walked ahead of me, her fists clenching and unclenching until her already pale knuckles turned white. I wondered how long she would be upset with me.
I also wondered why we were able to experience so much feeling when we were together. Only when we were together. During battle, pain meant nothing, we felt nothing as our bodies were subjected to needles, fire, ice, and chains. But we felt so many other things.
Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. I took a hold of her hand in my own and spun her obstinate figure around until she was forced to look into my eyes.
"You don't have to say any…"
I pulled her hand up to rest on my breast, where our Name pulsated with the palpitations of my heart.
"Then I won't say it. Just feel,"
She let her guard down just enough so that I could let go of her hand and she let it remain there, perched on the small mound of my blouse.
"It beats only for you,"
She moved her hand to cup my breast, causing me to inhale sharply.
"You're good, Kouya," she purred into my ear, letting her warm breath tickle the skin there. "But I know that you'd say anything to get me on top of you again."
Her hand moved lower until her fingertips played with the waistband of my skirt, menacingly.
"…to get me inside of you again,"
Her other hand followed suit and came to rest on my rear. I blushed at the contact.
"Yes, I probably would," I answered truthfully.
"Admitting it is the first step,"
"That you have an addiction,"
"I have an addiction,"
"Oh, yeah? What are you addicted to?"
She kissed me then, hard and full on the lips, and all I could was let her fill me.
"I love you," I managed as she pulled away, a thin trail of saliva connecting our two mouths.
Placing one hand on my head, she pet me, softly stroking my hair causing me to shudder though it wasn't from the ministrations she was performing. It was just from her being so damn close to me. Her body was flush against my own and her lips lingered near my cheek.
"Kiss me," I ordered her.
"Is that an order? Because I thought we both knew that since I'm the Sacrifice, I give the orders,"
I pulled her against me then, yanking at her blouse and forcing her body into my own. Hungrily, I took her bottom lip between my teeth and pulled suggestively. I wanted her to take me. I wanted her to dominate me. I was tired of being the strong one. I was tired of putting on the emotionless face and bearing it. I was tired of being Nagisa-sensei's pet student. I wanted to feel, damn it. I wanted to feel needed. Loved. I wanted to feel… Yamato.
She must have felt my desperation as I drove into her mouth and sought out more of that feeling that we had shared. The only feeling I had had in so long. I needed it again. She smiled against my mouth and wrapped her arms protectively around my trembling form, causing my desperate actions to cease.
"It's alright, Kouya," she said soothingly, her moist breath spreading across my face. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. From now on, it's you and me, together,"
She cupped my face and removed the tears that I hadn't noticed falling down my cheeks with her finger.
"I'm yours," she told me. "Only yours,"
Burying my face in her chest, I tried to keep her from seeing me crying. She just held me against her, silently, the cursed moon watching this pathetic Pair from above.
A/N: I'm not sure how many KxY people are out there so stand up and be counted if you're reading this by leaving a Review morsel! I, obviously, fell in love with these two, if you did too, I'd love to know! If you like this one, perhaps a post-Loveless KxY fic? Thanks.