Boys and Girls

Fact: boys are evil.

You know this. There are a handful of exceptions to this rule, like your dad and Wallace, but family or almost-family doesn't count, and all the boys that are out there in the world as potential significant others are – well, evil. They're jerks, they're assholes, they kill people and they rape people and they cheat and steal and lie and, hey, remember when the world was a nicer cosier place and you could just go over to Lilly's and let her braid your hair?

Okay, and to admire Duncan. Duncan possibly falls into the not-evil category, but then again Duncan is far far away with his ex-girlfriend's baby and you haven't heard from him in months, and would it really be that hard to send an email or make a call?

Don't think of him. Think Lilly, think of practising kissing because you have to know how to do it before a guy asks you. No one has ever wanted to kiss you but Lilly is experienced in such matters, an expert. Think about the time she slipped her hand underneath your t-shirt and you yelped and she stopped and you couldn't find the words to explain that you were just surprised, couldn't find your voice to tell her to keep going.

Mac is not Lilly, not by a long shot. She's not the sister of the boy you secretly admire and she's not the childhood friend who knows everything about you. And you are too old now, too cynical and jaded to let something as simple as fingers on your scalp make you forget what the world is really like.

You will never be able to let Lilly push you onto the bed and get on top of you the way they do in the movies and press her mouth against yours, never feel your breath quicken at the way her body feels against yours, never ask her to take the next step. Now you are strong enough to be the initiator of events, you have to be, but part of you wants to be that Veronica again, the girl who let things happen to her because it was safe to, because it was before bad things began to happen.

Part of being the new Veronica is knowing that you can't ever be that girl again. So you will let Mac in, will pull her down onto the bed and kiss her, will touch her and make her gasp not to shock her, but because that is what this is about now, this thing with Mac.

She's not your childhood friend who dares you to do crazy things and laughs when you chicken out. She's not your new best friend. She's your girlfriend, and you've never had one of those before, and even though you're Veronica Mars, cynic-at-large now, there is something about that concept that gives you hope.

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