Title: Jack's Sunrise - Prompt #31
Rating: PG 13 for language and some minor violence
Word Count: 1596
Summary: Bobby waits for Jack's sunrise
Warnings: Another drabble that ended up being longer than I intended. And I never meant for it to be so melancholy. Honest. It just kinda happened that way . Got the idea from fvikus's chart. Fabulous chart btw. Not AU for a change..hehe where'd that come from? Prompt #31
Bobby sat on the flat portion of the roof. This was the section of the roof that leveled with one of the bedroom windows. Jack's bedroom to be exact. Bobby sat in the bitter cold winter wind, seemingly trance like night after night. Several weeks after he'd started sitting on the roof, Angel had finally seen him out there. Angel had attempted to yank Bobby back indoors. With a sudden ferocity that shocked and surprised Angel, Bobby went ballistic.
Screaming insults, pummeling Angel's stomach and face with enraged fists, they'd tumbled to the bedroom floor. Indignant shrieks of outrage from Angel's girlfriend to stop were ignored as Bobby finally rolled away from Angel's body. He made a break for the window. Angel stared in disbelief as his brother turned his back on him, huffing with anger. They'd fought before, wrestled in anger, but never had Bobby attacked him. He tuned out the sound of his girlfriend's cries and shook her loose from his arm.
'What the fuck do I do now?' he thought, a worried frown crossing his face. Maybe Jerry could help? With that idea, he led his still hysterical girl from the room.
Jerry had shown up the next evening, taken one look at Angel's fat lip and scraped knuckles, and decided that pulling Bobby indoors wasn't the best option. He'd stood at the window in Jack's room and observed Bobby as he stared into the night, sitting as still as a statue. Jerry had used the time he watched Bobby with to rehearse what on earth he was gonna say. Finally he stepped out onto the ledge quietly.
"Back the fuck off" Bobby growled suddenly. Jerry froze, one foot still indoors.
'How had he known I was there' he thought quickly. He knew he'd been silent the whole time.
"Uh, hey man" he offered weakly. Damn, he sounded like a puss. He pulled both feet out onto the ledge then and eased his way towards Bobby.
"It's me, Bobby. Jerry. Uh, Angel's downstairs" he said quickly.
Bobby scoffed and hunched his shoulders. Jerry edged closer to Bobby, completely prepared to dive back through the window if need be. When Bobby showed no sign of moving, Jerry sat down and rested his hands on his knees.
"So, how you been Bobby?" he asked, striving for a lighter tone to his voice. No answer.
"Bobby?" he repeated.
Silence. Then "How've I been huh? Ain't that fuckin' rich" he spat.
"While you've been playing house with your wonderful family, and Angel's fuckin' the shit out of La Vida Loca, Ma's laying in the dirt. And J…" he broke off, his voice catching.
Jerry closed his eyes. He should have known what this was all about. He listened to Bobby draw irregular breaths for awhile. He'd known that Bobby had felt only some minor triumph over killing that bastard Sweet and his goons. He was surprised that Bobby was grieving so heavily, as this wasn't usual for him. He'd grieve privately then move on like always. So much guilt and pain. He searched for the right words and found that his rehearsed speech had left him.
"Bobby, man, what happened to Ma couldn't have been stopped by any of us. You being home wouldn't have saved her and you can't blame yourself for Ja…" he struggled for breath as Bobby was on him in a flash.
"Don't you even fuckin' try to pretend that I couldn't have saved him" Bobby ground out; a cold, pain-filled look to his eyes.
"I laid there like a god dammed chickenshit while Jack bled to death!" he screamed, his voice harsh from exhaustion.
"I put him in the ground, he hates the cold, and he's all alone, Jerry are you fuckin' getting any of this?" he rambled as he tightened his fingers. Jerry stared up into Bobby's eyes. So much pain.
Jerry put his hands on Bobby's that were slowly weakening. 'Gotta calm him down'
"Bobby, Jackie's gone. That's just the body. His soul's free, man. And don't think for one second that he's anywhere but with Ma" Jerry said, his voice cracking.
Lord, how he missed them both. Bobby laughed wildly and backed off of Jerry's neck then clutched fistfuls of his shirt instead.
"I failed him Jerry. He cried out for me, screamed for me and all I did was shoot back and wait for the all clear. He died with my name on his fuckin' lips. I let him die. I still got his blood on my hand. I hear his screams in my ears. Every time I close my eyes, I see him pleading for me to save him. I was supposed to save him!" he shouted.
Jerry felt silent tears roll down his cheeks as he remembered that horrific day. So clear, it was like it all just happened the other day. He saw Angel hovering near the window in the shadows out of the corner of his eye.
Bobby sat up, panting and flexing his fingers. God, he wanted a drink. He hadn't been able to cry since just after Ma's funeral. Jerry sat up slowly. He watched with wary eyes as Bobby stared off into space.
"Bobby, I know it doesn't help to hear this, but it wasn't your fault. Jack was shot several times before we got there" Bobby flinched at that. "He was already dyin' when we found him."
Jerry stopped as a barely suppressed noise that sounded like a sob burst past Bobby's lips.
"The last thing he saw was you holding him Bobby, he didn't die alone bro" Jerry whispered.
"It's not enough" was Bobby's soft reply. Angel stepped out onto the ledge and sat quietly. "I miss him so much. I wanted to save him. I wish I could have protected him. He…he was my everything." Bobby said, admitting for the first time to anyone else how much Jack had really meant to him.
Angel grunted and nodded his head. "Shit, Bobby we all knew you guys loved each other. Love is love man"
Bobby breathed out slowly, struggling for control. "Ten breaths before you react Bobby" his mom's words echoed in his head. "I never told him that I loved him. Not seriously anyway."
Angel leveled a gaze at Bobby. "I think he knew bro. Jack was always real good at readin' people and emotions and shit like that. So why you out here anyway?"
Bobby stared at the sky, still dotted with millions of stars twinkling above.
"Jack used to come out here to watch the sunrise" he said in a near whisper.
"He used to drag me out here whenever I was home and watch with him. Course, I always spent more time looking at him then at the sky. But the look on his face when the first rays would hit his skin…" he trailed off, his eyes bright with memory.
"I wanted to feel a part of him again, y'know. So I…I spend each night waiting for the sun to rise again. He always said that seein' the sun helped him. He'd gotten through another night without letting his mind swallow him. Especially whenever the memories got to be too much." Bobby sniffled.
Jerry let his silent tears flow, occasionally wiping one away. Angel swiped at his eyes with quick fierce movements. They'd all been through lots of shit themselves, but Jack, some of the shit he'd been trough made theirs seem tame. What they knew of his past was only the tip of the iceberg. Bobby turned around again and lay down on the shingles and covered his eyes with one arm.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Finally Angel stood and made his way to Bobby.
"I'm gonna go in man." He hesitated a minute then added, "You did the best you could. Jack loved you like no one else man. He'd have done the same for you." Bobby nodded abruptly. Angel sighed then climbed back through the window.
Jerry waited till Angel had gone back, then he also made his way to Bobby. He gripped Bobby's free hand and held it tight. "You grieve Bobby. Take as long as you fuckin' well want. And you know Angel's right. Jack wouldn't have wanted you to spend the rest of your life blamin' yourself. He'd have wanted you to be happy about the memories you had together, to focus on those instead of that day." Bobby winced as the words hit home.
Jerry let his hand go and climbed through the window. Bobby sighed. The words were true but that never made it any fuckin' easier did it? He lay back with his hands under his head and watched the stars.
At the beginning of the sunrise, Bobby turned his head to catch the rays the way Jack would have. He felt no surprise when his long pent up tears overflowed. He sobbed softly, gasping for breath. He cried himself hoarse, racking sobs overwhelming him. The warmth hit his skin and he smiled through his tears. As his tears tapered off, he felt a strange sense of calm fall over him. He stood up then and walked to the window ledge. He gave the sun another glance.
"I'm sorry Jackie. So very sorry that I never told you. I should have told you every damn day. You were my everything sweetheart, you always will be." He whispered brokenly.
A gust of wind touched his cheek just then, softly like a lover's caress. He smiled faintly, and then turned to head inside.