Title- The Pain That Comes With Fatherhood

Rated- T

Warning- Possible Character Death – Spoilers…uhhh season 1?

Disclaimer- Don't own it…yes incredibly sad…I know

Summary- Post Devil's Trap Dean can't handle being alone after the crash and realizes that he truly doesn't want the life he has. Sammy was always the one to have the life, the family, but now Dean has a 16yr old and finds out first hand about the pain that comes with fatherhood.

Authors Note- :anything written like this is a thought: Enjoy!

Chapter 1-

Pain…pain was all her could feel as he sat in the back of the mangled Impala. He could tell that he was pretty messed up without even opening his eyes, but a warm hand on his cheek brought him out of the familiar darkness Dean had been in.

"Dean?" a soft female voice asked, "Dean honey, wake up…" Dean could hear her and feel her, but he couldn't get his eyes to open. "Come on, son…open your eyes…" the voice pleaded.

:Mom…Mom's here: Dean tried so hard to make his eyes open so that he could look at his mother, but he truly didn't have the strength. She saw his eye lids flutter a bit, but they stopped when her oldest realized that he couldn't do it.

"Dean, are you quitting on me? I know you can do it…open them!" she coaxed. When Dean was younger, she had noticed that he hated being called a quitter and would try 10x harder to do something if Sam or his father called him that.

:Quitter? Hell No: He tried once more and they opened a little, but when they saw his mother's piercing blue they opened wide.

"Hey sweetheart…" Mary said as she gently caressed his cheek.

"Hey mom…" he replied weakly.

"Dean, I need you to do something for me, okay?"

He nodded his head slightly as his eyes lazily slipped shut. "No Dean, you can't go to sleep now, you need to stay awake…stay with me!"

His green eyes opened again, but seemed to be missing the usual brightness they had, "Yeah" he whispered.

"I need you to hold on, Sammy and Dad are going to be okay…but you-I need you to be strong Dean, strong for Sammy. Can you do that for me?" she asked, feeling like she was talking to the four year old she once knew.

"Yeah…"

"Dean, you have so much inside of you to give to this world. I would hate to see you waste it on this demon. Let down the defenses that you have and let someone into your heart…let someone in like you let Sammy. You are going to make a great husband, Dean…remember that for me."

"Yeah mom," Dean told her, doing his best to stay focused on her.

"Good, now you can sleep, but remember that you have so much left…I love you Dean, Sam too!" she said as she began to fade away.

"Bye mom…" he answered weakly as he gave back into the darkness from which his mother had saved him. He no longer felt any pain…he never really felt anything after she left.

He hadn't realized that it was over a week later, but an incessant beeping was driving him nuts. He felt someone grab his had, for the first time since his mother left Dean felt something: why did it have to be a pinch:

Dean's eyes slowly opened to see a nurse starting a new IV in his left hand. : Pretty cute: he thought, but that changed when she looked up at him. Kyan, as her name tag read, was absolutely beautiful. She had crystal blue eyes and lightly tanned skin. She looked to be very fit and hr long dirty-blonde waves fell down over her shoulders to her mid back.

He saw her eyes light up when she noticed that he was staring back at her and smiled, "Mr. Winchester, I am so happy to see you awake! My name is Kyan, I'm your nurse."

: Her smile, oh my god:"Hi…" he said hoarsely. "Sam?"

"Oh, your brother, you want me to go get him, I can finish this off later?"

"No, you can finish first" he told her as he closed his eyes again.

"That brother of yours is a really devoted guy. We practically had to force feed him to make him eat. He refused to leave your side until we told him that it would be better for him to be sitting by your side rather than in the bed next to you…"

"That runs in our family…" Dean laughed, wincing at the pain it caused.

"Do you want anything for the pain?"

"No, I'm fine…" he bluffed.

"Yeah, it does run in the family." She said walking out the door with a small smile on her face.

Dean was laying there self-examining his wounds when a shaggy head popped into the doorway.

"Dean! You're AWAKE!" Sam said happily as he made his way over to his big brother's bed. "How ya' feeling?"

"Not bad…" Dena bluffed again.

"Hah! Yeah right dude. I know it hurts, but just let it go for a while."

"Let what go?"

"Stop trying to be a hard ass, admit that it hurts, Kyan won't care!"

"What?" Dean asked, prying his eyes from the bandages on his chest to his brother's face.

"Kyan, you want to seem all tough for her. Granted you don't really know her, but she has been giving you sponge baths for the past week and a half."

"WHAT!" Dean said more surprised.

"She said that even with all the bruising and bandages, that you are cute…"

"Yeah right, now can we get back to me Sammy? What happened?"

Sam laughed at his brother's slight self absorbed attitude and told his about the crash.

"YOU KILLED MY CAR!"

"Dean, it all happened so fast and I didn't even see the semi coming towards us and it was dark…and I was-"

"Sam, I'm kidding…" Dean laughed, feeling the same pain he had when he first tried to laugh.

"You okay man?"

"Yeah-" he started, but seeing the face his younger brother made forced him to change his mind. "No, not really. What the hell happened to me?"

"The demon basically tried to rip your heart out from the inside. Screwed up a bunch of ribs, a lung, that's why you can't laugh. You dislocated your shoulder and have a minor concussion."

"What about you Sammy?" he asked, seeing the bandage on Sam's upper arm and the series of butterfly bandages up the right side of his face.

"Just some stitches, a sprain, and a concussion. I'm fine and Dad is good too before you ask…He's gone Dean."

"Wait! If you said he was okay, then how is he gone!"

"He left Dean. Said to give this to you and that you would understand."

Dean tried to sit up to read the contents of the envelope his brother gave him, but let out an unwanted whimper of pain.

"Dean, I'm going to go talk to your doctor, see if we can get that morphine drip upped…"

"Thanks Sam," Dean answered his little brother as Sam helped him to sit up.

"Be right back!"

"Take your time…"

Sam got the message; Dean wanted the time to read the note alone and decided to take the long way to the nurses' station.

A/N- more coming…hope you like it… Read and Review, as always…!

All my love (that is reserved for those of you who review)

Claire