Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans
"Come on, Raven! Just one game!" Beast Boy morphed into the cutest puppy he could imagine and looked up at Raven pleadingly. She seemed unmoved.
"I do not want to play Super Car Chasers 3. I have never wanted to play Super Car Chasers 3, and I will never want to play Super Car Chasers 3. Now leave me alone!" Towards the end, Raven's voice was starting to rise. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing herself to calm down before she did something stupid. Like blow up Super Car Chasers 3.
"But Raven, there's nothing else for me to do!" Whined Beast Boy, as he shifted back into his usual green skinned human form. "Cyborg's out grocery shopping, and Robin and Starfire went to the mall. I'm so bored!"
"Beast Boy, it is not my responsibility to entertain you!" Raven snapped, her temper fast escalating out of her control. Why did they always do this to her? Why was she always the one being left in Titans Tower with Beast Boy? Was everyone else on a mission to make her life as difficult as physically possible? As if being half demon wasn't bad enough!
"Ok, we don't have to play Super Car Chasers 3. We can do something else! Want to go rent a movie? Or we could play Monopoly? Scrabble? Anything, Raven! Please! I'll go insane with boredom!"
"No!" Raven ground out. "No, no, no, no, NO!" She stalked past Beast Boy, but he threw himself at her feet, nearly tripping Raven up.
"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase!" Begged Beast Boy.
Raven hopped twice, trying to maintain her balance and shake Beast Boy off her leg at the same time. "For the last time, NO! Get off me!" She shouted, finally losing all patience and summoning her power to pick up Beast Boy and throw him clear across the Titans Tower living room. Beast Boy hurtled across the room, smacking into the back of the sofa and falling face flat on the floor with a groan.
"That… I can't believe you did that!" Beast Boy moaned as he pushed himself laboriously up on to his hands and knees.
"You're just so annoying!" Raven screamed, the light bulb smashing into a thousand pieces from a surge of uncontrolled black magic. With a last wordless growl, and a glare at Beast Boy, Raven turned around and stalked out of the room.
"Annoying am I?" Beast Boy muttered as he climbed to his feet, his back aching from the force of hitting the sofa. "I'll show you annoying…"
Beast Boy lounged on the sofa, flicking aimlessly through the channels on the TV. It was three days since Raven had abused him so abominably, and his plan was about ready to be put into action. He hadn't spoken to her for the whole of those three days, and despite her attempts to seem nonchalant, Beast Boy could tell she was really starting to feel the guilt for what she'd done. None of the others could figure out why Beast Boy wasn't talking to Raven. Rather uncharacteristically, he hadn't complained to anyone about being thrown across the room. It was crucial to his plan that Raven thought he was stewing over it, and if he'd been complaining loudly, it wouldn't have had the same effect. Not complaining had actually turned out to be really cunning: all the others were dying to know why Beast Boy suddenly refused to speak to Raven, and they were putting a lot of pressure on Raven to find out what had happened. She, of course, wasn't talking.
Beast Boy chuckled cruelly under his breath.
Part two was ready for action!
"Hey BB, I'm making sandwhiches! Want one?" Cyborg called heartily from the kitchen area where he was preparing his midday meal.
"Because he so desperately needs energy for all the nothing he's been doing all day." Raven deadpanned from the side of the room, where she was reading her book. She'd been getting progressively more sarcastic the longer Beast Boy's silence continued.
"I might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy." Beast Boy replied, completely straight faced.
There was a muffled snort from the kitchen, as if someone had just snorted soda out of their nose. This was followed by frantic coughing as Cyborg dragged himself, still round the kitchen counter. "Wow, BB, that was actually really funny!" Cyborg tried laughing between fits of coughing.
"Yeah." Raven frowned at Beast Boy. "Are you sure you're ok?"
Beast Boy shrugged, and turned back to channel flipping.
Cyborg, still chuckling, went back to making sandwiches, assuming BB didn't want one. For a few minutes the only noise in the room was the quickly changing noises of channels flashing by. The peace was disturbed by the alarm going off in the Titans Tower. Immediately the TV blacked out, and switched to a view of Robin with Jump City in the background.
"We need you three downtown! Mad Mod is robbing a bank, and he's being difficult!" Robin barked across the communicator.
"We'll be right there!" Cyborg replied, already heading out the door. He was stopped by some wild shrieking.
"My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!" Beast Boy shouted while prancing around the room.
"What?" Raven snapped. "Are you insane?"
Beast Boy stopped suddenly, directly in front of Raven. His expression settled into one of complete sobriety as he answered. "You may say I'm insane. I tell you, the voices in my head disagree."
"What?" Raven growled. "That makes no sense! Come on! We have to go!"
"No time to take the T-car!" Cyborg announced, running over to stand by Raven and BB. "Raven, can you teleport us there?"
Raven didn't bother replying, but teleported them straight to the bank, downtown. As they arrived, the front doors of the bank exploded out. All three ducked, covering their heads. When they looked up, Mad Mod was walking out of the hole in the wall, bags of money slung across his shoulder.
"Well, hello duckies! I see you've come to join the party! Let's find out what fun I have in store for you!" Mad Mod chuckled, already aiming his stick at the three heroes.
Beast Boy took this opportunity to turn to Raven. "Sometimes, for fun, I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit."
Raven turned to give Beast Boy a look of absolute bewilderment, but didn't have the time. He'd already morphed into a huge rhinoceros and was charging straight at Mad Mod. She quickly rose into the air, prepared to back Beast Boy up with magic if it was needed.
Mad Mod laughed in the face of a charging rhinoceros many times his size and weight. He pulled his stick over his shoulder and then brought it forward. A large fishing hook on the end of a string caught Beast Boy behind his rhinoceros head, and using the momentum from Beast Boy's charge, Mad Mod swung the rhino round and head first into the wall of the bank.
The wall crumbled around Beast Boy. Raven immediately blasted a beam of black energy at Mad Mod as Cyborg shot with his sonic cannon. Laughing Mad Mod danced out of the way, taunting the two Titans, but not paying attention to Beast Boy, who had recovered from his collision with a wall.
"There is a thin line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot!" Beast Boy growled as he shifted into a gorilla and grabbed Mad Mod up into his crushing grip. Cyborg and Raven exchanged a confused glance. Why was Beast Boy saying all these things?
"Put me down you scumbag!" Shouted Mad Mod, struggling uselessly in the gorilla's arms. "Put me down!"
"You know he won't do that!" Robin answered triumphantly, appearing from the rubble of the bank, Starfire hovering at his shoulder. "Just give it up Mad Mod!"
Mad Mod continued to curse at the Titans, shouting obscenities as the police cars drove up. Beast Boy just continued to hold him in a gorilla hug until Mad Mod was handcuffed and escorted into a police car. Finally, he shifted back into his normal human form.
"Good job Titans!" Robin commended them all. "I don't know why he keeps trying!"
"I'm sure all he wants is a chance to prove that money can't make him happy." Beast Boy replied, no sign of a smile anywhere on his face. The other four Titans stared at Beast Boy.
"Ok, what is up with you?" Raven demanded. "You've been acting weird lately." All the Titans leaned forward eagerly for the answer.
Beast Boy shrugged and sauntered off towards the pizza shop. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." He answered, smiling enigmatically over his shoulder. The remaining Titans exchanged looks of bewilderment, then shrugged and followed Beast Boy.
Beast Boy grinned maliciously. His plan was going brilliantly! It was pure genius, even he was impressed! For the last two days he'd spoken in nothing but witty one liners. To begin with the other Titans just laughed, or shrugged it off as being weird, but after only a few hours all of them were getting frustrated with their inability to make Beast Boy say anything that made any sense. Two days of this, and they were all just about ready to kill him. He continued to act like nothing was out of the ordinary, and whenever they asked him what was up, he'd just shrug and spout another enigmatic one liner. He was starting to run out of them, but he figured he could keep it up for a while longer.
Snickering evilly at his own brilliance, he added a slice of lettuce to his tofu burger.
To his delight, Raven came in to the kitchen. Excellent! Another opportunity to irritate her! Since she was the reason he'd started all this, he figured she deserved to get the brunt of his lunacy. Call him annoying would she? Well, now she was learning the real meaning of annoying!
"You know, Raven." Beast Boy began. Raven looked warily across at him. "I planted birdseed once. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it."
Raven glared at Beast Boy. Beast Boy just smiled innocently at Raven.
Raven chose not to answer, figuring Beast Boy would eventually snap out of it. Beast Boy wasn't about to let her get away with it.
"I was thinking…" Beast Boy began again.
"That must have been a pleasant change." Raven snapped, giving Beast Boy one of her patented glares sure to shrivel up all who came before it. Beast Boy just smiled blandly and continued.
"Humans are a bit like slinkys. Though they may not be useful, it will always put a smile on your face to see one tumble down the stairs."
"Ok that's it!" Raven growled, slamming her mug down on the kitchen counter and facing Beast Boy head on. "What is the meaning of all this?"
Beast Boy shrugged. "I'm out of my mind. But feel free to leave a message…" He grinned winningly at her, as if what he'd just said made perfect sense.
"Beast Boy, why are you doing this?" Raven demanded, determined to get a coherent answer out of him. "You know you're just being annoying?"
"Who me? I just wander from room to room." Beast Boy answered, although his grin took on a bit of a teeth-grinding-together quality.
"You're irritating everyone! Stop it!" Raven persisted.
"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits." Beast Boy said.
"Stop it!" Raven repeated, her teeth audibly grinding. Beast Boy watched her frustration with a spiteful delight. "Why are you doing this?"
"Why do you think?" Beast Boy snapped, then cursed himself for breaking first. He shouldn't have let on how mad he was at her.
"Why do I think? How would I know? You're acting completely insane!" Raven answered, only slightly mollified to have received a comprehensible answer.
Beast Boy just glared at her. He'd finally run out of one liners, and he refused to say anything that could possibly be construed as logical.
The force of Beast Boy's anger hit Raven's empathy like a hammer. It was directly aimed at her, and it only magnified the guilt she'd been carrying around for the last week. She refused to give in to it, though. She was Raven. She didn't apologise.
"Is this about Super Car Chasers 3? Are you still sore about that?" Raven snapped.
Beast Boy couldn't believe what Raven had just said. His fury overtook him, demanding that he tell her exactly what this was about. He'd run out of one liners anyway, he justified to himself.
"Sore? You threw me halfway across a room just because I asked you to spend some time with me! I'm so annoying, even when I'm trying to be nice, why not be annoying on purpose? At least that way I'd enjoy it!" Beast Boy raged.
"You are so immature!" Raven growled at him.
Beast Boy surged forward, crowding right up to Raven until she was pressed back against the kitchen counter. He pushed his face into hers. They were so close she could feel his angry breath on her face.
"At least I try to get along with people." He ground out, his voice more menacing than Raven had ever heard it.
And his words more hurtful than any she'd had from him before.
"I do try." Raven whispered, her eyes wide with hurt. It was such a shock, having Beast Boy say that to her. He knew how hard it was for her, he'd been in her mind, he knew her as well as anybody. To have him so angry at her…
Raven looked down before she did something as stupid as shed a tear.
Guilt ripped through Beast Boy. The anger drained out of him faster than it had come, regret at his hasty words charging through him as Raven broke eye contact. He'd seen the quickly hidden pain in her eyes, and he couldn't believe he'd been the one to put it there. He backed off a step, and hung his head.
"Raven, I'm sorry." Beast Boy mumbled. "I shouldn't have said that."
There was a silence between them, as Beast Boy contemplated the toes of his shoes, afraid to look up at Raven. Finally, he felt he had to check up on her. He glanced up.
Raven was staring at him, her violet eyes huge. It seemed she'd been waiting for him to look at her. "I'm sorry too." She whispered. "I shouldn't call you annoying and immature."
"No, you're right. I can be." Beast Boy grinned sheepishly. "It's just… I like you Raven. I just don't know how to get your attention sometimes."
Raven smiled. If Beast Boy hadn't known her better, he would have described that smile as shy. "I'll try to be a bit more friendly." Raven offered.
Beast Boy's grin widened. "And I'll learn to take no for an answer." He conceded. They both nodded at each other, a pact made.
"While we're here though," Beast Boy said. "How about a game of Super Car Chasers 3?"
With a roll of her eyes, Raven turned and strode out of the kitchen.
"That's a no then?" Beast Boy called after her. He chuckled at himself. "Well, that's ok, I guess…"
A/N: Sorry, i just had this crazy idea for this one-shot! All the one liners are from ravanwolf's profile- she has a whole bunch of others, and they all just cracked me up! I thought it would be so much fun to make up a story using some of my favourites, and i came up with this idea. Beast Boy is , of course, a prime candidate for someone who'd use all those lines! Or so i think! Let me know what you think! And many thanks to ravanwolf, for being the inspiration! ;-)