munchkin1991: Poe—I MEAN! munchkin1991! My good reviewing friend, it is fabulous to see that you're sticking it out with me (0.o someone arrest me for that horrible rhyme QUICK! XP) Thanks for the review! I'm going to try to update quicker (because, lets face it, I deserve to be tarred and feathered for how slow I've been going XP), though school is starting soon, and I would like to reserve that as a future alibi… 0.o

Lady Ormis: GAH, NO:O Keep them back! I'm allergic! T-T

evilone33: Lol, no copyrights attached! XD And you know how Dumbles never tells Harry the password when he wants to see him in his office? Like, not once does he say:O I'm strongly suspecting a conspiracy, here! . But… let's not tell good old Dumbles, eh? (Nervous laugh) He may be senile, but the man knows how to use a wand. 0.0

R2-D2106: Well, I may just have to hook you in, then:D

Susie: You humble me! ME! A mere procrastinator, with your kind words… T-T I think I'm gunna cry!

Courage Sun: OMG, thank you for this great, long, awesome review! And can't you just imagine Dumbles holding that fluffy telephone? . I can… (Shudders) Anyway, thanks to you and Dobby for that great review! It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ;) Like a squirrel! O.o Hurray, squirrels:D

maraudersGIRL92: I do love my craziness… XD when it isn't getting me into too much trouble! (Gasp) I'VE SAID TOO MUCH!


You guys rock! Thanks for the reviews and/or various signs of life:D Now, whoever gives Kissing Claire (my beta) the best shout-out in their review for this chapter gets a hug from one of the characters! YOU CAN PICK WHICH ONE:O

Beta: Thanks to Kissing Claire!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any associated characters. But I have these lovely parting gifts…


Chapter 10: Why Can't a Seer… See Their Own Demise Coming?

Divination was a fascinating class, really…

"Oh man, Prongs! This class is going to be a guaranteed Outstanding on our NEWTs!" Sirius hooted, as the Marauders made their way to the tower in which the aforementioned class was taught in.

It was full of intellectual epiphanies…

"Yeah, and the old bag that teaches it is good for a laugh, right Moony?" James nudged his Werewolf friend in the ribs playfully.

As well as amazing insight into the futureoh, just forget it!

"She's full of hot air," Remus observed, panting as he climbed the last rungs of the golden latter to the classroom, and proceeded to sit down at a random desk. "Full of hot air, so, since heat rises, of course she had to teach in the highest bloody room of the highest bloody tower!"

"Greetings, my dears!" a voice suddenly cried directly behind Sirius, who fell from his seat in surprise, causing the class to snicker.

The glittering form of Professor Shoal Shores immerged from a cloud of pink smoke like some kind of mad magician. Dressed in eccentric robes that would make the Headmaster's twinkle in envy, the bushy head of Professor Shores gazed significantly around at them all.

"Welcome to Divination! The noble study which was pursued tirelessly by the great Trojans of-"

"Didn't those blokes lose?" Sirius wondered aloud. The next thing the dog animagus knew he was flat on the floor- his stool having been knocked out from underneath him.

"I'm sorry, dear? Did you say something?" Shoal asked sweetly.

"Ouch." was the young man's eloquent response.

"Right then!" the Professor continued cheerfully, stepping over her fallen student. "We shall begin with the reading of our tea dregs! Everyone grab a cup from the shelf, and fill it with tea from one of those pots-" she pointed them out "- and begin your quest into the future!" she declared dramatically. As the students edged nervously away from the crazed professor, Shoal suddenly called out to one of them.

"Mr. Potter! When you have broken your first teacup, please select a yellow one! I'm rather fond of the purple with pink poke-a-dots," she revealed. James gave her a strange look.

"I'll do that, Professor Shores," he replied slowly, taking a blue teacup from the cabinet. Determined to prove the old fraud wrong, James took extra care not to damage the cup in any way.

Meanwhile, Shoal Shores watched on in annoyance. If James got to his seat without breaking the teacup, people might realize that divination is a load of crap!

But, we can't have that, now, can we?

Plucking out her wand triumphantly in light of her own cleverness, she threw a trip-jinx his way, and nearly giggled in delight as Potter fell flat on his face. The professor's frown returned, however, when she realize that, somehow, the teacup had remained intact!

But, we can't have that either, now, can we?

Throwing a reducto hex at it, the persistent blue piece of porcelain finally smashed spectacularly on the floor. Preening in her success, the professor gave the disbelieving James a matter-of-fact look as he got shakily to his feet.

"I believe I said a pink one, yes?" she prompted, looking superior as she waited for the admiration that was inevitable after such a revelation of her clairvoyant-ness. James sputtered.

"B-but you just-!" he was cut short, just as Sirius had, as he was again tripped...

...While he wasn't even moving...

"Did you say something, dear?" The messy-haired Gryffindor suddenly remember a piece of advice an elderly women gave to her child when she first met Sirius.

Smile, nod, and back away.

And that's just what he did.

"Now, let's get started!" the professor suggested. "Potter! Give me your cup!"

"I haven't drunk the-" James protested before being cut off.

"That's okay, we get the point." Shoal waved it off dismissively, throwing the un-drunk liquid over her shoulder and onto a now very soggy Lucius Malfoy. "Now! Let us examine your future! Examine, NOW, Mr. Black!" she demanded, thrusting the cup into a startled Sirius' hands.

"Erm, okay... Well, it looks sort of like a... Moose-"

"A Moose!" Professors parroted.

"A Moose." Sirius confirmed. "And that's supposed to mean... um... Hunger?"

"Was that a question or a reading, Black?" the professor asked dryly. Sirius blinked.

"...Um... Both?"

"Give me the cup!" Shoal exasperate-ed. It was so hard to find good fraud—I MEAN, Seers these days…

"What does it say, professor?" Pedro Patil inquired attentively.

"It says… you and Lily Evans should get together," Shoal said quickly, nodding to herself.

"Yes!" James exclaimed, deciding that this was his new favorite class.

"YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!" Alice howled from her seat.

Before Shoal could retort, Octavos Lovegood suddenly commented, "Did you know that every time you say you don't believe in divination, a seer perishes?" He sighed dreamily as the bell rang, and drifted out of the room, leaving the class to contemplate this new method of getting a different teacher.

As the students cleared out, there was a dull thump that went unnoticed by many.

Location: Headmaster's Office

Mood: Lemon-y (yum!)

Meanwhile, several floors below, Albus Dumbledore sucked thoughtfully on a lemon drop, contemplating just how to go about informing Ashleigh of her—ehem—vacation. As he reached for yet another of the flavorsome yellow treats, his we're-a-teacher-short-sense went off.

"I do believe we are a teacher short," Albus informed a large scarlet bird perched near his desk, his eyes twinkling away.

"Twitter," the swan-like bird said seriously. (Translation: You're a barmy old man with fairy lights where his brain 'ought to be.)

"Perhaps I should put an advertisement in the Daily Prophet?" the headmaster mused, unaware of the verbal abuse his pet was spouting.

"Chirp," the phoenix offered. (Translation: Did I mention that you have no dress sense, and those robes make you look like a fool?)

"Possibly a want ad in the Quibbler would be wise as well," Albus twinkled.

"Tweet," the avian revealed. (It was me who flushed your lemon drops down the toilet last week, and I went to the bathroom in your tea while you weren't looking a minute ago.)

"Perhaps even witch weekly?"

"Peep." (I never liked you. I wish I were bound to Voldemort.)

Dumbles paused. "You know, I'm glad we had this chat, my old friend." He smiled serenely at the demon-phoenix, took a sip of tea, and then lowered it thoughtfully. "What an interesting flavor," he observed in delight. He took another swing from the goblet, not noticing the demon-bird bash its head repeatedly against the nearest wall.

"Squawk!" (You can't win with this guy!)

A knock on the door disturbed the bird's lament as, without waiting for an invitation, Professor Griffen entered the office.

"You rang?" she drawled sarcastically.

"Ah, Ashleigh! We must, have words," Albus declared dramatically.

"…"

"…"

"… WHAT IS IT, DAMMIT!?" she exclaimed impatiently when Albus looked content to leave the statement hanging.

"You're fired!" Albus exclaimed, jumping from his seat, and pointing impressively.

"WHAT!?!" she shrieked. "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME! I QUIT!"

"Forgive me," Albus corrected himself, looking embarrassed and seating himself once more. "I've always wanted to say that… What was I talking about again?"

"You have successfully wasted one hundred and fifty four seconds of my life," Ashleigh informed him with false calm.

"Oh! Lovely!" Albus cackled, mentally checking off another item on his itinerary. "Well, you see… I have a mission for you…"

Cue the cackling… NOW!


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