Title: The Great Debate
Summary: Because sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves and our fandom.
Pairing: SasuNaruSasu, NaruSasuNaru, SasuNaru, NaruSasu, and bingo was his name-o.
Rating: PG, it's nothing seriously bad.
Warnings: Crack, mention of other anime, crack, fandom bashing, crack, crack, and crack.
Notes: Spoilers to manga chapter 307 and possible spoilers to Gravitation, Sukisho, and X/1999.
Words: 1018, so much for it being a crack drabble.
"All my other bonds caused me to lose focus... and weakened my strongest wish, my greatest desire."
"Oh, such a seme thing to say," says Sakura, shivering from the ice cold words of her former crush, Uchiha Sasuke.
"Or an uke in denial," Sai mutters, lowering his sword.
"What was that?" Asks Sakura.
"Oh nothing, nothing at all."
"You know it sounds like you're saying that Sasuke is uke."
"Well, maybe I am."
Naruto looks over at his two comrades, then he looks back up at Sasuke, giving him a questioning look. I don't know, Sasuke's eyes say back to Naruto, they're your comrades how the hell should I know?
"Oh come on! Did you hear what he just said? He is breaking his bond with Naruto to go after his ultimate goal, that is such a seme thing to do!"
"Ukes in denial do it all the time," Sai says, "They break ties with their one true love because they are in denial."
What the hell are they talking about, Naruto wonders as he keeps watching Sasuke. Seme uke? What? "If that's true," Naruto whispers, addressing the issue Sasuke had brought up about breaking bonds, "Then why didn't you kill me back then! Is that what you call severing bonds! Sasuke!" And Naruto remembers that time almost three years ago when him and Sasuke fought. It was the hardest battle he had ever gone through and not because of the skill level of the opponent, but because of who the opponent was. His best friend, his one true-
"Awwwwww, look at his face!" Sakura squeals, "The pain and suffering in Naruto's eyes. So uke!"
"But did you hear his voice? So much authority in his words, so much power. Obviously seme," Sai says knowingly.
"What in the hell are you two bickering about?" Sasuke asks.
"Yes, we are trying to have a reunion!" Naruto screams at them. "Now is not the time for-"
"That was not power, that was angst!" Sakura yells at Sai, "Naruto has been searching for Sasuke-kun for so long, his voice is sad, full of tears..."
"You know, semes are emotional too!"
"God, try reading something other then doujinshi," Sai mutters, rolling his eyes, "There are tons of emotion semes."
"He was an ass!"
"He cried! He broke down and showed emotion!"
"More than once!"
"Um... guys..." Yamato says, pointing to Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke has appeared in front of Naruto, a hand resting on his shoulder in a loose embrace. Sasuke pulls Naruto closer, pressing their bodies together. It has been too long and he has missed the feeling of Naruto's orange jump suit against his skin, the cotton fabric that smells of sweet smiles and determination.
"Oh my god! Naruto-kun is totally pressing himself against Sasuke-kun! What a smooth seme my Naruto is."
"Get real, Sai! Sasuke totally just grabbed him and pulled him close to him. He is clearly the seme."
"You know, ukes do grab onto their semes."
"Ukes protest! They never make the first move!"
"Neither one is protesting..." Yamato mutters.
"Ukes do make the first move!"
"He did not make the first move, Sora did!"
"Technically Ran did," Sai says, smirking, "And Ran is a part of Sunao."
"Doesn't count," Sakura says, "Sora didn't know who Ran was."
"It does not!"
"Sasuke? What are they doing?" Naruto asks.
"I have no idea, just ignore them." Sasuke pulls out his sword and holds Naruto tighter, smirking, "You're going to end up losing your life, all at a whim of mi-"
"Seme!" Sakura points to Sasuke and says, "Only a seme would say that! Only a seme would be cold hearted enough to kill his lover!"
"Again, may I point out Sukisho? Sunao wanted to kill Sora."
"X/1999. Seishiro wanted to kill Subaru."
"That one technically isn't yaoi."
"It's CLAMP! Everything CLAMP screams yaoi!"
"Sakura dear, are you paying attention to the look in Naruto-kun's eyes? The determination? The fearlessness? Clearly seme. Semes are always calm in bad situations."
"Zabuza wasn't calm when he went against Kakashi-sensai."
"That is technically not a canon pairing."
"It might as well be!"
"So... Sasuke? Wanna make out or something?" Naruto asks.
"Sure," Sasuke says with a smirk, and both boys grab onto each other and press their lips tightly together. Yamato's eyes widen and he looks over at Sakura and Sai, clearing his throat.
"Hey! You two! They're making out, it's an official yaoi moment."
"Ooooooh, who made the first move? Whoever made the first move is seme," says Sakura.
"Not always. Ukes make the first move too."
"Well... Naruto brought it up..." Yamato mutters.
"Ha! Told ya Naruto is seme," Sai says, beaming.
"You just said that ukes make the first move too," Sakura says dryly.
"And you said whoever makes the first move is seme."
"Sasuke is seme!"
"Naruto is seme!"
"I really don't care either way..." Yamato says under his breath.
"Um... wanna go back to the village and get some ramen or something?" Naruto asks once the kiss is over.
"Oh! Hey wait!" Sakura chases after the two boys, "Whoever pays for the food is seme!"
"Ukes pay too you know!" Sai screams, chasing after her.
Yamato stands there, watching his team plus Sasuke head back to Konoha. Technically, his mission is complete, Sasuke is returning home. But Yamato has a strong fear of returning back to Konoha as he hears the words "seme" and "uke" screamed out into the clear blue sky.
"What happened here?" Orochimaru asks, walking over to Yamato, the now untied Kabuto at his side.
"Oh... Sasuke is returning back to Konoha," Yamato says, smirking at Orochimaru, "Your plan has failed. And we are victorio-"
"Ah, just like Sasuke to go off with his uke. I knew the time would come," says Orochimaru.
"Uke?" Kabuto asks, frowning, "Orochimaru-sama, I'm afraid you are mistaken. Clearly, Naruto's determination lured his uke back into his arms."
"What?" Orochimaru frowns, unamused, "Are you saying that you think Naruto is seme?"