Disclaimer: Power Rangers et al belongs to Saban. A bunch of other shows belong to their owners. The original "12 Months of Zingers" was a Buffy fanfic by Nopporn Wongrassamee the Evil Author. This is the PR version, written with permission. The original, IMO, isn't as long-winded, but that's just how I write.

This is my way of pacifying several creativity demons and putting a Mary Sue to bed. It's a bunch of scenes that my creativity demons have refused to supply stories for. It also has nothing to do with "Special Case," but that doesn't mean I won't establish that connection there. :)

(Originally written: April 2000, revised May 2001)


12 Months of Zingers
by Amanda Ohlin


January 1998

"...seriously doubt these people are native," Captain Samantha Carter continued as the video feed from the MALP probe replayed behind her.

Daniel Jackson cocked his head. "Tollans, perhaps?"

"The uniforms don't match any of those the Tollans were wearing, and there's no evidence of their technology," Carter pointed out.

Colonel Jack O'Neill sighed. "So we found a bunch of teenagers in Starfleet ripoff uniforms. What's the big deal?"

Teal'c turned to Daniel. "What is this 'Starfleet?'"

"Colonel O'Neill, if you would--" Gen. Hammond began, then broke off in shock, staring at the video feed. "No. It can't be. Captain, can you freeze that frame?"

Mystified, Sam obeyed. Hammond stood up to get a closer look at the image on the screen. It showed the face of a young brunette woman, kneeling in front of the probe. Her uniform was the same color and design as the others, save for the bright yellow tunic beneath the jacket. Hammond stared at the image for a moment, pulling out a photo from his wallet. "Ashley?" he muttered.

"Sir, is something wrong?" Sam asked.

"Other than the fact that we've already tried to explain Star Trek to Teal'c five times and he still doesn't get it?" Jack quipped.

Hammond turned back to face them, a confused and serious expression on his face. "Forget Star Trek! What the hell is my niece doing on the other side of a Stargate??"

*****

February 1997

"Olivia O'Connor," Zordon asked, "will you take on the powers of Zeo Ranger VI, White?"

Olivia shook her head. "No!"

"What?" Katherine asked, staring at the redheaded girl in shock.

"I said no. I appreciate the offer, really, but I just don't want to."

Adam chuckled. "Liv... you've got to be kidding."

"Kidding? Oh, come on, I've hung out with you all enough to know!" She threw up her hands. "You have to bail and go fight monsters at the drop of a hat. Bad guys try to brainwash you, you're always escaping death. Jason's power almost killed him, and now you're asking me to join up?"

"She's got a point," Rocky murmured.

Zordon let out a heavy sigh. "Very well," the Eltaran decided after a moment of silence. "Alpha, place the Crystal into storage for the time being."

As the White Zeo Crystal was placed back into containment, Jason chuckled, patting Olivia on the shoulder. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"What can I say? I prefer being a sidekick."

*****

March 1995

"Oh," Rita moaned, "I have *SUCH* a--"

Before she could finish the sentence, Finster thrust a bottle into her hand. Too surprised to screech at him, Rita stared at the label: Extra-Strength Aspirin Pain Reliever. She blinked, shook herself, and then stormed off to her chamber to get a glass of water.

Zedd watched her go, then regarded Finster with new respect. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

*****

April 2006

"I still don't understand," Maya said. "You boil the eggs, then paint them, then hide them? And then tell children that a giant rabbit hid the eggs and brought them candy? Why?"

Mike shrugged. "I guess it's tradition."

"But what's the point?"

"Actually--" He stopped, confused, and then grinned. "You know, I have no idea. I don't think anyone ever explained it to me, either."

Kendrix was setting out the egg dyes, having carefully mixed the ratios with her usual analytical precision. "I think there is an historical precedent to this, but I really don't remember it. Most people consider it symbolic of the beginning of spring."

"But it's always spring on Terra Venture," Maya responded.

"Um, Kendrix?" Leo stuck his head through the kitchen doorway. "You might want to hold off on the dye."

"Why?" Kendrix asked.

She got her answer as Damon stormed out of the kitchen, covered with egg yolk. "I swear I thought I boiled the eggs last night," Kai protested, following him out of the kitchen. Damon ignored him, striding towards the cups of egg dye. He picked up the nearest cup, turned, and threw it in Kai's face before storming off to get a shower. Kendrix yelped.

"So much for that idea," Mike sighed.

Leo started laughing. "You really are the Blue Ranger now, huh, Kai?"

Within minutes, the rest of the dye was put to similar use.

*****

May 2150

The monster alarms went off across Angel Grove as the newest villain's latest creature was beamed down to Earth.

"Oh, please." Marian Park sighed, watching the monster stumble about from the relative safety of the bar. "I don't know why they bother anymore."

Andrew Corbett shrugged. "You know, my great-granddad said those things actually were hard to kill back in the old days."

As he spoke, the town's ion cannon defense system identified and targeted the creature, and it was disintegrated within seconds. The surrounding buildings weren't even chipped.

Chuckling, Marian finished off the last of her drink. "Really? Fancy that."

*****

June 1995

"NOW, T!"

Tommy had no idea where the shout came from, but it was followed by an electronic whine, and the monster that had been advancing on him suddenly exploded. Literally.

Kim yelped, batting away the bits that went flying in all directions. "Oh, ick!"

Tommy chuckled, and stopped as a piece of exoskeleton struck him in the shoulder. He brushed it away with a shudder and went to help her up. "You all right, Beautiful?"

She smiled despite her disgust, recognizing how ridiculous the situation was. "I'm okay. What was that thing?"

"I don't know. Didn't even give us time to morph." Tommy sighed, hugging her. "That was not Zedd and Rita's style, though."

"Yeah, usually they go out with less mess," Kim joked, suddenly realizing something. "Wait a minute. Who got rid of it?"

They turned to see a man and a woman stepping out of the evening fog. "Why do you get the gun?" the man demanded.

"You got to use it last time," the woman replied. "It's only fair."

"Yeah, well, I get to flashie thing this time, T. You promised," the man muttered as they stepped into view. He froze. "Uh-oh."

Tommy's jaw dropped as he stared at their two rescuers. Kim, for once, was speechless. "T-trini?" Tommy finally managed. "Zack? What - how -" He broke off for a moment, trying to form coherent questions.

Trini and Zack slipped on sunglasses, and Zack pulled a small metal object out of his breast pocket. "Let's just say the Peace Conference fell through."

*****

July 1996

"Are those fireworks, or did the Power Rangers beat another monster?" Emily wondered, staring at the bright lights in the evening sky.

Ernie shrugged and passed her a hot dog. "Who can tell anymore?"

*****

August 2040

"WHAT year is it??" Damon repeated, shocked.

The pilot nodded solemnly. He was in his sixties, his short dark hair and beard more gray than brown, but he was still in fairly good shape for his age. It made sense, considering his line of work. "You heard me right, kid." He stole a glance back at the other four Galaxy Rangers, who wore identical looks of astonishment. "And I know for a fact you're not supposed to be here."

Kai folded his arms. "And you can remedy that."

"Maybe, if you'll let me."

Leo frowned. "We don't even know your real name."

"Hawk is what everyone around here knows me by," the pilot responded as the small scout ship descended into a vast hangar bay. "So that's going to have to be good enough for you."

Kendrix shoved forward to get a good look at their surroundings. "This is a GSA installation. Smugglers don't just fly into GSA bases."

"No, they don't," Hawk answered as the external doors slid open and he led the five out into the hangar. Ignoring the stares from the other pilots, he strode over to a young woman in a pilot's uniform. Hawk waved off her salute and took her aside. "'Renda, do me a favor, will you? Watch those five and make sure they don't find out anything they shouldn't. I've got to make a call."

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

He hurried to a private communications room, hurriedly tapping in a series of codes. Several minutes passed before a familiar face appeared. "You better have a good reason for calling me at 0200 hours, bro."

"You bet I do. Remember that time trip you told me about?" As his brother's eyes widened, the GSA intelligence officer nodded. "Well, guess who I picked up on Deneb 17 an hour ago."

"What?" Leo Corbett gaped at him. "They're already here?"

Commander Mike Corbett sighed. "Time flies, I guess. Lieutenant Glasser's watching them for now. Listen, you have to tell me everything that happened, and I mean everything..."

*****

September 1882

"I hate time travel," TJ West murmured under his breath.

Artemus Gordon glanced up from the box of gadgets he was digging through. "Hmm?"

"Oh, I, uh--" TJ caught himself. "I said, you sure this fits all right?" He tugged at the collar of the suit his ancestor had picked out.

"You look good, kid," James West answered, straightening his own vest for the nth time. "Not as good as me, but you'll do."

"I guess," TJ sighed. He made a face at his reflection, wondering how they planned to pull this off. They had to catch Divatox, and stop her from killing Jim West - without letting his great-great-great-grandfather realize what the real deal was. "This isn't all that comfortable, you know?"

"All right, I'm coming out," Cassie shouted from the sleeping car. "Nobody laugh!"

She opened the door and stepped out - and TJ's jaw dropped. Cassie was wearing a rose-colored dress with a full skirt, with a matching parasol. Her hair was pinned up on her head, with a few tendrils falling free. "Wow," he finally managed. "You... you look great, Cass."

Cassie smiled brightly and moved towards the front of the train. As she passed TJ by, he heard her whisper, "Don't you dare complain about comfort until you've had to wear a corset."

Artemus and Jim watched her pass on by with admiration. "Gotta admit, Artie," Jim muttered to his partner, "that looks a *hell* of a lot better on her than it did on you."

He spent the next two miles stuck on the roof of the train.

*****

October 1999

Halloween brought out all the crazies. But even for Angel Grove, this was a new one. The young man came to a dead end and halted, gasping in fear. How he got into these messes was beyond him. He was minding his own business, bumped into the wrong person, and three hours later was being followed by a maniac who thought he had been sent to kill him.

Man, what he wouldn't give for a monster attack right now.

There was a faint hiss behind him, and he spun to see a figure in a trench coat standing at the mouth of the alley. "I am Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod."

He gulped. "I'm Eugene Skullovitch and I *really* hope that sword's plastic."

*****

November 2012

"What do you mean, don't worry?" Ashley demanded as she took the turkey out of the oven. "Andros, my parents are coming in five minutes, and the living room is a mess--"

She stopped dead as she stepped out of the kitchen. The living room was completely clean. The half-folded laundry was folded and sitting in its basket in the hall, the scattered toys were nowhere to be seen, and the rug was straightened. Zhane and Karone were sitting on the couch, looking smug. Ashley turned to stare at her husband, who shrugged.

"There's a few advantages to a family of telekinetics," Andros admitted.

Ashley couldn't help but laugh. "You're telling me!"

*****

December 1993

"Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!" The little robot's cry reverberated throughout the Command Center, and Billy glanced up from his work to see Alpha, waving his arms about in extreme agitation.

He sighed and set down the tool, going to Alpha's side. "What's the problem?"

"Sensors have picked up an unidentified craft flying low over Angel Grove!" Alpha answered, still waving his arms about. "Eleven lifeforms have been detected, but there's no sign of any propulsion systems whatsoever!"

Billy blinked, glancing over at Zordon's tube. It was dim; the Rangers' mentor, in a sense, was asleep. Of course, that made perfect sense since it was two a.m. "No propulsion systems?" A thought occurred to him. "Alpha, before you wake Zordon up, can you bring up an image on the Viewing Globe?"

"Certainly, Billy." Alpha pressed a few buttons, and the Viewing Globe lit up as the craft appeared in its depths. Billy leaned forward for a closer look, then suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. "What? What is it?"

It took the genius a moment to calm down, and he patted Alpha on the shoulder, wiping his eyes. "Alpha," Billy chuckled, wiping off his glasses, "there's something I've got to explain to you."

The image of the flying reindeer and sled winked out.

*****

THE END