Title: The highly educational demonstration of how to drive guys off

Written by Professional Scatterbrain.

Rating: Pg – 13

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Summary: See challenge set by Karen U

#3 – Karen U

-Lita/Edge, Lita/Jeff, Lita/Christian, or Lita/Jericho

-A bet between Lita and the divas in which Lita says that she know surefire ways to drive guys off (Lita is, of course, down about her love life)

-Instead of being driven off, the guy falls for her, and Lita, of course, falls for him as well

-Happy endings

-No roster split

-Other divas should be chosen from the following (at least three other divas): Stacy, Stephanie, Lillian, Torrie, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Ivory, Trish


Chp1: The Catalyst


When he held her, it seemed like she was minuscule.

Like a little dove in his arms.

She really was tiny. He always had to remind himself of that. Normally she was always moving, and always racing along with a million things on her mind. To him, she always seemed like something from dreams, something so surreal and removed from reality. But as he carried her up to her room with a gaggle of her friends following him, Jeff Hardy was once again reminded of how delicate Lita could be when her facade of ice queen of extreme was gone.

"You know Jeffery, you're my best friend in the whole wide world," she mumbled into his collar bone.

Half asleep, and more than half drunk, she was fragile and malleable in his arms. She curled like a cat around his form, clinging to him. It had not been a good night for her. Actually, if the full truth was told, it had not been a good night for either of them. But for her, it had been worse, and with Stephanie and Dawn Marie refilling her glass, while Torrie dopily pointed out what was already obvious to everyone, the night had quickly degenerated into a series of very unfortunate events that lead to him carrying her back to her hotel room.

"We just wanted to cheer her up," Dawn Marie vainly tried to explain as she caught up to Jeff, "We didn't even think that 'they' would be at the same place,"

Shrugging her perfectly coiled brunette tresses over her shoulder, Dawn managed to unbuckle the death defying heels on the redhead's feet, and then hook them over Jeff's shoulder. She managed an almost guilty smile, and then she bit her lip. Like the intoxicated redhead in his arms, Dawn too found it painful to apologise. She also found it difficult to express gratitude. So she left it to Torrie; a woman whose place in the friendship group was a mystery to the other three, especially to Stephanie McMahon who still was unable to get past her feelings of irritation when it came to the blonde.

"It was totally above and beyond Jeff," Torrie praised, "I mean, taking on all those guys, and defending her honor. You're like our knight in shinning amour."

Torrie then looked for conformation of her statement. Dawn nodded a little, while Stephanie merely decided to take the lead. Stalking ahead, her heels clicked viciously on the marble floor and she looked every bit like the ball buster she prided herself in being. She, in comparison to the others, did not believe in apologies, nor did she invest much belief in gratitude. Therefore, any actions on Jeff's part were nothing more than something she herself could have taken care of if the situation had been left in her control.

"We can take over from here," Stephanie stated, turning on her heels to face Jeff.

A dark look momentarily flashed through Jeff's eyes, "No, it's alright, I can take Li to her room."

Neatly manicured finger tips held a key card up to the light, and with a familiar warning smile that Jeff had seen before, Stephanie coldly responded, "Seeing as we are outside her room, it seems as though your duty is complete."

"Steph!" Torrie whispered in a shocked tone, "Don't be so rude."

Shifting on her feet, Dawn quickly jolted Stephanie out of the way, defusing the situation as she opened the door and quickly ushered Jeff in. But he still glared at the woman of the hour, kissing Lita lightly on her temple as a show of obvious affection. Stephanie wrinkled her nose in disgust. Jeff smirked. The two had not gotten along for quite some time, and if Lita wasn't in such a scrap, then they would have avoided each other as usual.

"Jeffery?" questioned a dizzy redhead, "Can you stay tonight? Pretty please . . ."

Placing Lita onto the bed, Jeff opened his mouth to answer, but Stephanie beat him too it.

"Sorry sweetheart, but Jeff can' stay tonight. He's got to go get ready for TNA tomorrow. He's got a big match and you don't want him to mess it up do you?"

Huge doe like eyes widened guiltily, and almost like a child, Lita shook her head, and haphazardly focused her gaze on Jeff, "No, I'd never want to mess anything up for you. Not ever again."

"Li, you're my best friend, you could never -"

Interrupting him yet again, Stephanie grinned, "I guess you'll be on your way then Hardy now we've got that settled

With sad eyes, Lita looked up at Jeff and waved, as if saying farewell for the last time. He almost snarled at Stephanie but she just smirked and before he could speak another word he'd been shooed out of the room forcefully by the billion dollar princess. With a scowl on her pretty face, Stephanie dusted off her hands, as if the few seconds touching Jeff's shoulders as she pushed him out of the doorway had tainted her. Torrie meanwhile, looked at her aghast, her mouth wide open.

"You might want to close your trap," Stephanie recommended prettily, "Christian might get some ideas."

Snapping her jaw shut, a dark blush covered Torrie's heart shaped face and she looked away. Satisfied with both results of her toils, Stephanie daintily sat down next to Lita, and crossed her legs neatly at her ankles. Smoothing her skirt, Stephanie looked down at Lita's expectantly. Awaiting an explanation, she nudged Lita's side to gain her somewhat wandering attention.

"What was that back in the club Lita?" Stephanie asked in a rather cool and polished tone.

"Stephanie! Not now!" Dawn gasped, horrified, "It wasn't her fault that it all happened like it did."

Lacing her fingers together, Stephanie looked pained, "I wasn't talking about the run in with the older Hardy and his bitch. Though that was a pill of an experience."

"Then what Steph? What is important enough for you to insult Jeff, Li's best friend, and then find reason to interrogate poor Li after the night she had?" Dawn asked protectively as she placed her hand on the redhead's feverous temple.

Lita smiled up at the mentioning of her name. It was a sweet dopey smile and then closed her eyes. She mumbled a little about Jeff and a camel named Bob, and Torrie looked intrigued. As an avid aficionado of dream reading and the like, both Dawn and Stephanie could quite accurately guess what was running through the blondes mind. Studying Lita like tea leaves had always been Torrie favorite past time. But then again, Lita had always been soft on Torrie, however in comparison neither one of the other two women put up with such riff raff so it probably made sense that Lita had always ended up being the blondes test subject.

Stephanie was distracted.

Dawn was not.

"What Stephanie? What is so important?"

The Billion dollar princess sighed, irritated by Dawn's insistent tone, "I didn't like what Lita said back in the club,"

Torrie pursed her lips, as if unsure of herself, "But Matt is an asshole . . . isn't he?"

Stephanie stared at her in disbelief, and spoke very slowly, "Yes Torrie, Matt is an asshole but that's not the point."

Torrie shrunk back into the corner. Somehow, her footing was always uneven when she faced the ball buster McMahon and the Venus like Dawn Marie. Thus she rarely spoke up to Stephanie. In truth she rarely spoke at all in these sorts of hostile situations. From experience she had always found that it was better to stay out of them, as most of the time it didn't concern her in the least.

"What is the point?" Torrie asked tentatively.

But although Torrie was sufficiently confused, Dawn seemed to know what Stephanie meant.

"Li didn't mean it. She's was just drunk. You know how she gets."

Stephanie sniffed at that, "Normally she calls up Jeff and goes on and on about how he's her best friend in the whole wide world. Well, that or something strange about a camel named Bob. She doesn't normally go on and on about how she knows surefire ways of driving guys off."

"She's just had a bad year," Dawn reasoned, her face set as she pulled the blankets over her friend, "It's understandable that she feels like that."

Stephanie nodded a little in understanding, "I guess your right, but I still can't help thinking it's something to worry about. I mean, its ridicules to think that Lita's 'cursed' with bad luck,"

Suddenly Lita cracked her eyes open wearily; they were still glazed over due to the drinks the two brunettes had paid for, but she seemed a little more lucid than when Jeff was carrying her, "It is a curse! Ever single guy that I've been around has run to the hills! I'm like poison! I always do and say the wrong things, and I always drive away!"

"I think your being over dramatic." Stephanie commented dismissively, "You need to rest. We'll speak about this tomorrow morning."

"But I'm not being over dramatic." Lita exclaimed emotionally, "I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not! I always mess things up. I can never do anything right. I'm a disaster with guys."

Stephanie looked at her watch. Dawn glanced worriedly at Torrie. Stephanie normally, like Torrie, had quite a soft spot for Lita. In a matter of fact, so did Dawn, but that wasn't the point. The point was, when Stephanie looked at her watch, it was a sign she was going the end the conversation she viewed as unwanted in a quick and at times manipulative manner.

"Alright then Lita. How about we put your theory to the test."

"Stephanie, no." Dawn snapped, but the other woman didn't listen.

She never did.

That was the problem.

"What do you mean?" Lita asked in a small confused voice.

Stephanie stood, and paced a little, "You believe that you are bad luck, and that guys run in the other direction when you approach. All I'm suggesting is for you give us a demonstration Lita."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Torrie pleaded nervously.

"Then don't think." Stephanie snapped.

Recoiling, Torrie seemed very childlike. In a too tight party dress with her blonde hair in curled coils she did seem like a little girl being reprimanded by the class bully. Normally in these situations one of remaining two friends would defend her, usually Lita. But that night, with Lita incapacitated, and Dawn gapping at Stephanie no help was found. Maybe that was why the night ended as it did.

"Don't make fun of me." The redhead high flyer frowned, speaking up.

Stephanie's heels clicked over the floor as she continued to pace, "I'm not. All I'm doing is asking you to give us, your best friends an example of how exactly you cause men to run in the other direction when they see you."

Rubbing her eyes, Lita yawned, seeming not to have heard most of that the brunette said, replied singingly, "Jeff's my best friend. My best friend in the entire world. He said he'd take me to the park tomorrow to feed the ducks. He's my best friend."

Scowling, Stephanie moved so she was sitting next to Lita, catching her eye, Stephanie spoke again, this time sharply, "Focus Lita. We're not talking about Rainbow boy; we're talking about what you said earlier this evening."

Lita's eyes narrowed, "Matt's an ass-"

Stephanie interrupted her, "Not that. We're talking about what you said about you being hopeless with guys, and you said you'd give us a demonstration."

"I did?"

"No-"

"Don't-"

But both Torrie and Dawn's indignant responses were cut short by a harsh look from the youngest McMahon. She was rather good at those looks, and her position of dominance in the friendship wasn't for nothing.

Soothingly, Stephanie responded to Lita's confusion, "Yes you did. You said that you'd show us exactly how you drive men away."

Blinking, Lita trustingly looked up at her friend, "Oh, alright."

"Steph, this is uncalled for, Li is drunk she doesn't know what she's saying!" Dawn angrily reprimanded the other brunette, "You're taking advantage of her."

Stephanie rolled her eyes.

"We're just having some fun, aren't we Lita? Anyway, she's already agreed, haven't you Lita?"

Dawn didn't like how Stephanie was saying Lita's name, it almost sounded like a threat.

Lita in her current state didn't seem to notice, "I guess so . . ."

"Right then its all settled, Lita's going to show us exactly how a man gets driven off by her."

"Which man?" Lita mumbled sleepily.

Stephanie's eyes sparkled. It acted as a rather affective warning sign to the other women, but there was nothing they could do to stop her. When Stephanie was in one of her moods, nothing short of her mother Linda could come close to stopping Stephanie in her tracks. Unfortunately with Vince and Shane on Linda's plate, Stephanie hadn't really aroused much of her mother's attention since the family reconciled. As the youngest child of the family, Stephanie well knew the value of flying under the radar, and she wasn't about to mess it up the second time around.

Meanwhile, her mind was simmering over, going through the possible candidates.

It didn't take her long to find the ideal one.

"Jeff Hardy."

"Oh," Lita stated tonelessly, but then, in a bright voice she continued obliviously, "He's my best friend. Did you know that? He said he's take me to feed some ducks tomorrow morning before he leaves. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yes it is Lita. I know we're all excited about you showing us how you drive guys off. Especially since you said you'd show us using Jeff as an example."

"I did?"

"Yes you did." The brunette cooed convincingly.

"Oh . . . okay." Lita mumbled unquestioningly in response, dopily looking up at Stephanie with wide hazy eyes.

"Good girl. Now, you better get some sleep, and we'll come back tomorrow morning to talk more about this."

The only sound that was heard in the quiet room was her small voice calling out, "Alright Stephie, night night Dawnie, night night Torrie."

Then repeating her earlier actions, Stephanie shooed Dawn and Torrie out of Lita's room in much the same manner that she had disposed of Jeff. As she did so, Lita waved tiredly, her eyes already blinking sleepily. All Dawn and Torrie could do was watch as Stephanie slammed to door shut on there friend and hope that it would all blow over the next morning when Lita was lucid.

But somehow that wasn't as reassuring as it should have been.


This (if you've read any of my other fics) is my first attempt at writing something a little more (okay, a lot more) light hearted.

It is as I stated at the begining of this chapter,based on a challenge by Karen U. I started writing it a while ago, and it's kind of ironic that she'd also started a response to the same challenge. Yet hers is a very benevolent Lita/John Cena fic is about Lita finding the perfect man, while mine the slightly malevolent concept of Lita's friends trying to drive him away from her. But non the less I hope you enjoyed the first chapter; expectit to be one of ten.

Anyway, R&R