This is a oneshot about Raven's reaction to Malchior's betrayal-and how a certain green changeling helps her through it. I realize that I'm not a great writer, but I would appreciate it SO MUCH if you would take five seconds to review. Seriously, reviews are like my own form of happy pills. Happy readings! -Sarah
"It never calls me when I'm down.
Love never wanted me,
But I took it anyway."
In a large meadow five miles off the coast from Jump City, Raven sat in solitude. She looked at the warm, mellow day, the wildflowers blowing in the fragrant breeze, the birds circling with thier mates. She viewed this beauty and wept.
It had been two days since Malchior's betrayal and defeat. Raven had tried to put up an apathetic front to her freinds. Starfire was constantly checking on her, making sure she was allright. Robin and Cyborg had been comforting, but had respected her privacy. Beast Boy had, of course, tried to joke her back into good humor. Raven tolerated it all, tried to appear unconcerned, but after two days she needed time to be alone and mourn the loss of trust. She had come to this field and told her freinds she needed time alone. While definitely concerned, they realized her need to vent her feelings without fear of hurting someone, and they let her go. Beast Boy had even hugged her before she left, and she had let him. He's trying, she thought. He really cares. Too bad he has no idea how I really feel.
Raven tried to think of things that were eternal, that were never ending, to calm and comfort her. The sky, she thought. The sky can't die. The moon. Stars. Actually, stars do die, eventually, so scratch that. She would say God, but under the circumstances she was doubting that He had ever existed in the first place, and how can something that has never been alive die? She shook her head. Night and day. They would continue on undaunted, as if nothing had ever happened. As if her heart had never been broken into a million ugly pieces and scattered by the wind like so much dust. The birds gave no moment of silence for her heart broken state-they insensitively whistled and shrieked and whooped and cried, just like every other dawn. It angered her-didn't they realize the world had changed? Couldn't they be quiet, let her think of the unbearable grief that threatened to crush her in silence, so she could hear the screaming inside her all the better? Stupid birds, she thought savagely. Remembering how she used to whistle along with them, their imagined conversations, how she had called them her friends, she got white hot angry. This surprised her and slightly relieved her-she was beginning to think that all she would ever feel ever again was grief. Anger, while not pleasant, was at least something to distract her from the pain and shame she felt. Black energy unfurled from her hands, shone from her eyes as the irrevocable feelings took over against her controls. "I take it back!" She screamed suddenly at the birds, at the sky, at the world. "I'm not your friend-I HATE you!" More power flew from her hands, spiraling in the sky like a vengeful tornado. She screamed as loud as she could, knowing that no way could anyone else hear her, but making her feel vindictive all the same. The birds seemed shocked by the sudden noise in the peaceful meadow. Mostof them fluttered away, their pretty shiny wings reflecting light at her like pools of oil. Good riddance, she thought bitterly. Birds aren't pretty-and neither am I. The energy in her pulsed out like bad blood from a cut. Raven had never, ever cut herself, even though she could have healed it instantly. She had never, in short, seen how pain would help a bad situation. Now she began to see what motivated cutters to put the knife blade to their wrist and press, press, until blood poured like their unshed tears. Even though she could see what they saw, she still never would. Malchior had hurt her enough emotionally and mentally-she refused to let him be the cause of physical pain as well.
At first she hadn't believed him. Beautiful? Who, me? Sorry, you've got the wrong girl. Raven was too sharp, too cold, too blue to be beautiful. Some girls were tragically beautiful. Raven wasn't tragically beautiful-she was just tragic. Of course, after awhile she had believed him, like she had always wanted to. No one likes thinking they're ugly inside and out. Well, screw that. Screw him. He was a liar all along, and she acknowledged that she was not really mourning the loss of his life, but of the trust she had held in him, growing like a fragile fetus, aborted by his betrayal. Nothing could bring that back. Nothing.
Exhausted, mentally and physically, Raven unhooked her cloak and laid it on the ground. Spreading it out, she languidly stretched and fell onto it. Raven had been through enough to know that sleep, which gave brief respites from reality, would not solve anything. But right now, she needed to escape, and sleep let her do just that. She drifted off into a haze of dreams, filled with birds who had knives for beaks, and spoke only lies.
"Raven?" A gentle hand rocked her shoulder. She blearily opened her eyes, immediately feeling displaced and uncomfortable. Where was she? Then she remembered that she had come to the field. To mourn. To feel. To be alone.
Only now she wasn't alone. Green eyes, reflective as a cats, shone at her. It was dark, and Beast Boy had found her.
"What are you doing here?" Raven asked angrily as she rubbed sleep from her eyes. "How did you find me?"
"I tracked your communicator. It's almost 5 o'clock in the morning." Beast Boy sat down next to her, lean legs folding under him gracefully. In a softer voice he said, "I was worried."
"I'm fine." Raven curtly stood up, picked up her cloak, and placed it back around her shoulders. She hadn't wanted to be interrupted-why did he have to be here?
"I know I shouldn't be here." How perceptive of him. "But I want to let you know...what that bast-sorry, jerk-did...you didn't deserve it." He seemed to be struggling for words as he gazed at the slowly rising sun. "It wasn't fair." He looked at her, and she was surprised at the sudden emotion that welled up in her eyes as she looked at the saddened expression on his face. He almost never looked sad. It seemed unhealthy.
"Thanks Beast Boy. But...well...life isn't fair. Ever." Raven took a deep breath and shivered unwillingly. "I should have known...I'm destined to be alone. Forever."
"You'll always have us! The Titans love you Rae. We'll never abandon you!" He was indignant and angry and reassuring, all at the same time. Raven was surprised at how deeply he seemed to feel things. He wasn't as shallow as she had thought...
But then again, she had never truly thought of him as shallow. She just thought he was too happy to ever love her, and it was easier to call him shallow and make excuses. It softened the ache she felt, knowing he would never love her. Malchior has softened the ache too, for awhile, but after his betrayal the ache of non-love was back tenfold. Raven squeezed her eyes shut and answered Beast Boy, who had gone oddly quiet.
"I don't mean freindship love, BB. I mean...like...the feelings you had for Terra. Real love." There. Raven had finally admitted it. After all this time, she could finally talk about the blonde girl. Maybe the ache of Malchior made other old fears lessened.
Beast Boy looked even sadder. "Rae...I never loved her. I had a HUGE crush on her, I'll admit, but you of all people know what it feels like to be used and cast aside. In fact, you're the only person I know who knows what it feels like. And you know that that isn't love."
Raven looked at him curiously, cogniscent of the sun now falteringly shining on his green hair. He looked so open, so unguarded, in that moment that she felt like she was reading his mind. But then she realized, no, you don't need to read someone's mind when you know them well enough. And she knew BB that well, maybe better than he knew himself. "Beast Boy?"
He was looking at her with indecision across his face. Suddenly and swiftly, he leaned up and kissed her softly on the mouth. It was over in a few seconds, leaving Raven surprised, happy, and blushing.
"That's love." His fang showed as he smiled and hugged her shoulders.
And Raven realized, as they sat there watching the birds return to their nests, that there is one more thing that is never ending and interminable, besides the moon and sun, the day and night: true love.
what do you guys think? Too mushy? Too sappy? Too fluffy? (God, it sounds like I'm describing a food instead of a fanfic.) Not enough dialogue? I need reviews, people. PLEASE! Anyways, thanks for reading!