Disclaimer: I do not own HP
Harry and Draco exchanged nervous glances as they stood outside the door to the counselor's office that had been recommended to them by Healer Smith. Neither of them was looking forward to the next hour, had only agreed to work out their "problems" for the sake of the twins that the blonde was carrying. The thought still caused Harry to pale and wonder how Draco had come to terms with knowing that he had not only one, but two babies residing inside him, knowing that he would have to raise them on his own unless he found someone who would be willing to raise another man's children.
Each taking a deep breath to help settle their nerves, Harry opened the door for them before sitting down while Draco went to talk to the receptionist and fill out paperwork. When he returned to the waiting area, he hesitated in front of Harry before deciding to sit a few seats away from him. "They said it'll be a few minutes before he's ready to see us."
Harry nodded but didn't say anything. The uneasy feeling he had causing him to wonder if this was absolutely necessary. The last thing he wanted was to have to open up to a complete stranger. When the door next to the receptionist's desk opened, Harry tensed and barely kept himself from jumping up and running from the room. With no one else waiting, the man in the doorway nodded to them. "Draco? Harry? Please come in."
The two stood together and entered the brightly lit room. There was a decent sized desk next to one wall with a single file in the center. The back wall was lined with filled bookshelves. In the middle of the room was three plush chairs placed to make it easy for the occupants to easily face each other.
"I'm Spencer Nelson. Don't worry about formalities, just call me Spencer. Why don't the two of you have a seat?"
They sat down with him following suit. "Have either of you ever seen a therapist before?" They shook their heads. "Okay, well, it's not too different from talking to a regular healer. But instead of talking about what's wrong with your body, we'll talk about what's bothering you emotionally." He looked at Draco, "We'll start with you. What kind of problems are the two of you facing?"
Draco swallowed nervously before glancing at Harry, then looked back at Spencer. "Harry gave me a job as a live in housekeeper. The problem is that we can never get along. We've couldn't stand each other in Hogwarts, and, while I feel that neither of us mean any harm now, Healer Smith says that if we can't learn to get along more, that if the arguing stresses me out too much, it could harm my babies."
Spencer nodded in understanding. "Why do you think that the two of you can't get along?"
Draco looked surprised at the question. He had never thought about why he didn't like Harry, he just did. Looking back at Harry, who was watching him with interest, curious about how Draco would answer, the blonde shrugged. "I don't really know. We're complete opposites, from our looks to our personalities." He looked back at the therapist. "I was pretty stuck up until recently…and still can be. I've always seen him as such a goody goody. It didn't help that I was raised to believe that I was better than anyone else, especially some half-blood who was raised by muggles."
Spencer looked at Harry, "What about you?"
"I agree with him. He was being a jerk when we first met…and every time after that. Plus I was a Gryffindor and he was in Slytherin, so even if we had of wanted to get along and be friends, it would have been impossible. It seems like there was always something between us, preventing us from actually getting to know each other until a week ago."
"If you could go back, if nothing had stood between the two of you, do you think you would've given each other a chance?"
They looked at each other once again before smiling. "No bloody way in Hell," they answered in unison.
They left the therapists office an hour later, both relieved that it was over. Having to reminisce about their "relationship" since that first day of Hogwarts until today was far from enjoyable. Before they had left, he had told them that he believed that their constant bickering was caused by the tension that built up inside them whenever they were around each other. Though the therapist had kept his exact feelings about their relationship to himself, both had the distinct feeling that he believed that the tension between them was that of a sexual nature that the two of them pushed aside, trying to hide behind the…well, not hatred, not anymore, but a distinct dislike for each other.
It hadn't helped that Spencer had mentioned the obvious protective nature that Harry now included Draco in, making his opinion of their only hiding the fact that they did indeed like each other on some level more logical. Harry tried to rationalize that he was that way with everyone in around him, whether in his employ in D.A. or with close friends like Hermione and Ron. Draco swore it was because Harry had a savior problem and couldn't see anyone, not even his hated rival, in trouble. To top it off, he was carrying twins, which meant Harry had three lives to save. Draco had rolled his eyes as he thought, Harry hit the savior jackpot with me.
They apperated home, neither talking after they appeared in the living room. Sitting in silence, each pretending that the other wasn't there. Draco was the first to break as that heavy silence bore down on him, making him feel like he was suffocating. "You know you don't have to put up with all this, right?"
Harry looked at him, surprised, "What?"
"I know this is a lot more than you bargained for when you took me in. I mean, you really don't want to wake up to two babies crying all through the night. Taking me to appointments and going to therapy with me, it's a lot to deal with, especially if you don't have to. If you want me to leave, I won't hold it against you."
Harry shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Draco. I'll admit, it can get a little…awkward at times, but truthfully, I'm glad I found you. If you want to go, you can, but I enjoy having someone else around here. And I've always wanted to have kids running around here, but never thought I'd get the chance because I don't have time for a relationship. The babies will be just as welcome as you are no matter how long you decide to stay and work for me."
Draco nodded. "If you're sure…"
"I'm sure," he said, standing up. "Wanna help me make lunch?"
The blonde gave a small smile as he, too, stood up. "Yeah."
That night found Harry in his study, the file about his upcoming trip to visit the American Department of Wizardry sitting on his desk in front of him, forgotten as thoughts of Draco lingered in his thoughts. He had been relieved to learn that Draco had taken to cooking easily, not only helping make a simple lunch, but dinner as well. And as the two were cooking, he had noticed a sense of relief in the blonde, as if the past day had helped him to relieve a tension that neither had known was there.
He thought back to the implications that the therapist had made, that he and Draco were trying to hide what they really thought about each other behind their fights and insults. At first he'd denied the possibility of it being true, but the longer he thought about it, the more he wondered if it could be true. While he had never been truly attracted to another man before, he was willing to admit that he had had a few crushes on Seamus and the Weasley twins back at Hogwarts. And while he'd wanted a family of his own, he could never bring himself to put forth an effort with the few women he had dated, had just assumed he'd never found his type. But Draco always seemed to strike something in Harry. Maybe the therapist was right when he claimed that their anger came from a feeling they had always had, but were too young to know what it was, so assumed it was anger, hatred. He couldn't deny that he was drawn to the blonde in a way that scared him with its intensity.
With a sigh, Harry looked down at the file again, having put it off long enough. But before he could finish the first paragraph, however, he heard a yell from Draco's room. Jumping up, he grabbed his wand from the desk and ran upstairs, nearly crashing into Draco's door as he tried to open it while still running. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he found Draco tossing and turning in bed, in the throes of a nightmare.
As he approached the blonde, he could hear Draco mumbling beneath his breath and it wasn't hard for him to figure out what it was about. He paused before sitting next to him on the bed, then gently shook him as he said, "Draco, wake up. Everything's alright, just wake up and it'll be gone."
After a moment, Draco's eyes opened, a few tears escaped and slid down his cheeks. Without thinking, Harry reached out to wipe them away, but stopped and lowered his hand when he saw Draco flinch in fear. "I'm not going to hurt you, Draco. I promise."
The blonde nodded, but was still shaking as he said, "I know that, believe me, I know. I just…can't help it." He took a deep breath that sounded more like a sob. "I can still feel him holding me down, feel him inside me. Still feel the pain. I couldn't move, couldn't stop him." The tears were flowing freely now, Draco covered his face to hide them. "I can't help but wonder, why me? Why did he do this to me? Was it random? Or did he already have it all planned out? Including me? After it happened, I was in shock…I couldn't believe what had happened, didn't want to admit it had happened. All I could think was 'how are my parents going to react?'"
He finally looked at Harry, his hands moving to hug his stomach. "What if I can't look at my babies without seeing him? What if I come to hate them? That man ruined my life. Half the time I can't sleep, and when I do, I relive it again and again. I don't want to blame my babies for what he did, but I don't know if I'll be able to be strong enough to love them the way I want to."
Harry shook his head, not able to believe what he was hearing. He scooted closer to Draco and, ignoring the flinch the blonde gave, cupped one of his cheeks and making Draco look him in the eyes. "Listen to me, Draco. You are one of the strongest people I know. You have never let anybody bring you down, to get in your way of getting what you want." He moved his hand to cover Draco's over his stomach. "You won't hate your babies, Draco. You won't be able to blame them. I can already see how much you love them. It shows whenever you're just reading in the study, how your hands will come to rest on them, just like now, and you'll get a small smile like you couldn't be happier.
"It's going to be hard for you come to terms with what happened to you, and you'll wonder how you're going to get through it. I can't say that I understand what you're going through, but I do know what it's like when something happens and you have no control over it, no matter how much you fight to change it. I know it's a horrible feeling that can stay with you for years, despite how you fight to forget it. I also know that you're going to get through this, that you're strong enough to love your babies like you want to love them. You already do."
Draco smiled at him, his eyes still red and slightly puffy, and he grabbed Harry's hand and gave it a slight squeeze. "Thanks, Harry."
Woohoo! An update! I think I enjoyed writing this more than I did A Seducer's Eyes, which is saying something. I'm really disappointed in the previous chapters to this story, however. I'm thinking about rewriting them a bit, but if I do, I won't be changing much of the basics, just the writing style. If I do, I'll be putting this story on hold until then. Hopefully it won't take too long, though! Leave a review!