((A/N: Look, I'm updating! Actually, I finally got around to playing on a little more. And this is as far as I ended up going. –sigh- anyway, thanks for the reviews and such, 3 people have this alerted! That's amazing! I'd wish they'd REVIEW. Warning: Chapter contains licking, and suggestive themes. But that's just my sick mind. This is my sick minded chapter, well, MORE sick minded than normal.
I do not own Quest 64, ToS, Norway or Zelda…))
"Death hugger?" Brian blinked, "Wow, now that's a scary name. Look at me! I'm a death hugger! Fear me as I give you hugs and kisses!"
The Death Huggers Brian had been facing ran off crying and he walked on until he found a wonderful gold bridge.
"OMG! It's gold!" he ran up and began licking it, "I love the taste of gold! Tastes like," He pondered for a minute, "Gold!"
He looked up and saw that he was near a dock, and the dock had a boat, "OMG! A boat! I love the taste of boat!"
He walked into the cabin of the said boat, looking for a place to change into his favorite pirate outfit. Of course he forgot the rule of when-you-go-into-the-cabin-it-means-you-want-to-go-where-the-boat-goes, since you can't pay the guy to take you since money DOESN'T EXIST.
So when he walked out he was no longer where he was.
He walked up to the guy, "Hey! I didn't want to go on a boat trip!"
The guy twitched, "You forgot the when-you-go-into-the-cabin-it-means-you-want-to-go-where-the-boat-goes rule."
"And secondly, this isn't where the boat was even supposed to go!"
Half an hour later he was walking down the road, muttering, "Stupid wind. Stupid lake flowing wrong and such…"
Three random hot chicks appeared from nowhere. In reality they were merrows and wanted to kill him but Brian wasn't exactly smart.
Merrow one attacked. He dodged on fluke.
"Did it hurt?" He asked.
The second one growled, Brian misread this as: "Did what hurt?"
He smiled, "When you fell down from heaven?"
The merrows were so disgusted with his totally lame pickup line they ran away.
End of battle
After a long walk, a VERY long walk, he arrived at a bridge.
But the gates were locked and he couldn't go any father. Ha, ha! LOSER! Instead he meets two gay lumberjacks named… well, he didn't ask for names. Brian is homophobic. The second the first lumberjack went: "Hello! Call the fashion police, cause we have a very bad boy here!" he was gone. I would have stayed; I always wanted to hang out with a gay lumberjack. But alas, I am only the writer of these things…
Later, when he finally arrived in Larapool
"Larapool is the water city."
"I really don't care ma'am." Brian looked at the creepy faces on the water fountain, "Creepy…" He inched away from the fountain, and bumped into a fat guy standing on a bridge.
"Wow, sorry man." Our hero said.
"My wife wants our daughter to be a stripper." Said Russel, seriously his name is Russel. Russel Mia Sheets, "But I want her to be what ever she wants to be. As long as it's dirty."
"And where can I meet this daughter of yours?" Brian asked hopefully.
Several nights later, after he recovered from falling off the bridge that lead to the Inn.
Brian started on his way to… where ever the hell he was going! Luin? Lake Hyrule? Norway? Normoon!
He crossed a log bridge, after having an OMG attack and having to lick it for five minutes. No wonder this kid was traveling alone…
Some random goat things appear.
Brian blinks, "You guys are total Kvar from ToS look a likes!"
Random goat things so confused they die.
End of Battle
Finally he makes it to the house before the cave. He opens the door to met: DOROTHY!
"Cull Hazard is dangerous." She says pointlessly, Brian is still shocked by the color of her dress and hat, which are a very violent pink.
"Ahh! PINK! Wait, Cull HAZARD?"
"The cave. The dangerous, evil, hard to navigate, full of enemies and green water that makes really good soup cave."
"I'm so dead."
"I'll make you some soup!"
"Would you like to spend the night here?"
"Alone?" Dorothy winked.
Brian shuttered, "I'm really, uh, busy, how about when I come back from the soup cave and giant toads take over China?"
She seemed happy with that, so Brian walked into Cull Hazard, muttering to himself once again, "It's only a cave, and it can't be that bad can it? CAN IT?"
No one answered, because, obviously, he was alone.
Hours later, after walking through green mist, fighting blood gels (which he thought where related to Apple Gels and tried to eat) and going in circles; he walked into the fresh air, which wasn't to fresh. Pollution and such.
Brian coughed, "Damn you evil million dollar companies with your factories of poison!"
He opened his arms wide, "Hello Normoon!"
He looked around to see he was exactly where he had started.
Dorothy leaned out her window, waving a newspaper that read 'Giant toads take over China', "Hi Brian!" She winked again.
Brian sighed, "Damn it."
((Short chapter, crappy jokes, I'm sorry. I'll try harder next chapter. Once I get through that stupid cave. See that ACTULLY happened to me, I walked in a circle… then I swore, saved and sulked. The three S's of life. The plot isn't even interesting at this point, so this chapter was more filler than anything.
Review or I smack Brian with a stick. Or I DON'T smack him with a stick.))