Title: Decided By Love

Author: Mona

Translation: by Wicked R

Disclaimers: Ryan Murphy and Crew

Genre: Drama

Rating: PG-13

Summary/Set/Pairing: Continuing a few weeks after the season 3 finale. Spoiler warning!

Christian was walking up and down nervously in his apartment, repeatedly checking the time. But she did tell him she will come today to pick up her things. And it was now already after 4 o'clock. And he had promised Sean that he would still assist him with a rhinoplasty.

The hands of the clock seemed to have moved slower today than normally. After he had looked one more time at the clock, Christian went into the adjacent bedroom and opened the doors to the wardrobe. Kimber's clothes hung there, properly lined up next to each other. Christian swallowed. Three weeks had passed since she had let him know after her surgery at the practice that she decided to live her life without him. During all this time, he had tried to evict her from his thoughts. But the memories kept coming back.

The sweet fragrance of her perfume hung in each and every little corner of the apartment and with everything he did, felt he her presence. For the first few days after their separation, he found it impossible to sleep in his double bed. He preferred to spend his nights on the sofa instead. But he couldn't find any peace there either. Nightmares made sure of that. What he tried to avoid all day haunted him at night. So some nights he woke up sweating, hearing Kimber's screams in his dreams.

Quentin had done his job well. He had not only hurt people on the outside, but he had also caused deep internal injuries. He had destroyed everything, what Christian had, all so dear and costly - his hope, his confidence and his love.

Christian glanced at the clock once more. Why is she making him wait so long? Kimber's last words to him went suddenly through his head.

"You accused me once that I only love you good appearance, your success, your reputation, things you represent. You're wrong. I had always loved you, the person. Even after you've sold me to Merrill. But you had always seen me through your own looking glass. The sweet little Kimber, who does everything she needs to fulfill Dr. Troy's wishes. It had cost me ten cosmetic surgeries and almost my life to please you. I had enough of it!"

Christian's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of somebody knocking on his door. She had arrived, he thought joyfully. He opened the door full of expectations and he immediately wished he had never opened it.

"You? What are you doing here?" Christian blurted out when he saw who his visitor was.

"Hi! You didn't give any sign for several weeks, you didn't even answer my messages. I was worried," without hesitation and ignoring his surprised features, she slid past him, "I hope I'm not disturbing?" She searched the rooms of the apartment with her eyes.

"No, I mean...yes..." Christian stammered. He was taken aback by Abby's sudden appearance. He sighed and rubbed his forehead, "I'm expecting somebody," he said dryly.

"A woman?"

Christian rolled his eyes annoyed. He couldn't remember Abby being so straight the last time, "I don't think it's any of your business."

"Okay. I only came by for a minute to see if everything was all right."

"I'm fine. Could you leave already!" Christian felt close to loosing control.

Abby felt his unease. She moved close to him with an obscene smile and stroked his lips lightly with one finger, "I knew a way of diminishing your tension completely and fast."

"Stop it!" Christian moved one step back, "haven't I told you the last time that we can't see each other anymore?"

"Yes, you have. But we could still remain friends, can't we not?"

"This kind of friendship I can do without!"

Abby laughed quietly, "call me... any time... day and night... " She pulled the brown paper bag out from her handbag out and put it on the bed.

Christian stared at it, then at Abby, "have you lost your mind? What is this?"

"I have a little surprise for you," Abby grinned.

"You better beat it, or you will be sorry to have ever met me!" Christian had finally had enough. He grabbed Abby's arm violently and pushed her categorically out the door. To his big surprise she didn't resist him one bit. He could hear through the closed door as she giggled bizarrely. As if she was laughing at him.

Christian leant onto the door worn out and closed his eyes. Why did he let her in at all? The woman was sick, psychologically ill, possessed. Why didn't he notice that before? But of course, people who were willing to put a paper bag over their heads while having sex, couldn't be completely sane. If he would've not been so confused and frustrated over his non-weeding, he would have never got involved with someone like Abby. She had been a fine distraction - for a while. And she was willing. A character trait, he always appreciated with women. But all this belonged to the past, ever since Kimber reappeared. He wanted her and no other woman, and he was ready to do everything to convince her that the two of them belonged together.

Christian let go of the door and started pacing in the apartment once again. And then he heard a quiet, hesitant knock on the door. His pulse accelerated immediately and his palms became clammy. After a deep breath he opened the door.

"Hello Christian."

As he stood there as if drugged, he could only gaze at her. The whole time he was waiting for her he tried to imagine this situation, how it would be to see Kimber again. And after all that he wasn't even able to utter one word.

"Can I come in?" Kimber blinked irritated.

Christian cleared his throat, "yes...of course. Come in!"

While Kimber went past him, he studied her discreetly. She had tied her blond hair together into a horse tail, in such a way see that no one could notice the still existing bald places on the head, and she had simple dark blue Jeans and a long sleeve white blouse on. She seemed to have lost some weight, which made her look so fragile.

When Kimber turned towards him, Christian had to hold his breath for a second. She wasn't wearing any make up at all and he could make out the small scars of her operation. But that was not what shocked him. Her eyes were blank with deep wrinkles and shadows under it. For a moment it reminded him of the time she was a cocaine addict. But the state she was in talked of something different as the cause.

Kimber couldn't stand his scrutiny, "don't look at me like that!" She snapped.

"How am I looking at you?"

"So...so..." Kimber was searching for the right words, "so pitiful. I don't want your sympathy. I only came to get my stuff and then you won't ever see me again."

Christian gulped. How could she talk like that, after all that happened between them. Her rejection hurt, but he was not going to let her notice, "yes, let's put it all behind us," he said apparently indifferently. He went into the bedroom and opened the wardrobe.

Kimber pulled a large suit case out from under the bed out and began to pack hastily, "so, that's it," she said after her things were stowed away. She pulled the zip on the suit case and regarded it irresolutely, "you'll get it back, don't worry."

"You can keep it."

Kimber shook her head, "I have to start over, Christian. And that also means that I'll..."

"...delete all your memories of me?" He interrupted.

Kimber shook her head again. She hung it, so that he couldn't see her expression. She didn't need any object to remember him.

"Where do you actually live?" Christian suddenly changed the subject.

"I moved in with a friend, until I find my own place."

"Do you need money?"

Kimber lifted her head up and looked at him, "I'm okay. As soon as the wounds heal, I'll look for a job."

"What kinda job? I can help you with these things," Christian offered.

Kimber shook her head once more, "it would be better, if we do not see each other anymore," she said quietly and turned away.

Christian watched as Kimber took the suitcase and went to the door. He suddenly felt hopeless. When this door closes behind her, it might mean he will never see her again. He couldn't let that happen!

He was at the door with a few leaps and stood before her, "please don't go. I still have things to tell you..."

Kimber saw the despair in his eyes and for a second she wanted nothing more than falling into his arms and telling him how much she still loved him despite everything. But what next? She couldn't pretend as if the last few weeks didn't happen at all. It was too late. She couldn't just have her old life back. And in principle she didn't want to have it back either.

"What... you still want to tell me?" Kimber had the feeling, that her voice wasn't completely under her control.

"I couldn't ever say this to you because Quentin turned the best day of our lives into a nightmare...but I don't want you to go without knowing how I really feel about you," Christian cleared his throat once again, took Kimber's hand and slowly knelt down in front of her...