Title: It was obvious, and yet…
Pairing: Gojyo X Sanzo
Dislcaimer: The charismatic characters of Saiyuki do not belong to me obviously, they are the children of the talented kazuya Minekura, and this for the best…
The sentences in italic are the thoughts of the characters.
A/N: This fic is a gift for Befanini who asked me to translate my story into english. As my english is not very good, at first, I didn't intend to do such a thing, but somehow I couldn't refuse her that because I really enjoyed her beautiful stories... and I felt it was my turn to give her something to read...
Befanini, I really hope you'll like it!
For the other readers who want to read this fic, please be indulgent! It was a very hard work translating my story, and I really did my best... but I think there are still mistakes. Anyway, I'll appreciate your corrections!
I want to thank dreamydreamer for reading my translation and helping me to correct it even if she doesn't really like this pairing... Thank you so much dreamy, I won't forget that! Love you!
"When you love somebody, you doubt of everything. When you're loved, you never doubt anything. "
Pathetic, you are really pathetic! It is what you would say to me, eh?… I'm still fixing my eyes on my glass. I have no idea since how long. I realize then it is empty. I hadn't noticed. I order another one. It must be the fifteenth now, perhaps more. In any case, I couldn't care less. I suddenly realize the calm which reigns around me. The bar is now hold by three poor drunkards who drown their sorrow in drink, in case they would find something interesting there.
This evening, I'm among them. I would never have believed that one day I would let myself go like that. What time is it? Well, I don't give a damn about it too… To take refuge in alcohol, what an idea! Who is the scatterbrain who said that it helped to forget? I feel even more sick. I feel… at the verge of tears. No, what I am talking about? I am the great Sha Gojyo, the inveterate seducer who overwhelms hearts and turns heads.
I've always believed in me, in my charm and in my know-how in love. In Love… another bloody stupid thing! It wasn't love! … All these girls to spend sweet nights… Comfort perhaps, surely… But then, what happened to me? I believed I was strong, really. I believed my heart was untamable. I believed that what I felt for you was only a physical attraction, a desire, a challenge to conquer an heart as untamable as mine. I believed… I… The pretentious fool that I was didn't know anything at all, he didn't know anything! Did not even suspect the scale of the thing! Something too large, unknown, frightening…
You are right, I am pathetic. But it's because of you too! What did I do to you so that you make me a trick like that? You did not have the right. I know that you don't like the weak ones, and I don't think I really was one, until… you came to me, like that, without preventing. I had underestimated you and I had over-estimated myself. You, you had understood that it wasn't a game, and me, me… blind and proud, I never saw that coming. This thing goes beyond me… My glass is already empty… like what I left between us.
When I think of it, I disgust myself to accuse you after what I dared to do to you. You... you that I thought unable to feel the least desire. I knew that you were afraid, I could feel your trembling body against mine. And yet, you were ready to give you to me, to share what you had never dared before, apparently sure of your choice. You are strong, much more than I imagined. And me, miserable like never, I deliberately dumped you, without even looking back to face your glance that I knew wounded. Yet, I didn't think that cowardice belonged to my defects.
Oh, you can laugh, after all it is true that it could be funny… if I didn't have the feeling to have made the most stupid thing of all my life. The great Sha Gojyo, who lies down women as he lights his smokes, is unable to make love. To sleep without feeling is like a second nature for me, but with it's another story… And I find myself alone, in this shabby bar, bemoaning my unforgivable mistake. How could you forgive me to have been so stupid, to not have known how to take what you gave me finally.
I've understood it too late, but now I know that finally all I wanted was your love, Genjyo Sanzo.
End of POV Gojyo
A few days earlier…
Gojyo was seated at the window ledge of the hotel's room he shared with his companions. He was looking pensively at the animated street he overhung, awaiting the return of Hakkaï and Goku who had left to buy food for the next days. he started to look for something in the pocket of his jacket. Shit! No more smoke, and I forgot to say to the others to get me some. Then, he heard the door creaked at the time it opened.
A light smile took shape on his face with the sight of the person who came in, cigarette in one hand and local newspaper in the other. This latter didn't look at him, but satdown comfortably in a chair close to the central table. He took one second to delicately put his oval glasses on his nose and to cross his legs hidden by the interminable white dress before opening the first page of the newspaper. The incandescent tobacco diffused an opaque smoke which came to torture in manner more than tempting the nostrils of the redhead. his addiction shouted to him to act.
- "Sanzo? " The name was almost whispered.
- "Hum? " The monk replied without turning his glance from an article which seemed fascinating.
- "Wouldn't you have a smoke? " The tone of the request was soft, perhaps too much, which made the blond leave his reading and raise the amethyst eyes into the rubis. The priest considered Gojyo a short moment, then turned over to his preceding occupation.
- " CH " Sanzo readjusted his glasses and went to the following page of his newspaper in order to continue his favourite pastime. More egoistic you die! The halfbreed thought. But as he shook his head in a sign of indignation, he noted that the priest burried a hand in the folds of his dress to take out a small rectangular object. His brain didn't know how to function any more during a short moment as he realized that it was a packet of Hi-Lite. No, it wasn't a packet of Marlboro but well of Hi-Lite. he repeated it once in his head as for confirming his vision. I must be in another dimension… I see only that!
- "It is what you're looking for? " The blond asked with a firm voice but... soft? The question brought back the redhead to reality. However, he didn't move during a moment, taking time to think of the action which was going to follow. He decided to abandon the window ledge to approach the table slowly and caught the packet so nicely offered. While taking out a cigarette of the packet he had just opened, he attentively listened to the monk who seemed to want to justify himself.
- "I knew that you didn't have any any more and I didn't want that you ask me for any of mine every five minutes, then while going to buy my Marlboro I also took your Hi-Lite." Well, well, you knew that I didn't have cigarettes any more. Thank you to worry so much about my comfort… Gojyo amused himself inwardly. A point for you! The game goes on! He brought the cigarette to his lips and started to stare at the priest. Feeling eyes upon him, this one, who didn't have look up at the halfbreed only once since the request of this last, watched him in return with interrogative eyes.
- "If someone would have said to me that the great Sanzo Sama could be so cute, I wouldn't have believed it! " He stretched his lips in a provocative smile and his crimson eyes became piercing in the purple ones.
- "I didn't do it for you, erokappa! " The monk protested.
- "Oh, but I am sure that you find your interest there, beautiful blond! " The remark sounded like a sarcasm.
- "Urusai! " Sanzo'eyes quivered one half-second, and he certainly realized it because he tried to flee the blood's eyes turning over to the news. However, the long and muscular arm which slipped all around his shoulders stopped him. These same eyes, which had searched for an escape opened wide as Gojyo delicately took between his skilful fingers the chin of Sanzo in order to bring closer their two faces.
- "You would be nice to also give me fire" And with that, he put in contact the ends of their two cigarettes to light his own. The objective of their extreme proximity reached, the priest hurried to turn the head, breaking the contacts eye-eyes and chin-fingers. Yet, he didn't move away the arm which brushed his neck. Gojyo noted it with satisfaction.
- "And stop to do that, I give you my lighter, as that you won't be able to find any more pretexts to approach me!" The blond's words resounded in the head of the redhead not like a warning but rather like a challenge, as Sanzo threw his present on the table.
- "What there is sure, it's that you're not exactly modest! Nevertheless, I must be lucky today… Two gifts from the block of ice… I almost want to kiss you passionately! " He started to give a taunting laughter which ended up rapidly as he was captured by two purple pupils which seemed to disappear under the assault of two deep, intense and dark irises. A glance… he had never seen on the blond. A glance… which made him nervous.
- "… almost? " Sanzo murmured, his glance deepinto the other trying to find a flaw.
- "…" At the time, Gojyo didn't know what to retort and feeling suddenly uncomfortable noticing the very light pink shade on the priest's cheeks, he removed his arm and moved back of one step, and this time, it is him who lowered the eyes, not being able to support any more those which silently questioned him with requirement. A heavy silence settled, but the blond seemed determined to not release of his eyes the redhead, awaiting something… an answer? … What do you expect from me, Sanzo? The halfbreed didn't really know why, but he felt relieved when the door opened with panache, letting enter the both who had left for shopping.
- "I hope you're hungry! We found loads of delicious things! " Hakkaï exclaimed putting the packets on the table.
- "All these shopping gave me an appetite! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! " Goku whined leaving the last packets on the ground.
- " Baka! Leave him time to prepare the dinner at least! " Sanzo get worked up assigning a blow with his fan on the youkai's head. All stopped when they saw the crimson-haired man who seemed to want to leave the place.
- "Gojyo?… You know, It won't take me a long time to cook, then…" Hakkaï specified.
- "Don't worry, I just need some fresh air…" The halfbreed reassured him before closing the door behind him.
- "Something occurred during our absence, Sanzo? " Hakkaï worried, holding out the gold card to the monk.
- "…" This one said nothing, contenting himself with taking back his property.
- "Gojyo seemed strange…" Hakkaï stressed.
- "Why should I know something about him? I am not inside of his head! " The blond cutted in with a voice which meant that he made fun about it and that he claimed silence. Hakkai didn't insist more and started to put away the shoppings with the assistance of the youngest of the group.
On his side, Gojyo had left the hotel and had found a small wood bench on which he had got down. The sun declined gradually and a light breeze slided on his face scattering on it some long red hair. He took between his lips a cigarette. One of the cigarettes which had been offered by the monk. He lit it, with the lighter which had been offered also by this same monk. He closed the eyelids and lengthily inhaled the smoke that the toxic stick emitted.
He smiled, deeply plunged in his thoughts. Ok, I admit it, you get 100 points in one time! You wanted to trap me with my own game and I must say that you have succeeded. But I don't acknowledge defeat for all that. I am still the Master of the game! Be ready Genjyo Sanzo, the final phase of my seduction plan is going to start! This kind of motivating thoughts would have calm him, but the strange behavior of Sanzo twisted his brain.
Come to think of it, he realized that the behavior of the blond towards him had changed many weeks ago, in fact, and that the more time passed, the more the monk let himself approach by him, and only him. He's not all the same… He started to roar with laughter. What I'm imagining? A heart as cold as his… He seems already disgusted by friendship, then something else… No… He simply wants to make fun of me and of my suggestive manners.
He knows that I like to upset him badly and he tries to go in my way so that I finally stop to annoy him. However, He surely doesn't suspect how I extremely like to play like that with him... Consequently, I'm not going to give up the Game! He crushed his butt under his foot and stood up to take the direction of their hotel when a disturbing question suddenly appeared in his head. Why do I do all that by the way? Not finding an immediate answer, he thought that he would think of it later and started to walk.
After the meal and a game of Mah-jong, the four men had decided to go to bed knowing that they would take the road again early the following day. They had all their own bed but were in the same room. Snorings could be heard since a good moment now, when Gojyo decided to turn the head from the wall to throw a glance in the direction of the person who emitted these unpleasant sounds. His glance fell on Goku, whose bed was flush with his. He leaned on his elbows to contemplate the limbs of the young yokai whitch were scatterred on the four corners of the mattress.
- "Frankly, who else but him can sleep like that! " He muttered for himself while making a grimace to show his disgust. His eyes slipped slightly on the right to take an interest in Hakkaï who had apparently also sunk in a heavy sleep. The redhead watched a few minutes the small white dragon rolled up on itself which was settled as usual on its Master's belly. Gojyo found soothing the patient rises and descents of the animal which followed the man's breathing.
He got down on the back, then rolled on the right-hand side to face the bed which was right beside his. He caught two amethyst pupils , which in contact with the ruby's disappeared immediately under two pale eyelids. The hell, I caught you on the fact, you wont escape from me! The halfbreed decided to use of his charm. He leaned on his elbow, his hand holding in position his head. His lips stretched to show one of his most bewitching smiles and his eyes became insistent on the monk. When he was satisfied with his position, he took a very sensual voice and said softly not to awake the two others, but in an understandable way for the blond:
- "You don't sleep either, fair beauty? Maybe you're hopping that your sweet prince come to warm up and give a little color to your so pale lips? " The remark had an immediate effect. The priest opened his eyes again to plant them in those of the halfbreed with pride. This last stared at him more intensely in return as a sign of provocation.
However, he held his breath with the silent and unexpected action of the monk. This one slowly let his eyes slide on the redhead's body, observing him meticulously from head to toes, seeming even to strip him, then he raised them on the man's face who didn't smile any more and whose eyes were trembling slightly now. The half-youkai could read clearly at this time in the eyes of the other, that this one was ready to accept the challenge.
Are you only able to do that? The remark was inaudible, but Gojyo could have sworn that he had really heard it. Once again, He found himself unable to formulate words. And once again during the same day, he lowered his crimson eyes leaving the victory to the amethyst. He thought the game was over for the night when he heard the bed of the priest creak slightly, as this one got up. He raised the eyes with the sudden proximity of Sanzo, who had stopped in front of him and was now facing him.
- "I need a smoke and a walk…" One more time, the halfbreed would have sworn to have heard "Do you follow me? " The monk didn't move during a moment and continued to stare at the halfbreed with an impenetrable expression in the eyes, as if he awaited something… or somebody. Not getting any gestural or verbal sign on behalf the redhead, the blond moved quietly towards the door and opened it.
However, before going through it, he stopped during three seconds, showing his back to the carmin-haired man, then without noise closed the door behind him. Gojyo heard Sanzo move away in the corridor's hotel. He expired then deeply and realized that he had held his breath for a while. He put an hand on his chest and was surprised to note that his heart rate had appreciably speed up. Had he dreamed or the priest had implicitly proposed to follow him?
It is not all the same this damn depraved monk who make me feel uncomfortable! It's getting worse, he is reversing the roles! No, no question that I let myself trap this time. I will not follow you. It's not even worth thinking about!I! It's true, I recognize that you had intimidated me once again… You are convinced that all I can do is to talk for the sake of talking... Very well my dear little monk, I am eager to see the amazed and shocked face you will make when I'll take action in hand! I swear you that you'll not recover from the choc!
With that, he turned on the side so that his face was in front of the wall and closed the eyes, trying to fall asleep, that was impossible before the return of Sanzo. This one had returned half an hour after having left the room. He sat down on his bed, and for a few minutes, he look sadly at the halfbreed who showed him his back. The packet of cigarettes in his hands hadn't been open… He put then the Marlboros on the bedside table and slipped under the sheets before finally closing the eyes for the last time this night.