Disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, own Charmed.
Summary: How do you think Chris figured out that the three blondes were only pretending to be his mom and aunts?
Chris orbed into the Manor's conservatory, extremely puzzled. Two blue gremlins had just come up to him out of nowhere and tried to talk to him. All he could make out was his Aunt Paige's name over and over. It confused the hell out of him, so he decided to go straight to the source of the problem and ask Paige herself.
"You wouldn't happen to know any gremlins, would you?" he asked the blonde to his left. He whirled as another voice spoke from his other side.
"Uh, it's about time." A reddie-blonde haired woman admonished him.
"Chris, thank god. Look at them, look at them, they're impostors. They stole..." Another woman, with short brown hair, looked at him as if she was relieved to see him. He cut her off, wondering why she looked familiar.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. Who are you?" he asked the short-haired woman. His mother gasped from behind him, and he turned to face her.
"They're witches. They're the ones that killed that guy across the street." She said, a smug grin Chris had never seen before on her face. The last of the other three crazy women contradicted her.
"No, Chris, she's lying. Remember this morning when you said something was gonna happen to the book? Well, this is it. It's happening now." His Aunt Phoebe sighed impatiently.
"Ugh, enough of this. Piper, blast them." He ignored her and leant over towards the last woman. Why did she look so familiar?
"How do you know what I said to Piper?" he asked her. The back of his brain was trying to tell him something, but he ignored it.
'One problem at a time!' he told it. The first woman spoke again, in an earnest tone.
"Because she is Piper. And I'm Paige and this is Phoebe. And they cast an identity spell to make the entire world think they're us." She glared at the Charmed Ones, and for a second she looked so wronged Chris almost believed it.
"That's ridiculous. Everyone knows the Charmed Ones are blonde." His Aunt Paige protested. The imposters on the other side of Chris looked disgusted.
Chris himself felt uneasy at the comment. That couldn't be right. Everyone always maintained that although Wyatt had his father's blonde hair, Chris had inherited their mother's dark brown, just like his younger sister Melinda. He shook it off as his mom spoke again.
"If you're Piper, then show me your powers, blast me." She challenged, the smirk still in place. The brown haired woman, 'Piper?' looked frustrated at this.
"I can't, you stole them." She accused.
"Okay, so we stole your identities and your powers. Wow, we must be good." His mom bragged. Wait, bragged? "Definitely worth more than a paragraph." She hissed aside to her sisters.
"Oh, yeah." Paige nodded, grinning.
"It's time to take care of you witches and your delusions." The blonde Piper declared. She held out her hand to blow them up.
"Wait!" the redheaded Paige cried. "Wait. I can prove that we're telling the truth. I can still orb, I'm half Whitelighter."
"Okay, go for it." Chris challenged her, wanting to see how they'd pull it off. The woman tried to orb. She closed her eyes and focused, but nothing happened. She opened her eyes, shook herself out, and tried again. Chris could hear his mom and aunts conferring behind him, but he wasn't listening. He shook his head at the redhead, kind of disappointed.
'You'd have thought they'd have used some kind of spell or potion to help them.' He thought.
"Go ahead, Piper, blast away." He told his mother. If these people weren't crazy and really had murdered the guy across the street, then they deserved to be blown up. The voice at the back of his head was still trying to tell him something, but once again he ignored it.
Piper tried to blow the impostors up but missed and hit the window instead. Chris ducked on reflex.
'What the hell?' he thought. 'Did she just miss!' Apparently the short-haired woman agreed with him.
"She missed, Chris, when have you ever known Piper to miss?" Blonde Piper was quick to defend herself. She looked at him, panicked.
"Even I'm entitled to a bad day." She protested.
"Come on, try again." Paige hissed. The woman Chris had been thinking of as his mother held her hand out in an odd fashion. Aiming for the other women again, she blew up a pot plant.
"Uh, Chris, a little help here." The redhead Paige called.
"Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry." The woman with the long brown hair said, trying to wind blonde Piper up. It was a trick Chris had seen his mother use many times, trying to get demons so riled up they became careless. He stared at her for a few seconds, then back at blonde Piper. The brown haired one looked so much like him…it couldn't be coincidence. And it couldn't be trickery, because if the brown and red haired women were the real Charmed Ones, they hadn't a clue who Chris was.
"We've got them now." Blonde Phoebe said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that her sister couldn't aim to save her life.
"Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up?" The woman who looked so much like Chris taunted.
'Oh, God, this is doing my head in.' he despaired silently, eyes flicking back and forth between the two sets of Charmed sisters.
"Piper, death bad, life good." The short haired woman reminded her sister. The youngest of the three was quick to reassure her.
"Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job." She mocked. The women Chris was fast realising were not his family gasped. Chris winced.
'Ooh, falling for Aunt Paige's bait. Never a good thing.' He thought to himself. 'Wait, Aunt Paige? Then I'm accepting these strangers as my mother and aunts?' There was a quick mental battle between his memories and the spell, and the memories won. Well, sort of. Just because he realised the blonde women weren't the Halliwells didn't mean that his brain accepted the false Power of Three as false.
"How dare you!" Fake Phoebe yelled. Her sister blew up the doors of the conservatory.
"Run!" shouted the woman Chris now accepted was probably his mother. She pushed her two younger sisters ahead of her out the doors.
'Putting their safety first.' Chris noted.
"After them!" cried the other Piper. She and her sisters pushed past each other trying to get through the wrecked conservatory doors first. Eventually, they managed to all make it out, leaving Chris alone in the conservatory to think.
'Mom's going to be furious at this mess later.' He winced. 'Ok, so what to do?' The answer was simple really. Ever since the morning, all the younger blonde sisters had done when they were in his presence was flirt with him. And the woman pretending to be his mother ('My mother! She tried to get rid of my family!') had insisted that as their Whitelighter, Chris was off limits. So all he needed to do was pretend he was with one of them. Pretend that one of the two had disobeyed their older sister. Then they'd probably start raging furiously at each other and hopefully break the spell.
'It will work. It has to. They hate each other, so they'll start fighting at the least thing.' He convinced himself. Without waiting to let doubts take root, he orbed upstairs to the attic.
He orbed into the attic, and looked around to see Phoebe and Paige frozen by the door, and Piper motionless behind the arm of the couch. He steeled himself and walked over to the Blonde 'Phoebe'.
"You did it. Nice work, babe." He leaned over and started kissing her passionately, ignoring the voices in his head. The one reminding him that he was engaged, and the one screaming at him that kissing his aunt was oh, so wrong.
'Shut up. She's not Aunt Phoebe, and it's for the good of my family. I have to do it.' Mercifully, thankfully, the kiss was interrupted by the petulant whining of the youngest fake.
"This is not fair! First, I get ripped off in the power department, then you bag the bartender, and the boyfriend lays diamonds on you. That Whitelighter belongs to me." She screamed, pointing at Chris quite violently.
'Wow.' Chris marvelled. 'She's such a baby. How the hell did I ever think she was Aunt Paige?'
"Ow, my head." Fake Phoebe complained.
'And she's not much better.' Chris thought amusedly.
"You know, you really need to learn to control your emotions. I can't help it if Chris chose me." She replied, primping her hair.
"Did you sleep with him?" Fake Paige demanded.
'Ah, another chance to stir things up.' Chris thought gleefully.
"Yes." He answered, at the same time as the Phoebe's denying,
"You did what?" the false version of his mother shrieked. "I gave you a direct order, that Whitelighter was off limits!"
"You know what? I am sick and tired of your orders. We both are." She announced. The witch that Chris had taken to be Paige gasped.
"Stay out of my feelings." She ordered.
"Oh, are those your feelings?" The eldest blonde asked cuttingly. The blonde Paige retorted quickly.
"The hell yes those are my feelings. You boss us around like we're idiots." She affirmed. Chris resisted the urge to laugh.
'You are idiots.' He thought. As he did, the middle witch gasped, staring at her older sister.
"What? She thinks we are idiots." She told her younger sister, picking up on Chris' feelings and mistaking them for her sisters.
"I didn't say that." The eldest blonde protested weakly. Chris decided to chime in with an opinion.
"Yeah, but I bet she felt it. My little empath feels everything." He claimed, inwardly shuddering. He stepped backwards as "Phoebe" backed him up.
"He's right. You despise us." She told her older sister. Chris looked over at the book. The triquetra on the front was glowing.
"In fact, until I became an empath I never realised how much you truly hate us." She continued. Chris drove the nail in a little deeper.
"You know what? Come on, baby, lets go, who needs them?" he asked, grabbing "Phoebe's" arm and making to orb out. He was stopped by the woman he had taken to be his mom grabbing the middle sister's other arm and pulling her back.
'Yes!' he thought, inwardly punching the air. 'It's starting to work!'
"Oh, you're not going anywhere. We've got to stick together or our plan falls apart." She hissed at her younger sister.
"See? There you go, bossing again." "Paige" put in her opinion.
"Mm-hm." The woman holding Chris' hand agreed. But the youngest blonde wasn't finished.
"Just let the little chippy run off if that's what she wants." She tossed out the insult like she had been longing to say it for quite a while.
"Don't call me a chippy!" "Phoebe" cried, her mouth dropping open in shock. She pushed her youngest sister slightly, more to annoy her than anything else.
"Don't push me!" "Paige" shouted, looking highly affronted.
'Though I doubt she even knows what that means.' Chris mused, as the young blonde pushed "Phoebe" into "Piper", almost knocking her over.
"Just shut up!" the oldest witch cried, shoving them both off of her. Behind Chris, the triquetra shivered, then split apart. The chandelier above the women's heads shuddered too, crashing to the ground.
Chris' real memories came rushing back. His mom reading him a bedtime story. Aunt Phoebe pushing him on the swings. Aunt Paige loaning him money. He looked over at the Charmed Ones as they unfroze, associating the now familiar women with each memory.
"You should be able to handle these women now." He told them confidently.
His mom got up and punched her counterpart in the face. His Aunt Paige did the same with the youngest impersonator. Phoebe walked over to the blonde still standing.
"Not the nose, please." She begged, as Chris chuckled inwardly.
"I think you have something that's mine." She said, glaring at the impostor's neck. Or specifically, the diamond necklace around it. The impostor Phoebe reached for her neck.
"Sure." She took off the necklace, handing it to Chris' aunt. "It's yours. Anything you want."
"Thank you." Phoebe said dryly. Without another word, she punched the fake's nose, knocking her out. Paige, Piper and Phoebe walked over to Chris by the Book's podium.
"I take it this was all your doing." Paige told her unknown nephew, smiling.
"Hey, you're the one who got me here." Chris replied, shrugging the praise off.
"How did you know they weren't us?" Piper queried.
'Family always knows.' Chris thought, quoting one of his mom's many future
phrases. He settled for something less revealing.
"In all my life I have never seen you take the bait the way that witch took it from you." He answered, taking the Book from its stand.
"In all your life? You've only been our Whitelighter for two months." Phoebe teased him, unaware of the answer in the future-boy's head.
'But I've been a Halliwell my whole life.' He thought.
"Let's just reverse the magic." He told her, looking like he was ignoring the question. He opened the book and handed it to them. He listened as they chanted the spell that would reverse the magic and return their powers to them, thanking the blue gremlins who had only been able to say "Paige", and his own demon-fighting neurosis that had made him wary of the blonde imposters.
"Powers of the witches rise,
course unseen across the skies,
come to us who call you near,
come to us and settle here."
He watched as white magical lights rose out of the blonde sisters and sank into Piper, Phoebe and Paige, making his mother and aunts the Charmed Ones once again.
AnimeAlexis: I know most people are busy writing about Season 8, but I still prefer 6, so I'm sticking with it for now. Review and tell me what you think please!