Title: Super Sized!

Author: voodoodoll333 / katalystik

Rating: T

Chapter: 1

Pairings: Axel/Roxas main

Summary: In another dimension, Roxas is leading a normal, high school life. Axel, on the other hand, is a low-wage worker at a fast food chain who happens to be smitten with the blonde boy. Awkward times lead to desperate measures, and they soon find themselves in the middle of something neither know what to do about. AU Crackfic.

Author's Note: Because I like the idea of Axel having a demeaning job and still being cool and gay. Enter McDonald's prototype and Roxas. AU. AxelRoxas, or as I like to say: Axas! Oh, and this is pretty OOC. By STRICT CANON STANDARDS.

Notes B: I am justified in making Roxas a fat kid because... popsicles, man. LET'S GET ICE CREAM GUYZ YEAH. By fat kid, I mean it in the Ohio way. Not fat. Just a skinny kid who likes food. A lot. :D

Chapter One
It was a routine for Roxas, a daily clockwork schedule that orbited solely around his teenage desire for all that was greasy, fried, and on a bun. It really wasn't his fault- the BurgerMart was built directly in the middle of his four block trek to and from school, and trying to avoid the wafting odors of salt, meat, and meat byproducts was not something he was strong enough to do on a daily basis. He fingered the lunch money he had saved over, plodding out of school and avoiding a few close crashes with students eager to be free. There was nothing like a few bells of chem lab to get a kid hungry, that was to be sure.

"Hey, Roxas!" An arm slung around his shoulder, adding the the weight of his backpack and making his back cringe. Roxas turned his head, only to be confronted with a headful of spiky blonde hair. He spit a bit out of his mouth, politely.

"Tidus." He greeted, smiling while subtly maneuvering out from under the other boy's arm. He shifted the straps of his backpack and started to walk. His stomach growled, unfed and surly. He patted it in an appeasing manner.

Tidus followed him, trudging along with his arms linked behind his head. "Man, I'm beat." He complained, "Not to mention toally screwed." He kicked at a rock in a futile, angry manner, and proceeded to trip over it clumsily, arms flailing.

Roxas really didn't care why Tidus was screwed. Roxas really didn't care about much, actually. People always did this- assumed he wanted to associate with them. Like Tidus. What was wrong with this kid? Roxas was quite obviously busy and hungry. He grunted something that could have been a 'go on' or a 'go the fuck away'. He meant it as 'go the fuck away', though.

Tidus went on. "You know our new principal? That DiZ guy? Totally busted me for skipping out on chem in the bathroom." He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, decided he liked the noice, and did it a few times again. "I'm suspended from blitzball for a whole week. Argh. So not fair."

Roxas had tried out for the blitzball team, but was not very good at keeping the ball in the air. He marked it off as a fleeting fancy and went on with his life.

Tidus sighed in a noisy fashion.

Roxas remembered he was supposed to act like he cared. "It's not like you really missed anything in chem, anyway. You can borrow my notes, if you want." The last time Tidus had borrowed his notes he had returned them covered in salsa stains and a questionably orange substance that, upon a tentative lick, was dried nacho cheese. He would most likely have to laminate his notes from now on.

Roxas found himself being engulfed in Tidus' famous 'noogie-hug', which, true to its name, was essentially a intrusive hug combined with a even more intrusive noogie. "Man, I owe you one!" He said enthusiastically. He let Roxas go. Roxas immediately set himself to working his hair back into some state of order. "I'll grab them from ya tommorow mor-" Tidus scrunched his nose, disgusted. "What is that smell?"

Roxas, so caught up in wanting Tidus to leave him alone, was unaware that they were upon the very structure of his desire- there, before him, lie his glowing vision of after school bliss. He raised his eyes to the glowing arches of the golden "B" sign in something akin to reverence. His stomach squealed embarrasingly.

Tidus took a step back, a hand to his face. "Ugh, I can't stand that smell." He brought the collar of his hoodie over his nose, retreating still. "Once I bit into one of their burgers and hit a pocket of pure grease, man. I was puking for hours."

Roxas' knees shook a little, at that. Grease. Mm. He shook himself a little. "So, you don't want to join? I was going to grab a bite." He was ninety percent sure, by the way he was acting, that Tidus would refuse. If he did join... well, Roxas could always loogie in his drink while he wasn't looking.

"Ugh. Man, thanks, but no thanks." Tidus waved a hand queasily at him, wrist limp. "See ya tomorrow, man."

Roxas waved at his retreating form, smiling.

The first thing that hit Roxas upon entering BurgerMart (Tidus-free, thank god), was the glorious smell of frying food products. His stomach leapt in expectant joy at the scent and Roxas couldn't keep a stupid smile off of his face. He let the door swing shut and vaguely registered the tinkling of a bell above the doorframe, heralding his entrance.

The place was relatively packed after school, and Roxas navigated himself and his backpack into a place in the line, where he proceeded to stare dumbly at the flourescent glare of the menu. Burgers, fries, double burgers with chesse, super sized fries... so many options, really. He tapped his foor impatiently, willing the line to move faster. After what seemed like an eternity he made his way to the front, and by then his stomach was sounding something like a strange chainsaaw. He planted his hands on the tile of the counter, ready to deliver his order.

But the employee didn't ask for his order. Instead, he just kinda... stared at Roxas awkawrdly, the way one stares at a streaker. Like you just saw something you had no idea how to cope with.

After a few seconds of this, right before Roxas was about to break the eerie moment and order his damn food already, the BurgerMart employee reached over the counter and grabbed Roxas' wrist, yanking him forward. Hard. Roxas let out a small noise and his stomach let out a loud groan. Roxas looked around wildly. Where was the line that was just there! Where did everyone go! He was being abducted by a worker on minimum wage! All around his he saw people eating their food happily, but no one seemed to see what was going on with him.

He turned, struggling, back towards the register-man, who still hadn't let go. Peircing green eyes regarded Roxas seriously from underneath a ridiculous fast food uniform visor, and Roxas considered screaming. But then he could be banned from BurgerMart forever.

"Let me go," He snarled, yanking at his wrist, trying to loose it from the employee's strong grip. He remembered what his mom had told him if he ever got hit by a car and was lying on the road bleeding- get the license plate number. He craned his neck, peeking at the guy's name-plate. Axel. Well, that was a dumb name. Why couldn't he be assualted by someone with a cool name like 'Butch' or 'Bub'?

'Axel' didn't let go of him, and it was starting to hurt, being pulled against the counter like that. Man, did this guy even blink! He had been staring at Roxas, point blank, for what had to be a good thirty seconds now. Roxas considered knocking him one, but the prospect of a good burger still outweighed the creepiness of this guy.


Roxas jerked back, this time freeing himself. "What!"

The guy leaned back, looking for all the world as if he had won the lottery. "Roxas!"

Roxas stepped back a little, alarmed. "Are you a mind reader?" Did the guy look inside his head? Was that what he was looking at?

Axel's face fell, and a little wisp of red hair drooped dejectedly over the visor. "What are you talking about? Roxas, don't you remember me? I mean, my hair is different and this apron is none too appealing to my physique, but still."

Roxas stared at the guy, totally out of it. What the hell was going on? Was this a conspiracy? Was he on one of those prank shows where a guy would pop at and reveal the joke? If so, did he get a free meal? Or maybe this guy was just crazy, pedophile stalker.

Taking the safe road, Roxas regarded the man the way he regarded his crazy old aunt Maleficent- in a pacifying manner. No sudden movements.

"Uh," Roxas said brilliantly. "I... don't remember you... but..."

The Axel character was looking at Roxas as if his very existance depended on whatever words were to come from his mouth next.

Roxas gathered himself. Sometimes the best way to overcome an obstacle was to ignore it. "But I would like two double bacon-cheese Martburgers." He crossed his fingers, hoping that the man-who-knew-his name would stop acting crazy. "Please."

Instead of leaping across the counter again to attack him, the Axel man instead surprised Roxas by proceeding to ring up his order, fingers deftly pushing the large, illustrated keys of the register.

'Huh. He really has no clue who I am.' Axel thought grimly to himself, slapping a tray on the counter, not able to help himself from grinning broadly at Roxas. The kid probably thought he was a nut. He must have been staring again, because Roxas stared back at him and raised an eyebrow. Axel wante to touch his eyebrow. He didn't, only because he didn't want Roxas to run away screaming.

"Don't you need money?" Roxas interjected, breaking the strange staring contest they had been holding. He really just wanted to pay and get out of here before the man did something weird. Weirder.

Axel was broken out of his wandering state of mind, a state of mind that consisted soley of 'It's Roxas it's Roxas it's Roxas let's stare at him'. He shook himself mentally. Okay, just because he hadn't seen the kid in... hell, a lifetime, and just because now that he had an actual heart for Roxas to affect did not mean he had the right to stare at him like he wanted to drink him up with a slurpee straw.

"Oh," Axel said, taken aback. "Don't worry about it. This one's on the house." The house being his personal wallet, of course. He smiled suavely and blew a hair out of his mouth, subtly. Damn stuff. If it weren't for his vanity he would shave it off.

Roxas shrugged and pushed the tray around, impatient. "Thanks." Great. Taking handouts from crazy strangers.

Another few moments of awkard silence passed, punctuated only by the angry growling of Roxas' stomach. Axel tried his damned best not to stare at the blonde boy, and instead fixed his attention on arranging the box of straws next to the register like the productive employee he was. A ding went off, announcing that Roxas' food was ready. Axel grabbed the burgers deftly, flinging them on a tray.

"Enjoy your food," he said pleasantly, sliding the tray to Roxas and ignoring the small voice in his head that said 'Jump him now and jump him good! Quick! Before he gets away! Again!' His eye twitched, a small sign of his mental resistance.

Roxas grabbed his tray and scurried away from the counter as if his life depended on it. What a weirdo.

Behind him, Axel all but swooned onto the counter, staring at Roxas' retreating form, totally unaware to the customer awaiting his attention.

AN: Ooooh, mysterious! XD Axel, you dog! Anyway, this is the first of many chapters... I don't know what I've gotten myself into. Since this is more of a relaxed fic for me, expect my biased fangirl pairings. And clingy, desperate Axel. Because he so is a Roxas-attention-whore, man.

Oh, and Axel? Yeah, I just decided to like, reincarnate him from KH2. Because he really shouldn't have died, but should have lived on to have a HAPPY HEARTLESS LIFE with Roxas. Sora. Uh. If Riku would let him.


I hope you all enjoyed it! Expect the next chapter in a few days:) Comments, though not necessary, will be enjoyed immensely.

NEXT TIME, ON SUPER SIZED: Riku kills Sora's hamster and Roxas doesn't care. Axel is a goof. Tidus is annoying. Much sexual tension is to be had!