Author's Notes: So, who remembers Negi's comment about Setsuna in the fourth volume of the manga? The one about her skin being snow white? Well, that's what this whole idea spawned from, that single quote. Imagine, if you will, a demented version of the tale of Snow White, with Setsuna as the version of the title role and avid support for KonoSetsu from the author. This is that demented version. For the curious, I used http//www. /sevendwarfs /index .html(remove the spaces and copy and paste to visit) as the reference with which to write this parody of the fairy tale. In the upcoming chapter (or chapters, depending) this fairly strange fairy-tale will be the basis for the larger plot. Which I'll expound on in the next author's note. Now read the dementia, and remember, reviews keep Tigris nice and crazy!

Once upon a time, in the middle of winter (because the title couldn't very well allude to SNOW without there being SNOW in the weather), the flakes were falling like snowflakes from the sky. They were falling like snowflakes because snowflakes were what they were. While the flakes were doing their falling, a woman with beautiful well-shampooed ebony hair sat at a window sharpening her sword. And whilst she was sharpening and looking out the window, she accidentally sliced her finger off, because she certainly didn't do so on purpose, and a large amount of blood fell upon the snow. The red blood looked pretty upon the white of the snow, so she thought to herself, "I wish I had a child as white as that snow, as red as that blood, and as black as my hair."

A while after that she had a little daughter. And there was much rejoicing. The bouncing baby girl was, of course, as white as the snow, as red as the blood, and her hair was as black as her mother's; and therefore her mother wanted to name her Snow White, but her father, a crow demon, said that was silly and so they named her Setsuna instead. And when little Secchan was born, her mother died, in a suitably old-fairy-tale style.

After a year had passed, little Secchan's wings started to grow in. Secchan's father had a magic mirror that he used to divine knowledge about his daughter whenever he felt too lazy to go and check on her himself, and now he stood in front of it, and said—

"Mirror, mirror, you stupid thing,

What color are my daughter's stinkin' wings?"

The mirror answered—

"White, O Sir, are her wings. SNOW white, I might add, and I really do think-"

At this point Secchan's father turned away from the mirror and, in a blind fury, smashed it to pieces. And that was the end of the magic mirror.

White wings were strictly not allowed amongst the crow demons, although Secchan's mother would have been happy for the snow white wings. However, her father, and the rest of the crow demons for that matter, viewed white wings as terrible bad luck.

Secchan's father was shocked and angry, and debated at great length about what to do for the bad luck, wearing a circular rut into the floor. Whenever he looked at little Secchan, his heart shot up into his throat, so sickened was he by the terrible white wings.

Eventually it grew to the point where he could not stand the state of his daughter anymore, and so called for one of his friends, and said, "Take her into the forest, kill her, and bring me back her heart as a token, would you? Then we won't have any trouble with the bad luck." His friend agreed, and took little Secchan away; but when he was about to kill innocent little Secchan, she kicked his ass twelve ways to Tuesday, so badass was she for a one-year old.

And as she was so badass, her father's friend decided to reconsider. "All right then, I'll let you go this time!" he shouted to the young Setsuna. Secchan responded by kicking him in the shin and then scurrying off into the woods, leaving him cursing. "Now what do I do?" her father's friend asked himself. And as a young monkey conveniently chittered by just then, he stabbed it, and cut out its heart, and took it back to Setsuna's father as "proof" of his deed. Setsuna's father ate it raw, and thought he had eaten the heart of Secchan, and so was satisfied that the bad luck would never trouble him.

But of course he hadn't, and little Secchan was busy tromping through the woods as alive as it was possible to be. Eventually she somehow came upon Shinmei school of swordsmanship. Upon arrival she was attacked by the security forces of the school, as her wings pegged her as a demon instantly, but her small body managed to slip through the rush of bodies and hide in an empty shed full of wooden practice swords.

Little Secchan grew so hungry that she began gnawing on one of the practice swords, and it was the chewing noise which alerted a passing student to her presence in the shed. At first Secchan was prepared to kick some royal hieney again, but the student instead proved to be a kind soul instead of a mean one. She gave Secchan some clothes to wear that covered her still small wings and took Secchan back to her teachers to introduce her.

In the end the student ended up having to claim full responsibility for Secchan, which included clothing and food. Still, the student was happy with her actions; but this may have been because for the first year of her time with the Shinmei student, little Secchan did nothing but carry things for her. Eventually, however, the Shinmei teachers decided Secchan should learn how to really own some newbs. So they began to teach Secchan the mad sword skills.

After three years of practicing kendo with the Shinmeiryuu, little Secchan was sent to the estate of one Konoe Eishun and his own little daughter, Konoe Konoka. The two were shy around each other at first—well, all right, mostly little Secchan was the shy one—but soon came to be good friends.

One day, after the pair had tired with throwing their little ball around, Konoka said, "Secchan, can I see your stick?"

"All right, ojou-sama," Secchan replied after a moment of consideration.

"I told you to call me Kono-chan!" Konoka pouted.

"All right, Kono-chan…" Secchan said, before handing over her practice sword.

"Yay! Thank you, Secchan!" Konoka responded happily. Waving Secchan's practice sword wildly above her head, she ran around in small circles, cheering contentedly. Secchan worried over Konoka all the while, tailing her and warning Konoka to slow down before she hurt herself.

Suddenly, Konoka not-quite-unexpectedly tripped and began to fall. Secchan immediately rushed forward to catch her friend, whose flailing arms managed to land the wooden practice sword on Secchan's head several times. After the series of loud, dull thumps had ended, the result was that Konoka had regained her balance and remained standing while Secchan lay crumpled in a heap on the ground like a burlap sack with crime-scene evidence in it while many lumps began rising on her abused head.

And as it dawned upon Konoka what she had done, she dropped her friend's sword and burst into tears, with cries of "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I KILLED SECCHAN!" And there was much sadness to be found. Konoka ran all about the estate screaming her message, so much so that everyone was convinced of Secchan's death and none actually checked to see if she was indeed still among the living. How a wise mage such as Konoe Eishun could have possibly been convinced merely by his daughter's hysterical screaming of the death of a robust child such as Secchan was forever remained a mystery.

One thing was certain; everyone was convinced that Secchan had died, and thus required burial. Little Konoka, however, raised such a hell at the prospect of Secchan being put in the dark ground was enough to convince her father Eishun to arrange for a transparent glass coffin to be made, which was quite lucky for Secchan. And so, with a few complaints about the corpse-stink which many were sure was to appear, little Secchan was laid in the glass coffin. After enough complaints were made, a western wizard was brought in to place an enchantment of an unspecified kind upon the coffin, as a writer's convenience.

And now Secchan lay a long, long, long time in the coffin, and looked as if she were asleep. Curiously, everyone in the estate failed to notice that while in the coffin, Secchan grew and matured just as the continuously grieving Konoka did in the world outside the coffin. But perhaps it was that their eyes were merely blinded by tears whenever they passed the coffin that held the no-longer-so-little Secchan.

It eventually happened that an ermine from a distant country was traveling through the land and one day happened upon the Konoe estate. He saw the odd glass coffin, and the not-so-little Secchan within, and observed the grief of the young Konoka. At length he said to Konoka, "Let me at the coffin, and I can open it for you." Konoka was horrified at the idea, and admonished the ermine, and cried, "I could never let the coffin be opened, for then my poor dear Secchan would be spoiled, and my heart with her!" The ermine looked at the grieving girl and said, "But it looks to me, young miss, as if your Secchan is not dead, but merely sleeping, and I know a spell that would revive her."

At this news Konoka was overjoyed, and immediately fetched Secchan's old practice sword, and used it to break open the lid of the glass coffin. Clearing the glass away from her precious Secchan, she turned to the ermine and begged him to cast his spell. The ermine grinned, a rather un-ermine gesture, and instructed Konoka to lean closer, that he might whisper what to do in Konoka's ear.

Upon hearing what she needed to do, Konoka shouted with joy and immediately leapt for Secchan, leaving the ermine barely enough time to prepare the spell. As the ermine shouted "PACTIO!" for the incantation, Konoka kissed Secchan with a fierce eagerness that spoke of ten years of wanting to do exactly that. There was a bright flash of light, and before long Secchan opened her eyes and sat up and looked around in slight confusion.

"Kono-chan…?" she said to the girl of the same name before her, "…what's going on?"

At this Konoka merely shouted with happiness and lunged at Secchan and kissed her again, evoking an immediate bright, confused blush as the ermine chuckled to himself and slunk away.

"H-hey, wh-what was with the tongue just then!"


"…That was the most messed-up story I've ever heard, Negi!" Konoka exclaimed, leaning forward to look at the book in the child sensei's hands. Negi looked up at Konoka then frowned down at the book.

"I remembered Snow White different from this…" he mumbled. Konoka merely giggled.

"It's a weird story. But y'know, Secchan," she added, addressing the dark-haired girl seated approximately next to her, "it's almost like a really twisted version of our lives, don't you think?"

Setsuna blushed slightly at this comment, and leaned a bit closer for a better look at Konoka. "Are you feeling all right, ojou-sama? Do you have a fever or anything? You sound delirious…"

"I've told you to stop calling me ojou-sama!" the Konoe girl exclaimed, suddenly standing and heading towards the exit of the library. Setsuna hurriedly jumped out of her chair after her with a clatter.

"Ojou-sama, wait! Wait! Ojou-samaaaa! K-Kono-chan!"

As Setsuna ran after Konoka out of the library, Negi continued to sit frowning at the book. "I could swear this isn't Snow White." Bringing the book closer to his face, he squinted hard at the pages. "There's something strange about this book, too," he noted. "The text in this section looks different from the text in the rest of the book…"

Around the corner and behind the bookshelf, Asuna was hiding and listening to the entire thing, trying hard not to burst out in a fit of laughter. Chamo climbed up onto her shoulder, a pen grasped in one paw, grinning a triumphant ermine grin.

"Hehehehehe, we did it, ane-san! Phase one completed!" he exclaimed.

"I have to admit," Asuna replied, "For once you had a good idea, you vermin ermine!"

To be continued
(When my brains aren't mush.)