This is my first Guardians of time story. It's a one shot from Isabels point of view. plz review!
disclaimer- don't own it
It's been a year since Ethan first brought me into the guard. Ethan, that name used to spark so many emotions in me. Hw was my brothers best friend and I was the tag along little sister with a silly crush, then when he introduced me to the guard all those feelings I thought were dead came back. He kissed me, and I thought I had a hope. I was wrong, he has feelings for Rochelle. No matter how hard he tries to hide it I can tell.
I've been walking for over an hour again and I'm here again. Where he lives. The hidden door in the rock remains invisible as I refuse myself to get close enough for it to be opened. I always end up here and I know why, because of him. Matt still thinks I have feelings for Ethan but slowly as the year has gone on Ethan has faded from my dreams to be replaced by him.Arkarian
I find it easier to just let Matt and others believe I am still in love with Ethan, less questions about why I sometimes blush or smile for no apparent reason. Then again did I ever really love Ethan? Was it love, or infatuation? What I'm feeling now, is it love? Or infatuation?
These are the thoughts that drive me to taking solitary walks, the ones that always lead here. I shouldn't, its dangerous, Matt will be angry when I get home. Let him be angry, it gives him something to do. Arkarian. How much do I really know about
him? For a friend not a lot. How does he live not being able to circulate this world? Does he have other friends? A different life? A...girlfriend? No, I would know if he did. That's the kind of thing that tends to come up at some point in a years time.
I'm so curious about him. I always have been. Those first days of meeting him my mind was rushing with questions and thoughts about him. Some thoughts that I wish hadn't been heard. Some thoughts that I wish really hadn't been heard. He is my reason for learning to guard my thoughts so well. I know it really should be because I want my mind protected against the guard, but its not. I would never be able to face him if he knew what I thought about him, what I felt for him. How could he ever want me?
However much I tell myself this and that it's a silly crush and I need to stop I just can't. I can't get my mind off of him; he's always in my thoughts, looking at me with those eyes. Those completely mesmerizing eyes. While Ethan's are nice in there own way, they are plain while Arkarians are unique. And while Lorian's eyes are the same shade, they are cold and hard. Arkarian's are beautiful, so much kindness and wisdom. When he looks at me I find it hard to concentrate, hard to breath.
More and more I find myself wishing that it had been Arkarian who kissed me on that mission instead of Ethan. It wouldn't have been real but it would have been him. It would be Arkarian kissing me, and it would give me something to think about besides what my own fantasies come up with.
I'm still standing outside the door. I won't go in, I never do. How would that sound 'o hi Arkarian, I was just thinking completely embarrassing things about you and found myself standing outside your door, what's new with you?' That would be smooth. I could always say I wanted to know more about my powers or the guard. He'd just ask why I dint ask Ethan. Then again Ethan doesn't know everything. I take a step closer.
Or maybe I could just tell him I came for a visit. He would think I pitied him for not being able to come into my world. Then again he may be grateful for some company. I step closer again.
We could never be together; he could never feel that way about me. We could still be friends. Will I ever be happy with just friends? I was with Ethan but Arkarian is...Arkarian. Would I be willing to pull away completely and try to forget what I feel? No. So I guess its friends. Friends visit each other. I take one last step and the door appears.
I look into the open door unable to go further, How am I supposed to explain this, I've never showed up 'for a visit' before. He'll see through it, know how I feel. Then he'll reject me. Then again, what if he didn't? What if he has feelings for me? I swear I've seen him give me looks that suggest this, and he said he'd die for me. I had passed these off as wishful thinking but maybe, just maybe.
Another thought hits me and I feel like crying. If he did have feelings for me, if it turned out that way it still wouldn't work. He is ageless. I am not. He would stay the same as I grew older and died. How would you even go into a relationship like that with hope?
I am stupid to even think he could like me back. There were times when I thought Ethan liked me back and he never did. So why would Arkarian? I'm stupid for even thinking it. I look into the still open doorway one last time before turning around and running home.
We could never be together.