Disclaimer: I don't own…basically anything about this. It's a what-if Saiyuki thing, so yeah. You all know that if I owned Saiyuki, Gojyo and Hakkai would be in the same bedroom in every hotel they slept in and they would be going at it like rabbits.

Yoru: Hi! I was just watching the first Saiyuki DVD in Japanese and came across this scene in Episode 4. It peaked my love of what-if fics. I mean, I've seen it a million times, but I hated Kougaiji's voice in Japanese when I first saw it so I've really only watched it in English. It's different in different languages.

Kuronue: And we all love HakkaixGojyo (or any Saiyuki yaoi pairings…)

Yoru: So here it goes! It's in Gojyo's POV.

It was okay if my death would make mom stop crying. But the tears that I saw were not hers…Bro…

A hand landed on my shoulder, "Is something the matter, Gojyo?"

For a moment, I just stood there. Then I jumped away.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted. Hakkai stared at me, then pulled one of those cute closed-eyes smiles.

"Oh, dear. Might you be angry because I told everyone about your brother?" he asked after a second. I blinked.

"No, I don't care about that." I sighed, wanting a smoke.

"All right, but Goku was sulking about it. He really hates secrets and the like." Hakkai was so still…like he was waiting for something.

"Sheesh, he should just mind his own business, right?" I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"That kind of talk will cause some anger." Hakkai's voice was dangerously low.

"Aw, Goku's such a brat," I muttered, half to myself. Hakkai moved closer…too close…

"No, I was talking about me. I'm a brat, too." He leaned forward and…kissed me. I was too shocked to move.

I mean, sure, we had a history, but was that basis for romance? Especially now, with Shunrei in danger? Though at the moment, I had a nagging thought at the back of my mind.

Forget Shunrei. Enjoy yourself.

And damn it, I was. Hakkai had such soft lips. And pressed against mine…


I pushed him off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I shrieked, my voice rising about five decibels and cracking. He shook his head.

"My apologies. I just…I don't know. You looked so sad, so…lost."

"I'm not lost! And I'm not sad! And…and…well, damn it, Hakkai! We have to find Shunrei!" In my rage, I barely noticed the faraway look in his eyes.

"Ah yes. Shunrei," he said quietly.

"Whaddaya mean, 'ah yes Shunrei'? HELL YES SHUNREI! SHE'S GONNA GET KILLED!"

"Of course. Let's go then." He started to walk off. That's when we heard the scream.

After that I sort of forgot about the whole incident. At least, for a while.

Hakkai and I didn't really talk for the rest of the day. If the other two noticed, they didn't comment.

Naturally, Hakkai and I end up being forced by the stinking monk to stay the night in the same room.

I throw myself on the bed, "G'night."

"Good night, Gojyo." It's now that I notice it again, the flatness of his normally bouncy voice. I turn over.

"Are you all right?" I ask, dreading the answer. I hear a humorless laugh from the other side of the room.

"Oh yes, Gojyo. Don't worry your pretty head about it."

I'm starting to worry.

"Um…Hakkai…about earlier…"

"I said don't worry about it," he growls.

Now I'm really worried. Hakkai very, very rarely growls.

"Now look here, Hakkai…"


Yikes. I am in deep shit.

"When you growl and then yell I am going to worry about it." I keep my voice deathly calm, finally turning to look at him. He's turned to face the wall, but I see how tense his body is.

"Have you ever been rejected so…forcefully?" he asks finally. I blink. I do that a lot.

"Forcefully? I shoved you off, so what?"

"You yelled at me. Caring more about a girl you just met. But I suppose that's the way you are, isn't it?" When he turns, his eyes pierce mine. I feel my rage building.

"That is NOT the way I am! I just don't…" I trail off. Hakkai raises an eyebrow.

"Don't like men, perhaps?" he asks. I glare at him.


"Did you like it when I kissed you?"

Damn perceptive Hakkai.


"Ah. You hated it, so you leaned into it," he chuckles. I blink again.

"I did not."

"Yes, you did. Adorable." He's laughing outright at me now.

"Shut up." Still going. "SHUT UP!"

I pounce on him and pin him down. His laughter stops abruptly.


"Fine. I liked it. So stop laughing."

"Why did you not want me to touch you?" he asks. I sigh and sit up so I'm just sitting on his thighs.

"My mom. I was thinking about her and my brother and feeling a touch startled me."

"I apologize."

"Don't. You didn't know."

"Can I kiss you now?"

Blink. Blink. Blinkblinkblink.


"Can I kiss you now?" His eyes are focused on mine again, but they're not piercing this time. They're soft and warm…and in them I see that he's loved me all this time. I feel my barriers drop.

"Yeah." And he does. Soft and warm and loving like his eyes. And this time I don't push him off.

The next morning I wake up to his face so close to mine. He's still asleep, cute and calm and undeniably gorgeous. And mine. All mine.

"This is new." Sanzo's standing in the door with the stupid monkey, "Did you wear him out last night?"

I growled, "We're both fully clothed, if you'll notice."

"I see that. Lovers now?"


"You're never sharing a room again."

"Try and stop us," Hakkai murmurs. I smile as he opens his eyes.

"Good morning," he says, and kisses me. Right in front of the other two. Someone's not hiding.

"Ewwww!" Goku whines. Sanzo hits him with the fan. I laugh.

"Come on, it's not like you two are far behind."

BLAM! There's a bullet hole next to my head. I freeze. Sanzo glares.

"Shut up," he snarls. Hakkai gets up and stretches.

"Well, off we go. Long way today." He smiles and walks past Sanzo and Goku. I smirk and follow. Sanzo's driving today and Goku's sitting in the front, whether they like it or not. There's no way in hell I'm passing up this delectable morsel just so he can drive.

He's the only one who can touch me. And I'm desperate for him to do it.

Goku can whine all he wants.