"So… Wait… Let me get this straight. PenPen is God, Andrew was some kind of Angelic messenger in human form designed to buy more time for God to get his powers back… And the world still ends in a giant explosion?" Asuka Langley Soryu asked, scowling across the conference table. The director looked about the room nervously at the other Evangelion pilots. Andrew sat near the head, scrutinizing a few copies of the script with a frown. Touji sat opposite him, text messaging someone on his cellphone with a bored expression. Mana and Hikari sat on either side of Andrew, staring at him. Rei stared impassively at the director next to a bewildered looking Shinji.
"Er… Well… Yes. That's pretty much it," the director confirmed. Asuka's scowl grew.
"WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ENDING IS THAT?! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!"
"I am confused as to why everything in this script must inevitably explode," Rei added in her two cents in her usual monotone. The director sighed.
"Look, more explosions, better trailers for the series. Better trailers for the series, bigger opening audience! That's how it works!"
"And why does it end with Colonel Personality and Kirishima?! It should end with me and Shinji on a beach or something!" Asuka further protested.
"I would like to point out that Captain Soryu was not promoted first to Master Sergeant. She and the other Eva pilots were made officers when I came onboard," Andrew spoke. He coughed and glared.
"Also, there was no where near as much sex and violence as actually happened."
"Oh, what? C'mon, I've read the papers! You yourselves admit to being in relationships! I'm just trying to spice up the series!" The director complained.
"While we are currently involved in romantic relationships, those developed after the JSSDF assault and Commander Ikaru's defeat," Rei said. Shinji coughed.
"Ah, why does it have me… Um…" He blushed heavily. "Having near constant sex with… Um…"
"I too would like to ask why it is necessary to include Shinji becoming one with Commander Katsuragi and Captain Soryu," Rei indicated, frowning. "He would have had more opportunities to become one with myself than those two."
"The hell he would!" Asuka retorted. "If anything, there should be more sex scenes with him and me, instead of you!"
"Oh get bent you two. The Colonel and I should be having the most sex scenes," Mana spoke easily. Andrew choked on his water next to her and coughed hard.
Asuka smirked across the table. "Oh please! He only relearned what sex was a few months ago!"
"Yes, but he was a very fast learner, wouldn't you say Hikari-chan?" Mana fairly purred. The Sixth and Eighth Children both turned bright red.
"He actually submitted himself for disciplinary action for having a threesome with us!" Mana went on proudly. Asuka laughed.
"HA! What a loser!"
"It is inappropriate for an officer to sleep with his subordinates," Andrew huffed, crossing his arms. "At least it's supposed to be."
"He's complaining now, but he wasn't before," Kirishima laughed. Andrew twitched. Shinji's cheeks flushed but he offered a sympathetic smile to the American.
"Well, how about this?" the director spoke, trying to get things back on track… Though in truth, all this talk of sexual deviancy was piquing his interest. "I'll just leave you with the scripts, and you make whatever recommendations you feel are appropriate, okay? Because I do have an early meeting…"
"Fine. We'll get back to you later," Andrew stated. Asuka rolled her eyes.
"Just because you're the highest ranking officer-"
The director made good his escape. While he rather enjoyed listening to all this banter, he did really have to head out.
The Eva pilots continued perusing through the various scripts left behind. Rei frowned at Shinji as she held up one.
"Why does he not simply have the plot of the TV series follow what actually happened?"
Shinji heaved a sigh.
"Some people think the original work doesn't compare to their own version…"
"What's not to like?" Asuka broke through with a snort. "We defeat the bad guys with giant robots! We save the world!"
"Technically Shinji and I prevented Third Impact," Rei stated flatly. "Colonel Stewart, Major Kirishima, Lieutenants Horaki and Suzuhara, and you engaged and defeated the JSSDF forces attempting to take NERV."
"HEY! Don't sell us short! Without us, you'd have been killed Wondergirl!" Asuka stated. Rei shrugged, a ghost of a smile on her face.
"I accept this. I was merely pointing out the roles each of us played in SEELE's assault. Collectively, we saved the world."
"Again," Mana added. She scoffed. "You'd think they'd make that the focus rather than all this sex… Just because you two are 'exotic females' doesn't mean they should ignore myself, the Colonel and Hikari-chan!"
"Kirishima," Andrew said warningly. Mana sighed.
"He's in more denial than Shinji was when he first woke up with four women."
"M-Mana!" It was Shinji's turn to spit out some water from the glass. Andrew offered a sympathetic smile, before glaring around the table.
"Look. This series is supposed to present NERV in a good light… For the most part," he allowed. "Let's just try to find a script that sticks to reality best, all right?"
"Fine, fine," Asuka grumbled. "Exactly what was up with that little part at the beginning with Toji and Andrew's mom anyway? They just introduced them, then poof, they vanish."
"They didn't do a whole lot in reality, either, though that wasn't their fault," Andrew indicated. "Just hid from SEELE, attempted to undermine their activities."
"Bad writing, of course. This director's only done cheap knockoffs of other series that only lasted a few episodes on TV," Asuka snorted derisively.
"They apparently performed well on DVD," Rei added. She nodded and held up a script to Shinji. "I particularly like this one."
Shinji read through it… Suffering a mild nosebleed in the process.
"W-W-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Shinji gawped. "It has you…! Me…! This didn't happen!"
"It could have," Rei offered. Her ghost of a smile was slightly more alive. "In addition, Pilot Soryu remains in a coma for the duration."
"WHAT?! Let me see that!" Asuka snarled, snatching it out of Shinji's hands. She read through, her teeth grinding.
"You little bitch! Of course you'd like it! You get to bang Shinji constantly!"
"It is not perfect," Rei admitted. "It has Colonel Stewart's battle cry as 'Remember Pearl Harbor'!"
"'Remember Pearl Harbor?'" Andrew and Mana repeated in disbelief. Hikari coughed and held up another script.
"This one's pretty good… No sex," she said with a blush.
"How is that good?" Mana grumbled.
The door to the conference room opened, and a smiling Commander Katsuragi entered.
"Hey all, how's it going?"
"Sir," Andrew said, standing up and saluting. Misato saluted back and rolled her eyes.
"At ease Andrew… Sheesh! Lighten up!"
Andrew just sighed and returned his focus to the scripts. Misato looked about the room, eyes resting on Shinji as she smiled.
"So, what's the verdict?"
"Um, well, they're not all bad," Shinji offered. "Just… A lot raunchier than, you know…"
Misato frowned and picked up a script. She skimmed through, eyes widening as she did. She scowled.
"I am not a boy hungry pedophile," she growled, tossing it to the table. She then smirked sexily at Shinji.
"I'm a man hungry pedophile," she purred. Asuka growled.
"Do you mind?! You don't get your turn with him until tonight!" The redhead wrapped her arms around Shinji possessively. Misato pouted.
"Aw, but I'm so lonely," she sighed. "I really could use one of your backrubs, Shinji-kun…"
Andrew opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it when Hikari and Mana glared at him. He cleared his throat, getting attention back on him.
"We have synch training anyway. I suggest we leave this for later… If ever," he added with a mumble, standing up. The other pilots followed suit, Rei pulling Shinji out of Asuka's embrace. The redhead stuck her tongue out at the albino, which she easily returned.
"All right, everyone come on," Misato grinned. "Sooner we get this sooner, sooner we can get back to what really matters."
"Sex?" Asked Asuka.
"Sex!" Misato exclaimed in triumph, turning and waltzing away. Andrew followed first with a sigh, but stopped at the door, allowing Hikari and Mana to go first. The green-eyed girl winked at him, while the freckled girl blushed and smiled in thanks. He left through it as well, leaving Shinji, Asuka and Rei to follow them out.
"Hey Touji! Come on! We're going!" Asuka barked. Touji nodded, still focused on his cell phone.
"Got it… Be up in a moment."
"Shinji, I was hoping we could play more of Halo 5 when we return home," Rei said. "And after that-"
"Oh no you don't! You got him last night! I deserve more time with him!" Asuka interrupted, hugging Shinji possessively. Shinji blushed but managed a small smile that stayed on his face down the hallway as the two girls bickered.
"You had him most of last week."
"So? I deserve him most for being the best pilot!"
"Your delusions never cease, do they?"
Touji finished inputting the commands on his cell phone and smirked. He stood up and pocketed the phone, whistling his way out the conference room. With everything he'd gotten out of this meeting more or less sent to Kensuke, they were going to be making a cool mint… And his own girls would be more than happy to 'meet' with him after training.
Yes… Life was good…
- - - - -
Fine, cheap ending. VERY cheap ending. I apologize. I just wanted this thing done. Period. Of course, if anyone else would like to take up this idea, be my guest. You could probably do it far better than I could.
Review if you really want to. I expect most of any reviews to be flames anyway. I totally deserve them.