Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the twisted idea that has been forming in my head.
He stalks the silent streets of London alone. Always alone. He moves from shadow to shadow as silent as smoke and as deadly as a razor to the jugular. He is cool, he is confident and he is being followed.
He isn't sure how he knows it, but he does none the less. Maybe it is something in the wind, the feeling of it is wrong or the smell is off. He isn't sure, but something is definitely up.
He slinks around a corner and then he hears it. A cry for help. A young woman from the sound of it and he is off like a bullet out of a gun.
V comes around the edge of the building to find two Fingermen holding a woman pinned to the wall. V can't see her very clearly; all he can see is a pair of shapely legs and a bit of blond hair. The men are chuckling evilly as she struggles futilely against them, screaming for help the entire time.
"The multiplying villainies of nature do swarm upon him," V purrs, announcing his arrival as he steps from the shadows. "Disdaining fortune with his brandish'd steel, which smoked with bloody execution..."
The Fingermen turn to see a man dressed all in black and wearing a Guy Fawkes mask standing midway down the alley. They sneer at the visage before them and turn towards the terrorist known as Codename V. They release their prisoner as they move towards the man waiting for them, knives gleaming in the night.
The first Fingerman comes at V with a truncheon in one hand and a gun in another and the grin under the mask matches the one on it. With a flick of the wrist, the Fingerman's gun is sent to the ground as a knife sticks out of the villain's arm. As the first Fingerman screams in pain and clutches his arm, collapsing to the ground, the second one raises his gun and takes aim at V.
Before V can move, something flies through the air and hits the second Fingerman square in the forehead. The object falls to the ground with a 'clunk' and the unhurt Fingerman and V stare down at the item. It's a toy knife, resembling one of V's stilettos except that it's made out of rubber.
"Did you see that?" an excited voice cries out and V and the Fingerman turn to find a miniature V standing at the mouth of the alleyway. "Did you see that? I got him square in the face, I did!"
V and the Fingermen stare at what obviously is a kid in a V costume jumping up and down with excitement. Even the Fingerman with a knife in his arm is gaping at this child not sure if it's a pain induced hallucination or not. Fortunately, it's V that recovers from the shock and he quickly dispatches the two Fingermen before they know what hit them.
"Now who, pray tell, are you?" V asks in a quiet, deadly voice, only just keeping control of his anger.
"I'm your protégé," Mini V announces happily.
Before V can form an appropriate response, a loud squeal from behind him causes him to swiftly turn around, daggers drawn. By some miracle, he manages to move the blades out of the way as the woman he's just saved launches herself at the vigilante. She grabs his middle, wrapping her arms around him and holds onto him in a death grip that is threatening to crack a few ribs.
"You saved me!" she squeals excitedly, looking up at him with her big azure eyes, her golden hair flowing in cascades down to her waist.
"Oh, bloody hell, not you again," V mutters as he tries to dislodge the woman without stabbing her, though the thought is tempting. "This is the third time I've rescued you. Tonight!"
"It's destiny that we should be together," she sighs, batting her inch long, thick eyelashes at him.
"More like stalking," V mumbles to himself as he continues to attempt remove this barnacle disguised as a woman.
"You want I should cap her, boss?" Mini V asks as he picks up his rubber knife.
"What are you going to do, twerp?" barnacle woman demands as she lets go of V to face his diminutive doppelganger with her hands on her hips. "Attack me with your toy knife? That thing wouldn't even scare a mouse."
"It's not my fault," Mini V whines as V quietly inches away. "Me mum won't let me use the ones in the kitchen and she refuses to buy me real ones."
"You're pathetic," the woman huffs as she flips her luxurious locks over her shoulder.
"I'm pathetic?" the kid demands, stomping his foot. "Who's going around trying to find Fingermen so V will come and rescue her?"
"I'm not trying to find them," she replies defensively, crossing her arms over her ample bosom. "They keep finding me is all. It's fate that he and I should be together."
"Fate, shmate, he doesn't have time to deal with dumb birds like you," he shoots back, balling his little fists. "We have a country to save and we don't have time to be rescuing you every time you get lonely."
"Well, he certainly doesn't have time to teach a pathetic little loser like you," she snaps, pursing her cherry red lips. "You don't even have real knives. What good are you?"
"I'm a lot more useful than you!" he yells.
"Yeah?" she shouts back. "We'll just let my beloved decide. Sweetness, who would you rather have…around…?"
They look around the alley and the only people there are the two of them. Even the Fingermen have crawled off to escape these two and their bickering.
"Beloved?" she calls, the bottom of her full pouty lips quivering.
Meanwhile, V has already managed to put a couple blocks between himself and the two crazies he's just left behind.
And people think I'm nuts, he thinks to himself as he slides from one shadow to the next.
He's almost back to the safety of the tubes when he hears that blond menace calling after him. He quickens his pace and slips around a corner. Not much further now, he just has to make it past one lit area and then he's home free.
"OHMYGOD! THERE HE IS!" a high pitched voice shrieks nearly scaring the vigilante right out of his boots.
V spins around and sees girls, possibly numbering in the hundreds with pens and pads of papers in their hands. They start screaming his name as they charge towards him like an out of control freight train. He turns on his heel and starts running for his life.
"V, WAIT! I JUST WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH!" one of the fan girls screams.
"WE LOVE YOU, V!" another one shouts.
"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!" hollers yet another one.
V puts on a burst of speed even he was unaware he was capable of. His cape billows behind him and his hat flies off of his head. There's a brief squabble behind him as the fan girls fight for it, buying him a few more precious seconds.
He doesn't dare head for the tubes now; he can't chance any of them finding the Shadow Gallery so he races on. His only hope is to get to the roof tops and pray that he can lose them up there. He can hear them behind him sounding like thunder, bearing down on him like a tsunami.
He leads them on a merry chase through the streets of London, ever mindful of the fact that they aren't that far behind. But even he has his limits, though they seem to be tireless in their pursuit of him. He feels someone grab a hold of the edge of his cloak and he immediately releases it, instantly causing another squabble as they fight over that bit of costume.
At this rate, I shall be naked before dawn, he thinks unpleasantly.
He takes a corner with the few extra seconds his cloak has bought him and stops dead in his tracks several meters into the alley. He's turned into a dead end alley and there's no way out. He spins back around in hopes of making it out before the hoard behind him finds him.
But it's too late. They're here and they're slowly advancing on the freedom fighter, the blond woman he keeps rescuing and Mini V are at the head of the pack. He backs away from them and they follow. For every step he takes, they take two more until there are no more steps to take and his back is against the wall.
"STOP!" he commands in his most powerful voice.
But they keep coming, and coming, never stopping until…
V bolts upright in his bed, reaching for knives that aren't there. After a few seconds he realizes that it was just a dream and he forces his breathing, heart beat and trembling body back under control.
"V, what's wrong?" asks a soft voice next to him in the bed, a small hand touches his shoulder.
Evey. Dear, sweet Evey. How he loves her and why she loves him, he cannot say. With a happy sigh, he turns to reassure his love and looks into a pair of azure eyes…
Author's notes: I've been fighting off a cold for the past few days and I think the herbal tea I've been drinking has been having a strange effect on my muse. She's gone crazier than before. I hope people enjoyed, I've never done a strictly comedic piece before. Please review and I promise to get back to work on my other story ASAP.