Haruka versus the Lawnmower
By Silver Sailor Ganymede
It's cold: that's the first thing my mind registers upon waking up. It's freezing cold and I'm soaking wet… I open my eyes, wondering why, and find Hotaru and Michiru standing at the end of the bed. Hotaru's giggling and Michiru has a triumphent smirk on her face. I glance over and see the empty bucket in Michiru's hand.
"Good morning, Ruka," Michi smiles at me.
"Why did you wake me up?" I mutter, sitting up and getting out of our soaking wet bed.
She doesn't directly answer my question, but I don't like what she does say. I don't like it at all.
"You know I love you, Ruka."
"Yes…" I'm getting a bad feeling about this already.
"Well because I love you and you love me, I'm sure you wouldn't mind doing me a small favour," Michiru beams.
Small favour? Gods why do I really not like the tone of voice?
"Anything for you, Michi," I smile, shaking any doubts out of my mind.
"Good, you can start mowing the lawn for me now then," she says. "Come on Taru, let's go and make breakfast."
With that they walk out of the room and leave me standing there, dumbfounded. Mow the lawn? Mow the lawn? First she wakes me up by chucking cold water over me, and now she expects me to mow the bloody lawn. I may love Michiru, but she is so going to pay for this later!
This isn't fun. This isn't fun at all! Argh why couldn't Michiru have mowed the bloody lawn herself! I've been at this for nearly half-an-hour already and I've got pretty much nowhere. Honestly we have magic powers – we're senshi after all – but we still have to use normal gadgets like lawnmowers.
The goddamn thing gets stuck for what must be the billionth time, and I kick it, hard. Ndless to say it still refuses to work.
"Haruka-papa, Michi-mama wants to see you inside," Hotaru comes running over to me, along with Chibi Usa. "Usagi and Minako have dropped round to say hi. Oh, and your breakfast is reaady."
Breakfast, did she say?
I grin, "Thanks, kiddo," and go inside, leaving the confounded lawnmower alone for a bit. I am never doing Michiru a 'small favour' again: if she wants the housework done then she can bloody well do it herself.
I walk into the kitchen and find Michiru there, talking to Minako and Usagi, who've dropped round unannounced.
"Hi Haruka," Usagi smiles at me.
"Hi koneko," I reply. "Michi, Taru said something about breakfast, where's my food?"
Michi sweatdrops and mutters, "sometimes I think I'm married to a stomach."
I feel like glaring at her for that, but can't be bothered. After all who wouldn't be hungry after being made to mow the lawn as soon as they wake up?
I leave Michi to entertain our guests and go and wolf down the fry-up that she's made for me. Well I suppose that's one good thing about Michi: she may hate housework, but she does cook, seeing as she'd rather do that than be poisoned by my – or Setsuna's attempts at cooking. Seriosuly though, Suna is really astonishingly useless at cooking: she's worse than me… heck she's worse than Usagi or Minako, and believe me, that's saying a lot.
I shove my plate into the sink and hope I haven't broken it this time. Michiru's already had a go at me three times this month for breaking plates/dishes/glasses etc, and believe me its not fun to sit through one of her rants. I swear sometimes that she loves those dishes more than me…
I walk back into the kitchen and find the others sitting round watching TV.
"You're up early, Haruka," Minako notes. Trusther to be so observent.
"Yeah, I am."
"Don't you have a job to do?" Michi asks. Damn it, can't she forget for at least five seconds?
I grumble to myself as I get to my feet. Procrastinating never works in this house, does it?
"Fine," I sigh and I walk out into the garden, back to where I left the lawnmower. I yank the cord to get it working… and nothing happens. I try again: nothing happens. I yank it again so hard that I think it'll break, but of course it's sitting there, dead as a doornail. Damn it, I swear if that thing had a face it would be smirking at me right now. I kick the blasted machine and start to yell at it.
"Fucking machine! Work damn you! Work!" I yank in the chain, only managing to succeed in pulling it over sideways and have it land on my put. "Fuck! That's it, next time Michi wants the bloody lawn done she can do it herself!"
"Now, Ruka, you know this type of housework's your job," I hear Michiru's voice behind me and feel a sweatdrop appear on my head. Uh-oh.
"Oh, hi Michi, erm, didn't see you there, ehehe…"
"Obviosuly not," Michiru smiles back. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't use such crude language in front of Hotaru and Chibi Usa."
I look around, "I can't see them."
"I know," Michiru replies. "But I've no doubt that they probably heard you. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if half of Tokyo heard you, the volume you were swearing at."
Ah… judging by the look on her face that's not a good thing.
"You know, if its just the lawnmower that's giving you grief, I could help," Minako beams at me. Erm… no thanks, lets not go there, she'll only make things a hundred times worse. Of course you know me, I can't say that to her face, can I? Anyway she's kneeling down next to the lawnmower before I have a chance to say anything, so it doesn't really matter, does it?
"You see, if you just pull this lever here then it will…" Minako pauses. "Erm… lawnmowers aren't supposed to spit fire at you and have huge gnashing fangs, are they?"
"Not that I know of, why?"
"Because your one is…"
Usagi shrieks and jumps backwards and Michiru turns to me with a look of fury in her eyes.
"Tennoh Haruka, what did you do to the lawnmower?" she asks me.
"I haven't done anything," I reply. "Why would I?"
"It's your way of getting back at me for telling you to mow the lawn, isn't it," Michi snaps. "Well it certainly isn't a very funny joke I'll have you know."
"I haven't done anything!" I tell her, exasperated. "The only thing I've done with it is mow the lawn like you told me to!"
"Then why's it going crazy?"
"I don't know. It's been… youmafied or something."
"Yeah, and seeing as that's the case… Senshi 101, right?" Minako grins, dodging out of the way of the rabid lawnmower.
Okay, so now we have Sailors Uranus, Neptune, Venus and Moon standing in the backyard, chasing after a rabid lawnmower. I chuckle slightly and imagine what the local press would say/do if they ever somehow got their hands on a picture of this…
Minako has somehow managed to catch hold of the lawnmower and is riding on the back of it like a child on a scooter.
"This is fun," she grins at us, just before the lawnmower turns over and tips her off onto the floor. How to stop this thing…
I glance at the space sword in my hand and grin: I think I may have just found a way to get out of mowing the lawn. I race after the lawnmower and drive the space sword into it. It stops then turns into…
"Luna P?" Usagi gasps. "Luna P's a youma?"
"No," Michiru sighs, "there was no youma, these two were behind it." She indicates to Hotaru and Chibi Usa, whom she had just dragged out from their hiding-place behind one of the bushes. "Now if you two wouldn't mind showing Minako and Usagi where you've hidden the real lawnmower so that Haruka-papa can continue mowing the lawn."
They groan but I groan even louder: I don't want to go back to this slave labour! Then I glance down at the Space Sword – I still haven't detransformed, even though the others have – and grin. I think I may have just found a way to finish the lawn off sans lawnmower.
"Space Sword Blaster!" I shout, pointing my sword down at the lawn. I smirk trumphantly; it's worked, I'm finished with the lawn. Why didn't I think of that sooner?
I detransform and turn back around and smirk at Michiru, who has a look of utter exasperation on her face.
"I give up on you sometimes, I really do," Michiru sighs as she walks back into the house. There's silence for five minutes, then, "Haruka! Why is one of my best china dishes lying broken in the kitchen sink!"
Ah… oh dear… that's the fourth time this month.