Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize or the song.
A/N: This isn't a slash story!
A man in his early twenties sat alone in his flat, his shaggy black hair falling into his eyes as he leaned over the table to read the Daily Prophet. He ran his hand through his hair while he read the headline about another attack on muggles and another auror dead. He gave up on his morning read, abandoning it for a cup of strong black coffee; screw tea, he needed something strong and it was too early for strong liquor. The clock rang nine, the man gulped down the rest of his coffee before apparating out of his flat. The next scene the man laid eyes on was the marble and horrid fountain in the middle of the Ministry of Magic. He looked around the room un-amused while he waited in line to get his wand checked in. He squeezed himself into the sardine can sized elevator taking it up to the auror offices. Memos flew around his head while he walked to his cubicle; pictures of death eaters wallpapered his cubicle, a handful of them being his family.
"Padfoot, you're finally here." A man with messy jet black hair said, looking over the wall that divided their cubicles.
"Yeah, did I miss anything?" He said with a board tone in his voice.
"Naw, nothing new; the same old same old." His friend said.
"Black, Potter." A voice growled. The two men looked up to find their boss standing in the aisle outside Sirius's cubicle, "I want you two to go with Shackelbolt; there is a report of suspected death eater activity outside London. James and Sirius did as they were told and headed out to their fieldwork.
After a day of running around all of England investing suspected Death Eater attacks, Sirius collapsed on his couch. His fireplace whirled with green flames before his best friend stepped out.
"Long time no see." Sirius said not even looking at him; his friend's laugh filled his ears but Sirius noted that it wasn't as lighthearted as it use to be, "What's going on?" He asked sitting up, making room for his friend.
"I don't know how much longer we have." James said grimly. Sirius's heart turned in his chest, his eyes lingered on the moving photograph on his coffee table; there he was with James, Remus and Peter just after their N.E.W.T.'s laughing and smiling, just being themselves. Sirius looked up from the photograph to James, his mischief and fun loving self was a just a memory. Sirius knew he wasn't any different, he saw it every time he looked a mirror; he was still his handsome self but the charisma was gone.
"James, don't say that." Sirius finally said, "Everything will be fine for you, Lily and Harry." He added but not believing it. He didn't know how much longer he will last.
"Lily thinks its time to consider what Dumbledore suggested." James said trying his best to stop his voice from cracking, "And I think so too." Sirius looked at him urgently, "We have to do it for Harry." Sirius growled in frustration.
"Have you decided on whom?" Sirius asked getting up from the couch.
"Dumbledore volunteered himself." James said, Sirius looked dumbfounded, "But I can't do it. Sirius, I need you to do it."
"Of course but do you really think it's needed?" Sirius asked desperately.
"We have no other choice; he is so close. And no one knows who the spy is." James told him, "Tomorrow at midnight." James rose to his feet, tears welling up in his eyes, "I never thought it would come to this." Sirius pulled James into a strong hug.
"I'll always be there for you, James. We will get through this, I promise." Sirius told him before James disappeared in a whirl of green flames.
The room glowed in a low somber light, casting shadows all over the room. James's breath rattled, Sirius stood in the dark corner of the room with a glazed look in his eye, Lily walked down the stairs, her wand in her hand.
"Harry is asleep." She said stepping into the room.
"Let's get this over with." Sirius said stepping out of the shadows.
"Sirius you have to remember you can only come over on Wednesdays and that's it. Remember, if anyone asks we left the country." Lily told him, trying her best to sound harsh but silent tears rolled down her cheeks, "Dumbledore, Remus and Peter are the only ones who know the truth." She was able to manage before she broke down. James went to her but Sirius got to her first. He held her tight while she cried on his shoulder.
"It's okay Lils. It'll be over soon. We'll get him and his spy." Sirius told her. Lily pulled herself away from him, drying her eyes.
"Let's do this." She said taking a deep breath. James gave Sirius a quick hug before Lily waved her wand. The house was illuminated in a bright golden light, blinding everyone. The light was gone and Sirius stood in the living room of his flat. Sirius sighed, tears clouding his eyes as he slowly made the way to his bedroom
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Sirius apparated out of St. Mungo's, against the healer's suggestion. He walked slowly down the dark street, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his black eye still throbbing. He stopped in front of house number 1979 and 1983; he pictured the two-story house with blue trim and a wonderful flower garden of lilies. He looked up from the ground, looking at the house that he just pictured in his mind. He walked up the path to the front door, knocking gently on the door. He could hear the scrapping of chairs and the hushed voices inside.
"Prongsie, it's me." Sirius said softly. The door opened quickly and Sirius entered. Head of auburn hair and choking hug and the stinging pain of his healing ribs attacked him.
"Lils, I can't breathe." Sirius laughed.
"We've miss…what the hell happened to your eye?" Lily asked rushing out before he could answer and returning with a bag of ice in a matter of seconds.
"I had a little run in, nothing to worry about." He said pressing the bag of ice to his eye.
"Did you give them the old one-two for me." James joked, playfully punching Sirius in the ribs; Sirius winced in pain.
"Black, what the hell happened to you?" Lily growled, pushing him onto the couch.
"I had a little run in, that's it." He repeated but Lily bore down at him with a deathly glare, "Okay…they were looking for you and they found out I'm your secret keeper." Lily choked back her tears while James growled, roughly running his hands through his hair.
"That's it." James said, "We going to do it this time." Sirius jumped to his feet, "Don't even, Sirius. This is the second time." Sirius threw the bag of ice into the couch.
"I'm not letting you put your lives into that fucking leech's hand." Sirius yelled.
"Harry is sleeping." Lily hissed.
"That fucking leech might just save your life and ours." James growled back.
"I want to die for you; let the secret die with me." Sirius said gravely.
"No. You and Peter better be here tomorrow at midnight." James said. Sirius took that as his cue to leave but he stopped at the stairs.
"Can I see Harry before I go?" Sirius asked.
"Of course." Lily said following him upstairs, giving her husband a concerned look behind Sirius's back.
The rain poured down harshly on the two poor souls that walked down the flooding street. Their hair was sticking to their foreheads while their clothes clung to their wet bodies as they trudged up the walk to the front door of house number 1981. The door grimly swung open, the taller man pushed pass the squat one on his way into the house. The taller man threw his jacket on the floor in a wet puddle of cloth and shook out his shaggy hair. He took a deep breath, he sighed it out. The house no longer had that air of calming but an air of depression and stress.
"Finally." James breathed. Sirius pushed pass the squat man again and pulled James into a strong hug.
"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, still in a half hug with James. James nodded, "What about Dumbledore, anything is better then that." Sirius nodded in the squat man's direction, who was looking around the house in curiosity. James gave him a look and Sirius shut up. He abandoned James to give Lily a kiss on her cheek and Harry one on his forehead, "Hiya Harry." Sirius said and Harry smiled broadly; the dagger in Sirius's heart twisted a little, "Please." His eyes begged Lily, a silent tear slide down Lily's cheek. She quickly turned away from Sirius to put Harry in his playpen. Sirius tried to gulp down his tears but it was no use; he gave James once last hug, Lily her last kiss and Harry a strong hug.
"Peter stand next to Sirius." Lily ordered. She waved her wand, Sirius looked down at Harry before the golden light illuminated the room and blinded the occupants.
Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Sirius opened his eyes to find the familiar surrounding of his flat. Sirius yelled throwing the first thing he could find across the room, listening to it smash it a thousand pieces. Sirius dug through his liquor cabinet pulling out a bottle of his hardest tequila, forgetting the glasses, he ripped open the bottle and sucked down the burning liquid. The sun was up, the bottle was empty, and Sirius was hallow. He heaved himself up off the floor and into a hot shower. He stood under the hot shower, the water slid down his toned but empty body. The towel wrapped around his waist, Sirius stared at himself in his mirror. His face gaunt, eyes solemn, body soulless, his heart broken and his mind aching.
Sirius stormed through the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. He burst through the door where the meeting had started, he took a seat next to his friend who was glaring at Sirius.
"Mr. Black you are a little late." Dumbledore said
"Yeah, well I had a shit of a night." Sirius said rudely and Remus shoved him in his ribs.
"As I was saying, the Longbottoms are alive but only a ghost of themselves. We have a few ideas as who it was but it is only circumstantial." Dumbledore said gravely, "They are in ST. Mungo's and the healers believe that they will never be released." Sirius stood up abruptly.
"How much longer will this go on?" He yelled, "I think we should shove veritaserum down everyone's throat." He punched a hole in the wall. Remus grabbed Sirius and pulled him out of the room.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Remus asked, shoving Sirius, "Two people were tortured to insanity and you are blurting out craziness."
"Where's Pete?" Sirius asked; Remus looked at him in shock and confusion.
"I don't know…not here."
"That good for nothing sack of shit." Sirius muttered to himself.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Remus asked exasperated but calmed himself, "Look James's hiding has taken it toll on all of us but you need to tone it down."
"I have to go." Sirius said hurrying out of the headquarters.
Sirius walked down the street alone; Sirius didn't know what was wrong with him. Not knowing how his best mate was doing, not being able to see his godson and not being able to eat Lily's cooking every night was killing him and he was starving. He shouldn't but he can't help it; he stood on the corner two blocks away from James's house but why torture himself by walking up and down the street wishing, praying that the house would just appear and he could just walk up to the front door and barge in like he use to. Sirius sat down on the curb, his face in his hands, he didn't know how much longer he could hold out; he felt like a drug addict in with drawls, he was just waiting for the hallucinations. Sirius got to his feet and started down the street in the opposite direction of James's house.
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
Out of a whirl of green flames, stepped a short squat mousey blonde man and Sirius jumped to his feet. Sirius looked like he hadn't shaved or slept in three days; he had a rough stubble on his normally clean shaven face and dark black circles under his eyes; he looked at the squat man with craze in his eyes.
"What?" The mousey man asked forceful which took Sirius back.
"I need to talk to James." Sirius said plainly. The mousey man looked at Sirius with no expression in face and a blank look in his eyes.
"1981 October Way, Godric's Hallow." The mousey man told Sirius without blinking an eye then he stepped back in the fireplace and disappeared. Sirius fell to his knees in relief, he felt like a heroin addict in a sublime high.
Sirius got to his feet when he heard a knocking on the door.
"Trick or treat." The group of dressed up children cried when he opened the door.
"Well I always enjoyed a good trick." Sirius said gleefully; the children looked up at him confused. Sirius's smiled for the first time in a week, he looked around the room for some candy but he remembered he had no food in his flat. Sirius dropped some silver sickles in their plastic pumpkin baskets before closing the door and heading for a long awaited shower.
The muggle children have now retreated to their homes to indulge in their treats. Sirius walked the familiar streets of Godric's Hallow; he was in such a high that he was almost skipping down the street. He was starving and just thinking about some of Lily warm cooking made his stomach growl even more. Sirius looked up to the clear sky, stopping dead in his tracks, his heart plummeting to his feet. The sky was glowing green with the fading skull with a snake slithering out of its mouth. Sirius knew it was wrong but he raked his brain, praying that he knew of another wizarding family that lived in Godric's Hallow then prayed that is just a random attack on muggles. But part of Sirius knew that it was neither, it was that part of him that made him run as fast as he could towards James's house.
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
Sirius's heart was pounding in his chest as the skull in the sky got bigger and he got closer to James's houses. Sirius rounded the corner, breathing heavy and near collapse, he sprinted down the street; then Sirius saw it…the heap of wood and dirt that was once the home he went to eat a warm meal, to play with his godson and just to spend time with his best mate. Sirius ran over the rumble that lay on what was once the walk to the white front door. Sirius dropped to his knees, tears quickly falling down his face, covering his face with his hands.
"No…no…James." Sirius sobbed. He suddenly got to his feet, tears blurring his vision, he hurried over the rumble of the house; searching, searching for a sign of life; searching for his best mate who was just trapped under something but still very much alive and soon Sirius would be looking into James's joyous brown eyes and hearing his lighthearted laugh. Sirius ran in a craze before he tripped stumbling forward but catching himself. Sirius looked over his shoulder for a glance at what he tripped over and he came to a screeching halt; his eyes were locked on the dirty-cut up hand. Sirius kneeled down on the floor, throwing off the wood to reveal the body underneath.
"No." Sirius cried, his breath catching in his throat. Sirius scooped up James's lifeless body, holding him close, "I'm so sorry." Sirius hugged James, his body shaking from crying so hard. Sirius held the body of his brother not related by blood but his brother nonetheless; the only man Sirius could call family; the only man to stand by him; the only man in the world that loved Sirius. Sirius clung to James's body, never wanting to let go; Sirius thought he was going crazy when he heard the muffled cries of baby. Sirius reluctantly let of James's body in search of the sound; he walked towards the sound slowly until the cries grew louder. Then Sirius's eyes landed on a tuff of vibrant auburn hair, stained with dirt and grime. Sirius slide on his knees, ripping off the debris. Lily's hair was sprawled all around her. Sirius lifted her head, clearing away her hair; Sirius looked into her emerald eyes hoping to catch a glimpse of life in them but Sirius was only met with a lifeless stare. Sirius's tears clouded his vision until everything he looked out was only a blurry outline but then he heard the cries again. Sirius wiped away his tears with one hand while holding Lily with the other. Sirius saw it…the squirming blankets next to Lily's body. Sirius gently put Lily down and climbed over her scooping up the bundle. The blankets fell, revealing a distraught but very much alive baby Harry. Sirius squealed with joy, squeezing Harry to him.
"Hiya Harry." He greeted Harry like he always did. Sirius's heart twisted when Harry's emerald eyes looked up at him, "It's okay; you're okay." Sirius cooed bouncing Harry gently and wiping away his tears. Sirius slide his wand out of his back pocket, Sirius conjured up two blankets, floating them on the bodies of James and Lily, who died to give Harry a fighting chance, then, summoned his flying motor cycle. After the motorbike landed a loud cracked erupted and appearing before Sirius was the towering form of man with unruly-frizzed hair and large enough to be three full grown men. The figure pointed a pink umbrella at Sirius.
"Black, give me Harry." The man growled.
"No, Hagrid" Sirius said forcefully, aiming his wand in his hand and holding Harry tighter, "He's my godson, he's my son now. That's how James and Lily would have wanted it."
"They would have wanted to live and raise him themselves but you killed them." Hagrid yelled back.
"Me?" Sirius said exasperated, "It wasn't me it was…" Sirius trailed off, realization dawned on him. Sirius looked the horror around him and finally realized who caused this; Sirius's blood began to boil. Sirius took a couple of steps towards Hagrid but Hagrid waved his wand threateningly at Sirius.
"What do you think you're doing?" Hagrid growled.
"I thought you wanted Harry." Sirius said in a rush. Hagrid swallowed hard before putting away his wand.
"I'll be back to get you, I promise." Sirius whispered to Harry; he gently kissed his forehead before reluctantly handing him over to Hagrid, "Take my bike." Sirius said looking at his bike, "I wont need it for a while." Hagrid looked at Sirius confused; he couldn't see the hurt in Sirius's eyes or hear the tremble in his voice. Sirius didn't wait for Hagrid to disappear in sky before he apparated out.
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Sirius apparated into a room with just four walls and a window. Sirius looked around the room in confusion, this was the place that his former friend was suppose to be living in; he's been here himself once or twice and it had furniture, electricity and looked liked someone was living in it. Now the walls were barren, the room empty and air of abandonment. Sirius growled, running his hands through his hair, pulling out a couple of strands. Sirius stared out the window onto the muggle street below; Sirius's blood boiled when his eyes laid on a head of honey blonde hair. The squat man looked over his shoulder as he scurried down the street, Sirius just about jumped through the window. Sirius apparated out; appearing in the middle of the street in front off the coward who thought he would get away.
"Sirius." The squat man squeaked, "H-how are y-you?"
"How the fuck do you think I am?" Sirius yelled, "Been to James and Lily's lately?" The squat man recoiled a little. A group of muggles had begun to stop and watch the scene building between the two men.
"You killed them." Sirius yelled and more people stopped to listen.
"I killed them…it was you. You were the only one who knew where they were." Peter yelled, "He was your best mate. How could you?" Sirius stared at him perplexed, at a loss for words.
"What?" Sirius spat out, "I'm just going to kill you quick and easy. Your not worth my time." Peter smiled cunningly as Sirius raised his wand to Peter; he opened his mouth to yell the curse when he was blown off his feet. Sirius scrambled to his feet, searching for Peter when over two dozen ministry officials appeared out of no where; attacking him. Sirius spotted the lone rat scurry towards the gutter, the struggled in the officials grip.
"The rat. The rat." He chanted, laughing manically.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Four friends, a blood pack, broken into four shattered pieces; one dead, one an accused murder, one in disguise and one a loner.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone
In one night, the legacy of the Marauders became dust in the wind. In one night, a friend turned his friends over to the grim reaper. In one night, a man found himself in hell. In one night, a man found himself alone in a world that feared him. In one night, the wizarding world got the peace they yearned for but at the cost of the lives of two of the most powerful people, their world will ever see. In one night, their lives were broken.
You're gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
A/N: I hope y'all enjoyed it. Review, please.