A/N: Forty something people have me on their author alert and yet, of the three reviews I got, none of those people had me on alert... I feel so neglected by my fans! They don't care about me! And no, this isn't a way to get sympathy and thus, more reviews. I would never sink that low! And... Hey, Amanda; you okay? 'Cause with that cough, you might be able to kill a main character off with an infection.
"Ah...This is the life..." Amanda sighed dreamily. No, she was not on an all expense paid vacation. She was not on a vacation at all. Nor was she at beach. She was at her house.
It was the life because the great and almighty author is also quite a nice person and decided to give Amanda a treat. And so, Amanda had been hugging her dear Chrno for almost three hours. And Chrno? Well, the great and almighty author didn't want him damaging our protagonist, so he was put to sleep (the great and almighty author knows the sleeper's hold too!).
"Amanda, you're back on set; the great and almighty author was inspired by absolutely nothing to continue writing," the voice from the first chapter announced.
"No! I won't do it! I want to stay with Chrno! Oh, I know!" she shot up from her seat and shook her first, "You want to steal Chrno from me! Never! I'll never let you take him!"
If the voice could, it would've rolled its eyes. Unfortunately, that is one of the disadvantages of being a bodiless voice. "Kid, I don't want that ugly twerp. I want a hot and sexy man, like Tokiya or Krad or Lucifer or..."
"Hey!" another voice appeared from the sky, "Those are my favorite characters! Get your own and keep your filthy, henchman, part of my imagination hands off of them!"
"Yes; sorry, great and almighty author!"
"Kon-chan... That's mean. You should share!" Amanda shook her finger at the sky.
"Shut up or else I won't give you Hiei next chapter!"
"Nu! Nuuuuuuu! I want Hiei or else I'm not starring in your stupid fanfiction!" she crossed her arm.
We started another negotiation (you won't believe how long we take to negotiate her "pay") until the henchman voice said, "Is it just me or does this really sound like useless filler?"
"It's just you!" the great and almighty author quickly snapped, "Now keep your mouth shut before the readers find out!"
After (somehow) being pelted by the readers with tomatoes (because no one has th originality to pelt me with some other fruit), I decided to actually proceed with the story.
6. The four guys from Weiss Kreuz – No matter how many damn times they meet a gun on their missions, they never die.
Amanda stared at the parchment, "You want me to assassinate assassins?"
"Yes, do you have a problem with that?"
"It's rather ironic, isn't it?"
"That's why it's there! If there's one thing that I can remember from my stupid English literary terms sheet, it's that irony is good," the great and almighty author snapped.
"Oh, by the way, kill Aya with a katana, Omi with a projectile, Ken with gauntlets, and Youji with...well, strings. We want to jam pack irony into this one because I'm too darn lazy to think of ironic situations for other characters."
And so, Amanda went broke buying all the necessary weapons. In fine print, the great and almighty author wrote on the contract that Amanda would pay out of her own pockets for everything (other than her boy-toys. I mean, er, bishies. Phew, I just barely avoided another pelting by the fans).
She snuck up behind Aya and grinned, her blade gleaming with bloodlust, its power and radiance reflecting the morning sun and... You know what? Let's not turn this into a cliché. So, she took out a crappy sword that she bought because it was the cheapest one in the shop. Besides, she couldn't tell a good sword from a bad sword for her life. "Hey, that's mean, Kon-chan!" she protested, but the great and almighty author ignored her. Being the intellectual readers you are, I'm sure that you've figured out by now that I'm an absolute angel; I listen to everyone, I'm kind, and I'm very modest. Amanda had a coughing fit similar to the one in the author's note, but the great and almighty author told her to shut up and she did to ensure that she would have Kurama to glomp in the fourth chapter.
However, with such a long sidetracking, Aya managed to notice her. He gasped and threw a smokescreen bomb he somehow had, "Back to the base! I must change into my uber-cool Weiss uniform before fighting anyone like in the sixth episode, where I changed into my outfit before saving Sakura!"
Amanda spent the time coughing and trying to blow away the smoke screen with her hands when it would've been so much easy to just close her eyes and give chase, following sounds. But if she gave chase, then Aya wouldn't be able to change into his uber-cool Weiss uniform that fangirls love to drool at.
After losing Aya, Amanda shrugged and went to find Omi. She had bought a bow to kill him (because she thought it looked cool, without caring about its usefulness). Since she had not taken any lessons and was not an anime character who could pick up a bow and use it (-cough- Kagome –cough-), she failed miserably at killing Omi. Thus she resorted to walking up to Omi smiling and then shoving an arrow tip into his eye. He went blind and she proceeded to shove arrow tips in other areas. She took especial pleasure in shoving it "where the sun don't shine", as she let out an evil villain laugh.
She moved on to Ken. After fighting with him and not being able to hurt him, she threw the gauntlets off in fury and decided to poke and tickle him to death. It worked. Again, main characters can escape weapons, but never humorous scenes in which they are injured. Unfortunately, they heal quite fast, seeing that they have no injuries at all the next scene. But we will ignore that and have him dead.
Aya finally appears, "Nooo...! You have killed my friends! Argh, I shall kill you!" he goes into super-powerful-due-to-emotions mode. You know, the DBZ type one, where everyone goes, 'You killed blank! I shall kill you in return! Hah...! Ooh look, a new level of Super Saiyan!'
Aya jumped up and did one of those cool super-Matrix moves where the person stays up in mid air for ten seconds in the same stance with his sword raised above his head. Amanda saw her chance and chucked up the katana. It missed the first time, but Aya was up there for ten seconds, so she threw it up again and it found its target.
"No! Aya-chan! I have to protect her! No...!" and then he went completely limp. It's always been beyond my understanding how characters can be so dramatic and loud right before dying. Aren't their voices supposed to slowly fade as their life is being drained away? But whatever, we have to get to Youji.
Amanda stared at the string she had, wondering how the heck she was supposed to kill someone with it. Shrugging, she figured that she would think later. Besides, it's an anime law: main characters always get the biggest break; they win no matter what. And like Yu-Gi-Oh says, "Believe in destiny!" which means: "As long as you're destined for something, you don't have to work hard for it at all."
With such faith in her destiny, Amanda confronted Youji and got her ass kicked. But then, while on the ground, she cried, "No! I must win!" Then, with a sudden burst of energy from God knows where, she threw the string and strangled Youji (with an accuracy from God knows where too, I might add. I'm not sure if anyone's tried, but it's pretty darn hard to throw a string from the ground and have it wrap around someone's throat).
Anyways, with the Weiss boys done, she proceeded to the next person on the checklist.
7. Naruto from...Naruto (that was obvious...) – Whenever he's in danger, he either taps into the fox demon within him or he gets a sudden burst of strength due to willpower. What is it with main characters and willpower?
Amanda went out to confront Naruto, but got severely beaten up because she's slow and can't even throw a punch. She attacked again, depending on the "main characters are always extraordinarily luckily" rule. Unfortunately, it did not work out this time.
She soon got pissed off and started shouting profanities at the sky. A piano dropped down in answer and killed her. Everyone started moping and then the story stopped because the great and almighty author got pissed off and just electrocuted all the characters that were supposed to die. Considering that the author had such a power, one must wonder why it wasn't used before to avoid this story, but that's beside the point. And...well, the story isn't progressing very well now. Now I see why people use clichés... But after my random filler insertion due to hiatus and a lack of creativity, the story will proceed.
So, as we were saying, Amanda got pissed and demanded that she receive instructions on how to kill Naruto. The great and almighty author didn't know what to do since Naruto could deal fine with normal civilians without using his "mega-willpower" moves. And since the great and almighty author is not particularly fond of Bush, a Big Red Button weapon was dropped down (this time, the great and almighty author remembered not to drop it on Amanda) to satirize Bush while we're at it.
Amanda took the Big Red Button to Naruto and nuclear bombed him. "No!" Naruto exclaimed, struggling to get up, "I must live...to become the next Hokage! Oh, and to protect people too. Whoops, I was supposed to say that first... Um, no one heard me, right?" Someone did. So Naruto got ultra-mad and turned into fox-demon mode! That's always been a strange theme that I could never understand. It seems to me like it's endorsing that the good guys manipulate the bad guys to meet their own ends. But, hello? Manipulation is bad; that's why everyone hates my favorite character in the game Golden Sun.
But regardless, Mr. Fox Demon manages to survive through a nuke; like he survives through everything else. He really isn't supposed to, but apparently, everyone seems to think that the term "demon" is equivalent to omnipotent.
Amanda gets pissed off and takes out another Big Red Button (from some gap in the time-space continuum, I suppose, where the mallets come from). She pushes it and the fox demon dies due to radiation poisoning from the bomb (yeah, yeah, yeah, that's over time, but shut up!). And why is Amanda still alive? She's the main character. Enough said.
However, to create loads of suspense, Amanda falls onto the ground unconscious. As if all the readers don't know that she's going to be up and about in the next chapter (Whoops, that'll decrease interest). I mean, stay tuned to find out if Amanda is alive or if she has finally met her end after such valiant (hey, genocide doesn't necessarily have to be evil!) deeds! Unless I go on hiatus, in which case...suckers!